Notes: Feel free to leave whatever comments are deemed necessary. I shall respond to them at the end of every chapter.
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters are owned by Namco. Now, let's get this show on the road.
Chapter I: No Way! Evil!
A man sat upon a throne, swirling his wine glass and resting his head in his hand. He wore a white suit as well as a malicious grin. He looked around his throne room, filled with royal reds, golds, and purples. He seemed to be deep in thought before he was interrupted by a maid dressed in green running up to him.
"Lord Lloyd! Lord Lloyd!" said the girl, managing to trip and pick herself up before she reached him.
"What do you want now, you bumbling oaf?" he replied, a hint of exasperation in his voice.
"Martel's Angels have made it inside the castle!" she yelled, waving her arms around.
"Martel's who now?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You know, those Cruxis guys."
"The two remaining Seraphim? Ha! A new name every week with those bozos."
"Yeah! They're here!"
Lloyd took a sip of his blood red wine and preened his hair before saying, "What's your point?"
The maid looked appalled, "Lord Lloyd, they've been trying to kill-"
"Do you doubt my abilities?"
"Of course not, Lord Lloyd! It's just-"
"Then don't make a big deal out of those idiots coming here!"
"But Lloyd-"
"I'll deal with them, get back to work."
"Yes, Lord Lloyd," said the girl as she walked off to clean.
"Oh, and Colette," he began, taking another swig of his wine while continuing to grin evilly.
The maid's face lit up as she turned around to look at Lloyd, "Yes Lloyd!"
"If you ever call me just plain Lloyd again, I will personally take pleasure in disemboweling you."
Colette's face noticeably dimmed as she turned around to leave, "Yes, Lord Lloyd…"
Lloyd watched her go and took another sip of his wine, "Sweet girl, but far too loving for her own good." He swirled his wine again before he yelled, "Kratos!"
A brown-haired figure clad in brown stepped out of the shadows behind Lloyd's throne. He, too, wore white, though his costume seemed to have numerous belts on it as well. "What is it you desire, Lord Lloyd?" he asked.
"It seems some friends of yours have infiltrated the castle."
"You mean the Mithos Mercenaries?"
"Well no, I mean yes. Oh, whatever they are this week. I want you to give them a warm welcome."
"As you command, Lord Lloyd," said Kratos, sprouting wings and lifting himself into the air. He then flew off to find the intruders.
Lloyd only continued smiling and swirling his wine, "Fools. I'll show them… I'll show them all! This world will be mine, and there's nothing those buffoons can do to stop me." He began to laugh maniacally, but then abruptly stopped and strained his ears. He couldn't hear anything, and so yelled, "Where's my evil music! How am I supposed to effectively look evil without my evil music!"
There was some shuffling, a cough, and a muttering of "Sorry," and then the rich and evil bass began. "Much better," Lloyd said, before laughing maniacally once more.A man cloaked in blue carrying a swallow was flying next to a man wearing a skintight bodysuit as they searched the interiors of the castle. The cloaked one spoke, "I really don't think changing our name to 'Mithostastic' is going to be very threatening."
The other man pushed his golden locks out of his face, and looked indignant, "Oh, yeah, sure, shoot down my names when you wanna name us 'Yuan's Band of Merry Men'! There are only two of us, how can we be a band of men? We're really a couple of men."
"Oh shut up..."
"Fine…" replied blonde man. The two continued on in silence, until the blonde one spoke again, "You know, Martel liked me better."
It was the cloaked one's turn to look indignant, "I was engaged to her! You're her kid brother! I think it's obvious she liked me more."
The yellow-haired one stopped and hovered above the ground, "Just because she was engaged to you doesn't mean she liked you, Yuan!"
Yuan also stopped and turned around to face his blonde companion. "For the love of God, do you even listen to yourself, Mithos? Why else would she be engaged to me? It's not like I was, or am, loaded. Nor was Martel a gold digger."
"I don't know, she pitied you or something."
"Oh, for- four thousand years and you still act like you're two!"
"Four thousand years and you still act like you're two!"
"Don't you mock me!"
"Don't you mock me!"
"Why you!"
"Why you!"
"Why don't you two shut up?" came a voice from ahead of them. They both looked forward and saw Kratos.
Mithos made a look of fake fear, "Oh no, it is the traitor," he said, putting a great deal of emphasis on each word and separating them awkwardly.
Yuan looked at Mithos briefly before saying, "Remind me to send you to acting school." Mithos simply stuck his tongue out at Yuan and blew a raspberry. Yuan ignored him and turned his attention back to Kratos, "So, Kratos, what news do you have for us today?"
Kratos pulled out a folded piece of paper from under one of his belts and handed it to Yuan. Yuan took it, unfolded it, and began to read it while Kratos spoke, "It seems Lloyd is planning to threaten each city individually with Thor's Hammer, assuming he can coax Raine and Kate into fixing it. He also seems to be amassing a large army if that fails so he can conquer the world the old fashioned way if need be."
Yuan folded the piece of paper and placed it inside his cloak. "These specifications for the Mana Cannon should come in very handy."
Mithos folded his arms and looked at Yuan, "Are we done here, we've got work to do."
Yuan placed his finger in front of Mithos's face, shushing him. He then pointed in the direction of a corridor, "Listen!" he whispered.
Kratos and Mithos listened intently before noticing a faint walking sound. "It seems we'll be discovered if we don't do something," Kratos observed.
"Whoever that is, they're to close to just run away from without them noticing, we'll have to fight each other," Yuan added.
"Well then, we must kung fu fight!" Mithos yelled. He then struck a pose before yelling "Yggdrassil, transform!" Suddenly, it was as if time had stopped for everyone except him and there was a strange motion-blur behind him. First, there were numerous robotic sounds as wheels suddenly showed up out of no where, only to disappear once more. Random voices began chanting "Transformers! More than meets the eye!" over and over again over the sounds of guitar riffs. He grew shorter and shorter as the sounds of metal locking into each other continued behind him. His clothes also changed into a moderately intricate shirt and green pants, his wings became rainbow colored, all the while, the chanting and robotic noises continued. He struck another pose and guitars ended on a chord.
A large sweat drop appeared on Yuan's forehead while Kratos simply smacked his own forehead. They both asked, "Must you always do that?"
"Yes," replied Mithos in a considerably higher voice.
The person they had heard approaching them had rounded a corner and was now facing them. She wore a stunning, and revealing, red dress that accentuated all of the curves on her body. Her hair was tied in a bun, and she smiled an evil smile. She pointed at Kratos and spoke, "There you are, Kratos. I see you've found our guests. Be a good knight and dispose of them!"
"Yes, Lady Sheena," Kratos said, drawing a translucent orange blade.
Yuan threw off his cloak and readied his swallow, "Ready for a real fight?"
Before Kratos could answer, Mithos yelled, "Nuh-uh! I refuse to fight until we get some totally awesome battle music!"
Sheena hmphed before saying, "Fine, I'll hum a tune and Kratos can kill you! Is that okay with you twits!"
"Well, lady," Mithos began, "unless you sound like synth trumpets, I don't want to hear it."
"Then I'll call the court musicians!" she yelled. She then turned around and ordered the musicians, who were still there from playing Mithos's transformation riffs to play something. "You there, conductor," she ordered, "Play "The End of a Thought"… Now, you idiots!" With that, musicians jumped in fright, but began to play anyway.
"Much better," Mithos said, before swiping at Kratos with a glowing hand. Kratos dodged the blow easily, though that was to be expected since Mithos was not actually trying to hurt him.
Yuan charged at Kratos with his swallow pointing straight at him, though he looked at Mithos while doing so and said, "Do you ever wonder why people don't like you?" Kratos dodged Yuan's half-hearted charge, though they managed to make it look like they were putting a great deal of effort into doing their respective actions.
"No, not really," Mithos replied, bringing his hands and knees towards his chest. He suddenly shot them outward at blinding speed and yelled, "Rejection!" and a dome of light surrounded and expanded around him. Both Yuan and Kratos had to dodge this attack as it spread around the hallway. Mithos looked at Yuan and yelled, "Now!"
Yuan, who was still trying to regain his aerial balance, spun his swallow and charged the ground, yelling, "Thunder Explosion!" Where his swallow hit the ground, a large amount of electricity surged before there was an explosion of electricity that emitted copious light. It blinded Kratos and Sheena momentarily, and when they had regained their sight, the two Seraphim were gone.
"Dammit," yelled Sheena, "How I wanted to see them die!"
"My apologies, Lady Sheena," Kratos replied, kneeling down.
"We'll kill those two meddlesome half-elves next time," she said, regaining the cool composure she had when she first stumbled upon them. She turned to look at the band, which was still playing "The End of a Thought". She smirked and calmly said, "Boys, if you don't stop playing that music, I'll be having you served for dinner."
The band quickly stopped and collectively said, "Sorry Lady Sheena!" They then scampered away in fear.
"Oh, how I love being evil," she said as she watched them go. She gave a little snicker before turning to leave herself. "Kratos, find Colette and tell her to clean up this mess," she commanded, beginning to walk back from where she came.
"As you command."
"And Kratos," she began.
"Yes Lady Sheena?"
"Make sure to break a few more things. We can't let her have an easy time, now can we?"
"Of course Lady Sheena."