Road Trip - A Look before the Leap

The author thanks Bellasarius Productions, Universal Studios and any other creative entities responsible for Quantum Leap.

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Epilogue - Back at Home

The Admiral finished his story, but his youngest had too many questions. "Dad, what was wrong with you?"

"Blood clot in my sorry little brain. They did surgery that evening and in a few days I was fine."

"But that was a different timeline so none of it really happened."

Her father tried to explain, "It all happened, Allie. There are multiple realities existing all at the same time in different dimensions."

"So, right now, are you somewhere else living without us?"

"Right now, I'm here with you and mom. That's the only reality worth worrying about."

Gia snuggled closer to Sam. "Do you remember these other timelines?"

"Like I said, not completely. I have fragmented memories, but between the archives and your dad, I feel like I have real memories."

Allie got a refill on her soda, "That means Aunt Hannah knows about all this stuff. She's the archivist. Wow, you guys can sure keep secrets." When she sat back down Allie had more questions. "But if there are all these different timelines, how did Aunt Hannah end up in this one? And I remember you all talking about Alex."

Sam tried to explain it to her. "In all these timelines there are certain constants, certain things that don't change even though other things might."

"Like Dad still being MIA. That happened in both timelines." Her father turned his eyes away from everyone. "But in this timeline, you were MIA for eight years. In that other one, it was six. What happened? How did you get two more years in prison?"

The Admiral kept this secret even from Sam. He wasn't about to tell now. "I'm not sure. We ended up in Vietnam a few times. Usually when something big changed, it stayed changed. Those two extra years stayed with me after some leap. I'd have to go searching through the archives to try and pinpoint it." Searching through the archives would reveal nothing since Al and Hannah destroyed any records indicating that saving Tom Beckett was the incident that gave the young lieutenant two more years of torture.

Gia had tears in her eyes. "Daddy, how do you live like this?"

If he were honest, he'd have to admit that there were times when he didn't do it well. Since Sam's first leap the focus had been on bringing the scientist home because no one wanted him to be lost in time forever, but Al occasionally felt selfish when he prayed for an end to multiple timelines. "Everything is this timeline now. This is my life and always has been. You, your sisters, the kids, your mom, you are my world and always have been and always will be."

The incident with Katie Beckett was bothering Gia. "But you helped her in our timeline. I remember that. Mom flying to Ft. Wayne to be with you."

Beth had been called to come quickly. That time, Chuck nearly killed her husband. "That was so frightening. You were in that coma for days. I thought you were going to be brain-injured, that you would never leave the hospital."

The mood needed to be lighter. "Brain injury could account for my taste in clothes. What do you think?" He hugged his wife.

"Not funny, Al." She had her own heartbreak to consider. "I left you while you were still MIA. Why did I do that? I couldn't have left you."

He wanted her to know it was okay. "In that timeline, it was the right thing to do. In this one, you waited and for two more years. Having you in my life was worth those two extra years. You have to know that."

All Beth could say was, "I deserted you when you were still missing? How could I do that to you? You're my life."

"Why did Mom stay this time, Dad?"

Sam and Al looked at each other. They knew, but you could see the unspoken debate. Sam made the decision. "Do you remember talking to a man who told you that Al was alive and going to come home?"

"I remember dreaming that." Her heart started to race. "Then it really was you. I thought I was crazy thinking it was you. The project was never to be used for personal reasons. " Sam nodded. Beth looked into her husband's eyes. "I mean, earlier that night I imagined dancing with you. Was that true?"

"You couldn't see me. We danced to Georgia and I kissed your forehead."

Beth began to sob. "I can't listen to this any more. I'm sorry." She started out of the room.

The beautiful love of his life was the only woman in any timeline that he loved to the depth of his soul. He hurt her and it tore a hole inside him. "Listen, let yourselves out."

Allie, Gia and Sam sat contemplating all the little moments that may have been the result of a small change made in some decade past. One more question still bothered Gia. "What about Alex? Did she survive in that timeline, the one Dad just talked about?"

The odd thing about Quantum Leap was that small events could create huge changes in a person's life, but as far as Sam and Al knew, in every timeline, Alex Kelley died in 1989, less than a month before Sam's first leap. She was working on a power source for a nano-system to house the computer's ethics module when the circuit discharged a massive surge of electricity. Alex was killed instantly, in front of her godfather's eyes.

The Admiral's oldest child wistfully said, "I was hoping he'd be spared that in at least one timeline."

Allie pulled her knees to her chest. "I'm not sure Gooshie had such a good idea sending you on that road trip. Seems it only made bad things happen. Dad could have died."

"Sometimes, I feel the same way," Sam responded, "But that trip made it possible for your Dad and me to do our work. Even at the time we didn't realize how important it was to have that history especially since we were changing history. Things we learned about each other on that road trip saved our lives a lot of times."

In another corner of the house, Al could hear his bride crying. For a man who'd survived the kinds of things he had, the tears of his wife and children were even more painful. He opened the bedroom door and found Beth sitting on the bed weeping with no apparent end in sight.

"Beth, there's no reason to cry." He sat next to her, holding her in his warm arms. "You never deserted me. I'm the one who signed up for a second tour and deserted you. I was scared that we were going to divorce and I knew you wouldn't do that if I was overseas. It was stupid, but I couldn't imagine life without you and it made sense at the time."

She didn't want to let go of him. "Was it the same way in all the timelines? Did you go back to Vietnam every time?"

"Looks like. I was pretty scared of losing you and being apart seemed to be a way to keep us together. How's that for backward?" His hand gently wiped tears from her cheek. "I wasn't thinking very straight." He kissed her and held onto her again. "Everyone had deserted me all my life. When we started having trouble I had to believe it was all my fault and I mean from the day I was born. There's something romantic about the girl you left behind and I wanted to have you waiting for me. I don't know, Beth. It all made sense at the time, but you have to remember, that wasn't this life. That life doesn't exist. Only this one does. I love you and you were there when I got home. You made me well. You are everything good in my world. You have to know that."

Beth was scared. There was something Al had done for decades that always felt odd. "Earlier tonight you asked me never to leave you. Anytime we have something difficult to face you ask me that. I always thought it was because of your mother, but I have to know. Do you say that because you knew I left you in that other lifetime?"

The truth wasn't clear cut. He didn't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. This was not the time to give Beth more doubts. "My entire life was filled with people leaving me. You are the most important person in this world. I just need to keep knowing you'll be with me. I can't do this without you."

"Then you have to promise me that you won't leave me ever. You have to promise."

"You know I can't do that."

Beth's tears returned and all he could do was hold her, run his fingers through her soft hair, kiss her, and try to stay with this adored woman as long as fate allowed.

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The next morning came without any fanfare. It was just morning like it had always been morning since every timeline had ever begun. Dawn was a full half hour away. Al paced slowly across the patio in his backyard. The mountains were beautiful, tranquil, inviting and yet they were the result of eons of geologic upheaval. The analogy to his own existence was easy to make. His life now had serenity filled with love, but to get there he followed a path that would maim, even kill lesser men.

The previous evening's conversations were inappropriate. He never should have told of that other timeline where things got so out of hand, but it was that particular road trip of all the road trips in the other timelines that cemented the relationship between the scientist and his mentor. In that timeline, Gooshie never knew the importance of his passing suggestion.

It's hard to have regrets, but Al had them stacked up for more timelines than any human in the history of mankind. In order to maintain sanity, he learned to ignore regrets that had little value, but there were those that preyed on his soul. Those all had one thing in common. Somehow, he did something or failed to do something for someone he loved.

Loved? Admit to loving Gooshie? What was going to be next? The little guy with bad breath was an employee. No, that wasn't true. Gooshie wormed his way into the triumvirate the second he met Sam and Al outside the meeting room in DC. Losing this friend to this ugly disease was bad enough, but Gooshie's death held even more significance.

Once Sam returned home, the programming allowing for time travel was deleted from Ziggy's memory. Only one hard copy of the methodology existed and only three people knew where that copy lived. Now, one of those three was dead. The secret was in the hands of only two men. What would happen when the next one died? The last man standing would be responsible for harboring a knowledge that could be used for incredible evil. Maybe the hard copies needed to die next.

Beth joined him and put her hands around him. "I love you."

"I know and I can't figure out why, but don't stop."

"Never, my love." She laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry about last night. I was thinking about me and I didn't even consider you."

"That's not true." He turned to hold her. Holding her was the only thing he wanted to do. He could have stayed there all day just having her in his arms. "I called Sam."

"So early? That must have pleased Gia."

He kept talking as if he hadn't heard her, "We're going to meet at Gooshie's gravesite this morning."

"Why there? Kind of macabre."

"I need to talk to him."

She held his face with both hands and kissed him with the same passion she kissed him with the day they made love the first time so long ago. "I'll be here."

Those words were beautiful to his ear. "You better be. What would I do without you?"

Living with Al Calavicci for so long had its influence on her. The only answer she had was, "Marry five times?"

Rolling his eyes he confessed, "Apparently." As he walked away from Beth he let her know, "I'm taking the Duck."

Her over-protective side wanted to tell him that the Ducati racing motorcycle was not going to leave the garage, but she knew her husband. Al needed the freedom of a bike and she wouldn't keep that from him. She allowed herself a warning. "Be careful and wear your helmet."

"Always do."

The ride to the gravesite was fast, bordering on reckless, but living at the edge was a necessity at the moment. Flirting with catastrophe and coming out ahead felt good and fortunately he was able to complete the trip without incident. Sam was already there, hunkered down at the grave, placing flowers from his garden next to the headstone.

The young scientist who became a friend, who became a son-in-law, came to Al's side. "How are you doing this morning? Is Beth okay?"

"She's fine. We talked a lot last night. Then we did a lot of other stuff that was more fun."

"Here I am up all night worrying about you two and you're just having a fine time."

"My worst moment with Beth would be the envy of any man on earth."

Sam looked at him. "Getting romantic in your old age?"

"Romance is life, Sam. Hold Gia every chance you get. Never leave the house without kissing her and telling her how much you love her."

The words were somewhat odd, but Al often said unusual things. Sam took little note of it all.

The Admiral walked to Gooshie's grave and looked down. "Do you remember when Gooshie told us he was terminal?"

The moment had been branded in his brain with a fiery poker and it was never going to go away. "I always thought it was a weird thing for him to say." Al wanted Sam to remember the words. After a sigh he continued, "He said, 'I have something to tell you and I'm sorry.' He was sorry. Shit, he was the one dying."

Al's eyes stayed glued to the stone, unable to move from the engraved letters declaring a birth and a death. "Sam, I have something to tell you and I'm sorry." The pain in his soul was for his young friend. "I'm really sorry."

Sam's heart stopped and he had to think to get himself breathing again. "Not funny, Al."

"I know and I'm really sorry."

The admission twisted a knife in his heart. "No, no, no, no, no." His head shook from side to side. "You're lying. I don't know why, but you're lying."

Al's face still gazed into the stone. "Sam, I'm not going to make it this time." His eyes closed. "I'm not afraid to die, but I feel like I'm deserting Beth, my girls, you, my grandkids. It's like I'm failing you all. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry!" The Admiral's spare frame was engulfed by his son-in-law. "God, please no. We'll get through this. We'll get Ziggy working on it full time."

He had to push away, "Sam, back off. Ziggy can't do a damn thing." A few feet between them now, he kept talking. "It's not going to do any good. I'm terminal and that's it. No pretending that I'm getting better."

"You can't believe that. You can't possibly believe that. There's always hope."

"Hope didn't do a lot for Gooshie."

"That's a load of crap and you know it." Al wasn't about to face him, so Sam made a point of standing in front of his friend and taking his shoulders in his hands. "You listen to me. You want to go down without a fight, but I'm not going to let you. So you have a choice. You can either cooperate and fight this with me or I'll make you fight it. I'm not letting you give up. Personally, I don't see you as the type to give up."

Too many years and too many battles were taking their toll. "I'm tired of fighting, Sam. There are only so many times a man can lose before he has to just give it up."

"When did you ever lose?"

"You're kidding, right?" The physical closeness had to be broken again. He walked to the stone declaring that Gooshie was born and then died. Sitting down beside it on the desert floor, he wiped dust from the granite. "Everything has been a fight for me."

"And I asked when you ever lost." He sat down on the other side of the grave. "I didn't say you never had to fight. Shit, I don't know anyone whose been thrown into the ring as often as you, but you have never lost. Now, I tell you, this will be a lot easier if you work with me instead of throwing in the towel."

"Too many boxing metaphors, Beckett. I get your point." He had to stop to take in the courage to continue. "I guess maybe this might not be worth the fight."

Sam wasn't sure if he was frightened out of his skin or madder than hell. "Listen, my daughter is only eight months old. Are you telling me she isn't worth the fight?"

A voice teetering between anger and sadness answered him. "I love her. You know that."

"I want her to know your love firsthand. I don't want you to be some story we tell her about the photo on the piano. I want her to know you as flesh and blood." He became resolute in his purpose. "We'll do this."

Believing that he would be deserting his granddaughter he smirked, "I told you I was failing everyone."

"You dim-witted son of a bitch. When has death ever been a failure? I'm not thrilled to hear you're terminal, - which I'm really not sure about anyhow - but the only failure here is giving up without letting us try to get you well or at the least prolong your life. We might be able to get you a few more years."

"A few more years? Why? To be honest, I'm amazed I lived this long."

"I am, too, but I'm not ready to give you up."

"Were you ready to give Gooshie up?"

The question hit him hard. No, he hadn't been ready and that was his own self-perceived failure. It seemed ridiculous to him that they had been able to fold time on top of itself, but couldn't figure a way to keep cancer cells from growing. The last few months of Gooshie's life, Sam and Al worked 18-hour days trying to find some kind of answer and had not been able to. Each day more life drained from Gooshie's body and they couldn't stop it. Then another fist plowed into Sam's gut. "When did you find out about this?" There was no answer. "How long ago, Al?"

"About three, maybe four weeks."

"Before Gooshie died. Damn you. I can't believe you didn't tell me." Now he was tearing up and in a minute he knew there would be no stopping it.

"How could I tell anyone? Gooshie was dying. What was happening to me didn't matter. It was Gooshie's time and he needed everyone's attention."

"But you went through his death knowing you had cancer, too? You didn't have to tell Gooshie, but you should have told me."

"Hey, I only told Beth three days ago."

Sam choked back anything that looked like he was going to cry. Al never dealt with tears well and now wasn't the time to see if he was any better at it. "I bet that was some conversation."

Al smiled. "Oh, yeah. She practically killed me right then and there."

"I know the feeling." Sam opted not to talk for a few minutes. Both of them needed to search inside them for some kind of terms they could live with, with some kind of hope.

Al wanted to believe there was something to do, but allowing for that would make the disappointment too much for him. He knew disappointment in every one of the timelines he lived and he didn't want more. On the other hand, if he didn't risk disappointment in the past, then he wouldn't have Beth or been able to survive in Vietnam or open up to having a friend like Sam. Maybe it wasn't time to give up. He wanted to, but somehow, here and now, it didn't seem right.

Sam didn't even know what kind of cancer Al was dealing with. Only a few were hopeless and even then, miracles happened. He knew God watched over Quantum Leap and had been standing beside the two of them an awful lot during the leaping years. They weren't going to be abandoned now. He just knew it. But Sam realized that even if Al succumbed to the disease, it was something that was inevitable. What wasn't inevitable was the idea of giving in without a fight. "Okay, I'm not ready to give up. I'll let you off today, but starting first thing tomorrow morning we're going to get into this and find options for you."

The scientist expected an argument, but he heard Al say, "If you can buy me time, I'll take all you can get." His hand reached out to touch the stone in front of him.

The change of heart surprised him. "Really? You mean it?"

A low chuckle and a sideways smile from the Admiral brought back old times. "Hell, we owe it to Gooshie to make time for one more road trip."

Sam grinned from ear to ear. "Only one?"

The Admiral laughed. "That's my line."

Reflecting back to the Gooshie's funeral Sam said, "Last time we were here, it was raining. You said the desert was crying tears for Gooshie. Remember that?"

"I was in an Emily Dickinson mood."

The sun was beginning to show its head over the mountain. "Look at the sky, Al. Not a cloud in it. No rain, just dawn opening up. The desert isn't crying."

The older man squinted into the first rays of light. "Not yet." He sighed.

Sam was pleased to see hope infiltrate Al's soul. "Come on. Let's go."

The Admiral stayed put, took a deep breath of crisp air and said, "In a minute, Sam. I guess I'm not ready to go home."

And Sam understood. Al wasn't ready to go home and that made the younger man very happy. He had to confess. "I'm not ready for you to go home either."

So three friends shared the warmth of the day's first light - an ailing Admiral, a resolute scientist and a little guy with bad breath who still had the power to change lives. This time, it looked like he was saving one as well.

The End

AUTHOR'S NOTE: All rights to this story are reserved. Neither the whole nor parts (with exception of short excerpts for review purposes) may be published elsewhere without written permission from the author. Thank you.