Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or 'This land is your land' and 'we shall not be moved' songs or the 'Romeo and Juliet' quote but I did modify them to fit the story. Also the Characters, Emily and Crystal, are based off my two friends. I also do not own the ninja turtles.

(I M P O R T A N T—READ THIS…) Just so everyone knows and so I don't get in trouble, a lot of plot ideas were inspired by my friend Emily (AnotherCrazedRedHead). She also gave me permission to use Francisco the pencil ('The Aftermath of Playing Monopolize.' ch.6) and Joshua/ Francine the squid ('Conversations with the Giant Squid'). This story is dedicated to Crystal (LuckyRandomHero) and Emily so therefore that is why they appear throughout the story. I also want to say that if you let it, this story can be a powerful, spiritual influence in your young life. I know this, because a friend after reading this story protested doing her morning, math warm ups by singing 'we shall not be moved' (and by stealing everyone's worksheets).

It stated in a science classroom, far, far away. Three losers (Noelle, Emily, and Crystal) were supposes to be watching a video about some guy (James Sadd, who for some reason is in every 80's science related movie we watch) who's overly passionate about weather. But, no, not these three teens…Instead they were discussing Harry Potter (Like they do every class period) like any avid fan girl. Suddenly Crystal whipped out those oh-so-addicting-girl-scout-cookies (Thin Mints if you care), giving Emily an idea and Noelle a story to write.

Thus beginning a story OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!!!!!!!

If you give a potter a cookie…

…He'll want to share it with his Lily.

Chapter One

"I'm serious, Sirius. This is the best darn cookie I've ever had," A dark haired boy with circular glasses and chocolate cookie crumbs on his nose and cheeks exclaimed. "It's even better than caramel Apple Oat Squares—"

"Yummy!" Sirius grinned.

"—Eggnog Cookies, Almond Toffee Cookies, Boiled Cookies, Amish Sugar Cookies—"

"Oh, stop, you're making me hungry," Sirius giggled.

"I love it when you giggle," Peter mumbled under his breath.

"—Apricot Cheese Cookies, Election Cookies, Beer Cookies —"

"Those are my favorite!" Sirius cried.

"Mine too, any way…Applesauce-Raisin Drop Cookies, Black Bottom Banana Bars—"

"My mom invented those when she was drunk and was in a really good mood. She stole my underwear from under my bed to make them…HAHA! GET IT? BLACK 'BOTTOM' BANANA! HAHAHA! Woo!" Sirius giggled and slapped his knee, "I crack my self up sometimes."

"Hehe…anyway—hey but this cookie had an interesting texture…more moist than any cookie I've ever had. I wonder why." James said

He and his gang had been walking down a random hallway (Like they did every weekend) in a v-pattern, James in the lead. Behind him were Remus, Sirius, and Peter who trailed behind after having a nasty fall over a rubber ducky, which just happened to be in the middle of the hall. They swayed their shoulders in an over exaggerated masculine way and wiggled their eyebrows at every girl who they walked by.

Their 'tough' image however had been broken when Peter frolicked up towards James and offered him a chocolate chip cookie.

"James, I'm glad you liked the cookie," Remus said, "But where are we? What hallway is this and—Peter where did you get that cookie?"

Peter gave a sheepish shrug. "I—"

"—REMUS, how rude! I'm proclaiming my love for cookies here!" James cried. "You know I love cookies almost as much as I love Quidditch."

"What about Lily?" Sirius asked, a little out of breath from giggling.

"She's number three on my list of favorite things. Its Quidditch, Cookies, and 'then' Lily…Wait a tick! I have the perfect idea! I'll make Lily a cookie and then she'll fall madly in love with me and we'll fly off into the sunset on my broomstick. It's the perfect combination of all three!"

"Can you put a love potion in a cookie?" Peter asked thoughtfully.

"No you idiot! With my mad-skill in the kitchen and poetic fingers, one bite from my cookies will somehow convey my feelings for her, and in her blissful state of content she'll realize how much she loves me more than the giant squid. It's genius!"

"James, that is so romantic," Sirius said and hugged James…after a few minutes of hugging and Sirius not letting go, (and Peter trying to squeeze in between them) James finally shoved the other boy off of him. "I'll help you cook the cookies."

"You don't 'cook' the cookies—" Remus began.

"Heck no! Are you crazy?!" James squealed, horrified. "What if Lily falls in love with you instead of me. I'm not going to let you anywhere near my cookies!" With that James angrily stormed off down the hall with Sirius hot on his tail. He was crying out that he wanted to lick the spoon. The two never realized they were walking in the wrong direction or (most important of all) looking unmanly as they did so.

Remus sighed, "Peter, where did you get that cookie?"

Peter shrugged, "I found it on the floor when I fell." He pointed to a dusty, dirty corner where a sweaty sock full of lint and cookie crumbs was lying. "It was in that sock."

* * *

"We have everything we need to cook," Sirius yelled loudly in the commons room. He dumped pans, pots, wooden spoons, metal spoons, a muggle blender, hair dryer, and one fork onto the floor. While he was in the kitchen gathering the necessities, James stayed behind in the common room, thinking about 'his' darling Lily. Remus and Peter sat on the couch, 'watching' him think about 'his darling' Lily.

"POTTER! Look at this mess! What do you think you are doing?" Lily screeched in that high pitch voice James loved so much. She stomped over angrily. Apparently the sight of cooking wear on the floor greatly bothered her.

"Nothing," James said innocently. He pushed the hairdryer and other material behind him.

"It doesn't look like—" She was cut off.

"My darling Lily," Sirius took Lily's hand in his and kissed her knuckles, "Jamesy-poo here—"

"HEY, GET OFF MY WOMAN!" James cried extremely loud.

Both Sirius and Lily ignored him.

"—is only working on his—"

"GET OFF MY WOMAN!" James cried again only to be ignored 'again.'

"—cardiovascular exercises," Sirius finished.

"GET OFF MY WOM—"

"James—shut up!" Sirius hissed. "I'm working my magic, here."

"Wow, Sirius," Lily said, "That's a perfectly plausible explanation."

"Of course it is, doll," Sirius said. "So I suggest everyone clear out unless they want to see James in purple and bright pink hot pants."

"I wouldn't mind seeing that," a creepy first year, named Emily, mumbled. She had orange hair and bright green eyes. Some people thought she could've been Lily's midget twin, but it was obvious she wasn't due to the fact that Emily was 'so' creepy. Not to say that Lily wasn't creepy, because sometimes—well, most of the time she is…but James loves her anyway despite Lily's creepiness (and her unique ability to creep in shadows, beatbox, and to impersonate the sound of a dieing duck) James worshipped her and…Ah to hell with explaining this.

Emily looked at James and drooled a little. "Like my socks?" She growled and giggled at the same time.

James made a face and shook his head fiercely. "No," He said quickly.

Sirius snapped his fingers and four buff seventh years came in. Two walked over to Lily and picked her up. The other two rounded all the other students up. "Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donatello, and Raphael," Sirius said gaining the four teen's attention, "Take them…'outside'."

"Sure thing, Boss!" The four stupidly cried in unison.

"Shhh! Don't call me that in public," Sirius whispered. He snuck a glance at James to see if heard, but he was just gazing at Lily with large doe eyes and a goofy smile. Lily wrinkled her nose in response as she was carried away.

Emily who was being ignored by the marauders hissed and scratched at Leonardo's knee (She sometime liked to think she was a cat) as he tried to drag her out.

"LILYYYYY!" James cried. He reached his hand out to Lily just as the portrait hole shut. "My Lily needs me! What are those beasts going to do to her?"

From the other side of the door a muffled response came, "I'm not your Lily!"

"She's speaks! Lily, are you ok?" James cried. He stood up from the floor.

"…I'm ok," Lily's muffled voice said a bit quieter.

There was silence for five minutes. No one moved except Peter who was picking his nose.

James turned back to his friends and smiled confidently, "She totally wants me."

"Whatever you say," Remus smirked, "So, should we start?"

"I suppose," James picked up a pot and looked at it dumbly. "…uh?"

"What's wrong? I thought you had mad-cooking skills, remember?" Sirius said.

"Shut up, Sirius," James snapped, "I cook all the time—remember that one time I—"

"That was your mother," Sirius replied knowingly.

"What about when—"

"Your mother."

"Or—"

"Your mother."

"WAIT! I COOKED ON LAST MOTHER"S DAY! Remember?" James shouted.

"No, that was me," Sirius shrugged.

"Shut up," James mumbled. "She's not even your mum, why were you cooking for her?"

"If I didn't do something, who would? You?" Sirius paused for dramatic effect but broke laughing after a few moments. It was as though he found the thought of James doing something for someone other than himself was ridiculous…anyway. "Ok, James, than what do we do?"

"We…uh?" James looked dumbly at the cooking material. He lifted a few pots and stared at the blender.

"Don't you think were missing something?" Remus sighed at the stupidity of his only friends, trying to remember why he hung out with them ('that tells you something about me doesn't it?' Remus thought to himself.).

"You're right," James said. "Sirius, you forgot to get a toaster."

"No, I meant the flour, chocolate—" Remus sighed.

"They didn't have any toasters down in the kitchen; remember it's a muggle appliance," Sirius sighed, "duhh!"

"—chips, butter or—"

"Than where did you get the blender and the hairdryer?"

"—Why do you need a hairdryer to make cookies? Anyway—" Remus continued.

"I got the hairdryer and the blender from Peter," Sirius pointed to their rat-like friend. "He was using them like key chains on his book bag.

"Grease or oil could be useful to keep the cookies from sticking to the pan—" Remus continued.

"Remus, what are you babbling on about?" Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head. "You know what? I'm going to go get the 'real' ingredients." Remus stood up.

"No, Remus," Sirius stood up and pushed Remus back into his seat by the shoulders. "I won't let you do that because I care about you a lot."

"Sirius…?" Remus asked a bit frightened. Sirius still had his hands on Remus's shoulder. "What—"

"As your friend, and with you in your sick condition, I will not let you do any heavy lifting because I care." Sirius wiped away a lone tear. "I care."

"Sirius that's only on full moons, I still have two more weeks to go—"

"Shhh!" Sirius pressed two of his fingers against Remus's mouth.

"I—" Remus said bewildered and slightly frightened.

"Shhhh! I care, and YOU, James, should be ashamed of yourself," Sirius cried rounding on James. "Making weak, little Remus, do all your dirty work!"

"What?" James asked.

"Sirius I'm fine—" Remus said.

"Shhhh, don't speak. Just don't. It'll be ok," Sirius finally stood up. "Every thing will be ok, Moony."

Sirius finally left the commons room to get the ingredients from the kitchen.

Both Remus and James looked at each other. "What was that about?" They asked in unison.

"I think he's on his period," Peter mumbled.