Deep Divide
Axel gave a languid stretch and a long yawn as he walked into the common area, running fingers through his hair in a half-hearted attempt of taming the wild spikes. Not that anyone really cared what his hair looked like, including himself, but he still went through the motions sometimes, when he was still half asleep, as he was at that moment. He'd gotten in late last night from another of Xenmas' inane quests (trying to hunt down a golden zipper for the leader's coat but upon failing in locating one declaring it didn't matter on the premise that it looked tacky anyway) and figured no one would notice if he slept in late.
Turned out he was right, despite the fact that everyone was in the room at once- a rare enough occurrence that "the superior" was probably doing a jig. Except for the fact that Axel could see said superior, and Xenmas was far from doing a dance. Actually, he wasn't doing anything, he was just staring out the window at the rain soaked streets, apparently enraptured with whatever had caught his attention. This wouldn't be so strange, in Axel's mind- Xenmas had an odd habit of staring off into space for long periods of time and muttering things about darkness under his breath- had it not been for the fact that everyone else was gazing out the same window, just as silent as their vapid leader.
Now, this was something. The last time they'd all done something like this, it was the night of Roxas' arrival. Granted, he'd been a little late getting to that meeting too, and had thus been sent out as errand boy to retrieve their thirteenth member, but in retrospect, that hadn't been so bad. He liked to think dealing with the confused and sullen boy that night had helped them form a bond, even if the kids seemed to hate him for the first few weeks. But some instinct told him that tonight would be a bit different. The nervous tittering that had filled the room the time previous was gone, the room now filled with a pensive silence. He could feel the tension in the air, and would have laughed as they seemed to take a collective breath together, but it didn't seem the time or place, really. Instead, he leaned against the door frame, rubbing out the rest of the sleep from his eyes and wondered if it would be worth it to push through and see what they were all ogling.
He didn't have to wonder too long, however, as they all took a step forward and peered further into the streets below. There seemed to be some kind of odd glow emanating from somewhere below the building, though where it would propagate he didn't know- the street had nothing but pavement below them, it certainly didn't contain anything that would produce that kind of light. He took a few steps forward to see for himself what all the hubbub was about, and almost got trampled as the group took a collective step backwards, cloak zippers and ornaments jingling in unison. Bright red eyebrows rose to previously unreached heights as Axel caught sight of a large black form falling in front of the windows they'd been looking through.
"What the Hell? We got some kind of big heartless bat problem or something?" A few of the more excitable members jumped at the sound of his voice, Demyx going so far as to drop the sitar he'd been hugging to his chest. The more imperturbable members simply gave him a look before turning to gaze out the window again. Only Demyx and Xenmas continued to look at him as the group returned their attention below.
"Axel," the low voice of his superior called to him, the cold tone unsettling Axel further. Xenmas smirked as he saw the redhead flinch, and tilted his head slightly, as though to get a better look at the man. Axel tried to stand still, but he couldn't help the nervous twinge in his stomach, the feeling that was building up-despite the fact that he technically couldn't have it, having no heart and everything- left him slightly trembling. He knew that in a fight, Xenmas would be able to wipe the floor with him, but that didn't mean he couldn't be both completely enraged and scared to death at the same time. He clenched his fists to control them, telling himself there was no reason to be afraid. Xenmas only seemed amused at his reaction.
"I'd ask why you're late, but it doesn't really matter. A pity, though. You've missed most of the show." Xenmas looked over his shoulder, his eyes narrowing as he watched whatever scene was going on below. His smirk grew into a grin. "Oh my, what a turn of events this is. Really, Axel, you must come watch. How very entertaining. What an interesting move my puppet has just made."
Axel blinked, the words seeping in. Puppet? There hadn't been any more 'puppets' since that incident with the Riku clone back at that bloody castle, what did he mean, puppet? Unless he meant... Axel's eyes narrowed, and he glanced at Demyx, the only other member who had yet to go back to watching the spectacle. Number nine's bright blues eyes were wide, his face openly fearful. He had picked up his sitar again and was squeezing it so hard, Axel was surprised the strings hadn't snapped, or the neck broken. Demyx was also chewing on his lip- had been for some time, if the broken skin and redness had anything to do with it. He gave a pleading look to Axel for support, though visibly shrunk back to the wall as Xenmas turned his attention to him. The young water user whimpered, and cradled his head behind the instrument's neck, using it as a shield to block his superior's cold gaze. Axel did a quick head count, and his spirits sank as he realized he'd misjudged his earlier calculation. They were, in fact, missing one person; the only person other than himself whom Demyx would show concern for, and the only one Xenmas ever really enjoyed claiming as "his".
"Where's Roxas?"
Xenmas laughed, the malevolent sound echoing in the sterile white room.
"Took you a bit, didn't it? But then, you were always quick to passion, never to thought." Axel returned the cold look Xenmas was giving him, but a little fire was seeping out of him, his control weakening as his anger grew, the sparks flicking off him growing in size and intensity.
"What's going on? What is he doing?" Xenmas only continued to grin, his yellow eyes narrowed and his pupils thin slits. It was Demyx who spoke up, his voice tremulous.
"We didn't know what was going on. Roxas had left earlier this evening, said something about going for a walk on a beach, but then later there was shouting, and heartless appeared everywhere from nowhere, so we started to set up a defense and counterattack with the dusks. I saw Roxas at the entrance, but he was so angry, still shouting and killing everything that came near him, and that's when I saw the other figure in black, I thought it was you, but Roxas was screaming bloody murder at him, and I knew he'd never be able to shout at you like that. I don't know how he'd gotten in, but Riku made it into the halls and confronted Roxas, and I don't know how long they'd been talking, but Roxas was so angry, and Riku was shouting too, and-" he broke off, his voice catching in his throat. He cleared it to finish in a slightly lower tone, "they both ran outside to continue their fight. I tried to help Roxas, but he-" again, the water user stopped, licking his lips and casting a desperate glance over his shoulder, a look of misery on his face.
"I've never seen him so angry before, Axel," was all the young man could whisper before returning to chewing on his lips, casting more glances out the window. Xenmas simply laughed.
"Yes, well, his anger feeds on the darkness inside of him. I cannot wait until-"
"How much does he know? How much did Riku tell him?" Axel ignored the organization's leader, concentrating on the younger man, one of the few he would call friends in this god-forsaken place. Demyx, simply shook his head, refusing to answer. Xenmas spoke again, turning back to the window.
"Hm, well, it looks like it's almost over now anyway. What a commendable job Riku's done in breaking his spirit; put my little puppet in top order, I see. It will be a bother patching him up again, but when you can chose what to fix and what to replace, the puppet will end up better than before. I think my little keyblade master will shape up most nicely. All he has to do now is rid us of that bothersome boy, and-"
Axel didn't stay to hear the rest. He shot out the door, which had seemed a better solution than going and killing Xenmas, which was what every muscle in his body was aching to do. Instead, he put that anger into teleporting to the streets below as quickly as he could, the darkness of his spell almost unable to mask the flames of his fury. As he splashed down onto the street below, he felt the icy chill of fear grip him as he saw one of the figures sprawled out on the ground, blood rapidly pooling beneath him to mix with the puddles left by the evening's rain.
He called out to Roxas, and the figure that had remained standing shifted, reacting to his voice, although he didn't turn to face the older man. Roxas stared down at the pale form of Riku, whose white skin was mottled with bruises and blood, and whose white hair was dark with the grime of the streets. Axel paused a few feet away, staring at the body of the boy on the ground. Roxas had done that? He stepped cautiously towards the blonde, willing himself to calm down so he wouldn't burn the boy as he placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't touch me."
Axel retracted the hand that had gone out wincing as though he'd been struck. Instead of allowing the effect of the command show, he folded his arms over his chest and tried to force gaiety into his voice.
"Wow, Roxas, you really beat the crap out of this guy-"
"His name is Riku, Axel. Don't pretend like you don't know who he is." Axel took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Roxas' voice was harsh, curt to the point of being rude. This wouldn't have bothered him so much, had it not been for the fact that Roxas only spoke to Xenmas like that, the blonde usually only keeping his fury in reserve for the man that tried to break him and bend him to his will. Axel couldn't stand the frost in the boy's tone, he wanted him to turn and laugh, maybe complain about how much he'd hurt in the morning, or how Axel was late again. He hated that coldness, the icy chill and the frozen stance the boy was exuding. He wanted to ruffle that messy mop of hair, tell the kid to lighten up, melt away some of that ice with his usual spark of humor, and hear the usual irritated muttering the boy always spoke when Axel teased him. This was not the Roxas he knew, this wet, still warrior whose weapons dripped with blood and rain, whose stance was tense in preparation for another attack. The Roxas he knew would never raise a weapon against him, would never dream of hurting one of the only two people who actually cared about him. Roxas had always said that friends had to watch out for each other, that they could never allow harm to befall the other.
Axel wondered how much he had already hurt the young boy, and if Roxas would ever forgive him.
He didn't even try to force the cheerfulness back into his voice. He suddenly felt very tired, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into the shadows of darkness and let them wrap him in their embrace so he could sleep until the place that never was really wasn't anymore. He didn't want to be here, standing in the wet streets, trying to explain to Roxas why he'd done what he'd done, and why it had been for Roxas' own good. Why he'd kept quiet about certain things, why he'd shielded the boy from the truth, and how he'd wanted to tell him, but couldn't. How he'd tell him anything now, if he only wouldn't be so angry. He doubted the boy would listen to anything he said now, though. Still, he had to try.
"Riku always was too cocky for his own good. He and Sora-" Axel cut off his sentence, the keyblade now pressing into his throat. Roxas' blue eyes were narrow slits, but his face a stone mask, devoid of any feeling, even hatred. Even at his most apathetic, Roxas usually displayed some emotion. This stillness... was unnerving, to say the least. The blade at his jugular didn't bother him as much as the thought of Roxas never trusting him again. Even if the blonde would forgive him later- and there was no reason he should; Axel wouldn't, if the situation was reversed- Axel was sure that Roxas was feeling the closest thing a nobody could ever feel to complete rage. And, in truth, he himself was probably feeling the closest thing to fear. Not for his life, but of the chance that Roxas would never forgive him, and that every misery the blonde felt would be a direct result of his own meddling.
"Don't you mean, Riku and ME? I'm Sora. You knew it, and you never told me." Axel didn't want to lie; he also didn't want to accidentally slit his own throat. He decided to let the keyblade master have his say before interrupting and destroying everything they'd spent the last year gaining together. If he hadn't lost it already. Roxas's cold demeanor warmed a little when his voice cracked.
"Axel... why? I asked you and you told me that you had no idea who I was! You looked me square in the eyes, and lied flat out in my face! How could you? Why did you lie to me? Why did I have to have some stranger come find me and tell me everything? I trusted you! And you lied to me!"
Roxas shoved Axel away, the keyblades whistling as they spun in his hands. He turned his glare back to the body beneath him, Riku apparently beginning to come round. The black blade sliced down towards the boy's throat, making the downed youth gasp, then cough at the effort. Hell, if Axel didn't do something soon, the kid would die. He didn't have a soft spot for the boy or anything, but Riku had been important to Sora. Roxas. But they weren't the same person, didn't he understand?
"I'm not Sora!" Oh good, apparently he did. "I'm not! I don't care if that's who I was, it doesn't matter! I'm Roxas! Roxas! I'm not going with you just so I can become your friend! Sora is dead, and I'm all that's left. Move on with your life, and leave me to mine!" Roxas was shouting at a seemingly comatose Riku, but Axel didn't try to interfere, not wanting to get clipped by one of the giant keys. The only sound, for a moment, was the rasping of the downed boy's breath, the panting of Roxas, and the dripping of water into puddles below.
Then, Riku began to laugh.
Or wheeze, rather. And the wheeze turned into a cough, as he overworked broken ribs and tender muscles. Still, the silver haired youth was stronger than he looked. He forced himself up with an elbow, smirking up at Roxas.
"But Sora is alive. He just needs you to complete him. You weren't supposed to exist- you're a nobody. Sora is important, the worlds need him, he's the true keyblade master. You're nothing more than a phantom memory. The world has no need of things better left forgotten." He collapsed as Roxas delivered a vicious kick in the ribs, crying out before he fell unconscious again. Roxas raised his blades to finish what he'd begun, only to be restrained by Axel.
"Don't" the redhead said, quietly, "don't for Sora's sake. They're best friends. It would be... wrong." Roxas struggled in the hold, but to no avail. Thrashing this way and that, he attempted to break the grip keeping him back. Not being able to lash out physically, he bit with words.
"So, now that I know, you're going to call me Sora now, huh? Call me by my somebody name? What, did you think that if you could trick me into liking you, I'd help you get a heart? You just befriended me because I can use the keyblades, right? That's the only reason why you were nice to me! It was all just a trick! Did Xenmas set you up to gain my trust since his plans didn't work? You had me taken in-"
Roxas' rant broke off as Axel's arm tightened around his neck. Holding thirteen in a headlock was the only way to keep the blonde under control, and he'd tried to be gentle, but he'd be damned if he'd allow Roxas to imply any conspiracy between himself and Xenmas. He hissed into Roxas' ear as he continued to maneuver the boy backwards.
"Don't be so kitsch. You know I'd never cooperate with Xenmas to do anything against you or Demyx, so don't say anything like that again. C'mon, let's get out of here." Axel was almost glad at this moment that he didn't have a heart- for being a nobody incapable of feeling or emotions, it sure felt like he could. If the anger, the hurt and the fear he was going through were only shadows of real emotion, he'd hate to know what it felt like to be a somebody. He'd probably be torn apart.
Luckily, however, Axel was spared morbid thoughts of a somebody's undoing by raw emotion by a timely intervention by Roxas. He grunted as one of Roxas' captured limbs rammed him in the stomach. Still, he didn't release his hold on the boy. He simply stood his ground and waited while the boy wore himself out. Roxas continued to wriggle and flail, occasionally getting a hit, but without enough force behind them to do any good. As Axel felt the barrage subside, he was glad, not for the first time, that the boy was small enough to scoop up and cart away, if a little awkwardly. Roxas, however, would have none of it. With the undignified position of being carried like a child or someone helpless, his attacks began again with renewed vigor. He continued to kick and shout, even as Axel strode away from the bloody mess of Riku, shouting curses and trying to get Axel's head with his keyblades.
"Damnit, let me go!" Axel was able to retain a collected facade, however, having spent the last few minutes of silent struggling rebuilding his confidence that what he had done was for the best. He didn't know how long it would last, of course, but it was working at the moment, and he wasn't going to push his luck. He kept his replies short and succinct, concentrating on getting out of eyesight of both Riku and the yellow eyes of their superior.
"If I put you down, what will you do?" was all he asked.
"I'm going back to finish the job, that's what! Let go-"
"Yeah, that's what I figured you say. So-o", he said, stumbling over the syllable as Roxas' fist connected with a cheek, "I'm not letting go until you calm down, kiddo. Deep breath, slow exhale. I know you're pretty pissed with me, and I don't blame you, but I want you to hear me out. I need you to be calm and rational so you'll listen to me, though, so until I can trust you to not run back and kill Riku, and not try to finish the job by killing me, I'm going to continue to treat you like a spoiled little brat until you start acting civilized!" He couldn't help it, though he'd tried not to shout. Roxas was being so childish, though, and if he could just explain... he glared at the boy as another fist connected, this time with the other cheek.
"Dammit, Roxas!" he shouted, the anger starting to overcome his guilt and his irritation beginning to crumble away his walls of self-restraint. If the kid kept going like this, he'd make Axel snap, and they'd both get burned, figuratively and literally. He was about to give the youth a good shake and a taste of his own anger, but he stopped when he saw the tears rolling down the boy's face, and he wondered how long the kicks and punches had been used to cover up the sobs racking the blonde's body. Axel sighed, shifting his grip on the youth to a cradling embrace as the anger started to melt away, and the bile of guilt rose up again. Roxas still fought him, even as Axel forced him into the bear hug, but the blows were fewer and farther apart, and Axel was pretty sure that things were winding down. He touched a swelling cheek as the boy cried into his shoulder. "Dammit, Roxas," he muttered, wincing at the pain that shot along the side of his face.
He waited until Roxas was still, the boy stiff and silent in his hold. He sighed again, wishing he could just teleport the two of them away so they could talk in a better place than the middle of the streets or a secluded alleyway. But, as much as he hated the man, he still had to answer to Xenmas, and number one would demand to know why he'd felt it necessary to take Roxas somewhere else, and what they had done in their time out of his sight. As it was, he pulled the boy to the side of the street, trying to get whatever privacy he could from the overhang of one of the buildings. Roxas remained unresponsive, his rigid limbs slackening as he was scooped up yet again and carted to a secluded nook in the streets. Axel sighed yet again, biting back a lecture about how the boy needed to not go so willingly into dark, secluded corners with suspicious characters who could do all sorts of terrible things to him. He really didn't think the joke would bring any levity to the situation; a joke would probably either end up giving him a bloody nose, or start the boy struggling again. Roxas remained oblivious, staring at his feet as Axel plunked him down and propped him up against the building's wall.
Axel ran fingers through his hair, letting his breath out in a low hiss as he realized where, exactly, they were. Things hardly ever changed in this world, and the alleyway where he had first met Roxas was no exception. Even the bottle of elixer he'd given the boy was still there, laying listless and unbroken by the fallen construction beam. Axel shivered at what the implications might be. Another new beginning? He couldn't help but feel it was the beginning of the end.
Roxas continued to sit rag-doll like, so Axel straightened and tried to think of a good way to start. 'Sorry I lied to you and made you feel like shit' didn't quite seem the right thing to say. Still, it was a place to start.
"I'm sorry, Roxas." He waited a few moments, trying to see if that got a response out of the boy. The blonde continued to stare at his feet, though, and for a moment, Axel wondered if he'd put him in the 'sleeper hold' too long and had inadvertently given the boy brain damage. He leaned down to see if Roxas was drooling, and the ice blue eyes shifted to the side to avoid eye contact. So, he was listening, just not replying. Things could be worse. He plowed ahead, trying to take heart in the fact that Roxas hadn't bolted, tried to kill him or broken down into tears again. He wasn't sure what he'd do if any of those things happened, but he didn't want to dwell on it.
"Look, I know you probably don't believe me when I tell you this, and I guess you have good reason not to, considering the circumstances, but I'm asking you to listen to me for a bit. Hear me out, and you're free to beat me up afterwards, if it'll make you feel better." Roxas still didn't move, and he sighed, leaning against the wall and staring up into the dark sky. His eyes caught the moon, and for a moment he was caught up in the pale glow those stolen hearts gave out, transfixed by the light given by off by lives that had been prematurely snuffed for the darkness. He was shaken out of his reverie when the dull voice of his friend broke the silence.
"I'm listening."
Axel nearly jumped, breaking his gaze from the heavens to look down upon the sullen boy, unnerved by the flat tone. Roxas's gaze remained fixed at his feet, however, boy's willingness to listen was a start. Axel took a deep breath and began again.
"I admit, the first time I met you, I wasn't sure how to treat you. Not just because you were the keyblade master, but because Xenmas told me it was important to make sure you were loyal to the organization. I didn't want to get tangled with any lapdogs of Xenmas... but you just seemed so lost, like a puppy." He smiled lightly at his joke, but the grin faded as Roxas remained mute. He went on, disheartened (no pun intended). "But then, as I got to know you, I realized I couldn't help but want to be near you. You've got some kind of gravity spell or something on you- you can't help but draw people to you. I swear, I didn't even know anything about who you really were until the castle."
They both flinched at that, Axel at the memory of his meeting with Xenmas before departure about his 'assignment', Roxas because Riku must have told him about that bit too. Interesting. How long had they talked before Roxas had tried to kill the other boy? Things could get tricky, if he wasn't careful.
"Anyway, I didn't know what to expect. Xenmas told me that I was supposed to go meet the keyblade master, and either turn him to our side or destroy him. He told me that if Sora lost his memories, you'd become stronger, more complete. If he was destroyed, you'd get all the power Sora had kept, and I knew how much you had always said you didn't feel quite right. I figured if I could delay Sora a little, even a little, you'd start to recover. Not your memories or anything, but some spirit. You never reacted to anything before the castle. I figured I might as well go meet Sora, see what he was like." Axel paused, remembering the day he met the brunette.
"And you know what? Sora was a lot like you. You're both stubborn, obstinate and completely adorable when you're flustered or angry."Axel saw shoulders stiffen, but he wasn't sure if that was because he said the two were similar, or because he thought Roxas was adorable when stubborn. Whatever, that was beside the point. He continued on, watching the reactions of the other closely.
"But not completely. For one thing, he was always running headfirst into the most obvious traps, blindly making and then following through the stupidest promises. You're always one to make sure that whatever you do is always the best action, and everything you say has already weighed out the consequences of your words. You're also not quite as quick to forgive, though I hope you'll make an exception in this case." He let the words hang a moment, didn't get a response. He continued, wondering if he'd ever hear the boy speak again.
"Anyway, Sora went to sleep, and I could call my duty done. I came back, made my report to Xenmas, and went to go tell you everything I'd learned, Xenmas be damned. But then... When we met in the halls, you caught me off guard, talked to me... and smiled. You'd never done that before, not to anyone. And, when you asked me what it was I wanted to tell you... I couldn't. I just couldn't risk never seeing you smile again. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted to tell you... but even more, I wanted you to be happy. So, even when you asked me, tried to get the truth out of me... I just couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to hate me. For what I'd done, for what I hadn't said. I didn't want to lose my best friend. I was a coward, and I knew it would hurt you if you found out, and I was afraid you wouldn't forgive me, so I just couldn't. I'm sorry."
The silence hung between them, but Axel couldn't think of anything else to fill the gap, so he forced himself to remain quiet, figuring babble would probably be detrimental to what he'd said at this point. It was several moments before Roxas had any response. He sighed, and stood up, staring out into the street.
"It is not entirely all your fault, Axel. I'm partly to blame as well." Axel frowned, not really sure how it was Roxas' fault at all, but he didn't want to interrupt the only coherent words the blonde had spoken in almost an hour.Roxas's eyes narrowed, as though chastising himself, and waved his hands, the keyblades that had been laying idly aside the whole time coming to his hands. He looked over them, thoughtfully, then waved them away in dismissal before wiping away some of the blood that had stained his jacket and gloves. His tone remained cold, however, as he went about straightening his appearance.
"My mistake was thinking that since I had emotions, I existed. I forgot who and what I was. A nobody. I won't do that again."
Roxas' reply was succinct, his blue eyes dull, his posture rigid. This time, however, he faced Axel and stared across at the man, eyes narrowed and mouth a firm line. Axel wanted to sink into the wall, both from the look and the words. He couldn't stop a flinch as Roxas continued.
"I don't know if I can forgive you. I don't know if I want to forgive you. Leave me alone. If I want to, I'll talk to you. Don't get in my way, and stay out of my business." He turned to walk towards the building, and didn't bother turning back as he spoke one last time.
"Riku will come again, he swore he would. And I'll fight him again, and again, until I kill him. If you try to stop me next time, I'll kill you too."
Axel paused, staring after the rigid form of his best friend.
"Roxas..." he sighed, finally closing his eyes and slumping against the wall. He smacked a fisted hand into the bricks, ignoring the flare of pain and the hot trickle of blood that began seeping from his knuckles. He listened as the footsteps of Roxas faded, listened unmoving as Riku cast the spell to open the dark gate for escape, listened until there was nothing but what must have been the drops of water falling from a clear night sky. For once, he wished it would rain, so that something other than silence would fill the deep divide that now yawned between them.
owari
I was inspired to write this story after viewing an awesome picture on deviantart by blackwing-dias called "Deep Dive Capture", found here:
http/ www. deviantart. com / view / 33425361 / (just take out the spaces!)
It inspired me to think about what must've happened the first time Roxas and Riku met, however, I totally forgot about them meeting on a beach to start off with... Ah well. I hope Demyx's lines let me get away with it. I'm sure Roxas probably tried to deny everything, and so I say he ran back to the world that never was in order to start up the Deep Dive sequence. Yeah.. I'll go with that...
...And why do I always make Roxas a little sissy boy who always needs to be cuddled? That's not really how I see him, but apparently that's the only way I can write him. Ah well. I do think Roxas deserves all the hugs he can get, since his existence pretty much sucks. So, more love for Roxas! Yosh!
...Anyway...
Hope you guys enjoyed this one, and, as always, please let me know what you think! Til next time!
SLS