Man of Many Names

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun or any of the characters therein.

Tears streamed from her eyes and soiled the paper in front of her, smearing the precious words across the gently yellowed note. Millie drew back, frantically rubbing at her eyes. She tried to paste a smile on her face for the dim window's reflection, because her big big sister always said that if you smiled you made other people happy, too.

But it hurt.

She could not bring herself to smile right now, because everything inside of her was torn. Her heart felt as if it had been swelled with hope and then shot through and trampled, leaving her dead inside. In the ghostly lamplit reflection from the window, all she could see was lips lifted over chattering teeth. This was not a smile. Would she ever be able to smile again?

"I...I shouldn't be acting this way, Mr. Priest. You said not to worry, not to cry too much, but I can't help it! I can't..."

In front of her sat a page of paper, his last words to her. She'd found this note in his suit when Vash...Vash... Millie tried to force the remembered images from her mind, but they would not stay back. Wolfwood had been found in the church under the sunny sky. He'd been slumped over that cross, and his blood had pooled around him. Millie remembered the look on his face.

The man had been so torn, his young life ripped apart by a decision that no child should have to make. He'd lived by a ruthless mentor's words since childhood, and he'd died when he'd finally found release. In his last moments, he had been smiling, one of the truest and purest smiles she'd ever seen. He'd looked like a child. Millie's soft laughter contorted into sobs. He did not deserve this! He had been so young, so confused and broken. He'd had to fit into the shoes of an adult at such a young age that he didn't even know what the beauty of love and devotion and carefree existence was like. Now he never would.

"It's not fair!" Millie surprised even herself when she slammed a fist onto the table, sending her coffee cup to the floor, where it shattered, cold coffee spraying upward with bits of glass. Realizing what she'd done, Millie scrambled off of her seat, using her sunny yellow and green cloak to wipe up the stains.

Meryl's worried voice strained through the closed door. "Millie, are you okay in there?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine now! I just dropped a cup but I'm picking it up." The slow drawl held up her dull facade nicely, and Millie was glad, because Meryl was such a sweet woman, even though she pretended not to be. She'd be so sad if she knew how Millie was feeling, so Millie kept her mask on, and Meryl sighed and walked away, unable and unwilling to break the ice.

Leaving the shards under her cloak, Millie returned to the desk to read the letter yet again. Her eyes misted as she read.

Dear Millie,

This is me...um, Nick, I guess, or Nicholas, or Mr. Priest, or Preacher Man. I have so many names, I'm not sure which one is really mine sometimes. It's a strange feeling. I wanted to write you this because I couldn't tell you these things this morning, and now I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to. I just wanted to say...thank you. Thanks for listening and always making me laugh. Thanks for telling me that things were all right. Thank you for last night, for listening and for holding me.

I've lived my life away from people, knowing their names but not daring to take a peek at their hearts because I was afraid that I'd actually like them. I try to pretend that everything's all right no matter what horrible things I'm forced to do. It is my lot in life to play the devil, and I've never questioned it. I've killed so many, and I can't go back. When I was around you guys, around Vash and the little woman and you...it felt different. I learned from you that there's still innocence out there. I'm not sure you'll understand that, but it meant an awful lot to me.

You meant an awful lot to me. You're a smart woman, you know. Smarter than even you see. I am glad that I talked to you last night, Millie, glad that you sat through all my talking, glad you listened to all the horrible things I'd done and still found it in your heart to forgive me. You said...you said that things had been done that could not be changed, but that the sun would rise tomorrow on a new day. You said that the morning was mine to make it what I wanted it to be.

I finally made my decision today. I'd seen Needle Noggin risk that scrawny neck of his to save people he didn't even know, so I decided that I should at least try to save a man I'd known since childhood. Maybe Vash is right. Maybe people can change. Maybe...I can give them that chance. I made a decision today, Millie, and it felt so good and yet so horrible because I'm afraid it's going to take my life.

I know that you'll understand. You act so dim but your heart's way too big to act that way all the time. You know things that no one else cares to see. It's not head knowledge that counts, it's heart knowledge, and you're a genius in that respect.

I'm bleeding right now, andI keep dropping this damned pencil. It's annoying when even your body starts to betray you, huh? I don't think I'll be able to tell this to you, after all, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for this last sin, for not returning to you like I promised.

I meant it, Millie. When I left, I really wanted to come back. Please don't cry for me, okay? If all these things I talk about are right, there's a big guy up there I'm going to have to do some talking to. I hope he'll take me. Anyway, I've got a meeting with him right now. Don't want to keep the big man waiting.

I love you, and I'll miss you. I'll miss you all, even that confounded Needle Noggin. Thank you.

Forever yours,

Wolfwood

By the time she had finished reading, the unshed tears in Millie's eyes were too large, and they toppled down her cheeks. She laid the letter gently onto the table top, folding it in half and tucking it into her pocket close to her heart. She missed him. She missed that face of his and the dusty, crooked cigarettes he smoked. She missed chiding him about them, plucking them from his lips and telling him how unhealthy they were. More tears made trails down her face when she remembered the way they'd found him in the church. A cigarette lay by his side, barely smoked but crushed out. Millie wrapped her arms around herself, rocking forward in her seat.

She remembered that night...last night. They'd talked for hours. She'd held his hands and embraced him, giving her heart to the man in the black suit. They'd talked until their embrace loosened and their gentle whispers silenced, lips brushing each other gently. They had stayed like that for a long time, and when he'd finally broken the embrace, he'd stepped back, taking off the suit top so only the white shirt remained. He'd laid down and held her, and they'd both fallen to sleep like that.

"Big girl, you know what?" he'd asked.

"What, Mr. Priest?"

He had laughed. "You're a wonderful and beautiful woman, that's what." His breathing softened until it finally deepened to the tones of sleep.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood, a man of many names who'd been forced to live a life of necessity and split second decisions up until near the end. Milly got up and blew out her lamp, drying her tears as she laid down in the bed they'd shared. "I miss you, too. I miss you so bad it hurts. But..." She covered herself with the soft brown blanket, pulling it close. "I know that you were happy. I really miss you, Mr. Priest. I hope you're in that Eden that Mr. Vash always talks about. That would be nice."

Millie smiled. It was real, this time, and it didn't hurt so much.

"Goodnight, Nicholas." She liked the way it rolled of of her tongue. It was the name that a mother had given him one day a long, long time ago. Millie closed her eyes and let sleep overtake her. Tomorrow was a new day to make into whatever she chose.

Author's Notes: My first attempt at Wolfwood x Millie. Was it okay? Any thoughts would be wonderful.