Title: Regretted Words

Author: Lia

Classification: Romance, maybe a bit of angst

Rating: T

Pairing: John/Elizabeth

Spoilers: No.

Summary: Words flung in anger are the hardest to overcome. Protecting a secret that need not be kept, hiding love that would not be denied. SheppardWeir

Disclaimers: Stargate Atlantis and all its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author´s Note: Thank you Pat for beta. This is my first Atlantis fic. I was writing my SG-1 fic when I got this idea and it didn´t leave me alone until I had finished this story. Feedback appreciated. Enjoy!

Chapter One: The End

-----------

The sun was only creeping up on to the clear blue sky, the first rays spreading over the city, sneaking in through the windows of Atlantis. Warm summer breeze was swaying the curtains, the soft crash of the waves barely heard from below.

She lie on her stomach, dark hair spread against the white pillow, the sheet covering her lower body, revealing the tanned skin of her back for his eyes. He was on his side, his fingers drawing lazy circles against her back. He was awake, been for a while. And she was still only waking, slowly leaving her dreamland.

A soft sigh escaped her when she felt his lips against her neck, slowly kissing his way down on her back. His hand slipped under the sheet, caressing the silky skin of her thigh.

"Morning." He murmured, lips leaving a trail where he had kissed her.

She slowly rolled to her back to look at him and he nuzzled against her throat, his hand continuing its exploring, making her sigh with pleasure. She was awake now, her back arching a little, her head falling on the right to give him a better access to do whatever he was planning to do.

"Oh." A simple word came out as a soft moan and his lips curved into a smug grin.

He moved to kiss her breasts, slowly, teasingly, before moving down on her flat belly. Her eyes had fallen closed, her breathing coming faster as he continued pleasing her the way only he knew.

His words were soft when he spoke, telling her what he loved about her between every kiss he planted on her skin. He was teasing her, driving her over the edge without the need to hurry and she felt like burning. He kept talking, loving her body with his lips while letting her know how much he loved the curves of her hips.

"John." She managed to breathe out and he turned his eyes up to look at her, smiling, very pleased to himself.

"Yes?" He was still teasing her.

"Stop talking and get up here now, colonel."

"Yes, ma´am." He grinned and gladly met her waiting lips with a passionate kiss.

And when he finally entered her, she knew that nothing in the world mattered, nothing but the other. The look in his dark eyes told her what she already knew, even the words had never been said out loud. He was in love with her, like she was in love with him.

Afterwards they lay on her bed, the soft breeze coming from the open window feeling cool against their sweaty bodies. The sheets were tangled around them, her head resting against his chest, listening for the comforting sound of his still racing heart. His hand ran up and down on her back, and his lips touched the top of her head every now and then.

She lifted her head from his chest and pulled slightly back from his embrace to look at him. His eyes were closed, a small smile on his lips. Her movements made him open his eyes and look at her curiously.

"Where are you going?" His voice was soft, a little sleepy.

"I´m not going anywhere." She replied as softly. "But maybe you should leave. It´s getting late." She continued.

The hurt look in his eyes lasted only a split second but she saw it and a sad sigh left her lips. "John."

"It's fine." He replied, pulling his hand away from her back and rubbing his face before running it through his messy hair.

She bit her lower lip when she heard the hurt in his voice. She never wanted to hurt him. From the beginning they had agreed to keep their feelings to themselves.

But he was getting frustrated. Hating to sneak around, leave her bed early in the morning or in the middle of the night so their relationship would stay hidden. First it had been fine, even exciting to sneak around, careful to not have been caught. But after two months he was frustrated.

"The galaxy won´t fall apart if someone finds out." He said, his voice a little more bitter, a little more harsh than he intended.

She had no reply to that. A sheet now pulled to cover her she sat on the bed where she had only minutes ago made passionate love with a man who now pulled his clothes on, clearly angry at her.

"I though we agreed." Her words were quiet, almost unsure, not something he had used to hear from the leader of their expedition.

"We did. But it´s getting old." He replied, his eyes searching for his tee shirt he remembered being thrown somewhere last night when she had undressed him.

She sighed, lowered her eyes to stare his feet. He sighed too and sat next to her on the bed, wearing his pants and boots, shirt still missing. "I´m sorry, Liz." He started. "It´s just that I don´t understand why this has to be such a secret."

She tore her eyes away from his naked upper body and looked into his eyes. Her hand moved to touch the rough cheek and she leaned to him, her lips only inches away from his.

"Sleeping with the military leader..." She started but he interrupted her by pulling away.

"Is that what this is about?" He asked, a flash of anger in his eyes making her flinch. "We´re just sleeping together?"

"John." She tried but he stood up.

"Forget it, Liz." He said, and the tone of his voice made her heart sink.

"John, please understand..."

"God damn it, Elizabeth." He hit his hand against the wall behind him in frustration. "What the hell are you so afraid of?"

She flinched again, not in fear, no, she would never be afraid of him. No matter how angry he was, he would never hurt her physically. Breaking her heart in the other hand was something she wasn´t sure about.

Then he brought up her past relationship back on Earth, brought up the name of the man who had left her months ago. The man who she felt nothing for. He lashed out with everything at her, knowing that he was being unfair, knowing that she had never given him anything to even think she was still feeling something for Simon. He knew that his words were said only to hurt her. Thinking that it would be easier to make her hate him.

And her words were as unfair to him. All the women he had told her about, no matter about the situations or the fact that his reputation with the women was overstated. He had changed so much after meeting her. But she was being only as unfair to him as he was to her.

Her eyes were burning with the unshed tears she refused to let fall. She would not cry in front of him. "Get out." She said, her voice thick with emotions.

He glared at her, wanting to say something more. But the look in her cold eyes told him that he had said enough; she was hating him and every word he had said to her. But the words just left his lips, telling her that he wished they would have never met, that he would have never let her seduce him into her bed. That she had been using him only to satisfy her own needs. Harsh, lying words.

"Go to hell." She said.

He turned around and stormed out from her quarters, leaving her in the silence after a long fight. She fought against the tears, blinking rapidly, not allowing them to fall because of him. She wrapped the sheet tighter around her body, trying to find some comfort from it. It was no use.

She left her bed and headed into the shower, wanting to wash the scent of him, the feel of him, from her body. She was angry, at him, at herself.

She knew it was her reasons that had started it. Reasons that even she did not fully understand. But it was so much easier to hate him.

-----------

TBC...

Please review if you have the time, thank you.