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Summary:

Because the truth doesn't necessarily dictate that you have to take it on face to face.

A/N: After a very horrid case of writers block I have finally returned!! XD Anyway enough blabbering get on with reading the update. I've also done some updates with my other fics so if you've read them do drop by.

I feel like writing something "Beautifully Painful" recently so I hope I grasped the idea. It's probably because Hinamori hasn't even showed up yet in either manga or anime. T . T It's so pitiful that it's annoying. A little hint of her existence wouldn't hurt. Well she was faintly mentioned in the movie (The Diamond Dust Rebellion). But still. *sighs*

Thanks a lot and congratulations to those who've put up with the waiting. Seriously, I mean it you guys make me really happy. X) School's up again I promise to reply to all of you on the next chapter. X) Can't thank you guys enough.

Special Dedication to: Odinkylicious – teddy bear!! Haha salamat sa iyong masugid na pagtiyaga sa pagabasa at pagreview ng lahat ng aking chapters. X) di mo na kelangan magreview sa mga sumusunod na chapter promise. X)

Disclaimer: Look if I owned this I wouldn't be here writing this, this would actually happen in the series! But sadly I don't own so you don't sue okay?

As I walked through the hallway of the 4th Division listening to the echoes of my footsteps I'm vaguely reminded of a hospital.

I was human before after all. My memories are a little hazy but I remember being in one once. White-washed tiles with the same dullness plastered through the walls, not to mention the strong ever retaining smell of antiseptics. They don't only cling to your nose to also stick to your clothes. The worst part would be the pale, tasteless and lifeless hospital cooking.

Not very encouraging nor uplifting for the sick and dying.

This is why I'd pick the 4th Division over a hospital any day any time.

Although the 4th Division doesn't have much perks to boost its ego though.

Unlike the hospital the flooring is made out of wooden tiles which would creak upon landing of your foot and if you're lucky you could actually kick one out of place. All the structures standing on Soul Society have the same generic paint coated all over its walls and that includes the insides of the structures. In place of the antiseptic smell of hospitals the 4th Division has the characteristic smell of damp pine wood, probably due to aging.

The hospital and the 4th Division has nice contrasts if I may add. Hospital staff is always in white and the 4th Division staff is always in black with an exception of Unohana-taichou of course.

I've strayed from the topic?

Oh, you mean why am I walking through the hallway of the 4th Division at a rather unholy hour?

Midnight to be exact, way past visiting hours.

This is a special exception which Unohana-taichou herself has granted to me. Although I think I haven't thanked her enough, in fact I haven't thought of a proper way to, she'd always smile at me and say, "It'll do you both some good."

I'm not so sure of that though… Until now…

I've reached my destination. It's the last room of the hallway. I slid the door open and I was slightly blinded by the beams of moonlight crawling across the room. The room in itself is rather plain with only a bed, the bedside table and a closet to decorate the four corners of the room. My jade eyes strayed to the bed to see that she wasn't there. I'm not surprised. There's another door that has been left open and it leads straight out to the veranda. I closed the door behind me and went across the room and out to the veranda.

The veranda to her room is rather special. The floor and its railings are made out of grayish-white marble. It's semi-circular in form and it's wide but not exactly spacious. It's open to everything outside. It embraces the crawling beams of moonlight, the stray maple leaves, the dancing sakura petals, the cool blowing wind and most of all…

It embraces her broken form as it sits in the center of the cold marble railings.

She's only, much to my chagrin, in her white sleeping robes to give her warmth. With my usual visits I've also made it a habit of grabbing the blanket on her bed before announcing my presence to her.

I sighed, "Either you're doing this on purpose or you're really just stubborn."

There was no reply but I noted the slight movement of her shoulders.

I know what you're thinking and sadly for you it's not happening.

For the countless, numerous, tireless, times I've come to visit,

Hinamori has never turned to face me.

Not even once.

I could only sigh in frustration as I walked towards her. My eyes could only focus on her back and the stray strands of flowing raven hair. I've gotten so used to staring at her back that I'm afraid that I'll even forget what she looks like. Every once in a while I'd pick a random memory from the depths of my brain just so I could picture what her face would look like. How her hazel eyes would widen when I come up with an unexpected insult, how her nose would twitch in annoyance, how the corners of her lips would curl when she's delighted… Yeah I've pretty much have every facial expression of hers tucked in the depths of my brain.

Imagination is an amazing thing but I'd prefer reality thank you very much.

I stretched out my arms as I draped the thick blanket from behind her. I'd let go as quickly as I could so I could avoid touching her accidentally. As I allow her tiny hands to do the rest of the draping for me, my back faces against her and I'd lean against it. For your information I've grown a head taller than her. So whenever I lean she leans back and her head neatly rests over mine.

"You're height doesn't really register to me."

I crossed my arms, "Really? Maybe if you'd stand every time I come here reality would give you a good bite."

"Always so rude."

"The height thing is getting really old so get used to it already."

She chuckles faintly and I could hear faint noises of the blanket rubbing against each other. Her small hands are fidgeting with it again as always. "Isn't it tiring to stand just so I can lean on you?"

I could only sigh…

I've really had it with this ridiculous state of affairs…

She couldn't say it a little louder than she intends it to be because she isn't using the right words.

Isn't it tiring to watch over me?

I've been wondering… What exactly are the words you'd want to hear from me? You're not actually asking me, no you're practically begging me, to be fed up with you and hurt you. If that were the case then honestly I'd be hurt. Who do you think I am anyway? Exactly how long have you known me? I'm starting to wonder just how much trust you've put into me for the years I've known you.

I'm laughing deep inside and it's pitiful.

"Don't you get tired of asking the same question?"

"I don't know… I thought it would be fun to hear your answers differently."

"Well are you having fun?"

"You're no fun. You'd always give me a straight answer."

"Are you tired of hearing it then?"

"I thought I would. Surprisingly I'm not."

"Oh."

Yeah, oh. I paused.

"Then try asking a different question."

Silence came in the form of the gentle breeze that carries a random number of sakura petals and maple leaves. They're dancing and twirling without a care in the world and the sparkle of the moonlight serves like a spotlight for a stage-less performance. This performance is not helping me keep my sanity in tack at all. It's beautiful but I feel so sour it's painful. I'm resisting the urge to pull out every strand of my hair… Yes it's this hard… It's been this hard… And I think it would always be…

"Why don't you ask me a question Shiro-chan?"

The winds blew fiercer and I was forced to raise my head a little. My jade orbs widened in shock.

This chance could very well cause my pitfall. I don't need to choose my words carefully. In fact it would just roll of my tongue the moment you allow me to. But these words are like the keys to the chains I kept building up to bound me and keep my sanity. I've really had enough of this ridiculous state of affairs. If this chance will cause my pitfall then I'd struggle to keep myself from falling.

I only have one question.

You were probably aware of it all along.

"Why won't you face me, Momo?"

The wind blew harder and there were more sakura petals and maple leaves gathered to perform in the climax of the performance. Even the faint sparkles of the moonlight started to look like drops of rain dancing alongside them.

I'm reminded of a story I've read when I was in the human world. They called it Greek mythology and it was about a man named Cupid and a woman named Psyche. Psyche was a woman whose beauty doesn't deserve any man. Cupid was a god who was supposed to marry Psyche to the vilest creature on earth but he failed and fell in love with her instead. Psyche was whisked to Cupid's castle with Cupid agreeing to marry her with the condition that she mustn't try to find out who he was. She mustn't see his face.

I'm currently placed in that woman's shoes.

Foolish woman meet foolish man…

Well at least I asked.

And a blanket got thrown over my head.

"H-Hey what was that f—"

"How do you want me to face you?"

I stood my ground, grabbed the blanket and tossed it on the floor. The weight of her back was lifted from me and I don't need to look back to see that she's standing on top of the cold marble railings with her hands fondly outstretched behind her back. Her dark raven hair contrasted heavily against the performance that continues despite it being stage-less.

"What do you mean how?"

You… you don't honestly believe that I haven't forgiven you do you?...

"You can't forgive me just like that… It's too simple…"

I've had enough of this ridiculous state of affairs.

What would you have wanted me to do then? Do you want me to pass judgment as coldly as anybody on the higher-ups of Seireitei? You want me to treat you like a total stranger, like I've never met you at all? You're expecting me to live up to the same nature as Hyourinmaru? Honestly who do you think I really am?

Why won't you face me?

"Why do we always have to make things complicated?"

"What?"

"You've apologized to me. Isn't that enough for you? What else would you have wanted me to do?"

She shifted her weight from one foot to another and I heard her took a deep breath.

"I want you to hate me… To judge me like everybody else did. It would be so much easier because hating me is given for what I've done. But everyone did the opposite of what I was expecting to happen. People stayed by my side… You most of all…" She's crying. I don't know but I could tell. Her voice is starting to give her away.

"You have every reason, every right to judge me, ignore me, throw me away and hate me! Everything fits and falls together but you ignored it, you denied it, you stopped it!" That's the first time she gave me more than just one sentence and surprisingly it's taking a toll on her body as she heaves a deep breath. At that moment I suppose she's screaming at the top of her lungs. I'll let her. This must be the silence she keeps withdrawn all the time. This is her chance not mine.

"I'm a sorry excuse for a childhood friend!! I blindly moved and spoke according to what I felt was right! You faced your sword against me but you didn't dare make a move to injure me, instead all you did was defend yourself like you were saving me from me!" Another pause for her to catch her breath.

"I have betrayed you! Wasn't that enough a reason to act like you didn't know I existed?! My apology won't suffice!"

"Then… are you telling me that you were prepared to be hated?"

I've really had enough of this ridiculous state of affairs.

"Are you, in all honesty, prepared to be hated by me of all people? I think you're not and well guess what? I can't."

Her weight shifted from one foot to another.

"Why?"

"Because you can't stand to be hated. You can't take it. You know that as much as I do."

I sense sarcasm, "I have every right to be."

"As do I plus the fact that we choose who we hate."

"I hate you."

You don't mean it. I know you don't.

"That doesn't change my choice."

Don't expect me to throw back the same thing at you.

You know I won't mean it as well.

Because if I do throw back the same words at you, you'd delude yourself into believing that what I said is true.

There was a heavy "thud" and I can only deduce that you are down on your knees and miraculously still on top of the cold marble railings. Her breath sounded ragged probably from stopping herself from crying out loud. I don't remember telling you that you can't do that… well behind me.

"Why you?"

"Why you too."

I let out a low laugh and surprisingly she gave out a rather hoarse chuckle.

I took a deep breath and step back a few steps just enough for her back to lean on mine. She doesn't lean back and that's fine.

"You know that I'm not good with complicated stuff. What do you really want to hear from me anyway?"

"That my apology isn't enough for you to forgive me."

I heaved a long sigh, "That again?"

She didn't answer and I really have to end this, "How many kinds of "sorry" do you think exist anyway? There isn't a different "sorry" for each situation. Whether it was as simple as bumping into each other or a case as complicated as ours there's only one word that comes up for it. If time is what you need then by all means take all the time you need."

You know I'd wait.

"If we hated you like you wanted us to you'd be a hopeless cause without any twinkle of salvation at all. You're broken and falling apart as it is. Adding salt to your injury won't bring our Hinamori back. Not forgiving you won't bring my Momo back either…"

I felt a huge lump on my throat and swallowing made to lump larger.

"Face me Momo. Please don't be afraid to face me. Because I honestly don't want to forget what you look like."

"You… forgot?"

"You're making me."

"Always so rude."

The performance of the dancing sakura petals, the maple leaves and the twinkling of the moonlight is seemingly coming to a close. I could only see a petal or two and a lone leaf giving a more solemn feel compared to the huge number that was dancing and swirling around earlier.

"You can look now."

I didn't have to think twice to look back. I didn't even sense her movements.

What do you want me to say this time anyway? The sight of her in front of me now stays true to the random memories of her hidden in the deepest part of my brain. It's just she looks so solemn right now. I couldn't tell if it comes from the scenery around us, our bouts of honesty that wore of her exhaustion or maybe… just maybe…

It's because of me.

Her frail and slender arms slowly reached out for me and her hands meet at the back of my neck. I had to move a few steps forward just to make sure she doesn't fall. Her head rests on my shoulder and I honestly forgot how intoxicating the smell of peaches was.

She murmured against my shoulder, "Well? How do I look?"

"You… You look like…" What am I supposed to say anyway?

She lifted her head, "Like a dishcloth?" She suggested with a rather pathetic look in her hazel eyes and small playful smile.

A curious brow was raised but the chuckle wasn't disregarded, "A dishcloth?"

"I feel like limping all of the sudden and hanging on to you had been very hard to resist."

I found my arms wrapping around her slender waist as I buried my face in her hair.

"Then tell me my beloved dishcloth, what am I then?"

Her voice made her answer feel like it's the most obvious thing.

"You're my place to be."

The "dishcloth" idea came from Eva Ibbotson's book, "A Countess below Stairs." It was an amusing idea and it depicted the feeling of "giving in" (the weak and limping part), and the word dishcloth brings in the idea of what used, abused and set aside… I've been rumbling too much lately. - -"

I'd appreciate you're insights on it though hehe. R&R and as always Thanks a Lot. ;)