For an Angel to Cry
By: Riku's-Kitsune-Mate
See You Soon, Sora
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but I would like it for a graduation present ...
Author's Notes:
Yes, the sequel is finally here! Hope you all enjoy, for here is the first chapter. Just promise you won't come after me with pitchforks, m'kay?
"Sora … it's been an entire year without you …" a silver haired boy whispered to no one in particular, gazing solemnly towards the salty ocean. His pale hand clutched a single, blood red rose, the sharp thorns slicing into his supple skin. Yet he didn't care; how could he? Today was the marking point of one year since he had met his lover – the very first day he had taken home a stray and made him his. He had suffered, cried, loved, and lost, all in the expanse of a single month.
The tide pushed up, surrounding the boy in the water, but nonetheless, didn't budge. It was too painful to go back, too painful to see his grave. He loved the boy, he truly did, but every time he saw the somber stone, overwhelming feelings of loneliness washed over him till the point that he thought he would drown. He figured that it was better out here, where, even if he got soaked, he wouldn't drown completely.
Sure, he had his fill of friends, good ones, even. He had tried to fill the void left in his lonely heart by meeting new people, gaining new friends. And still, nothing worked. His soul mate had died, and along with him, part of his soul and happiness. He no longer found joy in the simple things like he used to. Everything reminded him of the beautiful brunette boy that he had grown to love so much.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
But it didn't matter, not anymore. The silver haired boy had finally realized that it was impossible to live without his beloved. He had everything planned out; his will rested neatly on the table, the house was paid off, and he had made arrangements so that when they found him, he would be buried next to his angel. He was going to end it all tonight.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
'Will it be painful?' he wondered briefly, but dismissed the thought. What was a moment of pain compared to an eternity of loneliness and longing? His dreams were filled with the younger boy. Sora smiling. Sora laughing. Sora crying. Sora kissing him. Sora lying next to him after one of their passion-filled love making sessions. Sora, Sora, Sora. It seemed to be what he always dreamt of as of late. It did not appease his love-starved heart; in fact, it made him feel even more abandoned. Hope had died long ago. Realization had finally caught up to him that not even the most powerful human being had the power to bring back the dead.
Heaving heavily, he lied back and gazed upwards towards the star specked sky. Flashes of memories invaded his mind as he remembered nights he had spent with the brunette.
"Sora, I always want us to stay connected, even if we are far apart."
"I'll never let those men hurt you again, Sora. Not if I can help it."
"I will do everything I can to make you safe. One day, you will be happy, and we'll go off together, away from all of our troubles. One day we'll be together."
"If only I could have kept my promises," the boy muttered bitterly, sitting up and brushing the damp sand off of his clothes. "But I couldn't even do that!" he hissed.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
"I'm sorry, Sora, that I couldn't protect you. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. You protected me. It was supposed to be the other way around!" He felt the familiar stabs of pain envelope his heart as he reminisced. 'Well,' he thought, 'it will all be over soon.' He reached his free hand into his pocket, rubbing his fingers over the metal of a sharp edge. Cuts started to open where the fingertips made contact, but he didn't care. Sora had suffered so much more.
Eventually he pulled his hand out, blood slowly leaking out of the cuts on his fingers. He scowled at the blood before standing up and brushing the sand off of his jeans and black t-shirt. Sharp stings ran through his hand as sand rubbed into the wounds, and he winced slightly, but otherwise did nothing. The silver haired boy shook his head slightly, silver locks swinging wildly in his face. He sighed and tossed the rose into the ocean, the current taking it far away. 'Goodbye,' he thought.
Turning away, he started away from the beach, the footprints washing away with the tide, leaving no trace of his visit. Silently he made his way through the city, gazing only at the sidewalk in front of him. His feet had memorized the way home long ago, and it was no longer necessary to watch where he was going.
"Err … Are you Riku Renvulle?" a meek voice behind him asked. He spun around in a flurry, surprised at the question. He really should have been used to it by now; he was a celebrity after all. Even though his artwork had turned dark and foreboding, they still sold like crazy at the auctions. Everyone wanted a piece of what they couldn't have. Only one person owned him, and he was dead.
"Yep," he responded, plastering on a fake smile. Anybody who knew him well could tell that the smile was empty. It didn't reach his eyes at all.
"Um … well … can I have your autograph?" the girl asked, blushing madly while holding out a pen and a piece of his artwork. He sighed inwardly and lifted his weary hand to accept the offered pen, and sloppily signed his autograph on the drawing. He was familiar with this one; it was one a black angel with spiky hair. "Th-thanks," the girl stuttered, taking back the pen. It was then that she noticed the red fluid dripping off of his finger tips. "You're bleeding!" She gasped as she grasped his hand to get a better look.
He jerked his hand back quickly, cradling it in his other one. "I uh, fell while I was on the beach. Nothing serious."
"Oh … okay! Have a good night," she mumbled respectfully before turning away to catch up with some friends.
"Naïve girl," the boy muttered under his breath before letting his hand drop back to his side and heading towards the park. "'Have a good night', huh? Maybe it will be. I'll finally be reunited with my lover."
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
It wasn't long before he was completely isolated, having entered the woods. He spotted the place where he first found the vulnerable brunette, bleeding and broken. It was here that he had taken him home with him, and nursed him back to health.
"Sora …" he whimpered, moving on, the pains tightening in his chest once again. He exited the trees and found himself in another part of town. In the far off distance his old apartment was visible, the place where he had first taken the brunette in a way that no other had. Another stab pierced his heart and he turned away contemptuously.
Continuing his way home, he passed by several bars, loud music blaring out of the speakers and the smell of alcohol evident on the air. When he arrived at one in particular, however, he stopped. The distressed cries of a young boy caught his attention, and he looked over just in time to see someone being dragged into an alleyway.
"Help!" the boy screamed before someone slammed him against the wall. "Help …" he cried mournfully.
"Hey! Get your hands off of him!" yelled the silver haired boy rushing around the corner, surprising the thugs surrounding the boy. The black haired boy looked over gratefully with eyes filled with fear, the same eyes of a certain brunette he had rescued countless times long ago.
"Who cares what you say," one of the thugs remarked snidely, pinning the boy against the wall and running his hands up the side of the boy's body. He whimpered in fright and shut his eyes tight.
"I do!" the husky voice of a blonde man behind Riku yelled, a gun pointed at the one touching the boy. The thugs ran off in a hurry, dropping the black haired boy on the ground. The man gathered the now sobbing kid in his arms and kissed him gently on the lips. "Thanks for your help," he praised.
"Don't thank me. All I did was distract them for a bit," the silver haired mystery murmured, turning away from the alleyway. Before leaving he paused, and looked at the couple. "Take care of him. You'll never know how precious he is until he's gone," he said, and walked off, leaving the couple dumbfounded at the enigmatic words. Alone on the dusty streets, with only himself to talk to, he muttered, "Even though I couldn't take care of Sora, I know exactly how precious he was." A single tear trailed down his face, and he made no movement to wipe it. It was a symbol of repentance.
You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
He arrived silently at the foot of the hill, and gazed up. The usual bushes of roses greeted him, and the familiar scent guided his nose. He walked slowly up the hill, in no hurry whatsoever. He had to say goodbye to one more thing before he was finally ready to go. Picking his way through the familiar pathway through the thorns, he finally sat on the overlook over the city and gazed down blankly. The lights of the buildings and cars meshed into one collage of sparkles, although he knew none of them would be as beautiful as the ones up above him.
Two more tears rolled down his face, but again he did nothing. Why was he crying? Because he knew Sora never got to see this like he had. He had never experienced what it was like to sit atop the city and gaze at the city with someone you cared about on your mind. He had only ever known loneliness while he was here.
Your face it haunts
my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
all the sanity in me
A final snapshot in his memory and he was ready – he was finally going to be with his beloved again. Moving from the familiar spot on the hill, he followed the carefully laid pathway to a block of stone that he knew all to well. "Sora." His voice held back remorse laced with anguish, and he kneeled in front of the monument, his eyes gliding over the engraving that had long ago been memorized:
Here lies Sora Malcite,
Devoted lover,
Dedicated friend,
Loving prince.
"Devoted lover … if only I could have been a better lover …" Riku cried to himself, simply staring at the gray stone. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a recognizable yellow fruit. "I brought this to share with you," he told the brunette, snapping the star-shaped food in half. He placed one at the bottom of the stone and ate the other half, letting the sweet juices envelope his mouth. The paopu was soon gone, and he sighed gently. Now he could finally leave in peace.
"You know, Sora, I really tried. I tried, and tried, and tried. But … it was hard. So, so hard. Life just wasn't the same without you. When I was younger I used to dream that someone would be out there for me, someone exactly like you. Someone to love me, hold me, be with me … my soul mate. And I found him, exactly one year ago today. It was you. You were my light. My guide out of the dark. You saved me from myself.
"Suddenly, life didn't seem so horrible. I thought as long as you were with me, everything would be okay. I thought that love conquered all. But apparently, the stars have decreed that it's not to be so. They took you away from me, to a place that I couldn't reach you. It wasn't like they were kidnapping you. I couldn't just find you and protect you like I had done in the past. This time was different. After months of trying, I realized that it was impossible to retrieve you from the heavens. Although, I guess your nickname finally matches your location, my angel.
"I just don't understand … why was it so wrong for us to be together? I loved you, and you loved me. Where did everything go so wrong? I never did anything to deserve this pain, and I know you didn't either. My innocent little Sora. You're more precious than any diamond or jewel. More delicate than the most fragile porcelain.
"I'm just so … exhausted. It hurts every time I turn around and I see something that reminds me of you. The old apartment … a rose … the woods … sapphires … everything. You know … I tried. But I just can't do it. I can't live without you. My dreams ended the day you died, and my soul was buried along with your body. So I've decided … I'm finally going to join you."
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
"No … don't commit suicide. I would never be able to forgive myself if you did. I want you to live. For the world. For me. Survive so that no one will forget me."
"I did it because I love you."
"… I'm not afraid. I died protecting you. That's all I want. I can't think of any better way to go than protecting the one you love the most. So I want you to paint, draw, be an artist … live."
"You're … such a good person … you never tried to be a burden to anyone. I wish I could say the same. I'm always forcing my problems onto others. I'll be forever envious of you, Sora." He slowly stood up and ambled over to a rose bush different from the others. "You see these? I grew these especially for tonight. Silver roses. I think they're beautiful, don't you?" Not expecting an answer, he began to pick through them until he found two of the most beautiful ones on the bush. He carefully plucked them off of the serene bush, and minded the thorns as he returned to his place in front of the grave. He placed the prettier of the two at the foot of the engraved stone, and held the other one tightly.
"I told you that day … I told you that I didn't want to live without you. That I couldn't live without you. You said I was wrong. That I could continue living regardless of whether you were there or not. But it didn't work. I need to hold somebody at night. Kiss somebody at night. Be with somebody at night. You know, I haven't dated a single other person since I met you … I would never cheat on you.
"You told me to live. That you weren't afraid because you died protecting me. Was it really worth the sacrifice? I'm not that great. You were a much better person than I was. You know, your people are in complete chaos in Hallow Bastion right now. They don't have any rulers anymore. I guess that's kinda my fault, in a way. I killed Ansem. I was the reason Sephiroth died. I was the reason that you died. It's all my fault. Now there's a civil war going on in your world and I'm the cause."
Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he pulled out what he had been harboring all day. So many times he had thought of doing this. So many times he had sat at home, the knife poised directly at his heart. But he had always been too afraid to do it. "I'm a coward," he said quietly, watching the glinting the metal off of the soft moonlight. "I was always to chicken to take my own life so that I could finally be with you and stop this heartache. But today … today I'm going to do it."
He took the sharp metal and glided it lightly across his wrist, leaving a mark that slowly started to ooze blood where the skin had been cut open. He watched as the blood sluggishly and slowly dripped down the pale skin of his arm and drip into the dirt underneath him, becoming one with the world.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
"Blood is such a fascinating thing. It's what keeps us alive, yet it is so easy to lose. Just like hearts, I suppose. They keep us connected to everything we love, and yet are so easy to break – just like porcelain. You know, you've missed so much in the past year. Cloud and Leon are going to get married in the summer. Aerith bought a small house and she takes care of patients there, sort of like a hospital of sorts. Yuffie's been … well, Yuffie. She pulled off her biggest heist yet and got away with hundreds. I guess old habits die hard, I guess. She barely stays in one place at a time since you died. Kairi came to visit a couple months ago. She's starting high school next year. Everyone seems to have been able to move on, except for me. I don't understand why, but every time I try, I end up right back where I started. I'm hopeless without you. I don't even want to consider a future without you!" he yelled, more tears sliding down his face.
Taking up the knife once again, he slashed his other wrist, and watched the blood sink in to the dirt. "Why? Why did you leave? I can't live without you, Sora. I just can't." The knife slid from his grasp and into his lap as he started to sob. "Why do I keep doing this to myself? Is it because I'd do anything to make this pain stop?" There was another sharp stab of pain, this time so bad that he doubled over and lay helpless on the ground until the torture subsided. Eventually he sat up, gasping for air. "I have to make this heartache stop …"
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
He laid the delicate rose down by his side, the thorns slicing into his skin. Turning so that he was facing the moon, he murmured, "I can't do anything right. I couldn't protect you. I couldn't bring you back to life. But now … I'll finally be with you. I'll finally get to see you again my angel." He grabbed the now bloody knife off of the ground and poised it above his heart.
"Riku!" a voice in the distance cried. They were far down the hill. Panicked, he realized that it was now, or never … Summoning the last of his courage, he plunged the knife into his chest, as bolts of pain shot through his body. With a moan of pain he collapsed onto the ground next to Sora's grave, the shrill voice echoing in the distance, "Riku!" But it didn't matter any longer. He was too far gone. Memories flashed before his eyes, and he saw the most important thing in the world to him. Sora.
'Is it supposed to last this long?' he thought briefly. "I guess I can't even kill myself properly, can I? See you soon, Sora."
"Riku!" the voice shrieked.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
"I love you, my angel," he whispered softly, and let darkness overtake him.
Author's Notes:
Please don't murder me. This story is far from over. Reviews please? Plus, I got a new fic out that I would like you to check out. Pwease?