I am a big Rick and Evy fan. Their romance captured me and endeared them to my heart (yes I'm a hopeless romantic). After seeing how much in love they were in Mummy Returns, I thought it would be fun to go back to the beginning and see how it all started - from Rick's point of view. I hope you guys like it.
**************************
When I first saw her, my heart jumped. A woman in that dump took me by surprise. Then I wondered who she was.
"Who's the broad?" I asked.
"Broad?" she said in her cute accent. I think she was a little put out that I called her 'broad'.
'Yeah, broad' I thought, then Jonathan interrupted my appraisal of her and introduced himself as a local missionary. Then he introduced her.
"How do you do" she said.
"Yeah, well" I said as I looked her over. "I guess she's not a total loss" I tried complimenting her.
"I beg your pardon" she didn't like my compliment too much.
I was distracted again but then she pulled me back with that cute accent of hers.
"Ah, we've, ah found, ah hello, excuse me. Ah, we both found your, your puzzle box and we've come to ask you about it."
"No" I said, thinking she was a treasure in the middle of pig slime.
"No?"
"No. You came to ask me about Hamunaptra."
"How do you know that the box pertains to Hamunaptra?" she whispered.
"Because that's where I was when I found it. I was there."
Jonathan interrupted again and I remembered where I had seen him before. He was the one that had stolen my 'puzzle box', as Evelyn called it. After punching Jonathan, I heard her cute voice again.
"You were actually at Hamunaptra?"
"Yeah I was there" I smiled at her. And it felt good. I hadn't smiled in quite sometime.
"You swear?" she asked.
"Every damn day" the smile still plastered on my face.
"No I didn't mean that" she said and I think she was a little perturbed that I was using fowl language.
"I know what you meant. I was there. Seti's place. City of the Dead" I informed the treasure in front of me.
"Could you, could you tell me how to get there?" she surprised me. This jewel wanted to go The City of The Dead? "I mean the exact location."
"You wanna know?" I asked, still not believing this delicate jewel wanted to go to that place.
"Well, well yes" she shook her head and actually moved closer to me.
"Do you really wanna know?"
"Yes."
I signaled her with my finger to come closer. I wanted to see if those lips were as soft as they looked. I wanted to get a better whiff of her sweet perfume. When she was close enough, I grabbed her chin. She had the softest skin. Then I kissed those lips. They were softer than they looked. I suspected she would be disgusted with my kiss - with her being all soft and clean and smelling like perfume and me being all rough and dirty and smelling like manure. To my surprise, she did not pull away and that delighted me. I enjoyed the kiss for as long as I could, which was way to short. It wasn't my best kiss but I guess that was understandable since I was kissing her through bars and was about to have a noose around my neck. If that noose took my life, at least I could say I got to kiss one lady before I bit the dust. Yes, I've kissed other women (and I use that word loosely because they were loose women) but NEVER a lady, never a lady with a cute accent, never a lady who was a precious gem.
"Then get me the hell outta here" I told her when I let her go. In the split second before the guard punched me in the back, I noticed she did not seem disgusted with my kiss. Shocked, surprised and maybe, just maybe a little pleased with it.
"DO it lady!" I told her as those idiot guards were punching me and dragging me out of there.
Well, needless to say, she got me out. I was disappointed when Jonathan show up at my door without her to make plans for our trip to the City of the Dead. Why didn't she come? I wondered. I thought she would come since she was pleased with my kiss. But, who knows, maybe I read her wrong. Maybe she was upset about that kiss. Who needs love (why was I thinking about love??) anyway, I thought. I had lived all my life without it and you can't miss what you never had. Love. How stupid to think I had fallen in love with just one kiss. How stupid to even think about love. 'Get a hold of yourself O'Connell', I told myself. 'Love was for the birds'. I will be honest though, I did take extra care to clean myself up so that the next time I saw Miss Evelyn Carnahan, I would look half-decent.
**********************
"He's filthy, rude. A complete scoundrel. I don't like him one bit" I heard that cute accent say.
"Anyone I know" I asked as I walked up on her and Jonathan. So she did not like me. Who needs love anyway? I asked myself a second time.
"oh" she said and I thought she sounded a little startled. "Ah, um Hello" she perused me from head to toe. She was probably startled because she thought I heard her say she didn't like me, which I did. Why didn't she like me? What was wrong with me? I wondered. Or maybe... maybe she was startled to see me looking half human in my clean clothes and clean shave. I wondered if she thought I was handsome. 'Get a hold of yourself!' I thought. Jonathan distracted me and I apologized for hitting him.
"Mr. O'Connell" she said.
And I turned my attention back to her. 'I'd love to hear you call me Rick' I thought. 'Pull yourself together. She already said she didn't like you! She didn't like you one bit!'
"Can you look me in the eye and guarantee me that this isn't all some kind of flim flam because if it is, I am warning you I will..."
"YOU'RE warning me?" I said, surprised that someone so little was warning ME. She's got spunk. I liked that. "Look lady, my whole damn garrison believed in this so much that without orders they marched ½ way across Libya and into Egypt to find that city. And when we got there all we found was sand and blood" I let her know. She had the gall to give me warnings. Who did she think she was?
"Let me get your bags" I told her when she seemed to have run out of warnings. Figured I would show her that I could be a gentleman, even if she didn't like me. Yeah, I was put out because she didn't like me.
********************
I admit it. I went looking for her. And I'm glad to say I found her. I wasn't sure what I would say to her but I walked over and dumped my rucksack on the table she was sitting at.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" I told her when she jumped and let out a startled "oh".
"The only thing that scares me Mr. O'Connell are your manners" I guess she was trying to insult me.
"Still angry about that kiss huh?" I said, a little hurt by her comment. 'Hurt?! Why?! You're not some lovesick puppy!' I said to myself.
"If you call THAT a kiss". First she insulted my manners then she insulted my kiss. I wondered how many men she had kissed to know mine wasn't much of one. Then I found myself getting jealous. What other man had kissed her?! But I was being stupid. She didn't even like me.
Her insult, though, rubbed my ego the wrong way and I wanted to show her a better kiss right then and there. But she already told me I that my manners scared her and I'm sure she would have thought they had gone from bad to worse if I grabbed her and planted a good one on her like I wanted too. So instead of doing what I REALLY wanted to do, I rolled out my rucksack on the table and sat down. When she saw all my weapons, she asked me if we were going into battle. I told her something was out there, something evil but she didn't seem put off or frightened by that. The lady had guts. I liked that.
She told me she was looking to find a book at Hamunaptra and she seemed impressed that I knew the book was made out of pure gold. I thought she was crazy for going all the way out there for some book, but I didn't tell her that. Didn't want her to think I was rude.
"By the way" she eventually said. "Why did you kiss me?"
"I was about to be hanged" I told her. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
I wasn't about to tell her I wanted to see how soft her lips were especially since she didn't like me. And especially since she insulted my kiss. And especially since I wasn't some lovesick puppy.
"oooh" she huffed and slammed her book on the table.
She got up and stomped off. I wondered what was wrong with her.
"What? What'd I say?" I was confused.
She didn't like me so why does she care why I kissed her? Women. Who can understand them? Not me. I was distracted again. This time by my little weasel friend Benny, may he rest in peace. Scratch that. He's probably burning in the brimstone.
"See that girl" I told Benny when he asked why I was going back to Hamunaptra. "She saved my neck" I said, then she looked at me. And I fell over inside. She seemed to grow more beautiful in that moment. I think it was the way she looked at me. It was a soft look. Something inside me knew this woman had captured me with that look and it didn't even matter that she didn't like me. 'How stupid was that' I thought. It was stupid, yes, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to change her mind. I wanted her to like me.
****************
Yes, I panicked when I kicked the door in and saw that man holding a knife up to Evelyn. Even though she didn't like me, I didn't want to lose her so soon. Shots rang out and I turned and started shooting and in the next instance I heard the man scream. Evelyn had stuck a burning candle in his eye. Most women would have fainted by now. But Evelyn was fighting back. She had courage. I liked that.
We made it out of her room and onto the deck. Gunfire was everywhere and I had to get her to safety. I figured we could jump overboard and swim to shore.
"Can you swim?!" I asked her when he made it to the edge of ship.
"Of course I can swim" she said. "If the occasion calls for it."
She surprised me again. Most women would balk at being thrown overboard, even if it was to save their life. But not Miss Evelyn Carnahan. 'Of course I can swim'. She was a trooper. I liked that.
"Trust me" I said as I picked her up. She felt good in my arms. Felt like that's where she belonged. I was in the middle of a gunfight thinking about how soft Miss Evelyn Carnahan felt. Yep, she was definitely doing something to me. "It calls for it" I told her as I dumped her in the water.
We made it to the shore and then to a village. Evelyn had gone off somewhere to get clothes since she was in her nightgown when I threw her overboard. Jonathan was complaining about the price of the camels that he had to buy for our trip across the desert.
"We could've got 'em for nothing. All we had to do was give him your sister" I said jokingly, trying to give the boot to the weird feeling I was having about Miss Carnahan.
"Awfully tempting, wasn't it?" Jonathan said. I thought he was a jack and probably would sell his sister. But later I found that, despite his many faults, Jonathan did love Evelyn. And I couldn't blame him. I was on my way there myself although I hadn't admitted it yet.
"Awfully" I sighed as I saw Evelyn coming toward me. Yeah, I sighed! So what of it?!
She was definitely tempting. She was looking awfully beautiful in her black dress. She smiled and I fell over again. I grinned back, trying to keep a cool head, patted the camel and walked over to her.
*********************
I had just thrown Benny off his camel. The little weasel was hitting me and trying to keep me from winning the bet with my American brethren. I was racing toward my $500 when I saw her. She was galloping, if you can call what a camel does galloping, toward the City of the Dead too. She caught up with me and gave me another one of her smiles. And I fell over again. I gave her a lopsided, goofy grin. It was all I could do to keep a cool head. I watched as she rode past me and raced to the city ruins in a very unladylike manner. But she was all lady to me.
****************
"That's the statue of Anubis" she told us. "His legs go deep underground. According to Bembridge scholars that's where we'll find a secret compartment containing the golden book of Amun Ra."
I had lifted a tool kit from one of my American brethren. Evelyn needed one since hers had drowned at sea. I thought she might like, might need it. Yeah, she needed it. Besides, I thought maybe... Maybe she might like me if I gave it to her. Women liked that kind of thing, when a man gets her something nice. Although a tool kit wasn't exactly flowers, I had a feeling she would like it just as much. I mean need it. She needed the tool kit.
It was easy lifting the tool kit. The hard part was giving it to her. I'm not good at stuff like that. Should I just toss it at her 'Here's a tool kit for ya'. Nah, she had already said I was rude and she no doubt would think tossing a tool kit at her was rude. 'Just walk over to her and give it to her' I thought. But I was scared. Yeah! I was scared, so what?! I told you I wasn't any good at stuff like that.
What if she... what if she didn't want it? What if I gave it to her and she still didn't like me. But she had given me a couple of her pretty smiles and that gave me hope. Maybe she was softening up.
'OH! Come on O'Connell' I jacked myself up. I had faced death with out fear more times than I could count and now I was scared to give a woman a tool kit?! How ridiculous. I took a deep breath and headed over to her. My stomach was churning as I watched her clean off that old mirror.
"So ah, ah..." I stuttered. That churning was fear and it increased the second I opened my mouth. But it was too late to back out now so I coughed up some more words. "What... what are these old mirrors for" I said, stalling.
"Ancient mirrors" she corrected me. "It's an ancient Egyptian trick. You'll see."
"Ah" I stuttered again. "Here... this is, ah... for you" I heard my voice crack and held out the tool kit. "Go ahead" I said when she just looked at me. Man I was sweatin'. "It's ah, some... something" stuttering again. "I borrowed off our American brethren" I explained. "I thought you might like, you might need it. For when you're, ah..." jeez I was nervous. I shook my head and hammered the air with my invisible hammer. "you know. Yeah" I said, at a loss for words. As I was talking, or rather stuttering, I was inching my way outta there. I wanted to escape before I did anything embarrassing.
When I passed the jailer, he was looking at me like I was some kind of lovesick puppy. "What are you lookin at?!" I snarled at him, then peeked a quick look at Evelyn to see if she liked the tool kit. Damn it! I couldn't tell.
We eventually made our way underneath the statue of Anubis and the plan was to dig our way up and snatch the secret compartment. After digging for awhile, we took a break and sat down. Jonathan hit rocks and Evelyn began her lecture.
"And they take out your heart as well. Oh, and do you know how they take our your brains?" she said. I wasn't interested but she was glowing as she told me and Jonathan about mummification. Sitting through her lesson was worth seeing the smile and excitement on her face. And I must admit I was sitting there looking like a lovesick puppy.
*******************
When I heard the horses, I wanted Evelyn somewhere safe.
"Take this" I handed her the rifle. "Stay here" I commanded her. But even as I told her to STAY, somehow I knew she wouldn't.
When I saw her lying flat on her back holding the rifle, my heart almost stopped. She couldn't be dead. We hadn't had a chance...
"Evelyn" I bent down and took the rifle. I heard her moan and relief flooded me. "Hey. Are you alright" I helped her up.
"Yes, I'm fine" she answered and I was relieved again.
"You sure?" I asked her. I had to be sure she was okay.
"Thank you" she nodded.
My finger ran across her jaw and that skin of her was so soft. I pulled her a little closer and squeezed her just a bit. She didn't seem to mind being so close to me and I figured it was because of the gun fighting. Whatever the reason, I didn't care. I was just glad that she was okay - and in my arms.
******************
She was cute when she was drunk.
"Hey. Okay tough stuff. Try a right hook. Ball up your fist and put it, put it up like that" I was showing her how to defend herself.
"Mm Hmm" she mumbled.
"And then mean it. Hit it right here" I wanted her to punch my hand.
"Mean It!" she gave me a drunk giggle as swung.
"Okay" I laughed at her. I knew it was time to quite my lesson when she fell over into my arms. "Okay. It's time fore another drink" I held her up while she continued giggling. I eased her down on the ground and crouched down next to her.
"Unlike my brother sir, I know when to say no" she said but we both knew that was a lie. She was drunk after her first swig but she kept on swigging.
"Uh hum. And unlike your brother miss. You I just don't get."
She was unlike any woman I had ever met. Brilliant, brave, beautiful. I never met a woman with all three.
"Ah, I know. You're wondering what is a place like me doing in a girl like this" she was too cute being a lush.
"Yeah, something like that."
"Egypt is in my blood. You see, my, my father was a very, very famous explorer. He loved Egypt so much. He married my mother who was an Egyptian and quite an adventurer herself."
"Hum. I get your father and I get your mother. And uh, I get him. But WHAT are you doing here?"
"ooooh. Look I... I may not be an explorer or, or an adventurer or a treasure seeker or a gun fighter MISTER O'Connell. But I am proud of what I am" she was hilarious.
"And what is that?" I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything about this woman.
"I am... a librarian" she said VERY proudly and I couldn't help but grin at her. She dropped to her knees in front of me. "And... I am going to kiss you Mr. O'Connell."
"Call me Rick" SHE was going to kiss me!
"Oh" she grinned a silly grin but her eyes lit up. "Rick" she breathed and I fell over once again. 'Rick' sounded so sweet on her lips.
I got ready. She was going to kiss me. As she moved closer, I moved closer. She was going to kiss me. I closed my eyes and waited. She was going to kiss me. I heard her sigh. She was going to kiss me. Then something hit my chest. She was... She was passed out.
*****************
"I thought you said you didn't believe in that fairy tales and hokum stuff! Shoo!" And that was the beginning of our first fight.
"Well, having an encounter with a 3,000 year old walking, talking corpse does tend to convert one."
She was unpacking everything I was packing.
"Forget it! We're out the door. Down the hall and we're gone!"
"Oh no we are not"
"OH yes we are!"
"Oh no we are not. We woke him up and we are going to stop him."
"WE? What we? WE didn't read that book. I told you not to play around with that thing!! Did I tell you?!"
"Yes, then, me, me, me, me, I, I, I woke him up and I intend to stop him" the woman was courageous. I liked that.
"Yeah how?!" I didn't want to lose her to some walking dead guy. "You heard the man. No mortal weapons can kill this guy!"
"Then we are just going to have to find some immortal ones."
"There goes that WE again."
"Will you listen to me. We have to do something..."
"OUCH!" she slammed her suitcase closed on my fingers so I couldn't throw anymore of her things in there.
"Once this creature has been reborn" she followed me as I walked around the room trying as I was shaking off the pain my fingers were in. "His curse is going to spread until the whole of the earth is destroyed."
"YEAH!" I turned and started chasing her around the room. "Is that my problem?!"
"It's everybody's problem!" she said while she was running from me.
"Evelyn I appreciate you saving my life and all but when I signed on I agreed to take you out there and bring you back. I have done that! End of job! End of story! Contract terminated!"
"That's all I am to you?! A contract?!"
If we weren't in the heat of battle, I would have sworn she sounded a little hurt that I thought of her as only a contract. Little did she know she was much more than that to me and that's why I wanted her out of there and as far away from that walking, talking corpse as possible.
"You can either tag along with me or stay her and try and save the world" I told her. "What's it gonna be?!" I knew the answer before I finished my question.
"I'm staying" she said with determination and I knew I'd be staying too. Damn it!
"FINE!" I said. This woman was frustrating me!
"FINE!" she said.
"Fine!" I said.
"Fine!" she said
"Fine" I said before slamming the door and heading to the bar to figure out what we would do next.
******************
I didn't want Evelyn out and about with the walking dead in town, so I told her to stay. And of course she protested.
"Just a minute! You're not leaving me here like some carpetbag!"
This time she would argue by herself. I wasn't letting her out of that room and that was final. I didn't say a word to her. I simply turned around.
"Who put you in charge O'Connell?!" she wanted to know. I put myself in charge. "WHAT do you think you are doing?!" she asked when I holstered her over my shoulder. I think she was a little mad at me.
"Jonathan!" I don't know why she was calling that yellow belly. "O'Connell!"
I marched over to the bed, dumped her on it.
"Jonathan! Coward that you are!"
Then I marched out the bedroom.
"O'Connell, you are not leaving in me here!!" she said to the closing doors because I wasn't listening.
I locked her in the room. I didn't want to lose her. I set my coward American brethren guard over her. I took Jonathan with me because I knew if he stayed behind, Evelyn would have him unlocking the door and letting her out. I couldn't lose her, I just couldn't.
And then I thought I had.
"If he" she said and I knew what she was about to do. "Turns me into a mummy, you're the first one I'm coming after."
I looked at Evelyn in a daze. My one chance at love was walking away from me.
"No!" I pulled out my gun and was about to shoot.
"Don't!" she said. "He has to take me back to Hamanaptra to perform the ritual" she begged me.
My finger was inching to squeeze the trigger but I remembered that last time I shot that thing and he kept coming. Evelyn believed the golden book was the only thing that could stop that creature and I had no other choice but to trust that she knew what she was talking about. I holstered my gun, gritted my teeth and knew I would go through hell's fire to get her back.
She continued looking at me and even though she was putting up a brave front, I could see the fear in her eyes.
"Evelyn!" I was scared. Scared for her. Ardeth held me back and then she disappeared.
We ended up sending Imhotep back to hell and escaping the city with our lives. Jonathan was disappointed and complaining about all that treasure that should have left with us but was instead buried under all that sand. I didn't care about that treasure because I had left the city with the most valuable treasure of all.
"I wouldn't say that" I said as I looked my treasure.
Evelyn turned and looked at me. We kissed a good kiss. I felt like staying there forever, holding her, kissing her. But we had to get back to the city. When the kiss ended. I looked at her and knew I would spend the rest of my life with this woman. She smiled at me and the biggest smile I ever smiled spread across my face.
********************
Rick was pulled from his memories by a sound. His new bride was snoring. He actually laughed aloud as he pictured her reaction when he told her she snored. She'd probably deny it and give him one of her 'oooh's'. He pulled her naked, soft body closer to him, squeezed her tightly but gently, closed his eyes and drifted to sleep with a smiled on his face. Love. Who needs it? He did. And he got it. Evelyn was his love and now his life.
**************************
When I first saw her, my heart jumped. A woman in that dump took me by surprise. Then I wondered who she was.
"Who's the broad?" I asked.
"Broad?" she said in her cute accent. I think she was a little put out that I called her 'broad'.
'Yeah, broad' I thought, then Jonathan interrupted my appraisal of her and introduced himself as a local missionary. Then he introduced her.
"How do you do" she said.
"Yeah, well" I said as I looked her over. "I guess she's not a total loss" I tried complimenting her.
"I beg your pardon" she didn't like my compliment too much.
I was distracted again but then she pulled me back with that cute accent of hers.
"Ah, we've, ah found, ah hello, excuse me. Ah, we both found your, your puzzle box and we've come to ask you about it."
"No" I said, thinking she was a treasure in the middle of pig slime.
"No?"
"No. You came to ask me about Hamunaptra."
"How do you know that the box pertains to Hamunaptra?" she whispered.
"Because that's where I was when I found it. I was there."
Jonathan interrupted again and I remembered where I had seen him before. He was the one that had stolen my 'puzzle box', as Evelyn called it. After punching Jonathan, I heard her cute voice again.
"You were actually at Hamunaptra?"
"Yeah I was there" I smiled at her. And it felt good. I hadn't smiled in quite sometime.
"You swear?" she asked.
"Every damn day" the smile still plastered on my face.
"No I didn't mean that" she said and I think she was a little perturbed that I was using fowl language.
"I know what you meant. I was there. Seti's place. City of the Dead" I informed the treasure in front of me.
"Could you, could you tell me how to get there?" she surprised me. This jewel wanted to go The City of The Dead? "I mean the exact location."
"You wanna know?" I asked, still not believing this delicate jewel wanted to go to that place.
"Well, well yes" she shook her head and actually moved closer to me.
"Do you really wanna know?"
"Yes."
I signaled her with my finger to come closer. I wanted to see if those lips were as soft as they looked. I wanted to get a better whiff of her sweet perfume. When she was close enough, I grabbed her chin. She had the softest skin. Then I kissed those lips. They were softer than they looked. I suspected she would be disgusted with my kiss - with her being all soft and clean and smelling like perfume and me being all rough and dirty and smelling like manure. To my surprise, she did not pull away and that delighted me. I enjoyed the kiss for as long as I could, which was way to short. It wasn't my best kiss but I guess that was understandable since I was kissing her through bars and was about to have a noose around my neck. If that noose took my life, at least I could say I got to kiss one lady before I bit the dust. Yes, I've kissed other women (and I use that word loosely because they were loose women) but NEVER a lady, never a lady with a cute accent, never a lady who was a precious gem.
"Then get me the hell outta here" I told her when I let her go. In the split second before the guard punched me in the back, I noticed she did not seem disgusted with my kiss. Shocked, surprised and maybe, just maybe a little pleased with it.
"DO it lady!" I told her as those idiot guards were punching me and dragging me out of there.
Well, needless to say, she got me out. I was disappointed when Jonathan show up at my door without her to make plans for our trip to the City of the Dead. Why didn't she come? I wondered. I thought she would come since she was pleased with my kiss. But, who knows, maybe I read her wrong. Maybe she was upset about that kiss. Who needs love (why was I thinking about love??) anyway, I thought. I had lived all my life without it and you can't miss what you never had. Love. How stupid to think I had fallen in love with just one kiss. How stupid to even think about love. 'Get a hold of yourself O'Connell', I told myself. 'Love was for the birds'. I will be honest though, I did take extra care to clean myself up so that the next time I saw Miss Evelyn Carnahan, I would look half-decent.
**********************
"He's filthy, rude. A complete scoundrel. I don't like him one bit" I heard that cute accent say.
"Anyone I know" I asked as I walked up on her and Jonathan. So she did not like me. Who needs love anyway? I asked myself a second time.
"oh" she said and I thought she sounded a little startled. "Ah, um Hello" she perused me from head to toe. She was probably startled because she thought I heard her say she didn't like me, which I did. Why didn't she like me? What was wrong with me? I wondered. Or maybe... maybe she was startled to see me looking half human in my clean clothes and clean shave. I wondered if she thought I was handsome. 'Get a hold of yourself!' I thought. Jonathan distracted me and I apologized for hitting him.
"Mr. O'Connell" she said.
And I turned my attention back to her. 'I'd love to hear you call me Rick' I thought. 'Pull yourself together. She already said she didn't like you! She didn't like you one bit!'
"Can you look me in the eye and guarantee me that this isn't all some kind of flim flam because if it is, I am warning you I will..."
"YOU'RE warning me?" I said, surprised that someone so little was warning ME. She's got spunk. I liked that. "Look lady, my whole damn garrison believed in this so much that without orders they marched ½ way across Libya and into Egypt to find that city. And when we got there all we found was sand and blood" I let her know. She had the gall to give me warnings. Who did she think she was?
"Let me get your bags" I told her when she seemed to have run out of warnings. Figured I would show her that I could be a gentleman, even if she didn't like me. Yeah, I was put out because she didn't like me.
********************
I admit it. I went looking for her. And I'm glad to say I found her. I wasn't sure what I would say to her but I walked over and dumped my rucksack on the table she was sitting at.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" I told her when she jumped and let out a startled "oh".
"The only thing that scares me Mr. O'Connell are your manners" I guess she was trying to insult me.
"Still angry about that kiss huh?" I said, a little hurt by her comment. 'Hurt?! Why?! You're not some lovesick puppy!' I said to myself.
"If you call THAT a kiss". First she insulted my manners then she insulted my kiss. I wondered how many men she had kissed to know mine wasn't much of one. Then I found myself getting jealous. What other man had kissed her?! But I was being stupid. She didn't even like me.
Her insult, though, rubbed my ego the wrong way and I wanted to show her a better kiss right then and there. But she already told me I that my manners scared her and I'm sure she would have thought they had gone from bad to worse if I grabbed her and planted a good one on her like I wanted too. So instead of doing what I REALLY wanted to do, I rolled out my rucksack on the table and sat down. When she saw all my weapons, she asked me if we were going into battle. I told her something was out there, something evil but she didn't seem put off or frightened by that. The lady had guts. I liked that.
She told me she was looking to find a book at Hamunaptra and she seemed impressed that I knew the book was made out of pure gold. I thought she was crazy for going all the way out there for some book, but I didn't tell her that. Didn't want her to think I was rude.
"By the way" she eventually said. "Why did you kiss me?"
"I was about to be hanged" I told her. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
I wasn't about to tell her I wanted to see how soft her lips were especially since she didn't like me. And especially since she insulted my kiss. And especially since I wasn't some lovesick puppy.
"oooh" she huffed and slammed her book on the table.
She got up and stomped off. I wondered what was wrong with her.
"What? What'd I say?" I was confused.
She didn't like me so why does she care why I kissed her? Women. Who can understand them? Not me. I was distracted again. This time by my little weasel friend Benny, may he rest in peace. Scratch that. He's probably burning in the brimstone.
"See that girl" I told Benny when he asked why I was going back to Hamunaptra. "She saved my neck" I said, then she looked at me. And I fell over inside. She seemed to grow more beautiful in that moment. I think it was the way she looked at me. It was a soft look. Something inside me knew this woman had captured me with that look and it didn't even matter that she didn't like me. 'How stupid was that' I thought. It was stupid, yes, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to change her mind. I wanted her to like me.
****************
Yes, I panicked when I kicked the door in and saw that man holding a knife up to Evelyn. Even though she didn't like me, I didn't want to lose her so soon. Shots rang out and I turned and started shooting and in the next instance I heard the man scream. Evelyn had stuck a burning candle in his eye. Most women would have fainted by now. But Evelyn was fighting back. She had courage. I liked that.
We made it out of her room and onto the deck. Gunfire was everywhere and I had to get her to safety. I figured we could jump overboard and swim to shore.
"Can you swim?!" I asked her when he made it to the edge of ship.
"Of course I can swim" she said. "If the occasion calls for it."
She surprised me again. Most women would balk at being thrown overboard, even if it was to save their life. But not Miss Evelyn Carnahan. 'Of course I can swim'. She was a trooper. I liked that.
"Trust me" I said as I picked her up. She felt good in my arms. Felt like that's where she belonged. I was in the middle of a gunfight thinking about how soft Miss Evelyn Carnahan felt. Yep, she was definitely doing something to me. "It calls for it" I told her as I dumped her in the water.
We made it to the shore and then to a village. Evelyn had gone off somewhere to get clothes since she was in her nightgown when I threw her overboard. Jonathan was complaining about the price of the camels that he had to buy for our trip across the desert.
"We could've got 'em for nothing. All we had to do was give him your sister" I said jokingly, trying to give the boot to the weird feeling I was having about Miss Carnahan.
"Awfully tempting, wasn't it?" Jonathan said. I thought he was a jack and probably would sell his sister. But later I found that, despite his many faults, Jonathan did love Evelyn. And I couldn't blame him. I was on my way there myself although I hadn't admitted it yet.
"Awfully" I sighed as I saw Evelyn coming toward me. Yeah, I sighed! So what of it?!
She was definitely tempting. She was looking awfully beautiful in her black dress. She smiled and I fell over again. I grinned back, trying to keep a cool head, patted the camel and walked over to her.
*********************
I had just thrown Benny off his camel. The little weasel was hitting me and trying to keep me from winning the bet with my American brethren. I was racing toward my $500 when I saw her. She was galloping, if you can call what a camel does galloping, toward the City of the Dead too. She caught up with me and gave me another one of her smiles. And I fell over again. I gave her a lopsided, goofy grin. It was all I could do to keep a cool head. I watched as she rode past me and raced to the city ruins in a very unladylike manner. But she was all lady to me.
****************
"That's the statue of Anubis" she told us. "His legs go deep underground. According to Bembridge scholars that's where we'll find a secret compartment containing the golden book of Amun Ra."
I had lifted a tool kit from one of my American brethren. Evelyn needed one since hers had drowned at sea. I thought she might like, might need it. Yeah, she needed it. Besides, I thought maybe... Maybe she might like me if I gave it to her. Women liked that kind of thing, when a man gets her something nice. Although a tool kit wasn't exactly flowers, I had a feeling she would like it just as much. I mean need it. She needed the tool kit.
It was easy lifting the tool kit. The hard part was giving it to her. I'm not good at stuff like that. Should I just toss it at her 'Here's a tool kit for ya'. Nah, she had already said I was rude and she no doubt would think tossing a tool kit at her was rude. 'Just walk over to her and give it to her' I thought. But I was scared. Yeah! I was scared, so what?! I told you I wasn't any good at stuff like that.
What if she... what if she didn't want it? What if I gave it to her and she still didn't like me. But she had given me a couple of her pretty smiles and that gave me hope. Maybe she was softening up.
'OH! Come on O'Connell' I jacked myself up. I had faced death with out fear more times than I could count and now I was scared to give a woman a tool kit?! How ridiculous. I took a deep breath and headed over to her. My stomach was churning as I watched her clean off that old mirror.
"So ah, ah..." I stuttered. That churning was fear and it increased the second I opened my mouth. But it was too late to back out now so I coughed up some more words. "What... what are these old mirrors for" I said, stalling.
"Ancient mirrors" she corrected me. "It's an ancient Egyptian trick. You'll see."
"Ah" I stuttered again. "Here... this is, ah... for you" I heard my voice crack and held out the tool kit. "Go ahead" I said when she just looked at me. Man I was sweatin'. "It's ah, some... something" stuttering again. "I borrowed off our American brethren" I explained. "I thought you might like, you might need it. For when you're, ah..." jeez I was nervous. I shook my head and hammered the air with my invisible hammer. "you know. Yeah" I said, at a loss for words. As I was talking, or rather stuttering, I was inching my way outta there. I wanted to escape before I did anything embarrassing.
When I passed the jailer, he was looking at me like I was some kind of lovesick puppy. "What are you lookin at?!" I snarled at him, then peeked a quick look at Evelyn to see if she liked the tool kit. Damn it! I couldn't tell.
We eventually made our way underneath the statue of Anubis and the plan was to dig our way up and snatch the secret compartment. After digging for awhile, we took a break and sat down. Jonathan hit rocks and Evelyn began her lecture.
"And they take out your heart as well. Oh, and do you know how they take our your brains?" she said. I wasn't interested but she was glowing as she told me and Jonathan about mummification. Sitting through her lesson was worth seeing the smile and excitement on her face. And I must admit I was sitting there looking like a lovesick puppy.
*******************
When I heard the horses, I wanted Evelyn somewhere safe.
"Take this" I handed her the rifle. "Stay here" I commanded her. But even as I told her to STAY, somehow I knew she wouldn't.
When I saw her lying flat on her back holding the rifle, my heart almost stopped. She couldn't be dead. We hadn't had a chance...
"Evelyn" I bent down and took the rifle. I heard her moan and relief flooded me. "Hey. Are you alright" I helped her up.
"Yes, I'm fine" she answered and I was relieved again.
"You sure?" I asked her. I had to be sure she was okay.
"Thank you" she nodded.
My finger ran across her jaw and that skin of her was so soft. I pulled her a little closer and squeezed her just a bit. She didn't seem to mind being so close to me and I figured it was because of the gun fighting. Whatever the reason, I didn't care. I was just glad that she was okay - and in my arms.
******************
She was cute when she was drunk.
"Hey. Okay tough stuff. Try a right hook. Ball up your fist and put it, put it up like that" I was showing her how to defend herself.
"Mm Hmm" she mumbled.
"And then mean it. Hit it right here" I wanted her to punch my hand.
"Mean It!" she gave me a drunk giggle as swung.
"Okay" I laughed at her. I knew it was time to quite my lesson when she fell over into my arms. "Okay. It's time fore another drink" I held her up while she continued giggling. I eased her down on the ground and crouched down next to her.
"Unlike my brother sir, I know when to say no" she said but we both knew that was a lie. She was drunk after her first swig but she kept on swigging.
"Uh hum. And unlike your brother miss. You I just don't get."
She was unlike any woman I had ever met. Brilliant, brave, beautiful. I never met a woman with all three.
"Ah, I know. You're wondering what is a place like me doing in a girl like this" she was too cute being a lush.
"Yeah, something like that."
"Egypt is in my blood. You see, my, my father was a very, very famous explorer. He loved Egypt so much. He married my mother who was an Egyptian and quite an adventurer herself."
"Hum. I get your father and I get your mother. And uh, I get him. But WHAT are you doing here?"
"ooooh. Look I... I may not be an explorer or, or an adventurer or a treasure seeker or a gun fighter MISTER O'Connell. But I am proud of what I am" she was hilarious.
"And what is that?" I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything about this woman.
"I am... a librarian" she said VERY proudly and I couldn't help but grin at her. She dropped to her knees in front of me. "And... I am going to kiss you Mr. O'Connell."
"Call me Rick" SHE was going to kiss me!
"Oh" she grinned a silly grin but her eyes lit up. "Rick" she breathed and I fell over once again. 'Rick' sounded so sweet on her lips.
I got ready. She was going to kiss me. As she moved closer, I moved closer. She was going to kiss me. I closed my eyes and waited. She was going to kiss me. I heard her sigh. She was going to kiss me. Then something hit my chest. She was... She was passed out.
*****************
"I thought you said you didn't believe in that fairy tales and hokum stuff! Shoo!" And that was the beginning of our first fight.
"Well, having an encounter with a 3,000 year old walking, talking corpse does tend to convert one."
She was unpacking everything I was packing.
"Forget it! We're out the door. Down the hall and we're gone!"
"Oh no we are not"
"OH yes we are!"
"Oh no we are not. We woke him up and we are going to stop him."
"WE? What we? WE didn't read that book. I told you not to play around with that thing!! Did I tell you?!"
"Yes, then, me, me, me, me, I, I, I woke him up and I intend to stop him" the woman was courageous. I liked that.
"Yeah how?!" I didn't want to lose her to some walking dead guy. "You heard the man. No mortal weapons can kill this guy!"
"Then we are just going to have to find some immortal ones."
"There goes that WE again."
"Will you listen to me. We have to do something..."
"OUCH!" she slammed her suitcase closed on my fingers so I couldn't throw anymore of her things in there.
"Once this creature has been reborn" she followed me as I walked around the room trying as I was shaking off the pain my fingers were in. "His curse is going to spread until the whole of the earth is destroyed."
"YEAH!" I turned and started chasing her around the room. "Is that my problem?!"
"It's everybody's problem!" she said while she was running from me.
"Evelyn I appreciate you saving my life and all but when I signed on I agreed to take you out there and bring you back. I have done that! End of job! End of story! Contract terminated!"
"That's all I am to you?! A contract?!"
If we weren't in the heat of battle, I would have sworn she sounded a little hurt that I thought of her as only a contract. Little did she know she was much more than that to me and that's why I wanted her out of there and as far away from that walking, talking corpse as possible.
"You can either tag along with me or stay her and try and save the world" I told her. "What's it gonna be?!" I knew the answer before I finished my question.
"I'm staying" she said with determination and I knew I'd be staying too. Damn it!
"FINE!" I said. This woman was frustrating me!
"FINE!" she said.
"Fine!" I said.
"Fine!" she said
"Fine" I said before slamming the door and heading to the bar to figure out what we would do next.
******************
I didn't want Evelyn out and about with the walking dead in town, so I told her to stay. And of course she protested.
"Just a minute! You're not leaving me here like some carpetbag!"
This time she would argue by herself. I wasn't letting her out of that room and that was final. I didn't say a word to her. I simply turned around.
"Who put you in charge O'Connell?!" she wanted to know. I put myself in charge. "WHAT do you think you are doing?!" she asked when I holstered her over my shoulder. I think she was a little mad at me.
"Jonathan!" I don't know why she was calling that yellow belly. "O'Connell!"
I marched over to the bed, dumped her on it.
"Jonathan! Coward that you are!"
Then I marched out the bedroom.
"O'Connell, you are not leaving in me here!!" she said to the closing doors because I wasn't listening.
I locked her in the room. I didn't want to lose her. I set my coward American brethren guard over her. I took Jonathan with me because I knew if he stayed behind, Evelyn would have him unlocking the door and letting her out. I couldn't lose her, I just couldn't.
And then I thought I had.
"If he" she said and I knew what she was about to do. "Turns me into a mummy, you're the first one I'm coming after."
I looked at Evelyn in a daze. My one chance at love was walking away from me.
"No!" I pulled out my gun and was about to shoot.
"Don't!" she said. "He has to take me back to Hamanaptra to perform the ritual" she begged me.
My finger was inching to squeeze the trigger but I remembered that last time I shot that thing and he kept coming. Evelyn believed the golden book was the only thing that could stop that creature and I had no other choice but to trust that she knew what she was talking about. I holstered my gun, gritted my teeth and knew I would go through hell's fire to get her back.
She continued looking at me and even though she was putting up a brave front, I could see the fear in her eyes.
"Evelyn!" I was scared. Scared for her. Ardeth held me back and then she disappeared.
We ended up sending Imhotep back to hell and escaping the city with our lives. Jonathan was disappointed and complaining about all that treasure that should have left with us but was instead buried under all that sand. I didn't care about that treasure because I had left the city with the most valuable treasure of all.
"I wouldn't say that" I said as I looked my treasure.
Evelyn turned and looked at me. We kissed a good kiss. I felt like staying there forever, holding her, kissing her. But we had to get back to the city. When the kiss ended. I looked at her and knew I would spend the rest of my life with this woman. She smiled at me and the biggest smile I ever smiled spread across my face.
********************
Rick was pulled from his memories by a sound. His new bride was snoring. He actually laughed aloud as he pictured her reaction when he told her she snored. She'd probably deny it and give him one of her 'oooh's'. He pulled her naked, soft body closer to him, squeezed her tightly but gently, closed his eyes and drifted to sleep with a smiled on his face. Love. Who needs it? He did. And he got it. Evelyn was his love and now his life.