Yangus' Guide To Item Liberation

Written by Shaun Garin

Dragon Quest VIII and all characters are owned by SquareEnix.

"Oooh, that vase would sell for a LOT!"
"Fool, that'd just make us petty thieves! As Overlord, I have to be impartial and..."
"Impartial and... what?"
"PLUNDER EVERYTHING!" - Etna and Laharl, Disgaea Hour of Darkness


King Trode noted it after they had passed Baccarat. The cart was beginning to become heavier. Granted that they now had a ship to travel the seas with and unload any gains found while helping people in the quest to defeat Dhoulmagus, but the sluggishness of the cart had the king call a halt to the travels, scant miles from Baccarat. "Hold up there, m'boy," he called out and his young retainer looked over his shoulder, halting in his tracks.

The toad-like king leapt out of the driver's seat and shuffled over to the back where he then peered in. Trode made a grunting sound and then looked out and said, "Well then, would anyone like to explain why there is a pile of LOOT in the back?"

Accusing eyes went to Yangus, the noted thief and otherwise bad egg in the bunch. Said bad egg, who really was a big softie at heart, held up his hands in denial. "It wosn't me! It wos th' guv's idea, that it was!"

The dark haired young man snickered under his breath as Jessica peered into the back, mouth agape in surprise. "There must be at least ten thousand gold worth of materials in here," she remarked, sifting through the pile of armour, swords, shields, hats, rings and other assorted healing and curative items. The Alchemy Pot was bubbling merrily, and as if to mock the pile, it DINGED, spitting out a new sparkling robe.

"I never took you two as common thieves," said Angelo, peering into the back. "How did you lift this much without anyone finding out about it till now?"

"Now wait jus a minite 'ere," protested Yangus but Jessica scowled and while grabbing the new cloak, which fit her perfectly, she buckled it over her shoulders and begun a march towards the next town.

Yangus and Trode's young retainer stood in shock as they left them, and then the former bandit snarled, spat and exclaimed, "C'mon guv, let's do our t'ing in th' next town, ey? Iffa they wanna jump ta concluins, it's no skin offa our noses."

Sullenly, the pair followed the cart from behind, often diverting in somewhat covert options to go and unlock a chest that was strewn across the land.

"E'll be seeing ya," said Yangus as he and the guv went off carrying large sacks. Angelo scowled but he leaned back in his chair in their shared room.

"I just don't believe them," snapped Jessica, frowning. "Yangus I can see doing something like this, being that he was once a bandit. But the guv, I can't see doing anything of the sort."

"True," said Angelo, sipping at the wine glass that he had filled up and offered one to Jessica. The girl took a glass of her own and he swirled the red liquid about, sniffing it before taking a sip. "What worries me is that the guv is actually going along with this. He doesn't feel, at least to me, like a common thief."

"Maybe we should follow them," said Jessica and Angelo shook his head. "And why not?"

"Because now that we know they've been stealing things left and right, there's a good chance that they'll be on the look out for us. If they've lifted this much stuff from the last several towns and homes, there's a good chance they have a real confidence to them. King Trode is in the wagon, attempting to transmute the majority of the items into more useful things. And that puzzles me as well..."

Jessica waited for Angelo to finish and when he remained silent, she snorted, ladylike of course, and then sipped her drink.

"That it?" asked Yangus and he shouldered his bag. "Good, let's get'a mov on, guv."

Exiting the house, he nodded politely to the homeowner who waved at them from the door and the pair headed off into the center of town. "Good 'aul t'day," remarked Yangus as he peered into the bags that he carried. "C'mon guv, let's go to th' castle. We got'a good 'aul in Ascantha."

The pair headed down the road and soon, were standing at the doors. A guard looked at them curiously and asked, "State your buisness."

"Me an'th guv 'ere are goin' round fer charity," said Yangus, indicating the pair of them. "Sees, wes got a Alchemy Pot inna wagon an' 'e're makin' things for kids and all, eh?"

"Oh?" asked the second man. "Like what things?"

"Shoes, toys, clothin, ya know the goods," said Yangus and his companion nodded. "Shame innit, wit' th' plague bustin' up th' world. Righ' many orphans an' all. Me an'th' guv 're sendin' the goods to th' church. Spefificly Maella Abbey. Wus there w'en th' Abbot got killed an' all. Then me an' th' guv gotta thinkin'. What if, we's go about th' world while on our quest an' ask folks for goods t'ey no longer need, eh? Shame wot people throw away."

The first guard looked at his companion and then said, "You know, I have a pile of Tiny Medals hanging around in our room. And I'm sure I have some old suits of armour I grew out of."

"I have clothes I can't wear anymore and I know my daughter's grown out of her bunny suit days," added the other. He then nodded and turned to Yangus. "All right then, mate. Come on in. Ask the servants for some things. I'm sure they'll have a pile of things to donate."

"Well did you two have a good time?" snipped Jessica as the pair met them at the wagon the next morning. In response, Yangus and the guv tossed three full sacks onto the ground and she goggled. "What did you do; plunder the TOWN?"

"I duly hope we won't be arrested for this," said Angelo, scowling.

"Now see 'ere," snapped Yangus. "Me an' th' guv weren't doing nuttin' illegal, see? The guv's an orphan an' all. He got th' idea 'ta hit homes an' towns fer charity an' if we can score good items, all th' same."

"Is this true m'boy?" asked Trode and the guv nodded. "I see. Sorry to have doubted you. In fact, I was surprised when the Alchemy Pot has been going non-stop since we left Maella Abbey. And I highly doubted we found that much left over gold from the monsters we've slain for the townsfolk."

"What bugs me is how much have we actually purchased since Yangus and the guv have actually started this venture." The men looked abashed and Angelo raised both eyebrows in surprise. "You mean to say that you two haven't bought a single thing for the last three months?"

"Wot can we say, Angelo? The guv an' I're throughor," smirked Yangus. "Y'wouldn't believe wot people'll thro' 'way these days. Cryin shame, but wes got summat."

"So Yangus," said Jessica, folding her arms under her ample chest, "just how much of our gear IS made from old things?"

"Ev'rythin'," said Yangus. "S'takes us so long ta leave a town'er dungeon."

"And the charity thing?" inquired King Trode.

"The guv uses Zoom an' visits th' Abbey all th'time when're done." Yangus shrugged lazily and added, "Whatever t'ey dun need, th' guv sells th' rest an' gives 'alf o'it to th' church."

"Well, I guess we misjudged you both," said Jessica. "We're sorry." Angelo nodded and King Trode smiled.

"Well then, we should get going m'boy. Off we go to the Royal Hunting Grounds!"

As the cart moved off, Angelo leaned over to Yangus and asked, "Did you and the guv... actually STEAL something? I remember some nobles who turned us away because of the King and all..."

"Only when th' guy deserved it," replied Yangus in a conspiratorial tone. "First rule of banditing mate; takin' a single expenseve thin'll mark ya as petty thieves. In the line'o work I used ta be in, ya hafta be impartial..."

"And that means?" asked Angelo, thoroughly amused since there had been a rash of oppressive nobles who had mysteriously lost a lot of their goods along the way.

"Plunder everything, eh?" grinned Yangus and Angelo smirked as the pair took up the rear as the Alchemy Pot dinged happily, discharging a new item.