Disclaimer: I don't own the pr0n industry. Nor Naruto. Nor their conjoined evil twin. Sorry. Bribe the other dudes with me.

Couple: Sasuke and Sakura, loosely implied Everyone/Everyone ;D.

All of the rookie nine are in their late teens. Except for team Gai. They are all of one year older than the other late teens. Because I say so. Who knows if Sasuke ever went anywhere. Itachi may or may not be dead. This was written in response to something read on this website.

This story is really only a lemon. So. I am telling you to make lemonade. And also. Remember. As in general this website is respectable. So please? I will be giving a l i n k past a certain point to r e s p e c t their rules. H a p p y h a p p y j o y j o y!

So if you are under the mental capacity of a dying goldfish, go back to Barney and Rainbows. Or read on. I enjoy destroying universes. It gives me a hobby.

Moreover, and do read carefully: sasusakunejitenten4eva was my inspiration for this - not the other way around. She wrote this concept of Sasuke being told my Naruto to suck it up and get Sakura into the Hokage's office in which Sasuke and Sakura end up copulating first, and because of that, a combination of a mildly bad day, and a pony named "Chu" I wrote this. Which was, honestly, intended to be a parody of why I have a hard time understanding "lemons" as written within the fandom. Please, don't credit me with the idea - if you want "proof", sasusakunejitenten4eva published a while before me, and please look to her profile and read her lovely store "My Sakura" (I believe) if you honestly want to see what "inspired" me to this.

I've once more removed the actual "lemon" to an external link because I simply don't want to run on toes here more than giving a linked address outwards would. So this is me clearly stating this story as published on FanFiction dot Net will not contain the lemon - if you so desire to see that, and are of a legal age for your area, as well as a maturity level that can handle such things, then be my guest - and that is that. I will not take responsibiity for your actions, and this top-note is horrendously long. Jolly good show.

---

The sky was berefit of clouds, the sun shining down scaldingly on Konoha. The forest offered scant protection, the normally cool shadows cast by the ancient trees negated by the hot breeze that twisted through the undergrowth. Sasuke paused, eyes flicking to the side. Something else was moving toward him, and ten to one it would be a familiar blonde boy who would leap out of the bushes in five... four... three... two... one...

Surprisingly, Naruto parted the leaves rather gracefully, looking somewhat annoyed. "Sasuke! Why the hell are you moving around in this heat?" Naruto was sweating, and looking decidedly unhappy about being forced to move around. "Old Lady Tsunade wants the four of us in her office."

Sasuke remained silent. Nice for Tsunade. And he cared... why?

Naruto wiped his forehead. "So, teme, I'm leaving you to get Sakura-chan." Naruto sighed. "She threatened to castrate me if I went near her apartment without an express invitation again." He shiverred. Sakura could be very intimidating, and he didn't feel like calling a bluff and learning that it wasn't, actually, a bluff.

Reproduction could be nice at some point.

Sasuke looked unimpressed, and in some secret way, was amused. "Really."

The blonde frowned. "What do you mean really?"

"...You're weird, Sasuke. OH!" The blonde smiled again, perking up despite the heat. "Tsunade also said I was supposed to give you this!" Naruto pulled a rather large hypodermic needle out of his gear, depressing it to get air bubbles out. He tapped the side, and smiled at Sasuke.

Sasuke wasn't threatened.

The ensuing battle probably would have gone better had Sasuke not found the hypodermic needle depressed in his right asscheek and Naruto hadn't found himself with a few broken ribs, but altogether, each party was happy. Or something similar, as similar as someone drugged and someone in immense pain could come to being happy about a current outcome.

"Just get Sakura, Sasuke," Naruto finally grumbled. "I'll get Kakashi's ass over to the Old Lady."

Sasuke was scowling. "What the fuck was in that needle?" he asked.

Naruto shrugged, uncaring but amused at his victory. "No idea. The Old Lady said something about 'deus ex machina' which sounded like some stupid gambling event. You think someone that unlucky would just give up after all this time instead of trying to challenge us into gambling with her."

They shared a moment of silence.

"...Uh, I'm leaving now."

Sasuke acknowledged Naruto with a lazed blink, and was gone just as quickly.

---Mysteriously Elsewhere---

Sasuke knocked on the wooden door once more, frowning. If he was being inconvenienced, the least Sakura could do was respond. He wasn't a "go-for" boy.

Still no response. He frowned, and tried the handle.

The door opened.

Sasuke felt like an idiot.

"Sakura?" He called out her name, but, aytipically, heard no response. He moved into the entry, not bothering to take off his sandals. The small front-room bore no sign of Sakura, and it irked Sasuke. She was supposed to be finable. This was not findable.

He moved down the hall, peering into the small kitchen, still seeing nothing. A potted plant cheerily waved its fronds at him. Sasuke scowled back.

No one in the linen closet, either. Not that Sasuke had thought she would be. He'd also thought the door to the linen closet had been to a room. Then again, having a rain of towels come down on his head as he opened the closet had cured him of that idea. Quickly.

When he finally managed to shut the linen closet door again, he sighed. His eyebrow twitched. He frowned. Where the fuck was Sakura?

He peered into the last room, noting the well-made bed and exceptional organization that had come to be a part of Sakura's life over the years. Organization. Here, in her home, perhaps she achieved some level of it. Outside... There was precious little.

Sasuke moved into the room, not quite realizing he had done so until his hands rested on the foot of her bed, examining the walls and observing their suspiscious lack of devoration. Though there was a rather large mirror on the ceiling. Sasuke felt a chill run through his body. Sakura...?

His attention fell on the ajar door in her room. "Sakura?" he called out once more, moving toward it. He pegged the sound that had been pestering him this entire time. Running water.

Shit. She was in the shower? Sasuke frowned ever deeper. "Sakura!" Still, no response. He moved closer, not looking all that impressed. Was the girl deaf? "Sakura."

"Oooooooh if Iiiiiiii were an Oscarmeyer Weeeeeeeiiineeerrr."

Sasuke chose to ignore what he had heard. "Sakura."

The water continued to run, and her voice, a pleasant and unfitting sporano, moved between various bits of culture like so many legos in a large box of legos.

He sighed, and stuck his head into the bathroom. Sakura's form was disguised by the steam and textured glass as he called her name once more. This time she seemed to hear, turning off the water and peering out. Her eyes narrowed, but she shook her head, apparently not seeing Sasuke.

The Uchiha was sorely tempted to do something undignified, like shout her name, when she stepped out of the shower, nude as the day after she was born. Sasuke was rooted for a moment due to sheer unexpectedness. His eyes rolled over her form, cataloguing. Her legs were long and wiry, a side effect of her lifestyle. Her breasts were small and compact, no excess fat in her diet to fill them out beyond what passed as a rounded handful, and no need. She wasn't all that curvy, her hips narrower than what was strictly considered desirable... But Sasuke wasn't thinking in terms of convention.

He was actually trying very hard to stop thinking at all.

---

And if you of of that age and maturity level to believe you wish to see "the end", then feel free to visit logger-rhythms(.)livejournal(.)com(/)2868(.)html#cutid1 removing all the parenthesis ().

HOPE YOU REVIEW LOL ENJOY THE LEMON MY FIRST ONE (not) SO PLEASE GO EASY ON ME but not sexually easy I like a challenge ;D REVIEW RESPOND COMMENT FEED ME!