Do not own Danny Phantom.
It was difficult to believe that right in front of me stood Tucker. He had been my best friend when I was still soft and vulnerable. Why I didn't kill them right off, I'll never be sure. Perhaps it was all because of the hesitation that took over me as I laid eyes on the girl on the other side of my fourteen year old counterpart.
Samantha Manson, fourteen, also known as Sam. I had been so naïve and susceptible back then. Not only did I fall in love with her, I never knew. Had I still been human, there may have been some sort of guilt where my heart used to be. As it were, I regret to admit that I did feel something. I suppose that's why I called her Sam instead of Samantha, as if we were still friends.
As I sit here in this accursed contraption beyond the realms of time, thinking back on my pitiable age of compassion, I reach, as best I can, to my chest where the symbol that she put on my outfit, a "P" within a silver "D," rested. I never did figure out where she got it. Probably drew it, with all her talent. I can still recall our early junior high years when she showed me her gothic paper images. Castles and witches, moonlit nights and graveyards. But I, and what a fool I was, had favored her less morbid pieces: sunrises and sunsets, a self-portrait, a picture of us together. She never showed Tucker these drawings and paintings. She felt closer to me. And I, so weak, felt the same.
She didn't draw much in high school that I knew of. Too much to be done, I suppose, what with ghosts and that girl…what was her name? Sam had hated her...
I remember how much pain I had felt after the explosion and before my life-changing transformation. Losing my parents, my sister, my best friend…and the girl I had foolishly fallen in love with. I had been think this as I threw my younger self in the ghost zone and transformed into a fourteen year old boy, stepping through a portal in the fourth dimension and finding myself in front of the Nasty Burger, not yet crumbled, just as my life was to be.
In that body I stood as Sam ran up to me and encircled my neck in her arms. I was non-consensually reminded of how I used to relish those moments where I could hold her in my arms without questions. I looked at her sideways, as she tightly held me, in a way I had not looked at anyone in a long time. The younger me would have said she pulled away too soon, whereas I am of the opinion that she didn't let go quickly enough. Had it been a single second more, my arms might have wrapped around her of their own accord and I may have smiled wistfully as I closed my eyes.
When she finally did pull away, she wasn't through. She held my hands and smiled widely, joyous of my safe return. Or that was what she thought rather. For the first time, I felt an ounce of remorse for my actions and I was afraid my face showed the lapse of graveness, though I was trying to be my younger character. It took a comment from Tucker to pull me out of my helplessness.
Good old Tuck.
Later on, when Jazz revealed my true form and evil scheme, Sam seemed so shocked but, mostly, worried…for my younger self more than for she, as if he, in his carelessness or anger, or even when he meant well, had never hurt her. And I, in my before days, had indeed hurt her. But now I didn't care. I couldn't be bothered now, the way I was, with someone else's welfare.
Yet, despite myself, another human emotion seeped in.
When Danny Phantom shoved his way back into the time period and promised his good will, she stared up at him with wide, scared eyes. Amethyst eyes, eyes that, even I could not doubt, had never lost their beauty. She had been beautiful, hadn't she? Not at all like Paulina, that was her name, with her long hair and conceited, half-lidded eyes. Sam's exquisiteness had been more subtle, more…striking. She didn't try. She just did as she wished, a Goth goddess amidst me, a hybrid, merely a child, and Tucker, a geek, well-meaning, but highly thoughtless.
Alas, somehow, human emotions have begun running rampant, haven't they? I must try to continue resolutely.
I told my younger version that I simply had to be patient for his world to fall to pieces around him. I glanced at Sam again, wondering how it was possible that, when none of my family was invoking any feelings of loss or regretfullness, she could make me have heart again and break it with those eyes, opened to a new fear, a fear for her own life. I wondered briefly if I would still become me if I saved her and killed the rest, but I couldn't risk it. In my mind, I said good-bye as I fought the one who had always protected her…me. Now I can finally remember why I did that, why needed so much to keep her safe.
As I was sucked into the device, I noticed that time had run out for Danny. I had achieved my goal. In a moment, his entire life would be up in flames, and I would exist.
Of course, now, in Clockwork's domain, I know that he managed to save them. I could imagine how that would make him feel. What I couldn't imagine was living a normal life without Sam. No wonder I became evil. I couldn't imagine my weak child self telling her the truth.
For that, he needed courage, but he didn't have it. I did. I tried to push myself out of the cylindrical container and, at last, it worked. I sped through the portal that Clockwork had left open to ten years before my time, changing myself into a fourteen year old human once more. I found myself in the park in my old hometown. Sam was leaning back on the grassy hill, alone as she used to like to be sometimes. I silently sat beside her and we watched the fountain. After a few moments of silence, she spoke.
"You know, the way Clockwork said it, your life's kinda like the fountain."
I looked at her sideways, the same way I had when she hugged me, her cue to continue. She did, in her philosophical way of speaking of things.
"It's headed one way, but if something hits it, it could go in the opposite direction."
It made sense. I pondered it for a moment, still hushed. She said my name, or what it had been, once…twice, as I remained speechless. I faced her and she stopped speaking, eyes wide, realizing something big was about to happen. I leaned in and kissed her, a sensation I couldn't remember from the only other time it had happened, the "fake-out make out." And I knew. I knew that I loved her, not the younger version of me, but me, despite being without my human side, in spite of being so-called emotionless.
A boy's voice echoed over the hill and Sam become shocked as she recognized it. Out lips an inch apart, she whispered, "Who…are you?" Her eyes were still open extensively, but not fearfully.
I gave her another short kiss, caressing her cheek in my hand, and said softly, in my deep voice, "Him." Before her shock could escape her and she could scream for help, I continued. "With guts." I pulled the medallion off and found myself next to Clockwork. I transferred back to normal as he continued to look at the portal.
"Would you like to see what happens next?" he asked in his omnipotent voice. I said nothing, just gazed, as he did, into the orb.
Sam sat calmly, as if nothing had happened, as Danny came over the hill and called her name again. She cried out that she was there and he sat beside her.
"Where's Tucker?"
She shrugged in response and Danny gazed at her, concerned. He voiced his worry and she smiled at him.
"I'm fine, Danny. I'm just glad things are back to normal…well, normal for us, anyway."
He leaned back next to her, satisfied with her answer. I was disappointed. "Come on," I urged in a whisper, shaking my fists level to my chest. "Come on!"
"Have faith," Clockwork said calmly. How could he be calm?
"It's hard to," I replied. "I'm still trying to remember why I never told her when I felt so much and I realize it was because I was too afraid. Therefore, I don't trust him. And I never liked you, so you wouldn't make it better."
"So you don't think it will happen?" He spoke to me as he did the Observers.
"Oh, no. I do think so. I trust Sam. And Tucker, if need be, but I believe that Sam will take care of it."
Clockwork just stared into the portal. I turned in that direction, watching the action. I knew she was about to say something, maybe about Paulina or Valerie…or me. But she used a different tactic, something I would never have considered.
"Hey, Danny? Do you ever wish you were completely normal?"
"Do you remember the time I split myself in half?
She nodded. "But, if I remember right, that was only because you promised Tuck and me a ghost-free weekend, and that wasn't happening."
Danny sighed, recalling the incident and his motivations. "Yeah. Sometimes I want to be normal, but usually…I just want your life to be normal. You know, no ghost threats or worries or…danger. That's most of it. I don't want you hurt."
Once again I'm reminded of how much I myself had once hurt her, but how I had so longed to defend her. For the first time in a decade, images flooded my mind of nightmares I used to have about losing her. I didn't dwell on it for long as Sam scooted closer to Danny.
"If I minded," she jibed. "I'd already be gone." She picked up his arm and slid it around her shoulders.
"You don't mind," he muttered, not knowing what had happened. "But you don't realize that…I don't know what I'd do without you."
Her smile was cunning. "I realize more than you think," was all she said. I could see how surprised he was, blinking, when she leaned over and kissed him. When he opened his eyes and stared at her.
"You know."
She beamed. "Yep."
"Did Tucker tell you? Because, if he did—I swear, I—"
"No, Danny," she interrupted. "Tucker never said anything. Someone else told me…And I think he was looking out for you for once."
"Who?"
After a pause, she said, "You." He was confused and he began to interject, but she wouldn't let him. Grinning slyly, she kept on, echoing my previous explanation. "With guts."
For the first time since my transformation, I sincerely smiled. I had missed Sam. Somehow, even my evil self needed her. It was something I still had in common with Danny Fenton, something that made me reconsider my conviction that I had been fully separated from my human half.
I asked Clockwork what his future looked like now, and, in reply, he signaled to another portal on our left. I turned and saw myself in human form and grinning over a baby crib where an infant girl lay sleeping soundly.
"Hey angel." He hung his hand over the railing next to hers. She wrapped her hand around his finger. "You know you look like your mom? You're just as beautiful as she is." More quietly he pleaded, "Please, please be just as normal."
"Danny?" a woman whispered. He turned to her, a stunning woman with pale purple eyes. My breathe caught in my throat. She was, though I had thought it impossible, more beautiful than before. "You okay?"
He nodded. "Just thinking…about when we went to the future to stop my evil self. You remember that?"
"Yeah, Danny, I—Why now?"
"Well, if I had been evil, it'd be now, and I was just thinking…I like this outcome better." He took Sam in his arms and they lovingly stared down at their daughter.
"Very preferable to being dead," she teased.
He nuzzled her neck from behind his arms still around her. "I don't know how I would have made it without you. No wonder I turned evil."
She leaned back into him and, for a moment, I felt her too as I became, once more, human. Human, weak, and in love.
"Being evil doesn't help you," I said in undertone, feeling it as her hair brushed his cheek. "It really doesn't."