A/N:

You've waited less than 24 hours for it...

You've masturbated at the thought of it...

It's...

MEOW WOOF PERVY BOY: BEHIND THE BAKA NEKO!

Warnings: Despicable pervertedness, language and OOC.

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What. The. Hell.

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I had the worst day ever today.

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Yuki was all like, "KYO, YOU BAKA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HARASSING MISS HONDA LIKE THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

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All because I tried to sexually assault Tohru in the hallway.

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I mean, what the hell does he expect? I've grown up with despicable people like him! Who can't even hide their obvious arousal!

Kitty see, kitty do.

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"Kyo, you shouldn't be that way about everything."

"Yeah well, you shouldn't be listening to what I'm saying!"

"It is kind of hard when you are sitting right beside me, babbling away, you know."

"... Shut up Hatori."

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I had an ice cream today at the mall. It tasted like strawberries.

But the flavor was ruined by Momiji's useless babbling.

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"You know, I suck more than just ice creams! (utter joy)"

"...What the fuck?"

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I was shocked a horrified so badly that I needed to get consulted by Akito.

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"What's the matter with you?"

"Momiji is a disgusting, perverted little boy, Akito. I want action to be taken, dammit!"

"...What do you expect me to do?"

"Umm... thunderbolts?"

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I learnt on that day, that people who impersonate God cannot throw lightning bolts and change weather patterns. Deary, deary me.

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I was watching this telly show the other day. It's called...

MEW MEW POWER.

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It was exhilarating.

All the people were cat thingys.

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"Shigure! Look! An orange cat!"

"My my Kyo, I've never seen you so excited before!"

"Yeah, well...(blush)"

"Haha!"

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Shigure promised to buy me the DVD box set tomorrow afternoon.

I said I would pleasure him with hot, Yaoi sex if he did.

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Oh look! The mail just came in!

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"There's a package for you, baka neko."

"Thanks."

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I can't believe I just said thanks to that sexy loser.

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And what's with all the random switching from English to poorly pronounced Japanese?

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

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OH EM GEE!

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It's my DVD's.

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(watches)

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"Kyo... is that your s-s-s-sister?"

"Yes Tohru, it's my sister. Her name is ICHIGO."

"...Ummm."

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Yeah.

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"Hey, your DVD's came. Where's my sex?"

"It's coming, Shigure. Now, where's my lube..."

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Ever wondered what makes people tick?

I have.

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So... I threw some ticks on Haru.

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"AHHHH!"

"Haha."

"HELP!"

"...No."

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I got bitch-slapped good.

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Oh my Akito…

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I OWN A HEDGEHOG.

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I will call him Sonic and he shall be mine.

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Come to think of it, I should go to the pimp industry.

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"Where has this suddenly come from?"

"The sight of your sexy ass when you walk, Kisa."

"..."

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I LIKE TO WRITE IN CAPITALS.

WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE READ IT...

I AM YELLING IN THEIR HEADS.

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I am your God.

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"No, I am."

"Piss off, Akito. No one feels like angst right now."

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After I said that, I felt distressed.

I love angst.

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"Like me?"

"Yes Hiro, I love angst like I love you."

"..."

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Why do people always look at me like that?

I have sexual desires too!

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"No need to cry, Kyo! I am here for you every step of the way!"

"Kagura... hmm..."

"What?"

"Feel like some sex?"

"SURE!"

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Hell yeah.

I win.

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Ecstasy is probably one of my favourite words.

Why?

I'll tell you.

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"Well, go on."

"I like the word ecstasy, because it has two or three meanings. One, it's a drug. Yay! Two, it's the feeling you get when you about to have an orgy. Can't beat that, can you?"

"What's the third?"

"...Shut up. I said two or three."

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Boobs.

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I wish Tohru owned some.

It would be so much more fun to perve on her in the shower if she did.

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"KYO, DON'T BE THAT WAY ABOUT MISS HONDA BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

"...I have a video camera. Wanna watch?"

"...Sure."

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Tohru perving, away!

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Gasp.

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At school today, the teacher was talking about choosing our sexualities, not because of what our friends are, but because of what we want to be.

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Perfect chance to be evil, thought me.

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"But I wanna be a gay because YUKI is!"

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At that point I leaped on him and gave him a huge hug. And a kiss.

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"Ahhh! Stupid cat get off me blah blah blah! No, please stay!"

"Okay..."

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The classroom was evacuated.

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It sucked. I wish people didn't think about me like that.

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I'm not like them…

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"Of course you're not. You a filthy, mongrel cat."

"Not true."

"Is so."

"It isn't. Because I'm clean. I'm only a mongrel in the bedroom."

"…"

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Your mom was good in bed last night.

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Well...

She was.

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That's how you were born.

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Haha!

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You're cursed now.

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"I'm not."

"Tohru, I fucked your mom so hard she died!"

"…"

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Come to think of it…

When you're not looking…

This fic talks about yo mama behind your back.

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A/N:

Blah! You're afraid now! AFRAID, DAMMIT!

Love.