I know I haven't been good and haven't updated for a long time, I'm really sorry, but I just couldn't write anything that sounded right. If you think this chapter is a little off, that's why… For some reason my writing sucks lately.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.

9 – Of age

My birthday wasn't at all like I expected.

The day started out bad and only got worse: I woke up with a headache, I almost got run over by a car while I crossed the road and I arrived late at the Bryants', where I went to babysit two children.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bryant, I promise it won't happen again." I assured.

"It's okay." He replied, but I could tell he was in a hurry and wasn't listening to me. "I have to go. My wife will be home by 12, you know where my office number is." He said goodbye to his kids and left.

"So, Danny, Emily, what do you want to do?" I asked them. Danny was eight and Emily was six: he was one of the most lively little boys I knew, but on the other hand his sister Emily was very sweet.

"I wanna play with my soldiers!" Danny exclaimed and rushed upstairs, without waiting for my answer.

"What about you, Emily?"

"I'd like to draw." She muttered, looking down. She was a bit shy.

"Sure. Let's go upstairs in Danny's room, so I can check on both of you."

She took my hand and we walked upstairs. The door of Danny's room was closed, though. I sighed and knocked. "Danny, open the door."

"No!"

"Danny, please, open the door." I repeated.

"No! I'm a big boy, I don't need no babysitter!" he shouted.

I looked at Emily. "He's never said this before."

"Yeah, he's mad because a kid his age makes fun of him for having a babysitter." Emily told me.

"I see… but I can't leave him alone." I raised my voice a little: "Danny, open this door now or I will give all your cookies to your sister."

"You can't do that!"

"Yes, I can. Your parents trust me with you two."

"Alright!" he yelled. Emily and I waited for him to open the door. The day got worse when he pronounced the following words: "Oops… I can't unlock the door."

"What do you mean you can't unlock the door?" I felt like I was going to panic.

"The key doesn't work!" he said.

Great. "Okay, listen. Open your window, I'll climb in from outside. Come on, Emily."

She followed me in the small garden. Luckily, there was a tree that grew beside his window, so I could climb over there. "Emily, don't move." I told her as I started climbing.

"Wow, you're good!" she exclaimed. "I can't climb trees."

"Yeah, growing up with boys around makes you learn dumb things." I told her.

I reached Danny's window and I was going to get inside, but I heard his voice calling me. I looked down, he was standing next to Emily. "I tried until I got to open the door!" he laughed.

Of course, that had to be after I'd already climbed all the way up there. "Good. I'm coming down then."

And that was when the day got awful. I slipped and fell.

----------------------------------

"Only you could break your arm on your birthday!" my brother commented later that day, while we were chilling in our living room.

"Like I did it on purpose!" I replied. "Leave me alone, Two-Bit."

"Aww, is my little sister mad? You ain't so little thinkin' about it. You're eighteen now, which means…" he paused.

"What?"

"I'm thinkin'…"

I rolled my eyes and got up. "This is the worst birthday I ever had." I don't know what possessed me to say the following, but I continued: "I should have broken my neck instead."

"Susan!" Two-Bit shouted. "Don't you dare say that again!"

"Calm down, you ain't my father."

"You're a brat." He replied. "You have no right to say those things. You're lucky mom ain't home yet or she would've slapped you hard."

"Leave me alone!" I went upstairs and slammed my bedroom door behind me. I was feeling annoyed and frustrate and my arm hurt and I'd taken it out on my brother.

Half an hour later they knocked on my door. "Two-Bit, I told you to get the hell away from me!" I yelled.

"It's not Two-Bit." Someone replied. I could tell that voice from anywhere. I got up and opened the door. "Sorry, Darry… I thought you were my annoying brother…" I apologized and let him in.

"It's ok. Two-Bit told me about your accident… How do you feel, Susie?"

"Better." I sat on my bed. "It's all my fault really, I should have been more careful… why are you here?""

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday… here." He handed me a rose. It was so beautiful. "I know it hasn't been the best day so far, I guess I'll leave you alone now." He turned and started to leave, but I stopped him: "Wait! Don't go, Darry… you're the only good thing happened to me today." I said softly. "Would you stay and talk with me for a while?"

Darry nodded and sat beside me.

"Do you remember your eighteenth birthday?" I asked him curiously.

"A bit. My mom baked a cake, as usual, and I remember I was all nervous because the following day there was an important football match at school and I absolutely wanted to win…"

"Did your team win?"

He smiled. "Yeah. We barely made it. The other team was furious." He paused. "So you're starting college next month."

"Yes." I nodded. I was feeling so confused. I didn't understand why Darry was there, it felt surreal, like I was dreaming or I was acting a part from a movie… and I decided I didn't have anything to lose, so I asked. "Darry, why… are you here? I mean, it's great you came to wish me a happy birthday, I'm happy you did, but I was just thinking… I don't want to bother you, you have your family to worry about, we're not even friends because I'm so much younger… what am I to you?"

My heart was beating so fast. I was afraid of his reply. A part of me didn't want to hear and for a second I considered running away from my bedroom. But I also knew I had to face the truth, whatever it was. I'd been avoiding it long enough.

Darry was looking down. "I can't tell you, Susie." He saw the way I was staring at him and quickly added: "I'm not sure myself. Since my parents died, I've tried not to get too attached to people, because I had to look after my brothers and only care about them. You were a little kid then and… I didn't use to care so much. I was nice to you, because you were young, and then it seemed like you grew up all of a sudden and I found myself caring an awful lot more about you. Especially knowing your brother… I mean, Two-Bit is great, but sometimes he's a little air headed." He paused. "So I don't know… I feel like I'm too old to love you, but I don't want you to get hurt and if I could help you, I would."

"Help me… how?" I whispered, still stunned by his revelation. "Why can't you ignore our age difference? There's plenty of people in the world that get married and the man is older than the woman! And in the Middle Ages, twenty year olds married forty year olds! You say you care, but if you do, couldn't you overlook all this? I'm just… if you really want to know, ten years and eight months aren't that big of a difference!" I couldn't stop speaking.

"Susie…" he smiled a little at the mention of our exact age difference. "It ain't that easy, I have responsibilities, toward you, your family, even myself."

"But I ain't asking you to run away together and get married or something crazy like that, I'm just asking you to… give me a chance." I insisted. All the shyness I once had was completely gone. I felt like I really had guts, for the first time in my life.

"I don't know." Darry said softly. "Sometimes I look at Soda and see how happy he is with his wife and their baby, and think that's what a family should be like and I fear that… I will never have that kind of life." Darry concluded.

"Darry, you're the best person I know, you deserve a life like that! And you will get it, maybe not now, but I'm sure. I can feel it. And I don't care if it'll be me, I hope you'll be happy, because you've earned it!" I was getting mad. Darry wasn't supposed to think that way, he had to be hopeful, life had been harsh on him and he just had to have more.

"See, when you say such things you don't sound like an eighteen year old. I have a hard time believing you're one." He joked.

"Well then… close your eyes and pretend I'm not eighteen, I'm not Two-Bit's sister, I'm just someone you may like."

He got up. "I need to think. This is difficult…" he rubbed his forehead. "I hope I'll see you soon. Happy birthday, Susie."

He left and I felt a bit more hopeful. Maybe things would finally work out between us.