ATROPHY

Warm brown eyes gazed at him unblinkingly. Cloud was sure that nobody else in the world understood him. What he was going through. His only true friend heard what nobody else could.

Ever since his childhood, Ted had been there for him, a silent friend who never said no and was never too busy to listen to Cloud, and was always ready for hugs. Especially when Could needed it most. He needed it most at this very moment.

He was still, his furry, worn teddy bear clutched to his chest. His room was quiet.

Before, the twenty-odd years ago when Cloud first met Ted, Ted was originally white.

Cloud's wound would not cease bleeding but he didn't have the heart to get up and do something about it. He just bled into Ted, his suffering drenching Ted in sticky, viscous crimson.

Leon had let him go after shredding him. Cloud hated being in this box. Something kept him here and it kept him coming back for more. Coming back for Leon. It was damaging him - he hadn't been to class or to work and he knew his absence would become noticed.

Was he becoming accustomed to this endless torture? Maybe he was becoming apathetic. He wasn't crying now nor did he feel like it.

No, Cloud corrected himself. Not apathetic. Pathetic, maybe.

Leon's eyes fluttered gently as he slept, pupils moving erratically beneath closed eyelids. Cloud paused to watch him a moment - dry, unkempt hair kissing his skinny shoulders, naked in the pale sunlight.

He smiled sadly. Leon was beautiful. It was a shame because he could be - well, could have been - so much more. Cloud reluctantly admitted to himself that it was probably too late for Leon to alter his current destructive self.

Leon's eyes slid open and he was puzzled to find Cloud staring at him.

"What are you doing in here?" he murmured sleepily. He felt the warm afternoon sun on his back and a sudden hunger in his stomach. When was the last time he had eaten food?

"Sorry. I …" Cloud floundered. He had come in for no good reason, really. Caught off-guard. He hadn't known how quickly time might pass while he was standing there admiring Leon. One could almost pretend that he was as innocuous and gentle as he appeared while he was asleep.

Leon turned onto his side and stretched, knowing full well that Cloud was watching his muscles shift and flex under his skin.

"Come here," he whispered, fixing Cloud with a long, hot stare and smirking once he saw that Cloud was unable to look away. He was melting. Leon could feel it.

The blonde edged into his arms, searching Leon's eyes for acceptance. Leon tilted his face closer until their foreheads were touching. He parted his lips slightly and waited for Cloud's slow, sweet, unsure kiss to greet his senses.

He wrapped his arms around Cloud and kept encouraging the kiss deeper, deeper. Cloud seemed to have forgotten all about his injuries, only sighing very softly when Leon's fingers curled around his wrists to hold him down. Leon felt sticky wetness on his fingers where he had carelessly torn open the wound from the cheese grater. The wound had barely started to clot and heal. It felt crusty around the edges. Leon thought of fruit left out in the sun to rot, or meat that had been left in the fridge way too long. He tightened his grip and felt Cloud jerk in pain and surprise as his traumatised flesh split open and started bleeding again.

Little beads of shiny red gathered on his skin and slowly grew fatter, rolling down his arms. Leon broke off their kiss and slowly, slowly, he licked. Slowly he licked Cloud's fresh running blood and it was subtle, weak in small amounts and like a rare delicacy. Smoky, rich but oh-so-subtle. And red. Red was a fantastic contrast. Red was Sora's favourite colour. Red was the colour of blood and guts and entrails. Leon felt himself grow very hard. Not that blood and guts got him off. But blood and sex on the other hand … Blood and sex and Cloud.

He knew Cloud wanted sex. He looked at Cloud's expression. Hurt, antagonized. The wound was not superficial. It would become badly infected after Leon's saliva and fingers had been in it. He smiled darkly at Cloud.

"It hurts," he stated softly. "I know a way to make it go away."

Why are you still hanging around? Don't go to him. Haven't you learned by now? Cloud tried to reason with himself. The sickly pain breaking through his wrist cleared his mind of the confused, hazy discord that so constantly haunted him these days. He tried to convince himself to run, now, but he saw opportunity in Leon's dangerous eyes. Opportunity, yes, because he loved Leon, an opportunity that Leon might somehow learn to love him back.

But wasn't that what all victims of domestic abuse thought? With each progressive bruise, the little housewife told herself that he really did love her and that if she just stayed a little longer and gave him one more chance … and one more chance turned into another and another and of course it was just self-delusion. Cloud thought he had probably fallen for the worst person possible.

In a tormented voice Cloud cried out, "Just leave me alone! Stop playing this damn game with me!"

Leon raised an eyebrow. Feisty. Cloud definitely wanted sex. He could feel it against his thigh. Using his whole body weight, he pushed Cloud over onto his back and sat on his legs, kissing up his chest and neck to his chin, cradling Cloud's face with his hands. Cloud's breathing had already sped up. Leon pulled off the blonde's shorts easily. He put his hand on the fabric of Cloud's underwear and massaged him slowly and teasingly and kept Cloud's tongue busy with a long kiss that still didn't muffle the groans rising from his little throat. Cloud's fingers dug into Leon's back and dragged down to his hips, long red trails burning deliciously. He felt, to his mild surprise, the same fingers slide into his boxers. Suddenly a moan escaped from his unsuspecting throat - since when did Cloud ever get so good at giving handjobs? He let Cloud continue for a short while but the desire to fuck Cloud was overwhelmingly strong. With difficulty he pushed Cloud's hand away.

"Still want me to leave you alone??" he asked simply. Cloud was out of breath and looked flushed and impatient, his ocean eyes fiery and his hair a tousled mess. Even if he answered with a yes Leon would not be able to let him walk away. In fact, Leon mused, Cloud might not be able to walk anywhere for a while after today.

He flipped Cloud over onto his stomach and crushed his hips downwards, making sure that Cloud felt, between his thighs, just how much Leon was not going to leave him alone.

Gears whirred for a moment in his head and he figured if he got Cloud off it would definitely be easier to do what he wanted with him. He could make Cloud desperate. He could have him begging.

Flicking his tongue over Cloud's pale nipple was easy work. So was wrapping his warm hand around the blonde like that, and so was nipping the sides of his neck and shoulder. Soon he had Cloud in a slick, sweaty, moaning mess. Just how he wanted him. He kissed Cloud's stomach along the healing scar where he had cut life into him (Leon sniggered internally - 'life' - it would be there for a while, without a doubt) and gently stroked his tender wrist, making Cloud shiver but not uncomfortably.

"Get up," he growled into a delicate pink ear that was tender from being bitten, and he pushed Cloud against the wall and removed his clothes with ease. Cloud was obedient and like a doll, doing what Leon asked of him without resistance. In the very back of his mind Leon reproached him for not putting up any sort of fight - hadn't he learnt? Who was the person who cut his skin the other day? Who put his wrist through a cheese grater? - but it was easier this way. He liked submission. He would have got it eventually anyway. As strong as Cloud might like to think he was, there was only so much pain he would stand before giving in, before submitting. A hard pain started to creep up from his lower stomach at the thought. He needed release and damned if he didn't get it with Cloud acting so dominated.

His hands found their way to Cloud's shoulders and he forced Cloud to his knees, still against the wall, and grabbed the back of his head.

"Suck me," he commanded, and he thought it was fair, because even if Cloud didn't want to do it he had done it for Cloud more than a few times and it would only be just, they could call it even after this. When Cloud hesitated, as Leon had predicted he possibly might, he dug his fingers into blonde hair and pressed his heavy cock into Cloud's lips. As Leon had also predicted, he yielded almost immediately, letting Leon slide deep into his throat and out again. They both groaned for a moment. Christ. Leon wanted to cum now, wanted to make Cloud swallow everything and watch his expression when the sour taste hit his tongue, but he was enjoying this for now and thought he would rather that it last a bit longer. Never had he found anybody's mouth to be so incredibly hot, as was Cloud's. Silky and wet. He jerked in and out, enjoying the way Cloud's tongue collided against him sometimes and he almost cried Cloud's name out when it all built up and it was too much, but he bit his bottom lip hard and just let his body empty itself, hard, into Cloud's waiting mouth, letting out instead a shuddery breath that was wordless.

It was damned hard to walk with his legs feeling so weak after that and his body totally limp, like it had been drained of all energy. Well, it kind of had been. He collapsed back onto his bed and watched Cloud with droopy eyes and a bored expression.

Cloud had never given a blowjob before, nor had he really thought about it. Leon's semen was thick and bitter and he did not like it. It didn't strike him as something that humans were supposed to ingest. There were stray threads of it still on his tongue and lips and he couldn't bring himself to swallow and he just stood there trying to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, for the moment not caring that Leon was watching him sleepily. Pulling his pants back up his legs, he lurched out of the bedroom and slammed the door behind him, running straight to the bathroom.

The bathroom did not smell like Leon. The bathroom smelt clean and fresh (because Cloud cleaned it weekly, as with everything else, god forbid that Leon lift a finger to help him) and Cloud had locked himself in.

Cloud leaned forward and almost unnecessarily shoved two fingers to the back of his throat, acid burning his stomach and mouth instantly. He vomited it all out, cleaned out all of Leon that he had, dressed himself as best he could. The same painful sense of Leon rushed up his gullet and sprayed out in violent bursts, tears gathering in his eyes. His stomach contracted in on itself and he felt sick. As sick as one could be while one was vomiting, anyway. His body felt assailed and his head was hurting, spinning. He hated throwing up. It was so awfully unpleasant, like Leon.

He took a shuddery breath and spat out the vileness remaining in his mouth, wiped his lips with the back of his hand and stared at the pieces of his life in the sink. What was he still doing here? What was he waiting for? He cursed himself for being stupid enough to fall for Leon. There was nothing in it at all. It was hopeless. What did he see in that beast, anyway? He had lost all of his friends; he had nobody to turn to. Aerith … Aerith could not understand. He had been deluding himself.

Cold water splashed onto his face as he rinsed his mouth again, and his chin and throat and let the cool rivets run down his temples and face and rinse away the mess in the sink. Vaguely, he remembered hearing that water swirled the opposite way in the other hemisphere.

He wished Leon would drown himself. Was the solution to kill Leon? To end this comedy? He could plead provocation. Leon had already killed him a long time ago. Leon had cut him, raped him, assaulted him and damn near caused his death enough times.

A tragic reflection looked back at him when he glanced at the mirror. Holy fuck … look at what I've done to myself.

Cutting yourself was overrated these days - all the kids seemed to talk about it and all the celebrities seemed to do it - but getting cut by somebody else was the real horror. He had let Leon do this to him. There were dark red lines all over his body, his chest and neck and stomach, and a stained bandage tied around his wrist in an effort to finally try to reconcile his experience with the cheese grater. He had a fucking scar across his chest that read 'life', for god's sake. How long would that take to disappear? Months, years? How would he explain it away?

No. No more of this. No, Cloud was going to be a man for once. A man. A man with a plan. Out of sight, out of mind, and he was going to get Leon out of his sight. Or the other way around. He knew one thing, though, and it was that if he stuck around and kept giving Leon those extra chances, he would end up looking a lot worse than this. Not just the cuts, but the emotional abuse and the mind-fucks. Cloud was no sado-masochist. He dreaded pain. When you could see it coming, when you knew what you were in for and you knew what was going to happen to you, it was somehow worse.

No. Cloud would not let Leon take advantage of him again. Surely all it would take would be a simple 'No,' or - or Cloud could just walk away. He could get on with his own life.

A knock on the door disrupted his internal pep-talk and he jumped, his heartbeat suddenly racing from the sudden shock. He cracked open the door to find Leon fixing him with a cool stare.

"Somebody's wanting to come in," he said simply, in a low voice. He sounded tired.

"Why can't you get it?" Cloud snapped. It felt good to tell Leon that he couldn't just do as he liked. Maybe he was growing a spine again after all this time.

Leon shrugged. "I think the police want to ask about Sora."

And just like that, all of Cloud's hopes for the future went out the window. Hah. Out the window. Ironically. He stared at Leon, trying to read the expression on the cold creature's face, but saw only faint drowsiness and a slight smirk. Did Leon even care? He supposed not. Leon would have done what he did without thinking about the consequences, as always. He acted capriciously with absolutely no foresight. No, he left that to Cloud.

There was no walking away now.

Cloud stared at Leon a moment longer with a crumpled expression. He licked his lips quickly and, looking away from Leon, went to answer the door.

Two blue suits outside, one standing off to the side and the other leaning in through his door. A sombre expression marred an otherwise pretty face, a grim twist that didn't suit a pretty mouth. Cloud looked up at the police officer, trying to hide all the emotions that he was sure showed in his eyes. She almost reminded him of Leon. Long dark hair, pale, angular features and a less-than-cheerful demeanour. A real bombshell.

"I'm Officer Lockhart. I need to speak to you about an incident that happened yesterday," the beautifully sad young woman smiled, but it was forced and put Cloud less at ease if anything.

"Wha – um, okay," Cloud tried to keep his cool. He knew Leon was stalking about the apartment behind him. He bit his lip and tried not to panic. It didn't work. His chest felt suffocated, his feet went numb and he felt like the floor had fallen away from him.

"Could I come in? You are Cloud Strife, correct? " There was a tone of something assuming in her words. She slipped a paper into his hand as he let her in the door. Cloud didn't waste time reading all the small words and numbers and scribbled names but he understood that it was a search warrant.

Shit. He was in way over his head. How did everything build up like this so fast?

Leon was smoking at the window, something that Cloud hated and Leon knew he hated. He turned and almost smiled at Cloud when he followed Officer Lockhart into the room. You and me and a corpse, baby.

Cloud avoided his gaze. Lockhart introduced herself to Leon and he just smiled sweetly at her, shaking her hand and enthusing, "Pleasure."

He was so charming. Cloud was sure he had charmed Sora into falling out of the window. He would charm Lockhart into letting him get away with murder just like he had charmed everyone else in his damn life. He was a real spider with a web, oh yes.

"I have some questions about a young boy called Sora who was found dead on the sidewalk yesterday. He fell from a height and I have good reason to believe that he fell from a window of this building." She raised her eyes and looked at Cloud, who only looked terrified. If he hadn't given the game away at the door he sure as hell had now.

"Did you know Sora?"

Leon nodded. "Yeah."

Lockhart fixed him with a hard stare. "And how's that?"

Well, he was my childhood pal. I fucked him when he was six and I pushed him out the window yesterday. "I knew him as a child. We met when I was fifteen when our parents were in good relations." He flashed a dangerously attractive smile at the officer and shifted his weight casually, to show he was relaxed.

Cloud kept his eyes down. He couldn't believe the masquerade that Leon was leading in front of him. Would he get away with it? Cloud didn't think so. He glanced at the bloodstains on the window and sighed. Perhaps he did it intentionally or perhaps he forgot about the gravity of his situation, but his movement did not go unnoticed by Lockhart. She coolly asked Leon if he had seen Sora recently, while walking over to the window as if to look at the view. Leon stared at Cloud for the longest time as Officer Lockhart gazed out the window, her hand tracing over the small bloodstains that were already dull and darkened, and Cloud could only hold back a sob as Leon stated, "Yeah, I saw him yesterday. I pushed him out of that window."

Nodding, Lockhart brought her hand to her chin. She was surprisingly cool about it and Cloud had not seen a fleck of shock in her dark eyes. Perhaps not everybody was crushed by Leon's charisma.

"Cloud, can you confirm this?"

Cloud shook his head. He hadn't been here, hadn't seen it. He had seen no evil. His eyes watered and he willed himself not to cry. He vaguely remembered the months before, when he had been relatively happy and had still been able to smile. Walking in the park with Aerith. Dinner with Sephiroth. Even having goddamned conversations with Leon without being terrified of him. He had been normal. What happened to turn all of this upside-down? He used to be a fighter. Whatever happened to Cloud Strife?

The sharp snap of metal invaded his soliloquy and he watched as Lockhart led Leon away, gesturing at him to follow her. "Strife, come on. You have to help me out here. Don't make it hard."

All he'd ever done was make things hard for himself. If only he had run, right at the beginning. Leon was not capable of love. Leon didn't even love himself. Cloud didn't know what he had ever hoped to get from Leon. A sore ass and a sorer heart. Was that all he could expect from somebody he loved?

"Move your ass, don't make me arrest you too," she growled after she had waited a few minutes for him to pull himself together, and Cloud finally gathered the courage to get up and walk away from the apartment.

Leon's trial was in a week. They had not been gentle with their questioning and Leon had almost been angry once or twice – just because he couldn't believe how stupid these people were– but they weren't worth it and anyway even if they wanted to punish him, even if they wanted him to 'pay' for what had happened, the truth of it was that Sora was dead and gone and he would not come back and there was nothing they could do. Put him in jail, fine him, kill him, but none of that would make Sora not be dead. His lip curled. They didn't get it! What was done was done. That was the beauty of it, the beautiful truth that people struggled to cope with. Despite their mindless attempts to rectify the situation, Leon had done something that could not be undone. It couldn't be helped.

Like that time he had hurt Cloud. Or the other time. Or – wait. He laughed a little bit. Anyway, like with Cloud ... it couldn't be helped. Once it was done there was no taking it back.

He had one week to spend with Cloud. It wasn't like Cloud was all that occupied his time, but that was how he would best like to spend one week before he probably went to prison.

He had read somewhere that psychopaths did everything and anything for personal gain. Well, there was a hell of a lot of truth to that, but what they had forgotten was that sometimes, you just didn't give a fuck.

He flicked the lighter in his hand idly and it seared to life for a brief second before disappearing. His expression growing pensive, he wondered if he gave a fuck.

Well no, he didn't, but he sure liked to have fun. Fun was always better with another person as he didn't think entertainment by himself could compare.

"Cloud."

Cloud appeared not to have heard him. Leon repeated his name only to get the retort, "I'm going to work."

"Oh. I didn't know you still had a job."

Silence. Cloud had not been very forgiving with him ever since the questioning at the station. He supposed that the police had asked him all about their relationship and what Leon was and was not capable of and whether it was likely that Leon had spoken the truth when he said he pushed Sora out of the window. Leon hadn't followed up. Whether or not Cloud had dobbed him in was irrelevant, seeing as Leon had already told them everything.

"Cloud. Don't you think we have fun sometimes?"

Cloud didn't answer – Leon was kind of getting used to it – and started to put on his jacket. Leon grabbed his arm before it disappeared into the jacket sleeve and kissed his fingers gently. He saw Cloud's eyes flick away from him, probably to convince himself to walk away, so Leon took his chin and kissed his cheeks with a little smile. "I think you're good fun."

"I have to go," was all Cloud said as he pulled away. He knew Leon was just fucking around with him. That was how Leon got his fun. And he was walking away, for once in his life. He thought that this could be an opportunity to get rid of Leon. Once Leon went to prison, perhaps Cloud could stop letting people walk all over him.

Leon watched him go and thought that it might be an opportunity to win Cloud over again. It wasn't over yet. Cloud was naive and loving and if he thought Leon was going to prison he was wrong.