Title: Apologies
Original post date: 26th January 2006
Spoilers: Post 23rd Psalm/Fire + Water.
Summary: Without them even meaning it to, an argument between Charlie and Claire changes slowly into banter.
Disclaimer: Lost belongs to lots of rich, rich people who aren't me. Sorry.
She wasn't exactly sure what she was shouting as she dogged his footsteps, she only knew that she was angry and she had to vent her frustrations on him. He was the cause of them after all.
He continued to walk away from her, several paces more, but then quite suddenly he stopped, one hand raised to his eyes. She took the opportunity to storm up to him, her fists clenched. He swung around and glared at her and her stride slowed and stopped at the sight of his face, streaked with new tears.
'Would you just stop, please?' his face melted from a furious scowl into one of pleading persuasion. 'I'm sorry! All right?'
'Charlie…!' she began again, still angry although not as much as before.
'No!' he said forcefully. 'I've had enough Claire! Yeah I screwed up, yeah I lied to you and I shouldn't have but you don't have to remind me of it every single day!'
Claire was silent.
Charlie stood there awkwardly, his hands held rather stiffly at his sides. He gestured weakly at her. 'There's something you should know about me Claire.' He took a deep breath. 'I'm not a strong person, I never have been.' His voice was filled with a heavy bitterness. 'I'm the sort of person who always looks for the easy way out – you know, the "painless alternative". Then the one time I did try to be a hero I wound up dead…'
'Dead?' The word echoes hollowly between them.
'That's right,' he's still crying and he couldn't make it stop even if he cared enough to want to. 'I died Claire. Trying to save you.'
Her head feels like it's full of helium all of a sudden. She remembers a lot more now and he's talked of their abduction before but he's never mentioned this. She thinks he may just be lying again but it certainly sounds like he's telling the truth…
'I'm not like Jack,' Charlie continues miserably. 'I'm not strong at all. I'm not like you…'
'Me?' this grabs her attention. She's never even considered comparing herself to Jack before. 'What do you mean me?'
He smiles then, a little shakily, but it's definitely a smile. 'Yes you.' Under her incredulous stare he continues. 'You're the bravest person I've ever met. The stuff you've been through since we crashed here…' his eyes go a little darker as his thoughts turn to his own personal ordeals, his own personal strength – or lack thereof. 'I guess I'm a bit like one of those fish – you know the ones that latch onto the bellies of sharks and eat all the scraps that fall out of their mouths?'
Claire stares at him.
'Well do you?'
'Yes I do but-'
'Well that's me,' he smiles sadly. 'Isn't it? I found you, a stronger person, and latched onto you.'
Claire stares at him a moment longer before replying. 'Charlie, that is quite possibly the weirdest metaphor I've ever heard anyone use in my entire life.'
Charlie chuckles mirthlessly. 'Well you know me. I'm always coming up with all sorts of weird shit aren't I?'
Claire allows herself to smile at him and Charlie smiles back. His eyes are still sparkling with tears however and they both seem to realise at the same time that their argument has evolved into something close to their usual friendly banter.
Claire takes a sudden, small step backwards and this is more than enough for Charlie to realise that the moment is gone as well because he turns to walk away, then back again halfway.
'Yell at me all you want,' he says quietly. 'But it won't change what I did, and it wont fix anything.'
And without another word he walks away, leaving Claire staring after him.