Chapter Eight

Scarlett and Rhett shared a quiet moment on the veranda with coffee. Rhett had been deeply touched when Scarlett safe in their house, had hugged him tightly and given him a loving kiss on his mouth whispering "Thank you!"

He had also seen her effort to eat her dinner and he hadn't commented when she had given up half way through the meal, his opinion had mattered to her and she tried as hard as she could. He was touched.

"Scarlett what happened at the mill that day? I never gave you a chance to explain, I thought I could do without, but now I find that I would like to know."

Scarlett took a sip of her coffee;

"That's the worse about it all Rhett, nothing happened. On my way to the mill I hoped to find Ashley alone, and I did. He admired my appearance and took my hands in his, and all I could think was how I didn't feel anything, no excitement but merely friendliness. He started talking about old days in the county; I tried not to look back but couldn't stop. It hurt so much to remember, that I started to cry. Ashley wanted to comfort me and gave me a friendly hug; just then India and Archie entered the office and took it all wrongly. They wouldn't listen to Ashley. I left right away. You see nothing happened. I didn't want his touches or the one to start them and I felt nothing in his arms except sadness. Afterwards I just wanted to go home. I was so afraid of what you would thing of the situation."

"Ah, merely friendliness. And what did you feel when he touched you today my dear?"

She searched his face and saw honest interest;

"Discomfort!"

Thinking back at the meeting she asked; "Why did you pull away from me when Ashley came out?" she had found that odd.

"Old habits die hard my dear."

"You don't think that I still has any feelings for him, do you Rhett?"

"No, not really. But I just find it difficult to believe, after so many years, that it's me you want now. Maybe I was worried you would reject me now, that I had promised not to run from you again."

It was an odd feeling being honest with Rhett and getting the same in return, he was the man she loved and yet she knew so little about him.

"You needn't worry darling, I won't run either."

The ground under her feet became more steady, both wanted to give their marriage a second chance and had promised to stay for the worse part as well as the good, with that promise from Rhett she would afford to be honest, but it hadn't completely taken away her fear of being left again.

They were sitting in the parlour watching day turn into night, it was Wednesday and the week they had agreed upon was almost gone. This week had been about more than just keeping up appearances, it had been about finding a reason to go on and find steady ground to walk on.

Scarlett was amazed, in her wildest dreams she hadn't believed Rhett would come to her as fast as he had. They had agreed to visit Bonnie's grave together tomorrow, a decision that meant neither would sleep much tonight.

Scarlett sipped coffee and Rhett a glass of whiskey.

"Would you like the children to return next week Scarlett?"

"Uh, would it be fine with you Rhett?" She wasn't so sure herself.

"Well, I'm sure it will be fine, I may find it hard at times but I need to face reality. Wouldn't it be fine with you my dear?" There was no judging in his eyes.

"Sure it will, it just hard for me to be around Ella sometimes, I feel so guilty when I remember my thoughts and wonder if she knows."

"What thoughts Scarlett?"

"Oh! I shouldn't say such things; I for sure will burn in hell, if such exists. Sometimes I think heaven and hell is on earth."

"My thoughts exactly, pray tell what hunts you with Ella"

"Oh, if you must know, I wished God had taken her instead of Bonnie. I never could understand why he didn't take the giddy-brained child of mine. It's not that I don't love Ella, I do, but Bonnie was the child closest to my heart."

Ashamed she looked the other way; he had always blamed her for her motherly skills.

"Ah, I have been there myself my dear. I cursed the heavens and God for taking my daughter, when he could've taking any of your children. I'm not proud but I couldn't face your living children, couldn't stand to be near them. I was relieved when you took them to Marietta. I couldn't look at Ella knowing she was alive and my angle wasn't. So you see. I don't blame you or think ill of you, I would only be judging myself as well."

When his eyes met hers they were full of sorrow, blame and deep hurt,

"Come here my dear, don't be afraid to cry when I'm around!" He offered her protection and understanding, and his lap to cry on.

Pork had moved Rhett's belongings into Scarlett's bedroom. They were content snuggling closely together at night, so far they wasn't ready for more than snuggling. They had a desperate need to be close to a person who understood and felt the same burden, a need for a person to care and take time to notice. Rhett had given up his former aloofness and showed his feelings. But his deep sorrow hadn't left him yet, as it hadn't left Scarlett, both were thin shelters of what they had once been. That night lovemaking was far from their minds; it was occupied with thoughts of a little girl. It would be the first time for both to visit the grave in eleven months, and the first time together since the funeral.

Scarlett had expected it to rain, or at least the sky to be covered with clouds but the sun was high in the sky, with no clouds to stop the bright, warm rays of sunlight it bathed Atlanta in.

They stayed close together, her armed looped in his, she looked up at Rhett and saw his face turn ten years older when the gravestone became visible in front of them, and wondered if her own face had changed as dramatically.

She placed a hand on his arm in support and he squeezed it with his free hand. The gravestone was beautiful, what a strange thing to notice! Scarlett felt her mind had stopped working and everything became dizzy, it was odd to feel more like a bystander watching herself kneeling in front of the grave than the one actually doing it.

The stone was beautiful, she and Melly had chosen one of blue granite to honour Bonnie's favourite colour, it was a lying stone decorated with a white dove and kitten. The inscription read:

Beloved daughter

Bonnie Blue Butler

Eugenie Victoria

1869-1873

You will be deeply missed forever

Daddy and Mother

Rhett was standing aside her but the closeness had been broken and suddenly she felt a deep pain and was back in her own body again, her breathing became short and the tears flooded from her eyes. She was back in the days right after her beautiful daughter had died, the pain was the same and she forgot all around her, it was unbearable.

She touched her daughter's name on the stone with a shaking finger. She had forgot about Rhett until she heard the sound of someone desperately trying to clear his throat, it was Rhett! How could she have forgotten him?

She studied his face and saw the raw pain and how he fought to hold back his tears, last night he had been strong for her, now he needed her support. Swiftly she got up and wrapped her arms around him;

"Your not alone darling, I'm here."

Her words made him shake violently and started his tears.

"God Scarlett, I miss her so, will the pain ever stop?"

She had no answer to that question, silently she cried with him.

When the tears had run out and both could breathe freely again he sled his arm around her thin waist and together they faced the grave.

"Thank you for choosing such a beautiful stone my dear, I don't think I ever thanked you. And thank you for not turning away from me today."

She remembered how she had forgotten him and had stepped back to the hurt and anger for a brief moment,

"No need to thank me Rhett." She mumbled.

"Yes there is, it's so easy to go back to former resentment and feelings. It takes courage not to. I wasn't sure I had that courage in me, but I have found some."

"Why, you fought in the army Rhett."

"That's another form of courage, I'm speaking of, the courage to facing my inner demons and life at its best and worst."

"Oh!" She wished he would speak more plainly.

He looked at her "Honey, what I meant was being honest, even if I'm ashamed of myself and doesn't want to admit my feelings, and being ready for a life that has it downs as well as ups."

"Oh, I wished I was better at understanding my feelings Rhett."

When the left their daughter's grave Scarlett was at ease with the weather, Bonnie wanted her parents to move on and find new happiness; she wouldn't have wanted it to rain on this day. Her daughter had been so full of life and wanted her love for life passed on to her parents.

"Do you remember how Bonnie demanded us all to wear blue on her birthday when she turned three? She wouldn't take no for an answer and even mammy took a blue apron on" Scarlett giggled from the memory.

"Yes she was a determined girl, it must be the Irish in her," Rhett was chuckling.

"How you do run on, I'm sure she got if from the Butler line!"

"Hardly! And she hunted poor Beau down until he agreed she could kiss and hug him. He looked so embarrassed the whole time."

"Yes she had a way with boys as I remembered it Mr. Butler."

"You are rambling nonsense my dear," but he was smiling."

"You know you wrote me on her birthday Rhett?" surprised she looked at him.

Rhett was taken aback "Why, your are right Scarlett, that I did."

"It wasn't on purpose?" she asked.

"No it wasn't my dear," he caught her eyes "How unusual, and to discover it

on the night when we visited her."

He caressed her hand, Scarlett leaned in and kissed his lips softly, for the first time in more than a year she felt hope rising inside of her.

The visit to the petite grave of Bonnie had changed something in both Rhett and Scarlett, a fade sparkle of life had found its way into their eyes, taking some of the dullness out of them. Without Scarlett knowing it, it had been the first test for the spouses, easily they could have forgotten the comfort and understanding they had found in each other and turned against the other as fast as lightning.

In the back of her head she remembered that she for a moment had forgotten her husband and that sacred her, he might as well forget her when he felt anger the next time. It scared her but she wouldn't give in to that fear. He was here with her and that was enough.

That night they didn't stay up to see night turning into day, a new peace had fallen upon them and they were finally able to sleep when time passed midnight.

Scarlett felt a closeness to Rhett she had thought impossible, she didn't need to be on her toes every second fearing his mock and cutting assaults, they were two survivors who fought together to find new meaning in life and it had been healing to share memories of Bonnie. She snuggled closer to her husband and in reply he tightened his hold on her.

Friday! The one-week had ended. Scarlett woke up in her husband's arms; he was staring at her;

"Do you enjoy watching sleeping ladies?" she smiled

"Just one," he said before claiming her lips in a hungry kiss.

Breaking free she giggled "Why, I'm honoured Rhett Butler, only one woman."

"Yes, and she speaks far too much!"

Another kiss followed and hands danced in ancient waves on exposed skin, a dance that got wilder and more urgent with each stroke. Bodies gave in to a beautiful dance of ballet, where heart spoke to heart, and soul reached soul in a promise of a brighter day to come.

They were celebrating life; they were survivors who needed a proof of having cheated death.

The road ahead of them was starting to show in a dim light, it showed many curves and uphill but they were not alone anymore, what Bonnie hadn't managed in life, she had mastered in death. She had united her parents.