Prologue

I don't own the characters or anything belonging to GWTW, it all belongs entirely to Margaret Mitchell.

The story starts eight months after GWTW ended.

Charleston, South Carolina
January 12th 1874

Scarlett,

I will avoid pleasantries, which I am sure would only give you false hope,
and come straight to my question;

Have you considered my suggestion of a divorce or separation?

Please reply by way of my mother in Charleston.

Rhett

Tears were forming in Scarlett's eyes when she read the harsh words of her
husband, the only husband she had loved out of three. It was not that she
was surprise by his harsh words, Rhett had always been cruel, but she
couldn't control the pain they caused her.

She lay back on the bed and gave into the flood of tears. It always had been
hard for her to cry, to show her vulnerability. Time failed to make it any
easier. When the tears subsided, she stared at the wall in front of her for
what seemed to be days. Rhett wanted a divorce. He wanted to cut her out of
his life like she was some piece of rotten meat.

Closing her eyes, Scarlett pondered if it would be best to give him his
desired divorce. The pain in her heart and the fear that overwhelmed her by
the idea indicated that she couldn't do that.

No, she wouldn't do that!

She opened her eyes; she was now surrounded in semi-darkness. It was getting
late, Ella and Wade had slept for some time now but Scarlett knew from
experience, that sleep would be hard for her to find, especially after
reading Rhett's letter.

She lit the lamps in her room and found her writing papers.

Tara, Clayton County, Georgia

January 18th 1874

Dear Rhett,

I hope my letter finds you well.

I haven't changed my mind about a divorce or separation, I know you may find
me weak but I still mean every word I said to you; I love you and I think I
have for years.

As you said it's my misfortune to love a man that doesn't love me back, you
could say, I should be used to it by now, but I'm not.

I know I can't force you to live with me, I never could make you do anything
you didn't want to, but I will not grant you a divorce.

I know you told me not to explain how I felt or why I had reacted like I
did; it was the same when you wouldn't hear my side of the story about what
happened at the mill. But I need to get a few things of my chest and maybe
then, I can move on. You can read it or hold on to your beliefs, if that
makes you feel better.

First of all I don't blame you for Bonnie's death, I'm so sorry I once did,
but the pain was simply too much to bear and I hoped my anger with you would
alleviate my own anguish. It didn't. The truth is, I was as proud of her
horsemanship as you were. I loved her so much, she was my favorite child.
Maybe I'm being punished for feeling that, I don't know.

After a brief time, I tried to reach out to you; I wanted to share my grief
with you, to share my memories of this little force of life with you. I
would have humbled myself for you, but you never let me near enough to speak
the words, and with time, it became impossible to apologize.

It was at that time I finally understood that we have a special and
unbreakable bond between us, we have shared a bed, begotten and borne our
beloved Bonnie and laid her away in the dark. I wanted you and no one else
at that time. And it wasn't the first time, you know. When I failed to reach
you I began to think of Ashley again, but never in the old way. He was a
habit, a bad one, at that. He was my daydream that made life bearable.

I know you often accused me of not loving Bonnie, please know I did, and I
missed her so much when you took her to Charleston, and I miss her so very,
very much now. I know you always were first in her heart and mind, I just
hope she knew I loved her, and that I had a little place in her heart.

I assume it was at the same time you gave up upon me and ran out of love for
me. Fate never was with me.

By that time, I would gladly have given you several children if it would
bring you back to me. I dreamt of a little boy with your dark handsomeness
and another little girl. I hated that you went to Belle Watling, but I
couldn't confront you, not when you suffered so much. Maybe I was a coward,
but I felt so unhappy and lonely. Never had I known such feelings until
then, and you were the security I wanted, not Ashley, never Ashley.

You told me you couldn't live with me and lie to me and certainly couldn't
lie to yourself, but Rhett, you did that for years. Why was it easy for you
to lie when you loved me and impossible when you didn't?

I don't want you to lie to me, you don't have to pretend you love me if you
don't, I just don't understand, why you won't give me a chance.

The children and I are living at Tara. They miss you a lot but have adjusted
well. They often ask about you and I've told them you needed some time
alone.

Wade is becoming very handsome, he still wants to go to Harvard and I'm
getting used to the idea. I've hired a tutor to teach him, Ella and
Suellen's eldest. Wade has a bright head and loves to study, he is very good
with the numbers and is split between his desire to be a lawyer, as his
father, or work in a bank, just like you. Honestly, I think he really wants
to follow your footsteps but that he feels obligated to Melanie to follow
Charlie's. I hope I can make him do what is best for him.

Ella is another subject, she can't keep her mind on anything, I fear for
her. But thanks to Mr. Cooper we have found a talent in her, she loves to
sing and is rather good at it for her age. She can not sit still for long
but she has improved.

With love,

Scarlett Butler

New Orleans, Louisiana

February 30th 1874

Scarlett,

I had hoped that time and my absence had convinced you of the good reason in
a divorce, I see it has not.

I have read your letter several times, before I decided to answer it.

Scarlett, Bonnie loved you. She missed you very much when I took her with
me, she was the reason we came back when we did, she wanted her mother.

When people asked her, who was the prettiest lady she knew she always said;
'Mother'. She spoke of you often to people, I just never told you, I wanted
you to believe you had no place in her heart as I had no place in yours. It
was cruel of me and I apologize. I wanted her to belong to me alone, no one
ever had. But she didn't, she was as a big a part of you as she was of me.

She never doubted she was loved by any of us.

I never saw your grief; I only saw your anger and accusations. You seemed to
land back on your feet mighty quickly. And I did blame myself, you had often
pointed out Bonnie needed discipline, but I never could say no to my little
angel. Never once did I stop to think you wanted the best for Bonnie, I
thought you wanted to bully her, as you did anyone in your presence.

We had a special bond, our daughter, but it wasn't unbreakable, it broke
when Bonnie went, she took all with her. She was my life.

You had known about Belle for years, why did it suddenly matter to you-
because you needed comfort? I find it hard to believe it was because you
wanted to comfort me in my loneliness; Belle did that, and never once
accused me of what you did. Besides that, I think it would have been too
late at that time Scarlett, too much had happened and you never had needed
me before. You needed only my money.

So you wanted me, when did you want me before? I don't know if I need the
answer to that question, it matters so little now.

If you had listened to me that night you would know why I won't live on lies
anymore. I'm tired, I feel old and I lost everything when I lost my angel,
nothing matters enough anymore to lie for, perhaps you can say, I've lost
all hopes. I just want what peace I can find in this world. I'm not a
patient man; I don't have the time to be one anymore.

How can I give you a chance when I don't believe we can make it?

Wade and Ella, please give them my love for I do love them. I would love to
hear Ella singing some day and discuss the financial world with Wade.
Perhaps one day.

If you don't mind I would like to be updated on your children.

I take it that you don't live in your horror of a house anymore, I wonder
what to do with it, but I bought it for you so it will stay with you, I
guess.

Rhett

Tara, Clayton County, Georgia

February 6th 1874

Dear Rhett,

Thank you, for letting me know Bonnie loved me and knew I loved her. It
means a lot to me. Now I don't feel as guilty. But I doubt the void will
ever be less, I just hope I can learn to live with it.

Landed on my feet? Mother of God! I wish I had. I always knew how to land on
my feet, didn't I? But no, I haven't Rhett. I never did land after I lost
the baby and Bonnie. For the first time in my life I can't see the road
ahead of me anymore, I have lost my direction. But there is no need for you
to fear, I will not hunt you down.

Is that what every one thought? That I didn't care about my children, that I
was the hard hearted Scarlett Butler? I'll bet they pitied you for only
having me left.

I'm just not good at showing my weaknesses. I only had Melly left, then I
lost her as well, who cared about my pain? Even Mammy assumed I could stand
whatever fate had in store for me. But how does one handle the death of a
child? I don't know.

Loosing the baby was more painful and agonizing than the births of any of my
children. But it was nothing compared to loosing Bonnie, or you.

You asked me when I wanted you; I've told you before, after... After... when
we last shared a bed. I was so worried when you disappeared and I missed you
so. If you hadn't been so nasty when you came back, I would have welcomed
you back into my arms, but how could I? You had gone from me to . . . to
Belle. And I bitterly regret that I ever asked for separate bedrooms, I
regretted it the very minute you closed the door behind you, and if I had
known how to, I would have taken my words back. But you didn't want me, you
made that plain.

No, I haven't set foot in our home since I left it, I can't bear it and I
can't face Atlanta right now. But I don't want to sell it; it was where
Bonnie lived her short life. But I'm not ready to face the horrible memories
yet.

You are welcome to see the children at any time; you have been the only
father figure they ever have known. I have always cherished the way you
handled my children, most stepfathers merely tolerate children of former
husbands. I just never realized what you found so appealing about them.

I'm bonding with them, or at least trying, it's not my first try you know,
my first was when you left me the first time. At that time I failed, I
failed because my attempt was only half hearted. It wasn't them I wanted but
Bonnie. It was Mammy who opened my eyes; we only see what we have until we
loose it, the words were not spoken to me but to Ella. She was crying over a
broken doll she never had played with. But the words stayed with me; finally
I had a chance to tell someone I love them before I loose them. My children.

Wade is a helpful boy, we have found a common ground on bookkeeping, and the
hours fly by when we run over the ledgers for Tara and the store. Often it
leads us to conversation of other topics as well. He asks so many questions
of his father, questions I wish I could answer, and of his aunt Melly. It
eases the pain to speak of her and I think it does us both good to remember
her good deeds and the more funny situations. Most often our talks end with
his questions of you, how you were at his age and what you would do in given
situations, he admires and loves you quite a bit. He seems to worry that you
might have another boy, it slipped from his tongue one day but he won't tell
me why he thinks you do.

Ella, she is harder. It was difficult for me to be in my oldest daughter's
company for a long time, she reminded me of another little girl and the
feelings of guilt overwhelm me. When I remember some of my thoughts, they
are unspeakable. Ella is just a little girl, she doesn't deserve to be
compared to some one else. I do my best but it's difficult. We are best
together when we walk around Tara and she is in charge of the talking, she
doesn't expect much from me just my ears.

My thoughts keep coming back to the bond we have together. To me it's
unbreakable, even if Bonnie isn't here, she will always live on in us, we
begotten her together and that can never be changed. She would never have
been Bonnie Blue Butler if she hadn't been the child of you and I. Look at
Wade and Ella; they are more like their fathers than like me, they would
have been born the same from different mothers, but not Bonnie. It will
always take the two of us to create such a special child. The memories of
her will always bond us together; I can't share them with others like I
could with you. I've no one to say to: "Do you remember when Bonnie. . ."

That's the hardest part, after a certain amount of time people expect you to
move on, like you could forget your own child, they stop listening to you
and you can see the frustrated glint in their eyes, if you mention her. At
least it's what I've experienced.

Rhett you are the most patient person I've ever met, you waited for me for
years. Now I understand that searching look in your eyes. It was a cat
around a mouse hole, I was the mouse and you the cat waiting for me to be
caught.

Belle, I can say her name now without choking on it or feeling great pain.
You know I meet her once after. She looked caring, almost motherly at me. I
always cared after you went from me to her, it made me feel so small and
worthless that you chose her over me, that I was just another body to you.

I did want your comfort; like I wanted to give you mine. You were the only
one going through the same grief as I, I wanted us to remember her and keep
her alive together. I wanted to stop feeling all alone in the world, to feel
lost and in our loneliness; I believed we could help each other.

I will keep you updated on the children.

With love,

Scarlett Butler.

New Orleans, Louisiana,

February 18th 1874

Scarlett,

Reading your letters several times I, now, question if I ever could read you
like an open book. It appears not to be the case, when concerning me.

This is not easy for me but I've a proposal to you, I promised to come once
in a while to keep gossip down, a promise I've not been keen on keeping. But
reading about Wade and Ella made me realize the importance of keeping my
word, they will be the ones suffering if I don't. They deserve the chance to
be accepted again in Atlanta.

Will you meet me in our house on April 8? I will be there at 10 in the
morning. I think it would be best to leave the children out this first time.
If we can manage, I think we need a week to pretend we are still a married
couple in the eyes of Atlanta.

Please wire your response to The Grand Hotel in New Orleans.

Rhett