Disclaimer: The characters and the world of Naruto don't belong to me, and I stake no claim on them. This is purely a work of fiction written for my own enjoyment.
Warnings: Shounen ai, angst, swearing.
Pairings: Genma x Raidou, Kotetsu x Izumo
Sequel to Losing balance and Reasons- This can be read as a stand alone story, but if you'd like to know the background of the story, then go read the others first! And leave a review if you'd like! I really woudn't protest too much!
Obstacles
Genma surveyed his surroundings cautiously, all his senses on high alert. After determining that there was nobody nearby, he crept forward, as silent as a shadow, and the door came into sight ahead of him.
Warning bells sounded in his mind and he immediately halted, trusting his instincts to lead him correctly. He looked down and saw moonlight glinting off metal trip wires. Watching where he placed his feet, he kept moving, his movements only slowed the slightest bit. He kept to the shadows where he could, in an effort to remain unnoticed. It wasn't the best night to be on a stealth mission, but he would work with what he had. That's what he'd been taught to do, and he'd be damned if he didn't.
Genma
was directly in front of the door now, but he made no move to open
it, because he knew better than that- he wasn't naïve enough
to believe that there were no more traps.
He took a small bottle out of one of his vest pockets and tipped a single drop onto the handle, watching as it hissed and smoked. Confident now that he knew the handle was doused in contact poisen, he worked quickly to neutralize the poison before checking for other traps like exploding tags or more trip wires. Finding none, he opened the door cautiously.
The sight that greeted him, however made him freeze up and stare in shock.
It was
a clearing. The clearing that had become his personal hell for three
days. It was cold, and the freezing wind blew straight through his
clothes and bit at his bones as he stood there, confused as hell and panicking. The same four black clothed figures were gathered around something, or someone in the centre of the clearing
Fear constricted his throat- of what, he couldn't tell. He tried to call out, to sound some kind of warning to the poor victim caught in the mercy of those demonic humans but no sound emerged from his mouth. So instead, he began to move forward. The ground crumbled away with a mighty rumble, and a huge bottomless ravine appeared at his feet. Genma staggered back and fell over, still unable to make any sound.
One of the black clothed figures moved aside, and Genma was staring into a bruised and bloody face. Watching as blood trickled down a naked chest…
He was frozen in horror.
It was Raidou who was staring back at him. His eyes were begging Genma to help him, to stop the pain and give him release. Tears fell from those painfilled eyes and cut fresh trails through the blood and dirt that covered his cheeks.
Genma found he could not tear his gaze away from those pleading eyes. His body wouldn't move, his voice wouldn't work; there was nothing he could do but watch.
A sudden movement caught his attention. One of the torturers was moving towards Raidou with a nasty looking fist knife in his hand, curved and wickedly sharp.
Genma finally screamed now, and scrambled towards the edge of the chasm before him, throwing himself over and reaching desperately for the other side…
It wasn't far…He was almost there…
And then he was falling slowly and his screams were joined by Raidou's.
Genma jerked awake, thrashing and yelling and tangling himself further in sweat-soaked sheets.
"Genma-san! Genma-san! You're okay! It was only a dream!" someone was yelling at him.
Raidou…he had to get to Raidou…they were hurting him…
Another figure arrived and together with the first voice, they managed to pin him down as he struggled helplessly.
His half healed injuries were burning with renewed pain and he cried out, the pain nubbing his mind and keeping him suspended in his terror
"What's going on here?"
"We don't know sir! He just started screaming!" another voice answered.
The voices registered only dimly to Genma, who was struggling against the people holding him down, taking them to be more torturers come to worsen his already mind numbing pain
This couldn't be happening…no again…
"You two! Get over here and help keep him still!" the strange man snapped as something glinted in his hands.
Genma's eyes were drawn towards the strange object, and he cried out again, hitting out at the hands that held him.
He had to get away…
Two significantly larger people arrived and succeeded in pinning him down. He couldn't move his limbs and he groaned, knowing the pain which was to follow. He was seriously outnumbered, and any hopes of escape where fading from his mind
"Please…" he moaned as a face which seemed vaguely familiar to him peered into his own.
"Ruka?" he asked confused as he squinted up at the face before his. "What are you doing here?"
He had to run...he had to get away...They couldn't get him too...
"And Izumo. We're here to take you to his place remember? You're being released today," the chuunin teacher told him calmly. "You're not being tortured, Genma. You're safe."
Genma stopped struggling altogether as the words registered and he blinked confusedly at the tense faces looking back at him.
"Where'm I?" he muttered, still confused, but starting to remember.
He felt some of the weight leave his waist and Izumo appeared behind Iruka.
"You're in the hospital. In Konoha," he said.
Genma blinked at them for a long moment before relaxing back against the pillows with a pained groan. His body was singing with pain and he felt drained of his former strength. His back was like a blade of constant pain, and he frowned unhappily.
Iruka released his arms and smiled warmly at him.
The doctor approached with a needle in hand, and Genma propelled himself backwards his body and mind still remembering the pain of the nightmare.
His eyes fixedly remained on the needle and he was tensed for the attack at any minute.
"What's that?"
"It's a shot to help calm you down," the medic explained patiently, reaching out to take his arm.
Genma could not help the violent reaction to seeing such an instrument. He would have scrambled away, but he hit the solid wall of Izumo's chest, and felt arms encircling him, pinning his arms to his chest.
Feeling the warmth of his friend and finally realizing that this wasn't the dream dream and that the medic wasn't going to hurt him, he relaxed into Izumo's arms and allowed the doctor to administer the shot and move away.
Izumo kept a hold on him, more gently now and he stayed there, gaining his breath back.
"You shouldn't move so much Gen-chan," Izumo chided him. "You're still recovering."
"That can't have been good for your back, or your legs," Iruka pointed out, concern colouring his voice.
"Any pain?" the doctor asked.
"Nothing beyond the ususal." Genma replied dully, feeling exhausted after such an ordeal. "Still can't walk, can I?"
"With some rest and quiet, you may be able to," the medic told him briskly. "You've got all you prescriptions?"
"I have them," Iruka held up a bag full of boxes and bottles.
"Good. Now why don't we step outside while the nurses get Genma-san ready?" The medic suggested to Iruka and Izumo.
Izumo released him and steadied him before bending to whisper in his ear. "We'll be right outside. Just call if you need us."
He nodded.
"Now, if he has a seizure, you'll need to…" he heard the doctor begin as they disappeared out the door.
Genma promptly stopped listening. His head injury had resulted in several side effects; seizures, headaches and confusion being the main problems. Genma's other injuries were pretty much healed, but his back was taking longer and although the broken bones had healed well, he was still unable to feel his legs. He was confined to a wheelchair or bed most of the time, but he had been supplied with a pair of crutches to use when he was healed enough to begin walking again.
But he was still incredible weak, and some days, he could barely lift his arms.
Genma burned with humiliation and irritation. He could do almost nothing by himself. Someone had to help him wash and dress, and help him to the toilet. Sometimes he couldn't even feed himself, because his hands trembled so badly (another side effect, no doubt) He had to be carried up and down stairs and lifted into bed, and he hated being so helpless and dependent. Genma often wondered if he would ever be able to go back to the way he had once been.
At first he had laughed it all off and made jokes, but now he wanted to be independent once more, and to be able to take care of himself. Now he ususally found himself unusually angry or sad and it confused him, such irrational anger.
Genma let the nurses carefully manoeuvre him around as they dressed him and lifted him into his wheelchair.
He brushed his long hair out of his face and pushed away the residual uneasiness the nightmare had left him with. The nightmares weren't unusual now, but none had been as bad as the latest one. Usually he didn't wake up screaming like that.
Screaming like a frightened child, he thought bitterly, but he was too drained to maintain his bitterness for once.
"Here, Genma-san!" A nurse chirped as she handed him something blue.
Unravelling it, he saw his ripped and frayed hiate. The metal plate was scratched and dulled, and the material was stained with something dark and stiff.
Blood, he realized after a moment.
"Thanks," he murmured.
He'd tied this to his forehead to help stop the blood from running into his eyes. It had worked for awhile, but then it had become soaked through, and the blood had once more dripped down his face, stinging as it ran into his eyes.
He was still staring at it when they wheeled him into the corridor. Raidou's pleading eyes were burnt into his mind, and his blood…he could still see that half- naked and injured figure, only it wasn't Raidou, it was him.
"Here. I'll take that." Iruka gently pried it from him, and it disappeared from his sight, to his relief.
Genma managed a small smile of gratitude, and hoped he wasn't completely see through to his friends.
Izumo began wheeling him down the corridor, with Iruka walking beside him.
"I'll bet it'll be good to get out of this place, huh?"
"Yeah," he agreed quietly, still staring at his hands. "Yeah it will."
Raidou had visited twice more since his first stressful visit. Genma had always been glad to see him, and the scarred man was always on his mind. He missed his best friend still, and he ached for that old feeling of security he once felt just knowing that he had someone who cared for him to watch his back.
He still didn't know if he could ever get that back once more, or if things would ever be the same again. Maybe, because of one stupid mistake on his behalf he had lost his best friend forever, and he missed him dearly.
As he felt the warm sunlight on his skin for the first time in three months, Genma wished he was here as well as Iruka and Izumo. He wished it was Raidou's apartment he was going to, instead of Kotetsu's and Izumo's. It wasn't that he was ungrateful for their generosity, he just missed his friend, and the man he loved.
He hadn't seen Raidou in a week, and he desperately needed to reassure himself that the man who occupied his thoughts and dreams was okay, especially after experiencing that nightmare.
But he wasn't there, and Genma couldn't help but feel angry and betrayed. And he wasn't going to ask Izumo or Iruka what had been going on with Raidou; whenever they were together, Raidou was always distant and distracted, and Genma hated the huge gaping void between them, because it made him feel even more depressed and upset.
So instead he contented himself by listening to the sound of their voices, and breathing in the fresh, cool air. It was a beautiful day; the sky was a deep azure blue, and there wasn't a cloud in sight. The sun shone bright and warm, but the heat was carried off by a cooling breeze the swept lazily through the village. He could hear the sound of children's laughter as they played, and the murmuring of people talking as they went about their lives.
Genma could not bring himself to look up at the people around him. What would they think of him now? The once proud and strong shinobi, a warrior whose life revolved around protecting his villlage was now crippled, weak and jaded. Useless, and a hindrance
His old self wouldn't have cared, but now…he was feeling so low that it was impossible to block out his insecurities.
He needed Raidou.
A warm hand gripped his shoulder. "We'll be there soon," Izumo said quietly in his ear.
Genma just nodded, praying that he was right.
Three days passed, and Raidou still hadn't come. Genma spent most of his time sleeping, because his medications made him tired and irritable, and also because he couldn't bear to stand facing the reality that was looming in his face every waking minute.
Kotetsu was usually the one who helped him wash and dress, but he drew the line there. The rest he somehow managed to do himself. He'd had a few accidents, but his two friends were very understanding. He'd already broken two glasses and a plate, and knocked over chairs and books. Several times he'd actually fallen from his wheelchair, or crashed into things, which left him fuming and bad tempered.
He was always angry with himself, and cursing his clumsiness. It became clear that Izumo and Kotetsu were concerned about his mental state, but he reassured them with terse words that he was fine, which was a blatant lie.
But slowly, the anger morphed into a bitter depression. He longed to go on missions, or at least to do something. He hated being indoors, confined to the wretched wheelchair and jailed in by walls as he was. He longed to move his body in well memorized pattens and routines, to feel the handle of a kunai in his hand, the cool metal of the shurikan, or the slender length of a senbon in his mouth. He'd been banned from chewing his senbons, a idiosyncracy that he'd had for years, for the simple fact that they were afraid he'd choke on them if a seizure came on unexpectedly.
On the forth day, he stayed in bed with the curtains drawn to keep the room dark; his appetite was non-existant, and he refused his medications, preferring to let the pain take him, for once.
He refused to cry.
During the evening, a knock came on the door, and it opened before he could tell whoever it was to go away. Kotetsu strode over to the bed and turned on the lamp.
"You want a bath?" he asked.
After a few moments hesitation on his behalf, Kotetsu decided for him.
"Come on. Let's get you up and washed. Where's your chair?" Kotetsu asked looking around.
"I don't need the fucking thing," Genma muttered darkly as he pushed himself gingerly into a sitting position and slid towards the edge of the bed using his arms.
Kotetsu wordlessly helped him get his legs over the edge so they rested on the floor.
"You're going to try walking? Isn't it a bit soon to…"
Genma shrugged. "Help me."
Kotetsu sat beside him and pulled Genma's arm over his shoulders and slowly stood up. His legs immediately gave out, and he hung off Kotetsu's neck, who supported him with an arm around his waist.
Genma felt the familiar anger and helplessness and he cursed vehemently.
"Calm down Genma. It's still early."
"Don't tell me to calm down! It's been three months already!"
"Try taking a step."
Genma frowned and focused on trying to lift his foot. He felt pain lance up his back, but his foot moved forward the tiniest bit.
"See? That's a start." Kotetsu said encouragingly.
Genma snorted but said nothing.
"Well come on then." Kotetsu suddenly swung him up into his arms bridal style. Scowling, Genma had no choice but to hang off his neck like a small child.
Once they were in the bathroom, Kotetsu helped him to undress then lowered him into the warm water of the waiting bath.
"Soap, shampoo, conditioner." Kotetsu pointed at each in turn. "Call me when you're done."
He shut the door behind him, and Genma was thankfully alone. He hadn't had much time to himself, with either Kotetsu or Izumo always around to keep an eye on him. Nobody was sure when he'd have another seizure, so they were keeping a close eye on him, just in case. It didn't leave much time for being alone, that was for sure.
He smiled slightly when he noted the bubbles in the bath. No doubt Izumo's doing.
The smiled promptly dropped off his as his eyes caught on his heavily scarred body. The wounds had mostly healed by now, but the scars were still raised and an angry red. They criss-crossed in random patterns over his torso, an ugly reminder of the torture he'd been subjected to. The largest wound was a gash which ran from his left shoulder right down to his belly button, about half an inch wide. The others were smaller and not so deep, but the scarring was still there. Perhaps they would fade in time, but that didn't mean anything to him just then. There were burns on his right side and on his chest, and they were still very tender and raw. Ointment still needed to be rubbed into them twice a day, and it was an unpleasentness that he never looked forward to.
Here and there were smaller, more cleaner incisions that the medics had made when they'd operated to mend his internal injuries. He'd also been told by Izumo and Kotetsu that he had another scar running along the bottom half of his spine where they'd cut along his spine to insert pins to peice his spine back together. That information had been given reluctantly and only when he'd asked. There was a shiny patch of skin on his forehead as well, where he'd suffered the head injury. That was healing as well, and would leave no scarring to his relief. He had enough on his body to look at, and he didn't need any more reminders glaring out at the world on his face. He'd never thought he was so vain before, but faced with the wreck that his body had become, he realized that he was shallow enough to care.
Gingerly, he began to soap his body, enjoying the warm water on his stiff scars. It was a little hard to move, for he could always feel the tight skin of his recently healed wounds whenever he moved. He hated to touch the raised ridges of his scars. He hated his body now, just as he hated the weak invalid he'd become.
Genma stared at the hair which had fallen into his eyes, and reached up a hand to push it back, only to stop when the hand trembled visibly. His tremors had remained and he fought back the tears which finally threatened to fall.
"Shit" he whispered. "Shit."
The door opened quietly, but Genma didn't bother to turn around.
"I'm not done yet Tetsu," he said thickly, unable to keep the misery from his voice.
"It's not Kotetsu."
Genma tensed. That voice….it couldn't be…
He was about to turn around, but Raidou came into his line of vision and sat on the bath step so that they were facing each other. Genma couldn't do anything but stare at him in shock and slight panic.
Raidou…seeing him like this. What was he going to think?
"What are you doing here?" he asked eventually.
Raidou had been running his eyes over Genma's torso, before he raised his eyes to Genma's face.
He wanted to shrink away, or flee like a terrified rabbit, but he couldn't move.
Coward! his mind screamed at him.
"They told me you weren't doing so well," Raidou replied quietly.
"They…they did, did they?"
Raidou nodded, and seemed as if he wanted to say something, but had no idea how to begin. Genma lowered his eyes from Raidou's face and stared at the bubbles, feeling the urge to cry return.
"I should've come and seen you when you were released. You were expecting me, weren't you?"
Genma said nothing, but he saw Raidou shift out of the corner of his eye, and a hand touched his shoulder briefly.
"I'm sorry."
He managed a weak grin . "Hey, it's okay. You probably had things you needed to do right? I don't expect your life to revolve around me."
But oh how he wanted it to, so badly. You'd never catch him saying that though. His old self, the carefree, lazy, self confident Genma would have, but he couldn't now. That person was gone, and he regretted losing that peice of himself, the one that had known how to laugh and shrug things off like they didn't matter.
"You're my best friend, Genma. I should have been there," Raidou said adamantly, in a tone that told him that his mind would not be changed.
He could think of nothing to say, so he stayed silent.
"I missed you," Raidou said softly.
And that was it. The flood gates burst, and Genma couldn't hold back the sobs that tore from his throat, and made his body shudder.
Raidou's arms were around him, holding him so tightly it almost hurt. He buried his face in the smaller man's neck as he cried and clutched at the one person who he had come to depend so much on. Raidou's hand was in his hair, the other around his waist as all his anger and grief was released at last.
He cried until his eyes stung and his throat was raw. He was still shivering as he lay still and quiet within the protection of Raidou's embrace. His best friend was stroking his hair softly, and he felt a gentle kiss being pressed to his temple.
Drained and feeling strangely empty and weak, Genma finally pulled back and looked at Raidou, who was now holding his hand. There were tears on his face as well.
"That's only the second time I've seen you cry in years, Genma," Raidou joked feebly. Genma smiled tremulously in return.
"Yeah well, you're the only one who has."
The words sobered Raidou instantly, and fearing he'd said the wrong thing, he was about to pull away. He jumped when Raidou reached out a hand and gently stroked his cheek, and his eyes widened as those fingers slid around to the nape of his neck and pulled his head forward until their foreheads met gently.
"I'm not going to run away any more Genma. We're going to get through this together," he whispered. "You'll walk again, I promise."
Genma closed his eyes, feeling stronger now that Raidou was with him. For the first time in weeks, he felt like he actually had a chance, like things would really be okay.
Raidou was back by his side.
After a few long and quiet moments, Raidou pulled away and smiled. His heart constricted painfully in his chest as the warmth of that smile washed over him once more.
He'd missed that smile…
"How about we finish up here and get something to eat? I'm starving."
He submitted very willingly to Raidou's care, and ever so gently, his hair was washed until it was as soft and shiny as it had once been.
They drained the bath, and Genma sat, feeling rather uncomfortable as Raidou dried him off tenderly, paying no heed to his nakedness. Even despite his discomfort, he wouldn't have swapped places with anyone. Not for the world.
Later that night, Genma was lying in bed, wrapped in clean sheets and warm. Raidou was lying next to him, waiting for him to fall asleep.
They'd had dinner with Kotetsu and Izumo, and the atmosphere had been more relaxed than it had been during the last few days. Genma knew that that was because of him. His anger and rage had been draining everyone, and he appologized to them before he retired for the night.
After that, Raidou had watched over him until he was sure that Genma had taken every single one of his medicines.
"The sooner you're fully healed, the sooner you can start learning to walk again," he'd said.
When he'd complained half heartedly that they made his head feel fuzzy and tired, Raidou had glared and said nothing. He swallowed the first of the pills with a grimace.
Now, as he hovered drowsily between sleep and consciousness, he turned his head and saw the smaller man watching him.
Smiling sleepily, he reached up a hand to run his knuckled gently over the scarred cheek.
"Raidou, what d'you think…"
"Shhhh. You need to sleep, Genma. You're tired," Raidou said as he took Genma's hand in his own.
"Did you sort things out?" Genma asked nevertheless, struggling to keep his eyes open.
"Yeah. Some of it."
"What…"
"Not now, Genma. Not yet. We'll talk about it, I promise, but not now."
Genma focused on Raidou's face with difficulty.
"I love you," he whispered.
As he feel asleep, he felt soft lips graze his hand.
"I know."
This time, no nightmares haunted his dreams.
Hey all! And so we finish the thrid installment of the Unravelled series! I wrote it awhile ago, but somehow never really got around to posting it. As it is, i've gotten the next two stories of this series written and ready to post as well! WHEEE!
But anyway, if Genma seemed a little too whiny in this one, remember that he is recovering, and not all patients react well to being sick in the first place. Not only that, but he's faced with the dire reality that he may never walk properly again, and coupled with the fact that he may never be able to be a shinobi again, we have one big mess of angst! But trust me, he's a lot better in the next one, and a bit more optimistic!
Let me also say that i know absolutely nothing about medicine or injuries, and i wrote this based on information i researched on the internet. So don't get mad at me for being ignorant! runs away and hides
Thanks for reading, guys! Leave a review on your way out, if you would!