Title : Internal Commands
Rating : PG-13
Pairing : Jack/Nine (yuppers, that's SLASH. Don't like, don't read, don't review. You'll just be laughed at if you review saying it's unnatural and Rose is the Doctor's One Troo Wuv.)
Fandom : Doctor Who

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them. Alas.
Notes : Sequel to Private Conversations/Inner Speech. Once again, ''thoughts, ""speech. Anyone able to suggest a better title will be loved on severely.

'Guh…'

'I know.'

'Phuh…'

'Yeah, that too.'

'Pluh…'

'Are you trying to catalogue all the 'uh' sounds in the galaxy? I wouldn't recommend it. There's a lot of them.'

'Oi! I thought I was supposed to be the rude one?'

'You are. But seeing as you only seemed to be talking in vowel sounds, I thought I'd better take your place for a few moments. Anyway, why're you still here? You said you were going to shut up after I… y'know… with Jack.'

'I think 'royally shagged the hell out of' would be the word you were looking for. And I did shut up. During.'

'But you're speaking again?'

'Looks like, doesn't it?'

'Why? You got what you wanted!'

'… Do you really think I'm shallow enough to just want one cheap fuck?'

'Well, yes.'

'Oh, you don't know me at all. No, I'm going to be sticking around until you and Jack get your happily ever after. Might take a while – if you know what's good for your sanity, you'll start wooing him properly pretty damn soon.'

'Wooing?'

'Yes, wooing.'

'As in romance?'

'Yes, as in romance. You're rather dense right after sex, aren't you?'

'I'm not dense at any time whatsoever. I'm a highly superior being, I'm a Time Lord.'

'Hmmph. Still rather dense. But that's not the point.'

'And the point is?'

'The point is : woo, woo, woo. Now, now, now.'

'Shut up. I don't want to 'woo' him.'

'Liar.'

'Shut up!'

The voice did, and the Doctor was left to glance down at Jack's sleeping form. It felt early. Although time didn't exist on the TARDIS, sleeping habits did. Rose would be waking up and looking for a cup of tea and some toast any time now.

'Why the hell are you thinking about Rose right now? Banish her from her mind. You're lying next to Jack. A naked Jack. Naked.'

'Yes, I'm aware of that.'

'Naked.'

'I get the picture.'

'So why are you thinking of Rose? And of tea? Bloody tea. Honestly, you're so human. Worse than that, you're an English human.'

'What's wrong with the English? England's the home of Fish and Chips. No other planet, or country, is daft enough to want to fry the nutrients out of everything they eat.'

'Urgh! Now you're talking about deep fat frying! You're never going to woo Jack at this rate.'

'I'm not trying to woo him.'

'Why the hell not? Did you not just have the same sex as I did? When he did that thing? With his tongue? And - '

'Yes, yes, alright. It's quite disturbing to know that you were there too. Sex's supposed to be private.'

'Oh, piss off. I'm you, you're me, we're each other, so it's still quiet and intimate and everything's good, okay? Okay. Why won't you woo Jack?'

'Because I don't want to. And he doesn't want me to.'

'Mmhmm? What makes you say that, eh?'

'Well… He's…. He's Jack.'

'Yes?'

'And Jack's… Jack.'

'Okay. So far, we've established that you seem obsessed with saying – thinking – his name. What else?'

'Nothing else. I just don't do romantic things.'

'Why not? Wow, you're frustrating. You're stealing all my parts today – you're rude, and now you're frustrating. What am I supposed to be then?'

'Quiet.'

'No. Woo Jack.'

'No. Shut up.'

It seemed that tonight was his lucky night – the Doctor ignored the quiet snicker that thought made sound in his mind – because the voice was actually listening to him for once. It was shutting up when he told it to. Shaking his head, he slipped his arm back from around Jack's waist, and quietly sat up.

'Hey! Hey! Stop right there. Number one rule of wooing is not to leave right after sex. That's the number one rule.'

'I don't care! Go away! Leave me alone!'

'No.'

'Oh.'

'Don't sound so disappointed. You need me, if you want to get back into Jack's pants again any time soon. So listen up: lie back down, hold him, and get some sleep. Rose can make tea without your help.'

'Yes, but - '

'Down.'

'Alright! I'm not a dog, for goodness sake.'

'Yeah, well you act like one. Trying to sneak out of the room like that – it's a disgrace. No wonder you're not with anyone. You need my help. You need me!'

'No, I don't. You're an annoyance.'

'But a needed annoyance. Come on, we wouldn't have just gotten laid without my help.'

'Yes, we wo- I would have. You didn't have anything to do with it. It was all down to me.'

'Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.'

'It was!'

'Keep telling yourself that. Steal my thunder. I don't care. It's not important why we got laid, it's just important that we did. And that we want to continue getting laid in the future, right? I for one am not ready to go through yet another dry spell.'

'Just drop it, alright.'

'No. No, especially since you've just proved that nagging you works. Nagging got me some sex, didn't it? So it wouldn't make sense to just give up. I'm not a giving-up kinda guy, you see. I'm persistent.'

'I wish you weren't.'

'You're lucky I am. Now, go and have yourself a rest. You've earned it.'

'Uh huh? And what will you be doing while I'm asleep?'

'Plotting, what else?'

The Doctor groaned, but he rested his head on the pillow, and closed his eyes. It was a foreign sensation to be sleeping with another living being curled beside him, but he couldn't say that he minded it all that much. Maybe the Voice was onto something, with the 'wooing'. It was definitely something to consider, as he drifted slowly off into sleep.

The bed was empty as he woke up, a short while later. He groggily blinked, drawing himself out of sleep as he stared at the abandoned side of the bed next to him. He frowned at the blank space, and told himself not to get worked up about it. It was to be expected, after all. This was Jack he was dealing with. He'd known all along that it was a one-time thing. That was the main reason that he'd held back from responding to Jack's flirting for so long.

'Oh, stop being so over-dramatic, you old sap. He's just in the shower. Left about five minutes ago.'

'He did?'

'Yeah, can't you hear the water?'

'… Oh. Right. Didn't notice it.'

'Yeah, I guessed that much. Get to your feet.'

'What? No – it's warm here.'

'Get up and get dressed.'

'What happened to wooing Jack? Amn't I supposed to stick around and seduce him?'

'Yes. So get up.'

'… You're about to suggest that I go and join him in the shower, aren't you?'

'Of course not, don't be idiotic. I'm looking for a relationship now, not just a good fuck. And boy it was a good fuck, wasn't it?'

'Well…'

'You're right – I'm getting sidetracked. Get up.'

'Why?'

'Because you're going to go and make him breakfast, that's why. It's a nice thing to do.'

'Then why are you suggesting it? You're not nice! You're just a sex-crazed - '

'I'm going to stop you there and remind you that I'm an integral part of your mind. By insulting me and my wishes, you're just insulting yourself. It's too early in the morning for that, so just do as you're told.'

'I don't like being bossed around, you know. This is my TARDIS. I'm the one that gives the orders around here.'

'And who exactly follows your orders? Rose? Jack? They do whatever they like. Usually, what they like is what you like, which is fair enough, but… Jack's the one with a Captain in front of his name.'

'Are you suggesting that Jack's in charge of the TARDIS?'

'No, of course not. All I'm – there's bacon in the fridge – saying is that you don't get to give me orders.'

'Why not? It'd be good to have you actually doing what you're told. And where's the bacon? I can't see it.'

'Under the cheese, to the left of the yoghurt. Are you blind?'

'No. You're very difficult to deal with in the mornings, you know.'

'You're hardly a ray of sunshine yourself. Frying pans are kept in the cupboard under the sink.'

'How do you know all this, when I don't?'

'Because I'm a smart-ass, and you're not.'

'Nice answer.'

'Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up. Jack'll be out of the shower soon.'

'I can't believe you used to call me pathetic.'

'I still call you pathetic.'

The Doctor frowned, and didn't respond as he listened to the crackling of the bacon. He'd managed to slip on some pants before leaving the room, without being bitched at by the Voice, but that still left him without a pair of trousers or a shirt. He glared at the food he was cooking; breakfast in bed. It was so…domestic.

There was a plate and cup sitting in the sink, indicating that Rose had been and gone. The Doctor turned away from them. Washing dishes was definitely too mundane for him. The TARDIS would deal with them later, while they were out. Out where, though? He still hadn't decided where to take Rose today. Maybe he'd let Jack decide. No doubt he'd get some interesting suggestions, seeing as-

'Oi! Watch the bacon!'

'You're such a nag.'

'Sorry, but I don't find it especially romantic to serve anyone burnt food in bed. I doubt Jack'd find it appealing either.'

'You're really serious about this?'

'About what? Bacon? I wouldn't say I'm serious. I've not gone pro yet. It's more of a hobby of mine, baconing is.'

'I can't handle sarcasm right now. Jack. You're serious about him?'

'Aren't you?'

'Well… That's really not the point.'

'Aw, it so is. You really like him, don't you?'

'Yes, but -'

'No buts. You like him, you don't want to lose him, but you're extremely daft and need my help. Now, finish up buttering the bread, and we can get on with this.'

The Doctor shook his head and did as he was told, convinced that he was quite mad for taking instructions from a disembodied voice.

'Hey! I'm not disembodied. I have a body. It's yours. It's kinda like a time-share, I think.'

'No, because that would require you to be in control at least some of the time.'

'Who says I'm not?'

'I do. I'm in charge. You just sit there and complain all the time.'

'Yeah, but while complaining I'm making decisions. You're just taking orders.'

The Doctor decided that he didn't particularly like this conversation, so instead focused on placing the food on a tray, along with a cup of black coffee. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He should've gone to the TARDIS console, and forgotten all daft ideas of romance and wooing.

Instead, he found himself walking steadily along the corridor to Jack's room, following the Voice's instructions to the letter. He should have known better. Sighing, he opened the door to Jack's room.

"'morning, Doctor. I was wondering what-- Is that breakfast?"

"Bacon. Coffee. That usually qualifies as breakfast, yes."

'Hey! Don't be rude.'

"Alright. Does everyone get special treatment after sex with you?"

'Make him feel special.'

"No, just you."

The Doctor placed the tray down next to Jack, before leaning over to softly kiss his lips.

Jack looked stunned for a few seconds, before that familiar grin appeared. "I could get used to this."

'So could I.'

'So could I.'