I do not own Newsies, or any of the Newsies characters. To the best of my knowledge they are owned by Disney.
I am making no money from this story. I seriously doubt the sanity of anyone who would pay money to read anything I have written.
Racetrack cons Dutchy and Pie Eater into an overnight hiking trip on a deserted island.
Modern, Humor, Fluff, Mild Slash. Rated for Language.
A/N: This began as a one shot but ended up being quite long. It is now a three-chapter story.
CHAPTER 1 - The Master Plan
"This isn't going to work, Race," Dutchy protested. "He's going to see right through this."
"It is going to work," Racetrack replied. "Just keep rowing. I've got everything planned out. We've been over this a dozen times, and you know exactly what to do."
"I don't know how I let you talk me into this. I must be out of my mind," Dutchy grumbled.
"Look, Romeo. You're the one who came to me for help. You said it yourself. Pie Eater isn't impressed with your GPA. He's into the physical not the cerebral. It's time for you to face the fact that no matter how hard you try you are never going to be an athlete."
"But I don't like the idea of lying to him. I can't trick him into liking me. It wouldn't be right."
"Jesse, Dutch. You've done the research and studied the information. It's not like you're making this stuff up. You've read everything on camping and survival that you could get your hands on. You know exactly what to do . . . Now let's go over it again."
"Oh, Come on, Race. It's 4:00 in the morning, and I'm too damn tired to think."
"You don't have to tell me what time it is. I'm the one who woke you up, remember? And do I have to remind you that I'm out here at this ungodly hour to help you!"
"Okay, okay. Don't get your shorts twisted. I do appreciate the help, but I'm just not sure that this is the right thing to do."
"Everything is going to work out fine. Now let's go over it again."
"All right," Dutchy grumbled. "First, you and I take these two coolers out to the island. One is filled with ice and a couple of fish. In the likely event that I don't catch any fish myself, I can claim that I caught these. The other cooler contains a cell phone that we can use to call for help in case this plan backfires in my face . . . Which it probably will."
"Keep going," Racetrack ordered. "But you can leave out the smart remarks!"
"When we get to shore, you and I will hide the coolers in the rocky embankment on the north side of the island. Then we get back into the boat and return to the dock. We will then sneak back into the cabin and wait until it's time to awaken Pie. He and I will get into this boat and I will row back to the island . . . again. Then we land the boat and take off on this make-believe hike you've cooked up."
"Very good," Race smirked. "Go on."
"Then you and Skittery will row out to the island in a second boat. One of you will then take this boat and you will both return to the dock. When Pie and I get back from our hike I will act surprised to find that the boat is gone, and he will think that we are stranded. We will have nothing to help us survive except the few items that I have brought in my backpack. I will then go about showing him what a virile hunk of man I am by demonstrating my mastery of the great outdoors. Pie will be so impressed by my masculinity that he will throw himself into my arms and immediately fall in love with me . . . Or when he finds out what a lying sack of shit I am he will hold my head under the water until I expire!"
"You did really good, Dutchy. All except for that last part. Which isn't going to happen."
"You wanna bet?" Dutchy asked sarcastically.
"As a matter of fact I do. I say that this plan is going to work just fine. By tonight you and Pie will be sleeping under the stars together. If I'm right, you will get laid, and I get ten bucks from you. That way you and I both win."
"And what if this plan doesn't work out?"
"In that case, I give you ten bucks and you go back to whatever form of self gratification you've been practicing. So in the long run it really doesn't matter whether you win or lose, you'll be getting your rocks off either way."
"That's disgusting," Dutchy huffed.
"Just shut up and row, Romeo."
-o-o-o-o-
When they returned to the cabin, Dutchy threw himself into bed in the hope of getting at least one hour of sleep before he had to wake Pie Eater.
When he was sure that Dutchy was sleeping, Racetrack snuck into the room where Pie, Skittery, and Specs were sleeping. He awakened Pie and motioned for him to come outside.
The damp morning air and the wet grass soaking through his sneakers sent a chill through Pie's body. He grabbed a slightly musty beach towel from the clothesline and wrapped it around his shoulders.
"Are you sure that we're doing the right thing, Race? Dutchy is the smartest guy I know. He's gonna figure out what's going on, and he'll feel even worse than he does now."
"Of course it's the right thing to do. Dutchy is our friend and we need to help him out. For whatever reason, he has gotten it into his head that he doesn't fit-in with us anymore. And it's not that he hasn't tried. Every time we get together to play a sport or join a team, he always goes along with us. He knows that he sucks, but he tries harder than anyone. Like when we all joined that bowling league. His highest score for the season was a 67. He sucked, but he still stuck it out. And do you remember what happened when we went skiing last winter? While we were all out on the slopes having a good time, he was stuck for two days back on the bunny hill with the six year olds. Dutchy tries his best and never complains. Can you imagine what it must have been like to be the last guy picked for every game in gym class?"
"But why does he feel that he needs to prove something to me?"
"Think about it, Pie. You are the most athletic guy we know. The only high school team you weren't on was the chess team. You earned more letters in sports than the rest of us combined. Just look at yourself. Even your muscles have muscles. He feels that if he can impress you then he won't just be the tag along any more."
"I guess that it makes sense. And I don't want him to feel like an outsider. He's as much a part of our group as anyone."
"That's the spirit," Racetrack said as he slapped Pie on the back. "Now let's go over this one more time."
"Okay," Pie yawned. "Dutchy and I row out to the island and land the boat. When we go for our hike, you and Skittery come by and steel the boat. I let Dutchy think that I believe we are stranded and spend the next twenty four hours letting Dutchy pretend to be Super Nature Boy."
"Perfect," Race said.
"I'm still not sure about this, Race. Dutchy is not dope. He's gonna see through this whole thing."
"Nah. He will be working so hard at trying to impress you that he wouldn't recognize his own mother if she swam to shore!"
-o-o-o-o-
The two remained silent as the boat cut through the morning mist. The only sound was the splashing of the oars as Dutchy rowed toward their destination.
Dutchy's back and arms were beginning to get sore. Though he wasn't athletic, he was in good physical condition. Still, it was his third trip rowing across the lake that morning. The oars were also taking their toll on Dutchy's hands. The only callouses he'd ever had were the ones from playing his guitar.
Pie noticed Dutchy's obvious discomfort and offered to row for a while.
"Look, Pie," Dutchy bristled. "I may not be one of those jockstrap wearing hunks of beefcake you are used to hanging around with, but I'm no girl either. I'll let you know if I need your help."
Race was right, Pie thought. Dutchy really is sensitive about not being as athletic as the rest of the guys.
Once on the island, the two started out on their hike.
Racetrack and Skittery had been watching from the dock with a pair of binoculars. When Pie and Dutchy were out of sight they climbed into their boat and headed for the island. Everything went according to schedule. They quickly took Dutchy's boat and rowed back to the dock.
"Are you sure that they're going to be all right?" Skittery asked.
"What could possibly go wrong?" Racetrack replied. "Dutchy has read more about survival than any human could possibly need to know and Pie has been camping dozens of times since he was a kid. If on the odd chance that anything does go wrong they both know that I put my cell phone in the empty cooler. It has a full battery charge, and all of our numbers are in the memory. Take my word for it. Those two are going to be swapping spits by midnight."
"I have to admit that it was a great idea to tell Pie Eater that story you made up," Skittery chuckled.
"Well, I had to give Pie a reason to go along without asking Dutchy any questions. Let's face it. If Dutchy had any idea that Pie knew what was going on he'd abandon the plan. Then I'd have to go on listening to him complain about unrequited love. At least we'll all know one way or the other by this time tomorrow."
-o-o-o-o-
When they reached the highest point of the island, they stopped to take in the view. For the first time, Dutchy realized how far the island actually was from their shoreline cabin. They decided that this would be a good place to rest and to enjoy their lunch.
They were both surprised that they had each made lunch for the other. Pie made peanut butter and banana sandwiches which he knew was Dutchy's favorite, and Dutchy had made peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches because he knew that Pie ate them every day.
"Great minds think alike," Dutchy laughed as they exchanged the sandwiches.
After lunch they cleaned up the area and put the sandwich wrappers and empty juice boxes in their backpacks.
They continued exploring and eventually worked their way around the island until they were back at their starting point.
Dutchy and Pie both acted shocked and upset to find that the boat was missing.
"Gee. I'm sorry, Pie. I mustn't have pulled the boat far enough on shore and it floated away."
"It's not your fault, Dutchy. It was probably a wave or something that knocked it lose."
They were each trying so hard to sound convincing that neither noticed how bad the other's acting was.
Not so surprisingly, they convinced each other quite easily that they were going to be fine and that their friends would eventually come to rescue them.
Dutchy disappeared for a while and returned carrying some sticks and dry brush.
"What are you doing?" Pie asked as he watched his friend pile the sticks and make something that looked like a miniature bow and arrow.
"I'm going to start a fire," Dutchy replied confidently. "You see, I wrap the string around the stick and the faster I move the bow the more friction and heat is created. We'll have a fire in no time."
"Interesting," Pie said as he fumbled through his backpack. "That seems like an awful lot of work just to get a fire started. Why don't you just do what I do?" Then he reached out with a disposable cigarette lighter and ignited the kindling.
Dutchy sat on the ground with his jaw hanging open, while Pie fanned the fire with his baseball cap. He added a few more sticks, and soon they had a substantial campfire.
"There you go," Pie said proudly then flopped himself back down on the ground. He could hear Dutchy mumbling to himself, but the only words he could make out were, "Son of a bitch" and "Racetrack."
Dutchy disappeared again and returned with one long stick.
Pie watched as he took off his hiking boots and removed the laces.
"What are you doing now?" Pie asked.
"I'm making a fishing pole. I'm going to use this stick, these laces, and that large safety pin that's on my backpack to catch us some fish for supper. You'd better give me your laces too," Dutchy said as he stumbled over the rough ground in his bare feet.
"Don't bother," Pie said. "I still have a couple of sandwiched in my backpack. That should hold us until tomorrow morning." Then he reached into the backpack and pulled out his CD player. He popped in the earphones, pulled his cap over his eyes, and lay back to relax.
Dutchy plopped back down on the ground and again started mumbling.
Pie watched from under his cap as Dutchy attempted to re-lace his boots. He had to fight back his laughter as Dutchy became more and more frustrated because the laces kept coming out uneven. After his third attempt, Dutchy gave up. He shoved his feet back into the boots and tied them off. He continued to mumble as he stomped over to his backpack and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey.
"What's that?" Pie asked looking a bit more interested.
"Snake bite medicine," Dutchy said sarcastically as he cracked open the cap and took a healthy swallow.
"I thought that you took snake bite medicine after you were bitten by a snake," Pie teased.
"Okay then. If it makes you happy, we'll call it snake bite repellant!" Dutchy spat. Then he took another large swig. "Do you want any?" he said as he held the bottle out to Pie. "Or do you have some Dom Perignon in that backpack of yours?"
Ignoring Dutchy's sarcasm, Pie took the bottle and swallowed a healthy portion as well. "Looks like it's going to be a long night," he grumbled. Then he saw the expression on his friend's face. Dutchy looked like a kid that had just found out there was no Santa Claus. Pie looked at the fire, and his friends crooked laces, and remembered why they were there in the first place. It hadn't occurred to him that Dutchy was trying to impress him.
"That fire starting thing and the fishing pole were very creative," Pie said in an attempt to redeem himself. "Where'd you learn to do all that stuff?"
"From books," Dutchy huffed. "I wasn't born with that macho gene that you have, so it doesn't come naturally to me like it does to you!"
Before Pie could reply, Dutchy stomped back into the woods.
When he returned, he was struggling to carry a large armful of firewood. He had twigs in his hair and his hands and arms were covered with scratches and scrapes, but he managed to carry it all back in one trip.
Dutchy stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the large roaring fire that was just a small blaze when he had left.
"What the hell? Where did all that wood come from?" Dutchy grumbled.
"From the beach. I figured that I'd make myself useful and pick up the driftwood around here while you were gone."
"Son of a bitch!" Dutchy shouted as he threw the firewood to the ground. "I'm gonna kill Racetrack when I see him! Him and his stupid ideas!"
"Whadda you mean Racetrack and his stupid ideas? You knew about his plan?"
"Huh . . . What? . . . You mean that you knew why you I brought you here and you still came?" Dutchy was thrilled to think that Pie knew about the plan and still came along. That must mean that he likes me too, he thought.
"Of course I knew," Pie replied. "Why do you think that I came along on this make-believe camp out? Racetrack told me how you feel left out because you aren't athletic like the rest of us, so I agreed to let you impress me with your knowledge of the great outdoors."
"He told you fucking what!" Dutchy was in an absolute rage. "So you and Race don't think that I'm man enough to keep up with you? I'm gonna kill that little son of a bitch when I get my hands on him!"
"Jesse, Dutch. It's nothing to be ashamed of. So you're not a strong guy and you suck at sports. You're just good at different things. Like . . . um . . . ah . . . Well, you're the smartest guy I know. And just because you can't hit a baseball or sink a basket doesn't mean that we don't want you to hang around with us. Don't I always pick you to be on my team when we choose us sides?"
Dutchy felt humiliated. "What am I? Some sort of testosterone charity case to you? . . . Well, fuck you, and fuck Racetrack, and - - and - - fuck all of you! I'm gonna get that phone and get the hell off of this stinking island and get the hell away from all of you as fast as I can!"
Dutchy took off in the direction of the embankment where he and Racetrack had hidden the coolers. Pie followed a few steps behind.
"That God damn, half-pint, bet making, son of a bitch and his muscle-bound moron of a friend think that they can make a fool out of me?"
"Hey! Who are you calling a muscle-bound moron, you pencil necked geek?"
The two kept on trudging toward the embankment and argued every step of the way. The further they went the more biting the insults became.
"At least I don't have to measure my manhood by the number of letters I received in sports!" Dutchy hissed.
"Yeah! Well, at least I don't need a magnifying glass to find my manhood every time I need to take a piss!" Pie spat.
By the time they reached the embankment it had become a challenge to see who could get to the phone and call off the charade first.
Dutchy went to the base of the embankment and started the steady climb up. Pie, on the other hand, quickly scaled the hill to the top of the embankment and started to climb down.
For a brief moment, Dutchy had to admire how great Pie looked as he expertly scaled the rocks. Then he realized that Pie was standing on loose stone. "Don't go that way, jackass!" he called out. "It isn't safe!"
"Mind your own fucking business, and quit telling me what to do!" Pie shouted back as he grabbed the first cooler.
"Im serious," Dutchy yelled. "It isn't safe. That's all loose stone up there and you are going to - -"
Before he could finish his sentence the rocks beneath his friend's feet gave way, sending Pie, the coolers, and a shower of rocks and dirt hurtling toward Dutchy.
END Chapter 1
Thanks for reading. Please review.
A/N: This story was not beta'd. I hope that any grammar mistakes were not too much of a distraction.
Thanks to all who inquired about Seems Like Only Yesterday. This story is still active, and I plan to post the next chapter soon.