TOO ATTACHED

Don't get attached Katherine, I think to myself.

That's always been my downfall. Getting attached. If I didn't get attached so easily a lot of bad things could have been avoided.

If I hadn't gotten so attached to Dad, then I probably wouldn't have been so devastated when I found out that we didn't share any blood.

If I hadn't gotten so attached to Mum, then I might not have been driven to kill Wayne for hurting her.

If I hadn't gotten so attached to Tom, then I probably wouldn't have risked everything, including my freedom, just to retrieve his toy plane, a reminder of a past I'd rather forget.

If I hadn't gotten so attached to Ray, the Australian farmer, then I wouldn't have saved him and the Marshal wouldn't have caught me.

Never get attached Katherine, attachments only lead to pain and disappointment. To fear and despair. To devastation and loss.

The fear of disappointment

The devastation of despair.

The pain of loss.

All caused by being too attached.

And I've had more attachments on this God damned island then I've had in my entire life.

I'm attached to Sawyer because of the bond we share from both being criminals.

I'm attached to Charlie because he regrets his bad decisions like I do.

I'm attached to Sun because we kept each other's secrets.

I'm attached to Claire because we have both tried to avoid responsibility, but have ended up having to face that responsibility.

I'm attached to Sayid because we both regret hurting others, especially those we loved.

But why am I so attached to Jack?

Is it because he kept my secret for me?

Is it because he watches out for me?

Is it because he protects me?

Is it because he trusts me?

Is it because he sometimes makes me forget about my past?

Is it because he takes the time to talk to me?

Is it because he reminds me of Tom?

But why?

Why does he do those things?

Is it because he pities me? Or is it…something else.

If I weren't so attached to Jack, I probably wouldn't have gone with him to find the cockpit or to the Black Rock to get the dynamite.

And I wouldn't have followed him on the search for Michael.

Then I wouldn't have been caught by the Others.

Then it wouldn't have hurt so much when he gave me the cold shoulder.

Then it wouldn't have killed me inside to see him with Ana Lucia all of the time. To see them chatting and laughing and flirting like we used to.

All of those things caused by being too attached.

But once again, why am I so attached to him? To Jack I mean.

Maybe it's because I…do I?

I swore I never would again when I saw Tom dead and bleeding.

But I think I do.

I love Jack.

That's why I'm too attached to him.

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