AN: Here we go… I know I should be working on sequels, and I am, but this prequel just needed to be written. It was begging me. So it kinda got finished first.
Things to know: This – at least the "present" parts – takes place the year before Tohru came, back when Akito was still in absolute control, or thought he was. It takes place in my standard AR 'verse, for which I'm going to have to think up a name at this rate. Basically it's just little differences, and some not so little (the Kureno stuff, Akito having actual powers and being Not Spoiler). So anything from another story I've written applies to this one. If it takes place after (Hatori) then obviously it won't have much bearing, but it is destined to happen.
On with it then!
Disclaimer: I'm saving up, but no. Not yet. None of this is mine. And what I've saved up isn't even going to get me through college, so… never.
Dedication: Finally, Katia-chan! One of her very own. A brilliant authoress. This one's all for you, sweet Aya.
Buffy: If you feel so alone, why do you work so hard to be popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
Chapter One
Present
Powerful. Large. Wealthy.
Three words that sum up the Sohma family very aptly. Not, perhaps, words that spring to mind at the description "cursed," but nonetheless, a perfect summary.
And the reason behind our power, size, and wealth? That same curse.
It's common sense really. If your family has a curse like this, there are things that need to be done. If anyone with a drop of Sohma blood can give birth to an aberration with little warning, then every single one of them needs to be kept track of. A secret of such magnitude needs to be protected against the outside, and as any leader will tell you, nothing draws people together under absolute and centralized power like a threat from outside.
With so many people at the beck and call of one, many talents are available for utilization. Money follows size.
And in our family, a propensity for attractive, intelligent, cutthroat people has been selectively inbred for centuries.
Size, wealth, and centralization lead to power.
The culmination of this work, it seems to me, is here and now. How, after all, could any juunishi be more perfect than mine? When have we been more powerful?
When has any family head been more in control?
It is tiring, of course. Caring for every last thing. Intelligent they may be, but another trait that has proved useful to the survival of the Sohmas and has been bred over generations is obedience to the Head, and they ask me first.
Always. For everything.
And I am less than well.
I have Kureno and Hatori, however, and it is not weakness to delegate some tasks to them. How could it be, when they are part of me? They belong to me, live because of me, it's them and their compatriots… they're the reason I'm sick.
I hate them.
But I love them so much, and I'm too kind a person to…
What would I do without them?
Especially my juunishi, but truly, all of them. The entire clan, this parasitic entity that will swallow my brief life.
Sometimes they're so careless. Children, really, all of them. Naïve children, and they're lucky they have me to take care of them.
And sometimes they forget that, get carried away with their insipid everyday lives.
One wonders at times what has become of good old-fashioned family values and loyalty.
But not at New Year's. At New Year's they all remember.
And they all return to me.
Eight Years Earlier
"Akito-kun?" Shigure sounds surprised, looking down at me from his room's door. In theory, the room is his for times like this – the third day of the New Year's stay – but he's there nearly all year around. His parents don't care.
"What are you doing out of bed, love? At this hour, no less?" He grins, steadying a glass of water in one hand. "Couldn't stay away, ne?"
I glare up at him. "Are you going to invite me in, or should I set up camp out here?"
"Ah, of course! Excuse me, my manners…" He steps back and sweeps a low bow. "Please, Akito-kun, welcome to my humble abode. By all means, make use of all its… comforts." His grin slips into a leer that I am certain is inappropriate when speaking to a ten-year-old but which I don't mind.
He ushers me in, already chattering, oblivious even as his attention never leaves me. "You're just in time, Akito. I'm babysitting Gura-chan and Rit-chan until their parents get back to their rooms from the party, and I was going to make them go to bed seeing as it's past nine, but now I suppose you're the resident authority and I no longer need pretend to be someone I'm not." We're in the small, warm, opening room, but I don't take it in yet, watching him. "Someone responsible," he elaborates.
"And Kagura's mother honestly let you watch her daughter?" I enquire, turning to the others slowly.
"Akito! I am shocked and wounded!" He protests, walking over to where Ritsu and Kagura, on the floor by a game board, have scuttled to their knees to drop their bows. "Are you suggesting that our Gura's mother would not be willing – nay, pleased! to leave her daughter in my tender care? That I would have to resort to such underhanded, unworthy tricks as, for example, telling her that Ha-san would be here?" He giggles guiltily.
"As for example," I echo mockingly as he sets down the glass of water by Ritsu, who whispers a mortified thanks.
Their eyes never leave me, uncertain what to expect, and I tilt my head, smiling. While I glide to them, their eyes get bigger. Such pretty brown eyes…
I coil my fingers in Ritsu's hair and raise an eyebrow at Kagura. "Well?" I snap. "Aren't you pleased to see me?"
Spell broken, she grins. "Of course we are, Akito-sama! Do you want to play too?" She gestures to the game and I drop onto Ritsu's lap.
I glance at the board and reply scornfully. "No. And Ritsu, do not say anything." I can feel the apologies – for not playing a better game, being a better person, not making me happy – building in the twelve-year-old, making his heart thud against my back.
He claps a hand to his mouth, choking them off as no one but I can make him do.
"All right then," Shigure acquiesces, settling down on the third side. "We've been making the rules up a bit, anyway. It'd be a bit erratic for you."
I narrow my eyes at him. He isn't going to fool me into playing.
"It's called Life," he adds. "And I have three children already!" He taps a plastic car with three plastic sticks in the back, one pink between two blue. "Can you imagine?"
"I believe I'll watch," I say decidedly. "It should be amusing."
"Oh, Life always is," he agrees.
And the doors to the room slam back.
Shigure looks at my face and then turns slowly. "Ren-sama," he says complacently. "What brings you here? Looking as ravishing as ever, I see."
Mother looks at him in puzzlement, then shakes her head and turns to me. "Akito," she says slowly, "I do not know what game you think yourself to be playing, but you shouldn't be up this late. You could get… sick."
"That is an excellent point," Shigure says. His voice is perfectly neutral, as close as I've heard him to truly angry. "Any child could get sick, wandering around these rather drafty halls this late at night in the winter. Especially one in Akito's fragile health. Wearing nothing but a yukata, not even socks." His voice has been progressively dropping in temperature, and now it's frigid. "Now, I wonder why he would feel he had to do that?"
Mother's eyes slit, just the way mine do.
"My son," she breathes, "will accompany me now."
I start to stand and Ritsu's arms tighten around my waist, his heart stuttering.
"Um, Ren-san," Kagura offers with a winning smile and innocent eyes, "I'd like Akito-sama to stay. We would take care of him for you!"
Mother's eyes widen and she steps forward, thrusting Shigure aside.
Maybe she wouldn't have hurt Kagura. Maybe she would only have grabbed me. I didn't wait to find out, because it wouldn't matter in the end.
The result would be the same; no one can protect me from her.
No one protects a god.
I shove Ritsu's arms aside and stand abruptly. My foot hits his glass.
The water crashes over the board, soaking paper money and washing away tiny people. I've caused a flood.
I keep seeing her hand colliding with Shigure's shoulder.
My Shigure.
Seeing what she might have done to Kagura.
My Kagura.
Mine.
I take her hand, and behind her Shigure watches us intently, having nudged things just a bit and waiting to see what happens.
"Let's go back," I say.
She hesitates, and then nods. "Yes."
We start back silently, slicing through the night air.
When we reach my rooms, though, I stop before we're inside and in clear view of the few servant's in the halls, blocked from returning to their work by their usual route by our presence.
She whirls on me, and I stare up at her, thinking about why I love her and waiting for the silence to shatter.
Because she doesn't fear me.
I think about being a god, and being alone, and how she's the only one, the only one who really knows how human I almost was. How she's the one most invested in my not being human.
How she was all I had tying me to that.
The slap explodes across my face, making my head spin and stars dance. And I'm frightened, because she's an adult and she's stronger and I'm… just a child.
She grabs my shoulder and turns to drag me into my room, and from the corner of my eye I see my Yuki trying to get past the old woman, who's grabbed his arms, both of them remaining silent.
I've hurt him so many times, and he'd help me if he could.
I see his disbelieving, expectant gray eyes for just a moment, and then I see Shigure's darker gray orbs, freezing cold. He wanted something, expected something.
He didn't defy Ren, didn't put her in this mood, for nothing.
So maybe what I do next is fueled by their love and support, by the fact that even without her I have family to keep me human.
Maybe it's fueled by my own despair and the realization that what she's told me since before I could hear is true.
I'll never be human. And I'll always be alone.
Yuki stares, still disbelieving. I hurt him. I don't get hurt.
I jerk my shoulder free and turn to the servants before they can disperse. Aside from the old woman with her hands on Yuki – for which she will pay – there are two younger ones and a burly man.
I point to him imperiously. "Ren-sama is unwell. You will escort her to her room and see to it that she stays there."
"What?" Mother stares at me. The expression on her face would be comical under different circumstances, I suppose.
"Now."
He walks forward slowly, stalling, gaze darting between us like a child trapped between warring parents.
I meet her eyes, the lightless eyes I've inherited from her. Go on. Tell him to stop. Tell him not to listen to me, that I'm just a child.
Tell them, please tell them I'm not a god.
I dare you.
She hangs her head, face slack with shock.
Her feet drag as he leads her away. A high priestess, since my birth that's all she's been. All she has. She can't give that up.
It will be the very thing that destroys her.
But I'll take care of you.
"Yuki." He comes quickly, awed and frightened. Maybe all I wanted was not to have our positions reversed, not to be humiliated in front of him.
After all, we are family.
AN: An author can survive indefinitely without reviews, but the damage to higher brain functions can be catastrophic…
Sorry, I just watched Deep Down. Anyway, please review, and I promise as always, I won't get mad no matter what you say. Be honest.
Oh… all of the juunishi will have a chapter, and Aya's will be up this weekend. I didn't know what order to go in, but I wanted Akito and Yuki to bookend, regardless of who went first and last, so I ended up going alphabetically. Though Isuzu is under R, because I didn't remember in time that Rin is a nickname…
All in all, this thing will be very similar to For Their Hearts, only about everyone instead of that special five. And no one's gonna die. Probably.