The Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore
cut to inside of laboratory
Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, Behold… I am… a WOMAN!
Dr. Weird looks exactly the same as normal except for the fact that he has boobs the size of beach balls expanding his dress. He is also wearing a mop on his head with the handle broken off.
Steve: (beat) I'm happy for you. (nervous smile)
Dr. Weird: Now we can get married!
Steve: (beat) But… I'm afraid of commitment!
Steve just stands for a minute then runs for his life
Dr. Weird: COME BACK AND GIVE ME SOME SUGAR!
Opening CreditsCut to Shake yelling into a manhole
Shake: You better not come out until you find it
Meatwad: (voice echoes since he's in the manhole) Aww man, why do I have to look for it? Why don't you look for it?
Shake: Because I'm a college undergrad and this manual labor is beneath me. Now keep looking!
Meatwad: You in college!
Shake: Yes. I am currently majoring in "Flash on you" with a minor in "Your mama, too!"
Frylock flies out the door and hovers next to shake
Shake: (just noticing Frylock) Oh, hi Frylock. What are you doing away from your computer? Don't you have some other friendless jerks to chat with?
Frylock: What the hell are you doing?
Shake: Is that anyway to talk to your only friend?
Frylock: You're lucky I let you sleep in my house. What the hell are you doing?
Shake: Someone flushed my PDA down the toilet, now I've sent Meatwad down into the sewers to get it!
Frylock: Shake, the sewers are full of highly infectious diseases! Meatwad could get sick.
Shake: I see your point. When he gets out, don't let him touch me.
Meatwad: I'm feeling woozy down here.
Shake: Shut up!
Frylock: Get down there and get him!
Shake: Are you nuts? You just said so yourself that it's full of disease and bacteria and alligators and Mexicans and…
Frylock's eyes light up
Shake: Alright, alright.
Shake starts to climb down the manhole
Shake: But remember who the leader is, Frylock. I am the big kahuna, and don't you forget it!
Frylock: Get in there!
Shake: Yes sir!
cut to Shake finding meat wad, covered in feces, a PDA is sticking out of him
Shake pulls the PDA out of meatwad
Shake: oh great, now it's garbage.
Shake throws the PDA away. It explodes for no reason
Meatwad: Can we get outta here, now? I'm getting scared. I don't know if this is my mess, or somebody else's.
Shake: Don't you fret, Baby Jane. There's nothing scary down here. (Spots a large spider on a glowing barrel) Except that spider.
Meatwad: SPIDER, OH NO! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!
Shake picks up the spider
Shake: Don't like it, do you?
Meatwad: No!
Shake: You wanna meet Mr. Spider?
Meatwad: No! he's scary!
Shake: Oh come on Meatwad. The spider wants you to kiss it.
Meatwad: Nuh-uh!
Master Shake chases Meatwad down the sewers before Shake suddenly stops
Shake: The son of a bitch bit me.
Meatwad: Serves you right…
Shake: Shut up! You're not helping! It hurts like hell.
Meatwad: You didn't you kiss him.
Shake: Okay, that's it! Into the poo juice!
Shake tosses Meatwad into the pool of waste below. The "muddy waters" take him down the streets and out of an industrial spout in a fifty-foot drop
Meatwad: (As he falls) Daaaaammmmmmnnnnn…
Cut to Aqua teen's living room
Frylock examines Shake's bite mark
Shake: Geez, Shake. What kind of spider bit you?
Meatwad: I don't care. He paid for it. Moved into Footsville. Population: One.
Frylock: I don't like the look of this bit at all. How do you feel?
Shake: Right now, I feel like eating a coffee can full of bacon fat.
Frylock spots some hairs on Shake's chin
Frylock: What the hell is that?
Shake: What? (notices the hairs) Well, looks like I'm the first one of us to reach maturity. (looks down at himself around the waist area) Almost there!
Frylock: You aren't the first, Shake. I have a beard.
Shake: That's chin mold. You're not foolin' anybody.
Frylock plucks one of the hairs off
Shake: Ow! What the hell did you do that for?
Frylock: These hairs don't look normal, I'm going to run some tests on them.
Frylock hovers off-screen
Shake: Yeah that's right, go to your lab and stroke your test tubes like I know you love to do.
Meatwad: (beat) Why would he do that?
Shake: Shut up and go to bed.
Meatwad: But it's three o'clock in the after noon.
Shake kicks him off-screen
Cut scene to Meatwad flying out the second floor windo.
Meatwad: (As he falls) Daaaaammmmmmnnnnn…
Cut to the next mourning
Shake is hanging on the ceiling as Frylock enters the room
Frylock: Oh my God, Shake!
Shake: huh, wha, what? (falls onto the floor) Why did you wake me up Frylock?
Frylock: You were on the ceiling.
Shake: I was? No wonder I feel so light headed.
Frylock notices four large lumps near Shake's eyes
Frylock: What are those lumps under your eyes?
Shake: It's acne! I'm becoming a man!
the lumps open up to reveal four large yellow eyes
Frylock: Oh my God, those aren't lumps, they're eyes!
Shake sees Frylock through segmented vision
Shake: Oh hey! You cloned yourself. Did you need that many clones.
Frylock: I think you're turning into a spider.
Shake: Woah! Hell yeah! Now I can get some kick ass shades. What did you say?
Frylock: I did an analysis on those hairs I plucked off you and the results said they were arachnid.
Shake: What the hell does that mean?
Frylock: THEY'RE SPIDER HAIRS!
Meatwad rolls in
Meatwad: What the fart is goin on in here?
Frylock: Shake is turning into a mutant spider-type creature.
Shake: Correction, Frylock. I'm turning into a spider-type super hero.
Meatwad: Yup, he's turning into Batman.
Shake: Spider-Man you ignoramus! Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go.
Meatwad: Champion of justice. Guardian of the night. Rated R. Starring Michael Keaton and Jack-In-The-Box. Free cups at Taco Bell. Collect them all.
Shake starts to head for the door
Frylock: Where are you going?
Shake: I'm going over to Carl's bug zapper to see if he has any Kentucky Fried Flies.
Slams the door
Frylock: Come on Meatwad, we're goin into that sewer to check out that spider.
Cut to Shake walking up to Carl in his front yard. Carl is watering the grass
Shake: Hey Carl!
Carl: Up yours! Woah! What the hell happened to you, you have sex with a cockroach? HAHAHAHA!
Shake: HAHAHAHAHA Very funny, Carl. Anyway, I'm feeling hungry.
Carl: I ain't got no food. (sprays him with hose) Go back to your rock!
Shake: (glares at Carl hungrily) I said… I'm hungry.
Carl: And I said kiss my ass!
Shake sprouts mandibles and starts to drool
Carl: Oh sh(BLEEEP)t.
Cut to Frylock and Meatwad in the sewer, wearing decontamination suits
Frylock: Ok, Meatwad. Tell me where you saw that spider.
Meatwad: Over there. On top of those drums of twinkie filling.
Frylock hovers to the drums
Frylock: Oh my god, this explains it! These are drums of toxic waste!
Meatwad: What explains what?
Shake: The spider that bit Shake must've been mutated by this stuff.
Carl screams off-screen
Frylock: Come on!
Cut to Frylock and Meatwad entering Carl's backyard
Frylock: Oh my God!
Shake now sports eight legs under his cup and mandibles
Carl is now as skinny as a skeleton and is tied up in a huge spider web
Shake: Oh hi, guys! I'm fixing a bar-b-que. Wanna join in?
Carl: Help me! He's sucked all the fat outta ma body!
Meatwad: (chuckles) Sounds like an improvement to me. You can lose weight too. Call 1-800--
Shake spits webbing out of his straw and ties him to the web
Meatwad: AAAAHHHHHHHH! Get me outta here, Frylock!
Carl: Get us BOTH outta here, Fryman! Blast him!
Frylock: But, but I can't. He's my friend. (raises an eyebrow) Wait, no he isn't.
Frylock fires his lasers at shake
Shake explodes
Carl: Can someone untie me now, here?
Frylock unties Meatwad and Carl
Carl collapses to the ground due to his weightlessness
Carl: Terrific. Yeah. Ladies love a man with a johnson like beef jerky.
Meatwad: Frylock, don't you feel bad about what you've done.
Frylock: (beat) No. Actually, I feel kind of good.
Meatwad: Ok, let's go get some ice cream.
Shake drops onto the ground, missing some legs and a mandible
Shake: (coughs) Frylock, why did you do that? I almost had him in my mouth!
Frylock: You hear something?
Meatwad: Naw.
Carl: I hate you all. (three beats) Listen. Can I get some Ice Cream? Pistachio?
Closing Credits