It happened on the way to the inn

Chapter 1

(In which a Bhaalspawn currently under a 'Feeblemind' spell encounters the most handsome man ever to walk the face of Toril. Or not.)

Subtitle:

"Where's Jaheira with that 'Dispel magic' when you really need it?"

The party:

Raesa (the PC), Anomen, Sarevok, Imoen, Jaheira, Edwin, Minsc and Boo

Standard Disclaimer:

- A group of weary adventurers make their way towards the Saradush inn, blissfully unaware of the fact that their commander and chief had taken a severe blow to the head in addition to a Feeblemind spell in the course of their previous battle, thus making her not responsible for her actions for the next half hour. Or more. -

Thank you.

Raesa: (gapes rather stupidly at the rapidly closing fireball) Oh… Look at all the pretty colors.

Jaheira: Oh, do come along, child! (drags her along forcibly) I have neither the time nor patience for your ill-timed attempts at humor.

Imoen: (grumbles) That's because you have no sense of humor.

Jaheira: What did you say?

Imoen: (smiles brightly) Nothing! Just admiring the scenery. (ducks another fireball)

Edwin: Useless simians, the bunch of them. (Why do I degrade my splendid persona by traveling with these idiots? It is not as though they have anything of value to contribute.) (sees Imoen staring meaningfully at his hands) What? Avert your eyes girl. Nothing to see here. (resumes counting gold coins and translates the amount into an the exact purchasable number of gasping concubines, his all time favorite currency)

Imoen: Aw…That's right Eddie, you're the man. We all bow before your superior intellect. -cough-Nether scroll-cough- And your perfect command of the arcane should also be commended.

Edwin: (eyes Imoen suspiciously) What was that girl? (Who told her?)

Imoen: I'm just complimenting you, oh great archmage. -cough-Edwina-cough-

Minsc: Ah, yes. Minsc and Boo remember fair Edwina well, little Imoen. (pets the rodent perched on his shoulder) Don't we, Boo?

Boo: Squeak!

Minsc: Yes, Boo just reminded Minsc this was before we rescued little Imoen from the clutches of the most evil of all evil wizards. The lady Edwina was our stalwart…Eh…what does that word mean, Boo? (he consults briefly with the rodent before continuing) Yes, our stalwart companion and a good witch, just like our fair departed Dynaheir. Minsc and Boo were her valiant protectors.

Edwin: (Edwin's eyes bulge and he starts sputtering) What?

Minsc: (ignores him) What glorious times we had! Many an evil behind was thoroughly kicked, and fun was had by all! Ha, ha! Well, except for the evildoers, but Boo says that is beside the point. Ah, I tell you, lady Edwina had eyes for Minsc, and Minsc had eyes for her. In time, perhaps they could have been more then just mere companions.

Edwin: (lacks words to adequately describe the sheer depth of his horror)

Anomen: (grins broadly) Ah, the fair lady Edwina. I once asked for her favor myself, but was most cruelly refused. Aye Minsc, her heart surely belonged to you from the very start. This is no doubt why she rebuffed all my advances.

Edwin: (Note to self. Kill idiot knight with personally modified Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting. From the bottom up. Slowly.)

Minsc: (glares at the wizard's interruption) But, one sad day, after Minsc and his mighty butt-kicking friend Raesa won a great battle against a slightly less evil wizard, the fair Edwina vanished, never to return. (he bows his head sadly)

Imoen: (pats his arm reassuringly) There, there, big guy. I'm sure she's never truly far away. Not really. (she snickers and pokes her tongue at Edwin) In spirit, that is.

Minsc: Minsc and Boo thank you, little Imoen. You are very smart, and Minsc is sure you are right. Though, there is one thing that Minsc does not understand. Perhaps the ambiguously evil wizard could explain?

Edwin: Yeesss. What is it that you wish, you overgrown Rashameni chimpanzee? (Only without the hair. The intelligence level is about the same. No. I stand corrected; that would not be a fair comparison. To the chimpanzee.)

Minsc: When the slightly less evil wizard was defeated, Edwin returned. But he wore fair Edwina's clothes. How is this possible?

Jaheira: Do not concern yourself, Minsc. What Edwin gets up to in his spare time is none of our business. Indeed, I for one, do not wish to know.

Edwin: (sputtering) Why you… (One day. One day.) Now, where was I? (resumes his counting) Bah! The simians made me loose count. (From the beginning. One, two, three…)

Sarevok: (shakes his head) Raesa, how you managed to stay alive, let alone come inches within grasping your birthright with companions such as these, must be one of the great mysteries of this Age. It is as though I am traveling in the company of the permanently feebleminded.

Raesa: Uh… there go the pretty colors again.

Sarevok: As I said. Feebleminded. (gives her an odd look)

-The band of weary adventurers enters the Saradush inn, looking for rest and nourishment-

Imoen: Oh! Look, Edwin. Concubines! (she points to the far corner of the inn)

Edwin: (perks up) Concubines? Where? (Let the bargaining begin!)

Imoen: (snickers)

Jaheira: Honestly, man, you should know better by now.

Mincs: (looks confused) What are these c o n c u b i n e s, Boo? (listens) Oh… Oh! Evil wizard, Boo says you should not take advantage of innocent young girls in this way. Or Minsc will give you such a butt-kicking your backside will be forever marked by the mighty imprints of justice!

Edwin: Simians. I am surrounded by simians!

Sarevok: For once wizard, I agree with you.

Anomen: My lady, do you wish to retire for the night? You look…odd.

Raesa: (frowning) What? (quietly) Who are these people? (looks at Anomen who is currently eyeing her concernedly) He looks familiar.

-In this moment, a barmaid hits an elf squarely in the jaw. He hits the ground with a resounding thud.-

The unknown elf: So, that's a definite 'no' then?

Raesa: (some of her confusion clears) You look familiar, too. (thinks) Salvanas? (her features are brightened by a happy smile as the feeblemind spell works it's strange and horrifying effect on the unsuspecting Bhaalspawn; children, do not try this at home) Salvanas! Darling!

The party: (in unison) Darling?

Boo: Squeak!

To be continued...

Next time:

Chapter 2

(In which Edwin fails to learn that not all concubines are gasping concubines and Raesa attempts to woo a suddenly reluctant Salvanas. Much hilarity ensues, and Minsc becomes confused in regards to his gradation of the evilness of wizards. The feeblemind spell shows no sign of wearing off. Sarevok wonders if he should have remained a disembodied entity.)

Author's note: Feel free to leave a review if you liked this; it will likely serve as an incentive to write the second part faster.