Disclaimer: I do not own Larxene from Kingdom Hearts.

Playing Substitute

She's always made it a point to know what exactly she's getting herself into. It's a survival thing, it might also be a woman thing, being the only female in an Order that reeked of testerone, she has to set the bar and deliver clear signals to all the men that she can take shit, but that didn't mean she will take any kind of shit. She really doesn't care about whether the things she gets into are morally right or are in line with the Order's goals. She just wants to have fun, she just wants attention, she just wants to live.

It's funny that she had to pretend to be someone else to get it, though. Two other people, to be precise.

Their names start with R and N respectively, and one can't possibly get them confused with anyone else, no matter how hard one tries. But she guesses it might be easier to make believe that she might be them if she'll keep her mouth shut, and play along with the game.

She thinks she might hate them for it though. Hate them for having the same colours as her, pale milk skin and blonde hair and blue eyes and although she came first, she was first, damn it all, she plays the substitute for them and she knows it. In all aspects she's better than them, she's more powerful, she's everything they are, put together and more.

She came first.

And yet, and yet they're the ones who are loved (L-O-V-fucking-E-D), cherished by the Order. She can see it in her lovers' eyes, taste it on their lips and feel it in their fingers and hands and cocks, harsh and hot against her skin.

What she can't understand was if they loved them why couldn't they have loved her first. And even if they loved them why can't they love her too.

But she's also practical. She's not weepy, she's not weak, and she'll take whatever she gets, whatever she can, whenever she gets it. So she knows exactly what she's getting into, and why, and she doesn't give a flying fuck about what the others think of her.

Ghost. Woman. Girl. Bitch. Whore.

She just wants to live. She just wants to know what being alive feels like.

When they come to her, Marluxia whispers Naminé while he cups her bare breasts and kisses her lips. Axel, on the other hand, hisses Roxas into her boy-short hair and spans spindly hands around her slim waist.

To both she simply closes her eyes and she doesn't care, her heart does not freeze because she has no heart to be frozen, stomped on or broken. Those names are not her names and so she doesn't need to listen to them, not at all. She ignores their words and arches into their touch, greedily sucking them in, and through it all she tries not to break into barking mad laughter and tears.

-owari-