Just one

Chapter four: The funeral

By: Ambrlupin

Rating: T

Summary: "Aw come on, man! Its just one drink. What's the worst that could happen?" Not a oneshot. Blink/Mush & Spot/Race

Disclaimer: I don't own newsies. Red (Collin) however, is mine.

A/N: this was basically written for the prom season, and on a dare. A few friends of mine told me I wouldn't have the guts or whatnot, to write a newsies story about a drunk driving accident. So I did, using it to also put a point across. I hope someone reads this and thinks twice, maybe, about drinking and driving, even with peer pressure. There's always another choice. Remember that.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Into thy hands, O lord..."

It was raining, I knew that much. A storm that rivaled the one inside my soul as the preacher spoke on and on about how wonderful my friends were in life, how devoted, how loving, how much they cared about their futures.

I wanted to rant at him, rave and throw things. He didn't know them, didn't know what they wanted, how they acted. All he knew was their names, words on a piece of paper. He didn't know their dreams, he didn't know them.

For an hour he spoke of them, an hour, and the storm never lessened. The caskets sat in a row in front of the church, beautiful coffins of amber-gold wood that shone with cream white insides. Two of the lids were closed.

Pictures in ebony frames sat in the middle of candles and flowers from family members and mourners. Race, laughing while he played away on a drum at our school, Spot jamming away on a guitar, having no clue the picture had even been taken.

Mush had a real school picture, looking prim and proper with a serene smile on his face. One of his folded arms had a small ink stain on his fingers, from the hurried scribbling for finals. Blink was at the beach, his sunglasses perched on the end of his nose as he stuck his tongue out at the camera.

Sarah's picture...I felt bitter tears rise to my eyes and I hurriedly wiped them away with the back of my sleeve. Her picture was of the prom, most likely taken before I had come to pick her up. Her face was glowing as she showed off her dress, her eyes sparkling.

None of them knew that in a few weeks, possibly hours, their lives would be ended because of something I had done. Responsible Jack, honest Jack, would-never-hurt-us Jack, the Jack who was always careful, always prepared.

The Jack that had killed them all.

"Now is Christ risen from the dead and become the dead and become the first-fruits of them that slept..." The preacher bowed his head a moment and said some more words I couldn't catch, and then- "To the heavens we give thee, such innocent children, cut down in the prime of their lives."

Ouch. That was a stab to my heart. Like I didn't know what I had done. I glared at him, even as he swept his arms to the sides, toward the coffins that sat in front of him. "We pray you will take these young souls- the young souls of Anthony Higgins, Matthew Conlon, Nicholas Meyers, Ryan Ballat, and Sarah Jacobs- take them and care for them with all of your mercy."

I winced at the names, resisting the urge to cover my ears with my hands. I didn't need this. I didn't need it! Why couldn't this all just be a dream? Why couldn't I wake up and go to school, and do all the normal things I had been taking for granted? Why!

Why did I have to stand here, with guards on either side, at my friend's funerals!

"We praise and glorify God for the fullness of joy which he gives to all who put their trust in him. Amen."

"Amen."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Many people, I came to realize later, objected my being at the funeral, especially since the only reason why they were here was because I was stupid and had taken unnecessary risks on a night that was supposed to be the greatest night of my life. I found out much later, that nearly all of them- included the parents of my closest friends- had objected rather strongly about my being able to say goodbye, to go anywhere near their caskets.

But that wasn't going to stop me.

I approached the front of the church after everyone else, my eyes held directly in front of me, away from the accusing glances shot my way, away from the condemning people whom had all once loved me.

Once being the key term there of course.

Each step brought me closer and closer to my nightmares, each step bringing me closer and closer to my hell. I paused in front of the first casket, looking down at Spot. He looked like he was sleeping, face serene and calm.

There was barely a bruise on his body, but I knew that underneath his hands and sharp suit was the dreadful wound over his chest that had stolen his life. A beer bottle, taken from the party. It took the doctors near enough to an hour to extract the shards that had sliced up his heart, imbedded in his lungs.

Race's casket was closed, but I knew what he looked like. I would never forget that image of them pulling him out of the car, his head lolling around like some twisted, sick, rag doll. Sarah's casket lid was also shut, and I was glad for that small mercy at least. I heard they had to smash the windshield completely to even get her out.

Trailing my fingertips along the tops, I suppressed a shiver at the mere thought of what they looked like underneath...I couldn't even help but wonder: Do morticians make-up the bodies of those at closed funerals, or did they just simply throw them in, slamming the covers closed to keep the horrors at bay? Young adults, cut down.

My thoughts were not helping me in the slightest, but I couldn't stop now, not with merely two caskets left. I stepped in between Mush and Blink and knew I wasn't going to make it back to my seat without crying. My friends, bright, talented, with their entire lives ahead of them.

Society says the young shall lead the world.

Tears fall down my face and my shoulders shake as I stand before my judges, the family and friends of those I killed, unable to bear to turn around and face them. No, instead I fall to my knees on the church floor, head bowed.

After all this...I am too much a coward to face up to my mistakes.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 (three years later)

Society says the young shall lead the world.

I kneel before Sarah's grave, laying some roses on the base of the ebony stone. I let my fingertips trail across her name, bowing my head as I send a small prayer heavenward. I gather the rest of my flowers and proceed to the next grave, and then the next.

Why?

Once, a long time ago, in the midst of a joke, Spot told me that if I ever brought him flowers, he would kill me. The others all got tulips, minus Sarah, whom I bought the roses for. For Spot I laid down daisies. He always called them weeds, so technically they weren't flowers.

I don't understand.

Stepping back, I looked over the cemetery, remarking in the changes three years can bring. Even so long after the initial act, I am still feeling the waves. I went to court, facing so many sentences my head spun.

After seeing what the young are capable of.

To this day I don't understand how I got off as easy as I did. I should have been thrown into a jail cell and be forced to watch the key get throw away, melted, something...But instead I am standing here, free. For the most part.

How can anyone wish for that?

I haven't talked to Skittery since the party. He stays away from me, and I stay away from him. He knows he is to blame, partly, for those deaths. But he doesn't wish to share the pain and instead opts to live in blissful ignorance. Guess I cant blame him.

It is just too hard to believe.

The youth of this age are confused, misguided, lost in the translation of what they are, and what they are supposed to be. With all the mixed signals, there is little wonder why our future leaders are falling over themselves trying to model themselves after what they believe we want.

My life was ruined because of this.

Five other innocent lives were taken because of this.

Because I followed the crowd.

Because I had one drink.

...Just one.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Im sorry! -gasps- I got sucked into school and then I had writers block on the end of this...but here it is. The last chapter for Just One. Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?

I hope it does. Because thats all I wanted.