He slammed the door shut as he entered the Consulate, immediately finding his way towards the library. It did not go very well; yet it wasn't a complete disaster either. Mia caused a chain reaction of bad fortune but she had also lightened up what could have been a very dreadful evening. In the car ride home she hadn't said much and he had given her that space; sometimes one didn't have to talk to come to terms with something, he had joked a little and she had given him a small smile and that was it. When he stepped around the corner he almost ran into Charlotte, her remarkable balance actually prevented them both of them getting burnt.

"That was close," he grinned, wiping his forehead.

"Are you on your way to see her? Would you take her tea with you?" Charlotte was always in a hurry these days, the woman kept on running actually. He wondered if she felt it too, if she knew that the Queen was going through more turmoil than anyone was allowed to know.

"Yes she wanted me to report on Mia, I'll give it to her," he nodded, accepting the tray and waiting for Charlotte to vacate the hallway.

As he knocked her door gently with his foot he heard her hum of approval and entered, opening the door with his elbow.

"Tea ma'am," he said, frowning when he noticed the activity in there. She was sitting behind her desk, talking on the phone that seemed to ring non stop and on her cluttered desk the work was piled up. Charlie was running around her, closing drapes, lighting candles and fiddling with the flowers that seemed to be everywhere in the library.

The Queen had changed into comfortable slacks and a simple white sweater but she looked pretty, at least she had gained a little colour since the night before.

"Thank you," she mouthed as he placed the tray in front of her and beckoned him to wait as she finished her phone call.

He simply sat down on her soft couch and picked up a magazine she had been reading earlier, frowning at Charlie who didn't need more encouragement and left the room. It didn't take her long to finish her call and put down the phone, leaving the room in a peaceful silence.

"You're a life saver," she sighed, getting up to pour a steaming cup of tea. "Do you want some?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Tea is not exactly my…" he grinned, "…cup of tea."

"How is she?" Clarisse suddenly asked and her face shifted into that worried expression again, the expression he didn't want to see this evening.

"She's all right," he said, "it wasn't easy for her but she will get there. These dinners aren't easy for such a young girl."

"I remember my first dinner, it was a disaster," Clarisse nodded, adding a little milk to her tea and taking the cup with her to the couch. She sat down next to him, nothing in her manner indicating that she felt uncomfortable to have him there. He wondered if she felt the same sensation of relief as well, now they had been open and clear with each other, there were no hidden meanings anymore. They could even chat, or so it seemed.

"So there were grapes everywhere hm?" he asked, chuckling at the image. He was glad that he wasn't supposed to attend every dinner because he would be bored to sleep after two hours.

"I even found one squished under my shoe," she smiled. "Gladly people could laugh about it, I won't be too harsh on her tomorrow I think." She placed down her cup on the table in front of her and lifted her hand, rubbing her painful shoulder almost subconsciously.

"Wise choice," he nodded and glanced aside, catching her frown as she tilted her head. "Does that still hurt?"

"I'm fine Joseph," she said once again, releasing her shoulder right away. She actually meant it, her headache had been less today but the muscles in her shoulders and neck still protested when she was tired.

"You should see a doctor about this," he urged.

"It's getting less already, I just need to…" she said, rolling her neck.

"You're being stubborn," he frowned.

"You're being pushy," she responded quickly and reached out to her shoulder again, rolling the sore muscle between her fingers.

"Do you realize it that by pushing the blood in the direction of your head, that you'll only cause more damage?" he asked, getting a little impatient now. "At least roll it the other way, in the direction of your heart."

For a second he hesitated but he reached out and placed a hand on the painful place, freezing when he felt her gracious bones under his touch. "Is it this muscle? What kind of pain is it?"

She looked up, feeling the warmth of his hand burning on her skin and she couldn't help it but she leaned into it; welcoming the soft squeeze of his fingers. "Is there more than one pain?" she asked, a small smile tugging her lips. She didn't know if it was the glass of wine she had drank during dinner or the fact that Mia's first dinner seemed to have worked out after all – all she knew that she was actually in a good and strangely relaxed mood and she relished it. Her heart was calming down now, getting used to the strange feeling of his hands on her and she avoided his serious eyes.

He kept massaging the muscle, feeling how she resisted less as the seconds went by. "Yes there's burning pain, stinging pain, throbbing pain…'

"I see," she said and cleared her throat as she realized how hoarse she sounded. His soft touch actually seemed to relax her shoulder and she went along with it, sighing deeply. "I guess it's a nagging, heavy sort of pain. My arms feel like lead sometimes."

"You work too hard," he stated, shifting so he could use his other hand too.

"Comes with the job," she responded and closed her eyes as the rubbing went on, tilting her head a little so he could reach the really painful spot halfway across her neck.

Silence fell as he focussed on her shoulder but it only took him a few seconds to get distracted by what he glimpsed just beyond his moving hands. Her eyes were closed and her lips curved into a relaxed and easy smile, her skin seemed to be glowing more than it had in days. Her head rested against the back of the couch now, her skin became warmer and softer as he kept on stimulating the muscles underneath and he allowed his fingers to explore. Her breathing was steady and deep, her chest calmly rising and falling and her hands were relaxed on her lap, not even folded but steady on her stomach. Her sweet smell reached his nose as she tilted her head just a little more, giving him all the access he needed. He could have handled this all if she hadn't moaned softly as his fingers increased the pressure. As if something had stung him he released her, breaking the spell in a split second and he got up. Her eyes were wide open now, staring at him with a confused expression on her face.

"I should go," he said shortly, turning around because he couldn't look at her anymore. She would surely see the desire in his eyes, she would see how desperate he was to kiss those soft lips and mostly, how much he longed to hold her.

As he moved to the door that would carry him out to the common world again she blinked fiercely, suddenly filled with a sensation of panic that shot through her body. She couldn't let him leave – not now. It all happened in the few seconds he was walking; the words sounded clear in her head. "All you have to do is take it…let him…it's that easy…" In a flash she saw the happy faces of the couple that walked off today, holding hands, smiling and together in every sense of the word. "I've been there…" She took a step forward, her mouth suddenly as dry as paper. "All you have to do is take it…take the happiness…"

"Joseph…"

His hand froze on the handle; he had heard her say his name so many times before but never in this hoarse, slightly nervous and desperate tone. As if in slow motion he turned around; simply taking in the image that unfolded before his eyes. She was standing next to the couch; her fingers were entwined and moved constantly. He just looked at her, waiting, observing and reading her expression – and finally it dawned on him what she was about to say. He felt her words already shooting through his body even before she opened her mouth to speak; she took two careful steps in his direction, her eyes filled with an emotion that he'd never seen in her before. She came to a stop when he couldn't find the courage or the words to speak first and after a long pause she shook her head slightly.

"Don't make me say it…"

The three seconds it took him to catch his breath seemed to last three long hours; her heart started banging in her chest and her stomach was tying itself into knots. Suddenly it seemed like she watched this scene from above; the trembling legs underneath her didn't seem to belong to her body and the stiff entwined fingers felt like they were someone else's. But when he finally spoke the reaction in her body was so powerful that she could only accept that this was in fact happening to her.

"I think you just said all you need to say."

She couldn't move and she couldn't respond; all she could do was watch him come closer with her breath high in her chest and a heart that leaped from anticipation. Outside the doors of her office the maids were cleaning up the dining room and the world kept on turning but here, time seemed to stand still as he approached her calmly.

He didn't speak, he didn't have to. The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know; the slightly parted lips and the sigh of nervousness that escaped her explained what was happening inside her and he could only react to that by placing his hands on both her shoulders.

Carefully he slid his hands down her arms and she felt the trail on her skin like a rich warm fluid. His eyes had an expression that she recognized and it filled her stomach with butterflies; he was looking at her with eyes of a man who desired a woman – there was no doubt anymore; this man desired her. His touch was steady and secure, a strange contrast to her own shaky and fragile emotions and she breathed out through her mouth; his face was so close, so wonderfully close that an explosion of tingles shot through her body. He invaded not one but all her senses; she felt his breath tingling on her face, she heard the rushing sound of his shirt as he slid his hands even lower to encircle her waist and she smelled his scent, that wonderful masculine spicy scent that she knew so well.

Her eyes slid from the comforting warmth of his eyes to the sensual promise of his lips and then back again, already touching him with a delicacy that took his breath away and made his heart pound even harder. Leaning in a little closer he felt how their breaths blended and he heard her soft gasp as their lips made contact, both their eyes closing instinctively. The touch was soft and careful, barely noticeable and as light as a feather, he simply caressed her trembling lips with his own, feeling how she opened them slightly with her breath shaky and uncontrolled. Their lips barely brushed each other; a touch so delicate like a soft summer breeze. He didn't push her, he didn't take over their embrace but he opened his eyes and pulled back just a little, breaking the fragile contact reluctantly.

"We shouldn't do this, I shouldn't…" she whispered and diverted her face but she didn't pull back, neither did she push him away. Her trembling hands climbed up his chest instead, feeling his heart beating fast underneath the soft black cotton of his shirt. Her fingers gripped his collar and then finally, after what seemed an eternity, she lifted her face towards him and she drew a shaky breath as their eyes locked. "Joseph…"

Hearing her whisper his name pulled him over the edge, his hands that were placed safely at her side now steadily found their way up to her back, pulling her even closer to him and after just one more second of reconsideration he crushed his lips on her; gratefully feeling how she came alive against him.

There was no way back anymore, she melted against his lips and felt his arms stroking her back, climbing higher until he reached her neck, steering their kiss in a direction she had dreamed of for so long. She leaned into him, letting her restless hands climb up too, touching his cheek as their kiss suddenly deepened. His mouth was warm, his taste faintly familiar but yet oh so new, taking her and everything about her inside him and she responded just as eagerly to his touch. Their lips got more demanding as the kiss lengthened, their touches stronger and more possessive and his lips moved against hers with such masculine strength that her legs buckled underneath her.

Her hand slid from his warm cheek to the back of his head. Her pulling him just that much closer was all that was needed to make him groan, and in reaction to that, she moaned softly. It was then that she realized that no matter what would happen between them, she would never forget this wonderful moment in time, she would never forget the most loving and wanting kiss she had ever experienced. She would never, ever, forget her Joseph.

"Oh my god," she breathed as they broke their kiss but she didn't open her eyes; she didn't want to break the spell by facing the true world again. "Oh Joseph…"

He couldn't release her just yet; he kept placing little butterfly kisses on the corner of her mouth, on the soft centre of her upper lip, on the perfectly shaped chin and then all over again. She leaned into his caresses, waiting for more, accepting everything he was offering her. Deep inside something was brought to life and it startled her how intensely her body reacted to him, how passionate a kiss could be. It seemed surreal.

"Christmas day, fifteen years ago," he murmured, finally tearing his lips away from hers. "We danced that day."

Her eyes reluctantly opened and she met his eyes again, his familiar eyes were only inches away from her and he just looked at her, eyes filled with that one special expression that was only meant for her to see. She placed her hand against his cheek again, stroking his five o'clock shadow with her palm.

"I remember," she whispered and swallowed, feeling his arms encircle her waist and she rested her forehead against his cheek, shaking her head ever so slightly. "That's a long time to wait around."

He shrugged. "It was worth it."

Suddenly a sting of sadness shot through her, realizing how much precious time was lost already. "Did this really happen?"

He chuckled softly; slipping a warm hand behind her neck and he felt the softness of her hair tickling between his fingers. "I would say so," he murmured and he pulled back his head a little to read the expression on her face. "Are you sorry it happened?"

Her answer came quick and spontaneous and it relieved him. "No. Are you?"

He simply shook his head.

"We're in trouble now aren't we?" she sighed, once again noticing how soft and warm his touch was, his crawling fingers in her neck made her shiver. She swallowed, she could still taste him on the tip of her tongue and it overwhelmed her.

"We're always in trouble," he shrugged, pulling her a little closer again. "Comes with the job," he murmured, nuzzling her nose.

She laughed, a wonderful deep, low and naughty laugh that warmed his heart. He leaned in again, wanting to pull her closer to feel and taste her once more but she pulled back a little and avoided his lips, her eyes serious but warm. "We're taking a huge chance, you know that," she said softly, her eyes narrowing. "How will this ever work? It won't be easy, are you sure we should let this happen?"

He swallowed when he saw the sudden dark glow in her eyes, for a split second that familiar hint of fear shone through again and he lifted his hand, putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her sheer beauty overwhelmed him, her sweet scent took control over his senses again and he pressed his lips together. "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel," he murmured, stroking the soft skin of her cheek with just one finger.

Her eyes softened and her lips parted, tilting her head just a little so he could lean in again and this time she didn't stop him. The road ahead seemed full of obstacles but right there, right then she only wanted to feel him. And nothing else mattered.

The end.

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters...

Metallica