Title: Winter Letters
Summary: Correspondence between Gracia and Maes Hughes after his death.

CH1: To Maes...

Dear Maes,

It hurts to even see your name written on this blank sheet of paper. You promised to be with me forever! You swore it... and you broke it. I don't think I can forgive you for this heartwrenching sin. Dearest, I asked you to be careful. Couldn't you at least honor that wish? I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being, with a deep passion.

Even still, though you're away from my side, I'll never find another man. Our relationship was unique, was deep, was irreplaceable. I will never find the same bond with someone else. We were meant for each other, weren't we? The instant we met... do you remember that moment? Our eyes met and sparks exploded. I knew you were the one. You completed me. I can't begin to describe the rolling emotions, the joy and the pain, the pure, undulating love.

I love you, Maes. I love you so much that the pain is unbearable. I'd discard the world to be with you for a second. I'd abandon my hopes and dreams to spend ten more minutes with you. Maes... I still can't accept the fact that... you're gone.

Gone.

I imagined my life with you- having a child, watching her mature, watching ourselves grow old, dying together.

Gone. All that is gone.

I miss you. The house is so cold and barren without your ringing laughter to fill it. I still wake up early each morning to make you breakfast, before I realize that you're not here to eat it. You loved blueberry pancakes. I unconsciously made a huge batch... thankfully, Ed Elric was around. He and his brother, Al, came by. I was grateful for their cheery company, and for Ed's huge appetite. He finished the pancakes and asked for more.

Elysia still doesn't understand what happened. She asks me, "Where's papa? When is he coming back?" The concept of eternity is too extreme for a young toddler to accept. She doesn't know what 'forever' means. I'm afraid, Maes. I'm afraid of being a bad mother. When you were around, I could always fall back on you. Now that you're gone, I have to stand strong, no matter the circumstances or events. I was never as capable as you.

The idea of being a single mother is frightening. The future seems much bleaker. Who will I turn to when tides turn rough?

Remember how much Elysia adored you? She followed you around, rolling on her little pink tricycle. She insisted on accompanying you to headquarters so much that we finally relented. I wondered how things would work out, but I didn't worry. You were with her, and I knew that you wouldn't let anything happen to our little girl. You came home, piggy-backing a sleeping Elysia, holding on to the tricycle with one hand.

"She made it all the way to headquarters," you had said proudly, handing our daughter to me, "Even though she was tired, she wouldn't say a word. She wouldn't get off the tricycle. Our Elysia's got spunk."

"And what happened there?" I had asked, kissing your cheek.

You had sighed and rubbed your aching shoulders. "I was called out for investigation. Scar was sighted in another part of the city. It was too dangerous for Elysia, so I left her at headquarters. She drew pictures on the official records."

"Oh, no!"

You had shrugged with a grin. "Doesn't matter. Now, maybe those uptight officials might loosen up while looking at our baby's beautiful drawings."

And you probably haven't forgotten the fated Mother's Day. You locked yourself in the kitchen for hours.

To tell you the truth, I was extremely distressed. The numerous bangs and booms erupting from the stove and oven entirely convinced me that you were going to burn the house down. Do you remember how much you were screaming? I wanted to knock down the door. You were cursing at the pot for being too hot, cursing at the pasta that fell into the fire, screaming at the utensils you swore were being stolen by little kitchen imps, and verbally abusing the boiling water that splattered onto your skin.

It would've been humorous if it weren't my kitchen and my husband under culinary attack.

The food came out delicious, though. You asked Roy to babysit Elysia for the night (I heard the Flame Alchemist nearly broke down in tears trying to figure out how to change her diapers, and had to call Lieutenant Hawkeye for help), and we spent a problem-free dinner together. The garlic bread was soggy with oil, and you somehow got the pasta to smell like cinnamon, but your effort made it taste ambrosial.

You were completely exhausted. I had never seen you that beat... and that relieved to see the bed. Thank you so much, Maes. That night rests in a peaceful corner of my mind, untouched by my other chaotic memories.

When I became sick the day after, you nursed me to health. I never mentioned that your cooking gave me food poisoning. It didn't seem important in the warm light of your love and sincerity.

I should've known that we would soon be separated. Our lives together were too perfect.

I now look at the empty bed, so vast and chilling without your filling presence. The shadows are longer; the darkness is heavier. I cry myself to sleep, despite your silent rebukes. I can hear your reproach through my sobs.

"Tears give you pimples!" You would probably say, "Don't show such weakness, Gracey-baby. You can do better than this. You're made of stronger stuff. Wipe those tears and give me one of your beautiful smiles."

Maes, give me time to grieve and think before I can smile again. I promise to be strong... for Elysia, for you. I'll join you soon, but not yet. It's not time yet.

Wait for me... promise me...

Eternally yours,
Gracia.