a/n: As always, I need to apologize for my bad english... it's not my native language, as you all are tired of knowing...
Ran's point of view
At this point, the least I could do for Hashiba was to be honest with him. That's why, clinging to all of my courage, and feeling extremely heavy, I looked at him.
- I'm leaving.
Wasn't it obvious?
I guess it was. Sure it was... My clothes, my bag. All messed up on my bed. A couple of socks fallen on the floor.
Still, he widened his eyes, openmouthed, in a mute surprise.
- Why?
- Because I have to – I said, instantly realizing how silly my answer had been.
- You have to? Who's forcing you?
I lowered my head and my gaze. Couldn't find what to say. In an instant, Hashiba was in my front, grabbing my shoulders, making me face blue eyes that pinned mine.
- It's him, isn't it? Ran! Is it Sunao doing this?
I kept my silence. He must hate me now. Hate me for being in his Sunao's place. Hate me for making things difficult to him. I felt the weight of his demanding gaze on me, and it made me nervous. I tried to get away. Then, Hashiba pulled me against him, with unusual strength, in such a familiar way...
- Yoru?
- No.
I looked at him. Was it really Sora before me? He had that decided gleam in his blue eyes.
In his beautiful blue eyes...
- Don't leave. Stay.
Unbearable rage possessed me and I pushed him away.
- You ask me to stay and yet it's me here, not your Sunao!
Hashiba held me again, so kindly it caught me out of guard.
- I know – he said, while stroking my hair – I just want you to be all right.
He smiled at my shock and went on.
- I's true. I know you're not Nao, and that he's troubled. I don't want to force you to speak. But I do wish to see you ok. I understand you've been carrying a great burden by yourself. Please stay, I wish to help.
He wants to help. Sora wants to help. How to tell him that he can't? He can't help Sunao, this one can't even face him.
As for me... he only brings back memories.
- I know what you're thinking – he suddenly said, strangely quiet – that I'm not Yoru. Possibly... you see me as an idiot compared to him. You may not believe it. But I care about you, Ran – he held my hands tightly – and I don't want you to think that I'm only interested in getting Fujimori back!
- Hashiba...
He embraced me with one arm, lifting my chin with his other hand.
- I won't let you go.
Our faces were too close. When he kissed me, he had his eyes closed, but I couldn't, for I felt too scared.
Why is Hashiba acting like this?
But his lips caressed mine, and his tongue slowly entered my mouth, which I did not realize I had opened. His hands slipped through my back, to my waist, feeling warm against my cold skin. When his mouth left mine, I let out a deceived moan, but soon his tongue was on my neck, licking to my nape, making me shiver. At this point I had my eyes closed, my body slowly relaxing under his caresses. Reuniting all my strength, I spoke.
- Hashiba, stop.
- But you seem to be enjoying it – he whispered in my ear, sending shivers through my spine. My arms circled his neck and I pulled him down to me. This time, I wilingly parted my lips for a kiss that left me breathless in instants. And then, Hashiba was pushing me without letting me go, until I bumped into the bed and fell on it. He made me lay down and climbed too, above me, his gentle gaze fixed on me. I was melting while his hands explored my whole body, and Iwanted to die. I could only die, it wasn't fair. The way he touches, strong and kind...
Yoru... just like you...
I'm burning as if it was him...
And now, hismouth replaced his hands, the warm tongue on my neck, down to my stomach, taking its time on my belly, and his arms around me, holding tightly, but never choking me.
(Yoru... that's not fair...)
Even his blue eyes had a different gleam from the Sora I knew – they were focused on what he was doing, only looking up to catch a glimpse of my reactions. Even being ashamed, I wouldn't look away from that gaze, until I lost myself in it. I felt his tongue licking inside my thigs and barely noticed when it went even lower, preparing me. It stayed there for some time until I started to moan and squirm unquietly. Hashiba kissed me once more, took my hands on his, and soon we were united.
His weight, the same weight I used to circle with my legs... his hips moving back and forth, the feverish kisses on my face, on my forehead. The same gaze that gets lost for moments, only to suddenly focus back on me.
Yoru, Yoru
His nose pressed to my head, deeply smelling me; his fingers curled on my hair, and then drying my eyelids, tears I didn't even know were there. The continuous moves of his hips, making me moan louder and louder, until I was screaming and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My legs, now on his shoulders, and my body flexed over myself. His face buried on my neck, so that I could feel, his fastened breath. My fingers still pressed tighter to his back, before we fully lost ourselves.
And we feel in the bed, exausted. Before giving myself to a heavy slumber, I felt Hashiba holding me from behind, sighing contentedly.
When I woke up, night had already fallen. I felt worn out. My sleep had been distrubbed by bad dreams all the time, dreams that made me wake up and sleep several times. I slipped my hand through my cold forehead, wet with sweat. Though I could barely open my eyes, I stood up, careful not to make noise. As Hashiba slept like an angel, I dressed and left the room without being heard. While I walked through the emty corridor, horrible feelings of guilt threatened to engulf me. Despair gew stronger to unbearable levels, and when I found myself safely distant from the room, Sunao emerged, trembling badly.
Sunao's point of view
Damn Ran!
Was that why you came?
I'm running away. I promised myself I would get away from him.
For me, it's hard. It's impossible to just ignore him. I've done it for so much time, and now we were getting closer again... but I can't. That's why I left Ran in my place.
And what he did? Traitor!
And the worse of all is that I could feel. I felt it, Hashiba reached me. While he made love to Ran, he entered my soul and saw me, and it was so strong that reached me phisically.
As I shook, shook with rage, I recalled how it was. Is Hashiba even aware of what he did? Through Ran, he has marked me again. He has forced inside me a care that I don't wish for! He looked at Ran's eyes and saw me, but I'm hiding! I've felt him inside me, even if it was Ran in control of the body.
Damn them both. Why did Ran accept it?
I think I know why.
"Ran!Are you listening to me?"
Always.
"Why did you give yourself like this?"
You know you know.
"Why is Yoru back?"
Don't know...
"I didn't even know he still existed. Did you?"
"Ran?"
Doesn't matter, he won't be coming back.
"So, why that little incident with Hashiba?"
Yoru...I was thinking about him...
"But he and Hashiba are different! Besides, you and Sora never got along!"
Sunao, it wasn't my intention, and you know it.
"What difference does it make? Now, you both have already had this intimacy! How could you..."
Hmmmmmmm...I think I got you. You're jealous. That's it.
"Don't talk nonsense. Jealous of myself?"
Don't play misunderstood. I 've felt like this once, and you know it. We know each other. You can even ask me for help, consciently. We've always been more aware of each other than Sora and Yoru. That's why Yoru's return surprised us all. We were sure he was gone, even Sora.
If I knew that... maybe I wouldn't agree to return...
Selfish. I'm so fucking selfish.
"Ran... forgive me... I didn't want you to suffer with this. I tought it would be easy for you."
Sunao... sorry I wasn't of help.
It's just that Hashiba's pain for having me by his side, and not you...
The memories he brings me from Yoru...
All this things hurt us.
We have nowhere to run
Only when I'm dreaming. Recently, there's peace for us only on sleep. Of course, there are nightmares, but there are also good dreams.
Where Ran hás Yoru. And I don't need to be ashamed of having Hashiba for me.
My head aches so much I feel like it'll blow up. Exaustion now overcomes my physical limits and reaches my mind. I want to lose my senses.
Crossing the corridors, courseless, I found myself at the enfermary. Nanami-chan must not be here now.
Enfermary. Medicines...
Cure...
I'm searching in the closet for something .
Sleeping drug. Slumber. Dreams...
Ran...lets sleep. At least for a few days, we allow ourselves to faint.
I opted for a needle, straight in the vein. It should be faster. Slowly, I injected the liquid. As it was thick, it hurt when touched my blood. I felt my head getting heavy.
Suddenly, someone opened the door.
Hashiba...
I tried to speak, my voice failed. Hashiba ran to me. I had already injected half the drug, and did not have the strngth to resist when he grabbed it from my hands. I looked into his eyes and was gone.
Ran's point of view
I felt unconsciousness coming for me. When I lost balance, two arms caught me.
- Ran!
That voice...
And the last thing I saw before sleeping for a long time, was a very dear pair of eyes. Mismatched eyes.
Yoru...