Gosh, it's taken me forever to come up with a new story… but, here I am. Thanks to my recent aquiring of Kingdom Hearts 2, my brain turned to mush a few days ago and it's been hard to think. I've also become thoroughly obsessed with Sora/Kairi pairings, and am now tolerant of Aurrikkus, thanks to Kitsu. Anyway, my brain is back, though I wouldn't say whole, and I've had trouble with coming up with new ideas. I was generally stuck between another Squinoa fic and a fic about Seifer, and you can see I've made up my mind. So, enjoy the randomness, and hope to Square Enix I've evolved since that Fantasy West story.

This story alternates between first and third person, and so no one gets confused, "I" is Seifer. Sorry.

Seifer returns to the orphanage a few months after the sorceress incident and gives in to his memories, some long forgotten and some fresh in his mind, and ponders what turned him into something evil, only to find it was himself. Ready to repent, he returns to Garden, but what kind of reception will he receive there? Most certainly not a warm and welcoming one… right?

Coming Home

Chapter 1: The Monster

I sat and stared out at the ocean, my ever-increasing sense of self pity nagging at the corners of my brain. It had taken much persuasion to get Raijin and Fujin to come here, and now… I hated the fact that I had ever even remembered this place. While my friends nosed about inside, examining remainders of my childhood and the childhoods of those I'd ruined, I stood at the edge of the beach, watching the sun set with utmost loathing. Being there brought back so many memories… old and fairly new. Growling, I kicked sand at the unwavering tide and turned my back on the ocean… and my thoughts.

Despite my attempts, they continued to attack my brain, poking and prodding as I slowly lost my resolve. They danced in front of my eyes, horrid smiles shaking me and throwing my willpower to the ground, dashing it amongst the orange-colored beach. Finally, I let go, allowing only one of them to replay in front of me. Drifting away, I watched as a scene unraveled, chuckling at its victory.

"Hey, look! I found another one!" A young girl with blonde hair stood up, in the midst of a field, and held blue flowers in her hand. "Look, Matron, this one's purple!" The child ran to a young-looking woman and thrust the flowers into the air, as the dark-haired woman bent down and smiled.

"They're beautiful, Quistis! Shall we dry a few of them and put them in your scrapbook?"

"Yes please, Matron!" Quistis giggled, closely examining some of her new charge's petals. "We put the rest in a vase, right?" The woman chuckled and ruffled the small child's hair, standing up again and leading her away. A small distance off, a young boy lay in the grass and stared up at the clouds, eyes blank and expressionless. He watched them float lazily by and frowned, thoughts too big for a six year old parading through his mind. Ever since Sis had left… it got a bit too quiet. Not much had changed, but… some of the kids were a bit more quiet now… especially Squall. The boy glared as he heard a thud next to him, sitting up quickly and glaring down at his peer.

"Hey," a brown-haired girl giggled, "That one looks like a fluffy bunny!"

"Go away, Selphie," the boy snapped, rolling over and examining a small bug crawling amongst the grass. He heard more thuds, and was fairly annoyed to see that another boy had flopped onto the grass as well.

"I see a hat!" the boy named Irvine called, pointing and smiling widely. A few feet away, another small boy stood, blonde hair stretching for the sky as if it wanted to part from his head. The boy pointed and smiled, grin stretching almost from ear to ear.

"I see a hot dog!" he crowed. With a growl, he stood and walked straight up to the boy with the straight and pointy hair, face inches from the others.

"You're such a baby, Zell!" he snapped. "All you can ever think about is food! Go back to your cradle!" Zell, dropped his hand and tried to glare at the other, but the effect was ruined by the tears threatening to flood down his face.

"B-be quiet, Seifer!"

"Cry-baby Zell! Cry-baby Zell!" Seifer chanted. He heard small footsteps from behind him, and whirled around to see Quistis, flowers falling from her hand as she stared at him. "What do you want, Miss Bossy?"

"Leave Zell alone, he didn't do anything!" she growled, now the only flower left in her hand was the purple one… the one so very rare.

"That's Quistis, always telling us what to do!" Seifer, caught in his childish rage, snatched the bloom from her hand and threw it to the ground, stepping on it with more force than a young boy should have. Quistis merely stared, seeing her rare treasure in small bits underneath Seifer's foot. With anger, Seifer stomped away to find Squall, ready to goad him into a fight. He knew he would regret it later… but that was how he was. Act first, think later. Still, the incident didn't reveal itself to him until later, when he was in bed before everyone else, and he remembered the hurt face Quistis had given him… she made that face a lot…

I banished the memory, angry at myself for choosing that particular scene to relive. I had been given happy times here as well… but… as I continued to ponder, the bad seemed to overshadow the good. From what I could tell, I had given nothing but grief to Matron, and my peers… nothing but anguish, grief, and fury. And when I went to Balamb, nothing changed. I still treated Squall with utter dislike, even though my memories of childhood faded away. I still treated Quistis like dirt, even as she rose high above me, became my teacher.

Shouts brought my attention back to earth as I heard Raijin come careening down the steps, followed closely by Fujin. They seemed to be arguing about something as Raijin held something clutched in his fist. I swept the annoying strand of hair that kept falling in my face away and glared, something I've accomplished over years. Almost instantly, they stopped, Raijin now guiltily holding the mysterious item behind his back. I frowned and held out my hand, giving him another glare.

"We just found it…" Raijin said, handing me what appeared to be a book. "I wanted to show it to you, but Fujin said…"

"LIAR." Fujin attacked Raijin's leg, leaving him to howl and wince in pain. I examined the book, used to their now unentertaining antics. I was surprised to see that it had a name, carved in childish handwriting onto the leather binding with crayon. My heart leapt into my throat as I made out the letters to be "Quistis". "WHAT?" Fujin asked, watching Raijin leap around and clutch his leg. I shook my head, raising my eyes to look at them.

"Could you guys… leave me alone for a minute?" Raijin cocked his head and raised an eyebrow as Fujin unquestioningly turned and walked away.

"Hey… Hey, Fujin, wait up, ya know?" As soon as their shouts were out of hearing range, I turned back to the ocean and opened the book, now recognizing it as…

"The scrapbook…" I whispered. I let my fingers graze a photo in remembrance and closed my eyes, the photo seizing my senses and allowing me to drift away.

Ellone sat in the middle of the field, quietly playing with something in her hands. With a smile, a boy, probably around five, came and sat down beside her. "What're you making, Sis?" The older girl smiled, and with one fluid motion, took what was in her hand and fastened it around her head.

"Do you remember what this is?" she asked him. The boy giggled and prodded the garland with joy.

"It's a flower hat!" Ellone smiled again and pulled the headband off, placing it instead upon her young charge's head.

"That's right, Squall. A hat made of white flowers. Do you remember?" The boy gave her a funny look as he pulled the garland off and placed it back on Ellone's head, giggling. "No, I suppose you don't. You were too little, anyway."

"Sis! What's that?" Two young girls came toddling up, examining the flowers with special care. "It's so pretty!" Quistis said, giggling. Ellone smiled and sighed, plucking more of the white blossoms and threading them into more headbands. Soon, almost everyone was at her side, wearing the beautiful garlands and smiling. Matron emerged from the stone house, holding a camera. She'd been watching from the window.

"Oh, how adorable! Everyone get closer in together!" She stationed the children carefully around Ellone, who smiled reluctantly. "How sweet, a photo of everyone!" As the shutter flashed, someone else stood and watched from the window. Not everyone was in the picture, as Seifer stared at the happy bunch. They didn't even notice that he wasn't there.

Sure enough, there was a dried white flower pressed between two pages. I smiled sadly, inhaling its scent. After all these years, it still lingered… a smell of peace, of happiness. I sighed. Ellone left two days later and never came back. And then, almost two months ago, we had a sort of… reunion. If you could even call it that. I kidnapped her… used Raijin and Fujin to help me keep her prisoner. I used them all, only to be used by that witch, Ultimecia. That wasn't really my dream… I kept telling myself it was… but it never came close. My childhood dream was much different…

Flipping through the pages, my heart lurched as I examined another fragrant bit pressed between the pages. Folded inside the sheet holding the pictures in place was a bunch of petals, purple from the looks of them. They were crushed… probably the ones I had destroyed a lifetime ago. I closed the book again, guilt tugging at my heart harder than it had bothered to for a long time. All of the people whose lives I destroyed, ripped apart, and cast aside, were the people who faced me at the end. Before I fled, knowing that her… our… end was near.

It was all my fault… everything, everything that had happened was started by my mistake. My idiotic mistake to join Ultimecia, and turn my back on those I had once considered equals, if not friends. With Raijin and Fujin behind, and Ultimecia ahead, I'd felt as though I was on top of the world. And, with all idiotic feelings, mine were dashed against the rocks the first time Squall defeated me. I don't even know why I kept trying… I knew I had better give up that last time, but… I didn't…

"Seifer, why?" Ellone asked, Raijin roughly pushing her as Seifer walked ahead, stiff as a board. "Don't you remember me?"

"I do. When Ultimecia wanted you captured, I volunteered. All because of our… illuminating past. Even if Squall and his cronies do end up coming to gallantly rescue you, we'll be ready. Right now, my Sorceress is busy with the resurrection of her dear, old friend Adel."

"… They are coming to get me. You know it, and Squall will fight you again… and win." Ellone's defiant face made Seifer laugh cruelly, as they reached a small hallway. With a single snap, a large robot to the right shot to attention, lights flashing and blinking monotonously.

"Keep an eye out for anyone that doesn't look like me, Raijin, or Fujin." With another few steps, he reached a room. It was undeniably plain, while a small ledge protruded from the wall. Seifer hauled himself up, sitting on the edge and wedging his gunblade into the metal ground. He inclined his head to Raijin and Fujin, pointing out the door. "Go check for intruders. Report back as soon as possible, and lock the door behind you."

"You think I'm going to escape? Where would I go?"

"Very good point, dear Sis. Waiting for your special boyfriend to come and rescue you?" She smiled slightly and shook her head.

"He's most certainly not my boyfriend, he's my brother." Seifer started slightly, glaring at the petite figure that had once been a small girl, intent upon making every child at that place feeling special. Funny that he'd fawned upon her as a child, but… now he held her hostage in a large room, offering her up to almost certain death. Odd, that a person could change that much in over ten years. "The fact that I'm older than him doesn't really help much either."

"Never stopped Quistis…" he muttered. Ellone brightened considerably, fondly remembering her old playmates.

"I just saw her a while ago… wasn't the happiest of reunions. She seemed rather depressed." Seifer rolled his eyes and turned away, a fiery rage beginning to twinge in a corner of his heart. "I can only assume that she remembered…" Seifer raised an eyebrow, now becoming more intent upon his conversation.

"What do you mean, remembered? Did you always know about the GF effect on memory?" Ellone nodded, pushing a clump of hair from her eyes.

"Yeah… Cid explained it to me when I arrived at Garden a while ago. It was kind of hard to realize I wasn't remembered by most of you… that most of your childhoods were gone. But, I was wrong. Squall still remembered." She smiled sadly, sitting on the ground and picking at the metal. "I always thought that leaving was a bad idea, and now… look what I started. He's a stoic, relentless, depressed teenager bent on saving the world." She giggled a little, before looking at Seifer again. "Did you… forget me, too?" Seifer looked almost guilty, turning away.

"Yeah, I did." He frowned, pondering as to why he was speaking to Ultimecia's prisoner like this… like they were old friends… they were old friends, weren't they? He attempted to squash the last bit of feeling left within. "Ultimecia, whether or not Squall shows up, is going to use you to start time compression. I'm sure that you know what that is." She nodded. "Good, well, afterwards, you're quite basically dead so that no one can go back and change the past. So, if you have any regrets, I'm sure the wall over there will be happy to listen." He turned his back on her, finishing the speech that he used to relay to all the prisoners doomed to die, when he worked in D-District Prison. They would sit quietly, begin sobbing, or start talking to the wall, their last resorts. And he would leave, not wanting or caring enough to listen.

Ellone didn't seem content to sit quietly, as she began humming quietly to herself… a happy song, though a bit slow, so she obviously wasn't crying. She wasn't talking to the wall, and thus, Seifer was left with his thoughts. Nothing seemed right anymore. Pounding footsteps echoed from the hallway beyond; Seifer stood on the slope, Ellone standing as if to greet someone. Flinging the door open, Raijin and Fujin burst in, Raijin dragging one of his legs slightly.

"Seifer! They're coming!" Seifer cursed to himself, glaring indifferently at Raijin's leg. He sorted jumbled thoughts before standing up straight again and motioning for them to come closer.

"Mobile Type 8 will hold them off for a while. If they survive that, they'll have to deal with us." Fujin looked at Raijin with a small frown as they moved forward, grabbing Ellone's arms so that she wouldn't run. But… Seifer knew she wouldn't. He could tell what she was thinking… she and Rinoa had always played favorites, and both with the same person. Rinoa was now in love with Squall, prodding Seifer into a steady hatred for them both. Ellone had always hung around Squall, talking to him and playing with him. Still, even today, they played favorites… Rinoa would more than likely be in the front line with Squall, ready to fight, and Ellone would be so happy to see her savior.

"You won't win. Nothing will prevent that. Destiny commands this battle." Seifer stared at Ellone angrily before pulling his gunblade out of the wedge he had encased it in. With an evil smirk, he shouldered it and laughed aloud… not the kind of laugh meant for something funny.

'I don't feel like cooperating with destiny… I plan to win this fight." He smirked again and folded his arms. If destiny commanded that he lose to Squall, lose to his rival, lose to the person who picked up everything Seifer had dropped and made it work… well, then, destiny would finally have to meet its match.

I growled inwardly, throwing myself onto the sand and placing the book in my lap, parallel to the crashing waves. With a single sigh, I pulled off my gloves and let one of my hands drift in the small streams of water creeping stealthily towards my body, until my fingers were left with nothing but sand in my grasp. All of my memories did nothing but shame me... "Never again," I said, throwing my discarded gloves into the ocean. I could blame my memories as much as I wanted. I was the problem. I was the scourge of the earth, and… well... I was everyone's worst nightmare. "I was the monster…" I muttered, gently examining the aged scrapbook with my fingers.

"What's that supposed to mean, ya know?" I turned to see my friends standing behind me, and I smiled. They looked almost frightened, not having seen me smile in… well, quite a bit. With less grace than I would have normally executed for the sake of showing off, I hauled myself to my feet, dragging the book with me.

"SEIFER," Fujin said, looking concerned. "YOUR GLOVES…" They were drifting away, carried by the tide of the sea. I shrugged, examining my pale hands with a carefree air.

"Leave them. I can always buy new ones." I grinned mischievously, much like the way I once grinned… felt like a lifetime ago. "Now, what should we do with this?" I asked, holding up the scrapbook with my hand. Fujin shrugged as Raijin rubbed the back of his neck.

"Uh… we could… return it?" Starting at the idea, I looked at him with the traces of a scowl on my face. What would make him think of that…? "Oh, bad idea, I get it, it's okay, ya know! It was a stupid idea; of course, we can't go back there, ya know, it'd be dumb!"

"IDIOT!" Fujin said, kicking Raijin in the shin. He howled with pain as I chuckled inwardly, used to seeing them act this way. Closing my eyes and thinking, I smirked.

"Why, Raijin… that's actually a good idea."

"I know, I know, it sucks- huh?"

"We'll take it back… it'll give me a chance to apologize." Fujin and Raijin stared at me, mouths gaping. I raised an eyebrow, folding my arms. "What?"

"You're not planning on… going back, are you? They'll never believe it! You'll be killed, ya know?" Raijin shouted. "Quistis won't even want to remember you, let alone look at you! No one will forgive you, ya know?"

"Well, I'm not going back for forgiveness. I don't care if she doesn't forgive me! I just want to return this." I began to walk towards the stone house, the two following me. "What made you think I wanted to apologize to her anyway? I was talking about Kramer!"

"Wha-… which Kramer?" Raijin asked, clapping a hand to his forehead.

"MATRON?" Fujin asked. I nodded, sweeping the strand of hair out of my face.

"I screwed up… I should at least apologize to her. If I'm lucky, she can return the scrapbook for me." Entering the old orphanage, I picked my gunblade up off the table and turned to walk out the door. "Coming or not?" I knew they'd follow. With the sun sinking slowly past the ocean, I reached the place where we'd tied off our chocobos. Slipping the book into my pack, I hoisted myself onto the beast and nudged it to get going. With the rhythmic beat of six chocobo feet beneath us, the orphanage got farther and farther away. I swore, then and there, with the stars and the moon as my witnesses, that I would change. I couldn't- wouldn't- be the monster anymore.

WOW, eight whole pages! On Word, anyway. I'm so proud of myself! That's like… two more than my longest chapter ever! I hope that Seifer wasn't too sappy… or something. I've always thought that his thoughts are a bit more deep than some people think, and he takes on a bit of a… depressed tone in this one. Oh, and, imagine the children speaking in childish tones. I can't type for little kids… it's harder than you'd think.

Mmkay, I'm hoping that this gets a few reviews from some of my old favorites, and some new ones, and for those of you who're reading this right now and are interested, I'm already working on the second chapter. The next one will be in third person, because… well, it's easier for me. I liked the thought of messing with Seifer's thoughts, and now I'm content.

I love Raijin so much, he's so frigging funny! Next chapter I'm introducing an OC, but I guess he's sort of in the game… whatever.

Farewell to my readers,

Grieverwings