I do not own Ray or Neela or anything to do with ER.

This takes place two months after the season finale but I am not planning (at this point) on dealing with any of the stuff that happened to anyone but Ray and Neela. There probably are going to be spoilers though, so don't read it if you don't want to know some of what happened in the last episode.

So far (in my mind) plenty of angst, but no sex (YET – there is always sex - EVENTUALLY!) I plan on this being more chapters than either of my previous fanfics but we'll see how it goes. Rated T because the show is rated T and if you can watch, you can certainly read.

Neela

Ray had called again. She just kept ignoring him, hoping it would all go away. She didn't want to feel anymore. She knew he was probably hurt but she just couldn't deal with anyone else's pain right now. Michael had been what every woman thinks she wants. Neela included. He was a hero, a soldier, a romantic figure that went off to war to fight for what he believed in. The actual reality of being married to a hero was not so romantic. Which is why she had been so attracted to Ray. He was there, when Michael wasn't. He was funny and silly and Michael was serious and stable. Michael was safe, Ray was anything but safe. She felt the guilt of being alive and the guilt of being attracted to someone who wasn't her husband. She didn't know if she would ever get over it. So she just kept pushing him away. Even as she pushed him away with her silence, she looked at him with her eyes. He was so good-looking it made her stomach hurt to look at him. But she did it anyway. It was like an addiction. Ray was her drug of choice. Too bad there's no AA for that.

At the Hospital

Ray was mad. Just mad. Why wouldn't she at least talk to him? They were friends. Best friends. He realized he was being irrational and selfish, but he didn't care. He left her a message AGAIN at Abby's. It was the only thing he could do. Pratt was probably right – he was just complicating her life right now.

He got back to the patient he had been treating. "I got the labs back and it looks like we can treat this with antibiotics, Mrs. Caine. I'll give you a prescription and then you should see your own doctor as soon as possible." He went through the motions without thinking. He was doing that a lot lately. Even though Neela was back at work he hadn't seen much of her – every time he saw her she looked away and pretended he wasn't there. I wish I could do that. After his shift he was planning on getting drunk, AGAIN. This was getting to be a very bad habit. He looked like shit when he showed up to work. And he felt like shit too. He needed to get laid. Only problem was, he wasn't much interested in the girls he met in bars anymore. Maybe if he got drunk enough, it wouldn't matter who it was.

Abby flagged Neela down in the hallway. "Neela, I need to talk to you." She looked uncomfortable. This can't be good. "My lease is up and now that Luka and the baby and I are living together, I am giving up the apartment." Shit, this is so not good. What am I going to do? A little voice inside her said, "Move back in with Ray." Oh, yeah, there's an idea. Okay, you need to say something to Abby, she's looking guilty. It's not her fault. "It's okay, Abby, I have been putting this off long enough." Abby sighed and said, "Why don't you move back in with Ray, I know for a fact he hasn't got a roommate yet." Is she psychic? "I don't think that would be such a great idea. We really don't talk much anymore." Abby thought, "I know, that's the problem. Maybe if you guys are in close proximity you will finally both get past whatever is wrong. And if I can do my little part by forcing you to move back, well….." She said instead, "Whatever, sorry about the short notice, but you need to be out by the end of the month." Great. Two weeks to find a new place. And I have been working non-stop to make up for the time I took when Michael died.

When Ray's shift ended he went straight to the bar near the apartment. Why do I still think of it as OUR apartment. How does she do that to me, when she isn't even speaking to me? He started with beer then made his way to tequila. Which, of course, reminded him of HER. A beautiful (even without the beer goggles) girl with long blond hair and flawless skin came over to him. "Hey, Ray, how've you been?" Oh shit, I don't have a clue who this is. "Fine, babe. You look good." Well it wasn't a lie. He just had no idea whether she always looked this good or not. Maybe this night won't be a total loss. He put his arm around her. She kissed him. He really wished he could remember her name.

They went back to the apartment and screwed each other's brains out. (Author's note: Okay, I lied about the sex.) The girl (he still couldn't remember her name, and she hadn't been forthcoming with it) was very loud, which caused Ray to think about the many times Neela had complained about the thickness (or lack thereof) of the walls. Okay, it is really getting sad, when you think about her while you are having sex with someone else. Sad, Barnett, very sad. Afterward, he just wanted to take a shower. And he wanted her to leave. As he got in the shower, he heard a knock on the door. He yelled to what's her name, "Can you get that?"

Rebecca answered the door. There was a pretty Indian woman staring at her with undisguised disgust. "Is Ray home?" Neela asked.

Ray got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and headed out to see which of his bandmates was at the door. Neela looked back at him with revulsion.

Author's note: This is not going as smoothly as planned so please read and review. Should I continue?