Title: Over My Head

Author: Gabrielle Day

Disclaimer: Law and Order characters do not belong to moi.

Warnings: SPOILERS for the season closer of L&O, like whoa. If you did not see the episode, don't read it unless you truly don't care about finding out what happens.

Notes: It's a ficlet, and really short! And, I never, ever thought of this pairing until this episode. I'm not even a die hard L&O fan, but something about the look on Jack's face made me think about this particular "what if." And yeah, there is no cannon evidence for this, but the more I thought about it, the more I went awww. :p So, I hope you enjoy, but don't forget the spoiler! Oh! And the title is from the awesome song of the same name by The Fray, which I listened to while writing this. Enjoy!

Over My Head

Jack had always had a rule about co-workers. Especially younger, female co-workers that were soft and pretty and smiled when he was trying to be serious. Or co-workers that were shy at first but gradually stepped in to the role of his partner or devil's advocate when the occasion called for it, or co-workers whose eyes glowed the first time he had asked her to accompany him to the theatre.

He moved through his apartment slowly, dropping his jacket on the chair as he passed by. He had meant to take that blue scarf back to her the day before; it had been the one she liked so much. It remained folded on the cushion, now under his suit jacket. The silence engulfed him; the sound of the traffic below outside escaped him, as did the sound of his own breath and his heartbeat in his ears.

He remembered thinking so much for rules about co-workers the first night she'd spent in his apartment, in the dark, in his arms, breathing softly against his chest. He had felt her heartbeat under his fingertips. She had been young. He would miss holding her at night. He would miss making her coffee in the morning. He would miss her conversation at work during the day.

No one had ever known, they thought. They had talked about it one night, city noise outside the window, one of her operas playing in the CD player outside the bedroom. They were discreet. He told her he would corner her in Arthur's office, and he would discover them making out. She had giggled. He would miss that too. She didn't giggle for anyone else. No one knew she had existed here, with him, no one would ever know they had existed together. His apartment was now like a shrine untouched, pieces of her would remain.

Her brand of hand lotion was still on the counter next to the sink. Her coffee mug was next to his in the dish drainer. Her CD's were still in the player. Her toothbrush was in the bathroom, still next to his. But she was no longer here to stand next to him in the dark.

Jack stood in front of the window and covered his eyes. He tried to remember her smile, not the duct tape forced over her lips. He tried to remember the feel of her hair in his fingers, not the feeling of despair that swelled from within him at the sight of her marred by blood. He tried to remember the sound of her calling his name, not the call telling him that she was gone. The call that told him his Alex was gone. His Alex, and for her, he would be forever glad he had forgotten his rule about co-workers.