Title: Along Came A Spider
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Archive: Just ask.
Rating: G
Genre: Parody, Humor
Summary: Estel pays a visit to Mirkwood, and there he finds that all is not normal. That, however, is not a bad thing.
Disclaimer: Not mine, for if they were, I would do much much worse in real life.
A/N: Written for Karri's challenge on MC, which I could not resist. Mwahahahaha ... :ahem: Also please note that almost every single character is OOC to the extreme ... but it is so fun writing them this way!

Also - this has not been beta'd, at all, just spellchecked. The ending is somewhat corny but hey - it was fun getting the writing juices flowing again.

-

Sitting on his most favorite horse in front of his father, Estel gaped in wonder at the woods around them. He loved riding with Elrond, but even more so now knowing that he was going to visit his friend Legolas. This was his first real 'adventure' to another land, and his wide eyes took in everything; from the smallest pebble, to the highest tree, Estel stared at it with an expression of pure glee upon his round face. He had given up asking when they would arrive at the elven realm, mainly because he was sure the elves around him were quite tired of him asking. Glorfindel looked ready to throttle him if he spoke one more word, so Estel wisely kept quiet, looking eagerly ahead for some sign of their destination.

When finally hours had passed (although it could have been several very long minutes), a large stone gate came into view, with two Mirkwood guards on either side of it. Turning backwards, Estel gave Elrond a wide, toothy grin, bouncing in place.

"We're here ada, we're finally here!"

"Yes, my son," Elrond placed a calming hand on his son's shoulder. "And I expect you to be on your best behavior, do you understand?"

Nodding furiously, Estel turned back around, watching as the stone gates slowly opened and before them stood an elf waiting to greet Elrond's party. They followed the elf through Mirkwood's small homes, until finally they reached the courtyard. There, in their royal best, stood Thranduil and Legolas, with their advisors on either side. Elrond gracefully stepped from his horse, then reached up to gently grasp Estel and put him on the ground. As soon as the boy's feet hit the stones below, he took off running as fast as his legs could carry him, aiming straight for Legolas.

Elrond watched in mild horror as the boy leapt into the Mirkwood prince's arms, nearly bowling him over. Shaking his head, and knowing that children would be children, Elrond bowed to Thranduil and Legolas, the latter currently being distracted by the small human boy who was talking a mile a minute.

"Greetings, Thranduil, King of Mirkwood. It is wonderful to see you in good health."

Thranduil nodded his head, smiling. "And you, Lord Elrond. I see little Estel has grown since we have seen him last. He must be what, five now?"

Estel paused in his discussion about Erestor accidentally bathing with a garden snake to turn a glare towards Thranduil. "I'm nine, King Thranduil. Someone of your age should be able to remember things correctly."

Elrond, who had to bite back a grin at the look on Thranduil's face, admonished the boy. "Estel! Where are your manners? Do you wish to return to Imladris this instant?"

"I'm sorry, ada. It will not happen again." Estel's cheeks reddened. His glare, however, had been only somewhat reduced. He still remembered the last time he had seen Thranduil, five years ago. He vividly recalled the spanking he had received also; he knew he deserved it, but thinking of anyone but his ada punishing him ... his glare returned full force and he pointedly looked back at Legolas, ignoring the Mirkwood King for now.

As Elrond and Thranduil left to begin their first meeting, Legolas - with Estel firmly in tow - moved towards his own room, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

-

"I have something I wish to show you!" Legolas said quickly when he shut the door to his room, setting Estel down on the floor. "We will leave just as soon as I change from these stuffy robes. It isn't very far, and I think you will like it!"

Estel, now curious as curious could be, grinned. "What is it, Legolas? Do you have a new bow? Is there a new horse in the stables?" He skipped hurriedly after the elf, not caring that the other was changing behind the curtain.

"You'll see when we get there. Just be patient!" Legolas laughed, tossing his robe at the young human. It landed squarely on Estel's head, causing him to scowl as he pulled it off and threw it onto Legolas' bed. Sighing and resigning himself to the fact that Legolas was not going to tell him what it was until they got there, Estel looked around the room, wishing that the elf would hurry.

Before he knew it however, they were out the door and running across the lawn, ignoring the calls from the guards to slow down and be careful. Legolas stopped at the bushes near the back of their palace, holding them open for Estel to crawl under.

"Do not worry, nothing shall harm you. And please, do not make any loud noises. I don't want anyone finding out about this."

Estel nodded and crawled in, with Legolas following soon after. There was something of a tunnel cut into the bushes, leading to an open space in the trees. The branches above acted as a roof, and Estel figured that even the hardest rains would fail to get through the thick trees above.

He gave a questioning stare to Legolas, who merely told him to stay put for a moment. Estel rolled his eyes but did so none-the-less. Watching, he gasped when Legolas reached into a large hole in the ground, and pulled out what appeared to be a baby spider of Mirkwood. The "baby" was at least three foot high, almost as big as Estel himself.

"This is Brownie. Isn't she beautiful?" Legolas asked, petting the spider. Estel could say nothing; his eyes were as big as dinner plates as he contemplated how quickly he could escape and find a guard that could kill the creature. Was Legolas insane? These spiders murdered and killed! And they eat their victims!

Seeing the turmoil within the boy, Legolas shook his head. "I found her when she was very tiny - she could fit into the palm of my hand! I have raised her, and she is as loyal as any other pet. Nobody else here would understand," Legolas sighed. "But I mean to keep her, and keep her I shall!"

"She will not bite then? Or kill me?" Estel asked softly, making sure not to make any big movements.

"No, she is very sweet. And she only eats bats. She did eat bugs but now they do not fill her up as they once did. Come here, rub your hand against her back. She likes that."

Estel slowly moved forward, reaching a shaking hand out to the spider. Brownie, who lived up to her namesake, stretched her head out to give Estel's hand a sniff. Seeming satisfied with what she found, she turned back towards Legolas, nuzzling his leg. Estel's hand finally met her soft fur, or what could be called fur. He gave a tiny laugh, stroking the spider as one would a cat.

"You are right. She is very sweet."

Legolas nodded. Their fun, however, was interrupted when they heard one of the guards calling. Grimacing, Legolas put Brownie back in her hole and grabbed Estel, making his way to the tunnel. "Come, we must go! I do not want to guards finding out about this!"

Estel followed. "I agree. They would surely do her harm if they found her."

Going back inside the palace, they were instructed to wash up for dinner. Doing so, they never noticed the shadow that crept after them, intent on staying near her master for the night.

-

Brownie followed Legolas inside the palace, making sure to keep well away from any prying eyes. When she saw her master duck inside a room full of elves, she skittered away, looking for a hiding place. Finding a room with an open door, she made her way inside, crawling up what seemed to be a large fluffy mountain. Sliding under the blankets of the bed she had made her way onto, she waited, knowing she had made a mistake of following Legolas. There were simply too many elves here!

-

"Are we going again to go see ... her?" Estel asked, glancing towards the elves nearby.

"Not tonight," Legolas shook his head. "They will be suspicious if we sneak out after dark. We will go see her tomorrow, after breakfast. I promise."

Estel grinned. "I can't wait! It makes me want a spider pet of my very own."

"If I happen to find another, I shall keep it just for you, Estel. I do not know how you will hide it all the way to Rivendell though!" Legolas said, nibbling on a pastry. "For now, let us be content that Brownie is enough. I do not know how well she would react to another spider."

"Yes, she might not like them." Estel shrugged, stuffing a spoonful of pie into his mouth, chewing happily. Their conversation turned to other things as Elrond focused his attention on the two, wondering what they were conversing about so secretly. They did not know, however, that Fate had plans of her own.

-

Erestor sighed, happy that the day was over finally. All this traveling about and attending meetings, he'd rather not have joined in on. However, because he was Elrond's advisor, it was his duty. Skipping his bath, he stripped down and decided he would sleep in just his leggings, and he slid under the blankets. Turning over, he hugged his pillow to him, rubbing his face against the warm, fuzzy texture.

He was almost asleep when he realized two things; one, the thing that he was holding had legs, and two ... his pillow was sniffing him.

Jumping up from the bed, he glanced at what he had been hugging for the past few moments. A large spider sat atop his real pillow, purring happily. He blinked. Since when did spiders purr! The shock leaving him, he finally came to his senses and dived for his sword, ready to hack the thing to pieces. Brownie, however, realizing that the elf meant her harm, pounced.

She landed on the elf's head, intent on keeping him from the thing that would hurt her. When he opened his mouth and released a shrill scream that made her sensitive ears hurt, she did the only thing she could thing of. She stuffed two of her fuzzy legs into his mouth, effectively muffling his shouts.

It was too late, however. The door flung open and Estel ran in, followed closely by Legolas, Thranduil, Elrond, and Glorfindel. Upon seeing her master, Brownie gave an excited squeak, leaping into Legolas' arms.

"Legolas, be still my son! I will kill it!" Thranduil yelled, rushing for the spider.

Estel, seeing what the elven king was about to do, stuck his foot out and tripped him. He watched as Thranduil flailed about before finally crashing into Erestor, sending them both to the floor in a heap.

"Oh god, it was in my mouth! I'm poisoned for sure!" Erestor moaned, wiping his tongue and the inside of his mouth on a bit of cloth. He realized that it was Thranduil's royal robe that he was using and quickly dropped it before the other elf noticed.

"Ada, you cannot kill Brownie! I love her dearly!" Legolas said, tears forming in his eyes.

"Brownie! You have given name to this demon spawn!" Thranduil asked, picking himself up from the floor.

"Yes, she is my pet. You cannot kill her, for she is not evil! She has been my pet for many months now, I have raised her. Please, ada, you simply cannot kill her."

Thranduil paused. On one hand, this was a spider - his woods were full of them and he was intent on killing every one. On the other hand, this was his son's spider, and he knew that Legolas would be heart broken if he killed it. Sighing, Thranduil weighed his odds.

"It may live. However," Thranduil interrupted Legolas' cry of glee. "You may not keep it. It is a wild thing, Legolas, and it must live in the wild. It will not survive if you keep it as your own. It must go out and live where it was born, where it is meant to be."

Legolas bowed his head. "Yes, ada." He was very sad, but knew that what his father spoke was true. Brownie would never be happy inside the palace, and she would soon outgrow her home in the bushes.

"I will inform the warriors tomorrow not to kill it. It is not black, like the normal spiders, so they will know not to harm her." Thranduil said, shuddering. He wanted the thing out of his home.

"Come, Estel. We will go set it free."

Estel followed Legolas, only turning to give Thranduil another whithering glare.

When the two were gone and Erestor had fled the room in search of water and athelas with Glorfindel, Elrond laughed softly. Thranduil soon joined in and the two found that they could not stop.

"This will be a story to tell in the future years, will it not?" Thranduil asked.

"Yes, it will be. I wonder what will become of that spider, for I sensed no evil in it." A thoughtful look crossed Elrond's face. Thranduil shrugged.

"I do not know, my friend. For now, let us go find a flask of wine and some good cheese. I am suddenly in a more cheerful mood."

-

Later that evening, a shadow stalked away from the King of Mirkwood's palace, searching for her own path in life. What became of Brownie, you might ask?

Well, some elves say that in the heat of a battle, a brown blur would appear and attack their enemies, fleeing before they could get a good look at it. Others, however, simply know that she lived happily ever after.

End. Reviews welcome, even if the fic is rather short. :)