A/n: …everybody calls that guy from HM: AWL Jack, have ya noticed? I'm fine with that…but it sure is funny, XD!

Beware of the shocking diary of Jack's lovely life! (Oh, so exiting! It'll make you BARF!)

Spring, day 1:

Hiya, diary!

Well, since my ex-girlfriend Drew (…you know, dreamy eyes, black hair, smoking joints like a madman) had stolen all of my money, eaten the rats, and kicked me out of my cheap house, I was forced to live on the street. On BARE FEET! And that's pretty gross, I can tell you! So I made a decision…

…I finally took off to Forget-Me-Not Valley, to Takakura.

…don't ask me who the HELL Takakura is. I don't know him too well…The only thing I know about Takakura, is that he used to be very good friends with my dad. Which is pretty weird: I never knew dad had such freaky friends!

Mind you, Takakura is really friendly and such, but MAN, he depresses me like no tomorrow! Can't he walk up straight? And does he EVER wash that icky towel around his neck? Ugh! Not to mention his eyebrows…

Anyway…I arrived at 'our' farm, early in the morning. I could barely keep my eyes open (hey, I was still pretty drowsy!) when I tried to listen to the sad and monotone voice of Takakura (who was telling me all the facts about the farm).

'And Jack, what should we call the farm?' he then suddenly asked me.

…like I cared.

'…"No way back"?...' I frowned.

I thought that was quite funny to say. Takakura didn't.

'Come on, Jack…try to be serious…it was your father's dream to have a family farm…' Takakura sighted sadly.

Oh geesh…my old man. Just like HIM to have a dream like that. May he rest in peace. And with a lot of beautiful women. Dead beautiful women.

'What do you think of…Picabo Farm!' I suggested.

Takakura's nose shifted.

'…well, that's…original, I guess…Okay then, that'll do…'

You go Jack, you gooo!

Heh, first I wanted to call it Peekaboo, but there wasn't enough space left. And that's just too bad… so I called it Picabo! It's almost the same, right? Right?

Takakura and I strolled further for a while (and Takakura was almost making me cry when he sadly told me about the sad house he had sadly fixed for me)… and then…two dogs came by! OMIGOSH! What a coincidence!

'Hotdog, Takakura! Two dogs! That's more than one! This must be my lucky day!' I cheered.

Takakura mumbled something about 'strays' and 'can keep one'. I wanted to say that I wanted to keep them both, but the sad eyebrows of my dad's friend made me change my mind…

So I chose…and I named the dog with the pointy ears Stu! Hahahaha! Ain't that a stupid name! Stu seemed to be happy with it though, and I wanted to hug him. But I couldn't. I could only pick him up and hold it above the ground for a couple of seconds. That's no fun at all, y'know. Especially when he got fed up with it and tried to bite me.

After I had put Stu down (quickly), I followed (sad… so sad…) Takakura. He wanted to show me one animal he already had bought… and took me inside this big shelter-like house…. And then… OMIGOSH! A cow!

'Holy cow, Takakura! A Cow! That's more than no cow!' I stammered, rushing to the animal's side.

Boy, did she look disappointed to see me. Takakura sadly muttered she needed a name. Tssssk, quite obvious, right! So I named her Bell. I hesitated between Bell and Ring, because I thought Ring was more laughable (to ring, rang, rung! Ring, rang, rung! Get it? Dig me?)…but then I saw Takakura's depressing face, and I picked Bell. Bell and Ring: it's almost the same, right?

Ah well, Takakura liked it…at least, that's what he SAID. Sadly said.

I guess Takakura told me more about the farm…but I got bored and pulled out my mp3-player to listen to Tupac. Thug life, baby!

Surprisingly enough was Takakura finished talking…right on the moment that Tupac stopped singing/rapping/hitch-hiking… Whaddaya know!

He then said I should meet the colorful residents of Forget-Me-Not Valley. Well, everything better than helplessly stare around in the barn of our farm: man, I knew nothing about farming…I DID know something about roller-skating, though…not that somebody cared about that.

At first, we went to another farm. It was across a silly-looking bridge, and the farm was way bigger than ours. Unfair! But Takakura said ours was big enough… for now. Huh..? Weird guy…And SLOW! Even my dead dad could cross the bridge faster! And he would have looked way happier. Oh yes.

When we reached the farm, a fat, jolly-looking lady was working on the farmland, together with two other people: one of them was a grumpy guy with Elvis hair, the other one was a cute girl with gorgeous long, brown hair. That sure isn't easy when you have to go to the bathroom.

Takakura took another sad sight, and said:

'…this is Vesta. She owns this farm. How should they call you?'

…George Clooney, of course.

I gave Takakura a strange glare, and he got the message quite fast.

'…sorry about that. Vesta, this is Jack. You know. The son of.' he told Vesta, almost wailing.

'Howdy, Jack! Name's Vesta! Let me introduce my comrades to ya…'

The giant lady pulled the Elvis-guy our way.

'This is my bro: Merlin! I don't know why, but he always looks like he just ate a lemon or something! Ha! Hahaha!' she laughed.

'Have you met Takakura yet!' I wanted to joke, but Vesta (…gosh, what a name…) then pushed Merlin aside ('..Oof!' he uttered), and beckoned the girl to come:

'…and this is my little helper here: Celia! She's always as cheerful as a birdy-bird, and sometimes as annoying as one too! Ha! Hahahaha! You should marry her, lad!' Vesta grinned broadly.

'…Vesta, you're embarrassing me!...' Celia giggled playfully, slowly getting a red face.

She looked kind of dreamy. I bet she was a hippie before she lived this life…

…I don't like hippies. Although Celia was a cute one.

'…come on, Jack…on to the next house…' Takakura muttered, walking away from me. I didn't care. I could catch up on him easily.

Celia stared at me, still giggling and grinning and blushing. I bet she was smitten with my handsome person already! And damn, did she have a good taste!

'See ya, Brown & Beautiful!' I winked at her, and then left her: I wouldn't like it if Takakura crossed that bridge earlier than me…

We held still next to an inn. Not just an inn. The Inner Inn. Oh, the originality!

And what a pleasant surprise: the people who lived there already stood outside, waiting for me! Was I popular or WHAT!

'…Jack, this is Tim, his wife Ruby, and Rock. They live here and run the inn.' Takakura sniffed sadly.

The man and the woman smiled friendly at me. The boy, with his broad smile, even began to wave happily. Gosh, he was freaking me out…

'…we sure hope you will have a wonderful life, here in Forget-Me-Not Valley…' the lady, Ruby, softly said.

Aw, she seemed to be such a nice, caring and sensitive person…just like my mom.

Suddenly, a loud noise came from the second floor… it was very noisy music…We all gazed up in curiosity. Except for Takakura. He gazed up in sadness.

'…dun't ya wish yer girlfriend was HOT like meh, dun't ya wish yer girlfriend was WRONG like meh…dun't ya…' a radio whined.

'NAMI!' Ruby spat suddenly, '…WOULD YOU PLEASE TURN OFF THAT EVIL RADIO OF DOOM BEFORE I COME UP AND FEED YOU TO THE FISH!'

…see, just like my ma!

The radio stopped.

'…whatever.' a bored voice said.

My eyes caught a glimpse of red hair, but nothing more. What a girl! Such coolness…brrrr…

I hate coolness. But I love redheads! I wanted to say hello to her, but…um…well, I didn't really had the guts to greet her…

'…sorry for that: that's Nami. She's a bit of a rebel…' Tim apologized.

'Just like meh!' the Rock-kid giggled.

Oi. He reminded me of Celia. But he was scarier. Sure thing…

Takakura walked further. He didn't even say good-bye to the owners of the inn, so I followed his great example and ran his way. I almost crushed into a pair of old geezers. The lady looked really sweet and such, but the old man was staring really angrily at me.

'Oh, wait up a minute…Jack, these folks are Nina and Galen. They are the oldest people of the valley. Say hi.' Takakura said, without turning around.

He didn't take the time to say hi: Takakura just went away. Very. Slowly. And shoulders were lowered. Even that Galen guy looked more happy with his boring life than Takakura. I guess he wasn't that sad, eh.

Well, I said hi to these old geezers, but nothing more. On the road again! What if I lost my mourning companion! Then I would be lost! Lost in a freaky valley! How awful! I could get eaten by the fish of that Ruby woman, or killed by this Nami girl, or raped by that scary Rock kid…and I didn't know what was the worst of those three options that could happen to me.

Luckily, I saw Takakura. He was talking to the owner of a bar…a very, VERY small, but cozy bar. The Blue Bar. Ugh, the imagination almost made me kill myself. Takakura noticed and beckoned me, so I curiously went to that bar.

A guy and beautiful blonde girl were standing outside the bar, talking to my ever-cheerful mate.

'Jack, this is Griffin. He owns this bar. The Blue Bar. That girl is Muffy: she works for him. In the bar. The Blue Bar.' the low voice of Takakura told me.

Muffy. Who would ever call his daughter …Muffy! It was such a weird name…but for animals, like rats and guinea-pigs, I suppose it was fair enough. But Muffy wasn't one. She was a girl, with pretty green eyes and a charming face. I bet she was the most beautiful girl of the valley.

…I had seen more prettier elsewhere, though.

'Hiiiiiiii!' Muffy shrieked joyfully, almost jumping up and down of pure excitement to see me, '...you are a guy from the big city, right? That's sooooo neat! And so is my hair! I totally love my hair! And city guys! Did you know that!'

'I DO know now!' I nodded.

Ugh, she was a real girly-girl! A kind of girl who would ask dolls and make-up for her birthday, and the species that gossips about everybody who would dare to show his/her nose to her…

I'm not really crazy about gossipers. But blonde girls always know how to catch my attention! And Muffy was one… Go figure.

'Jack, we aren't done jet…I'm heading for Romana's villa now…come with me, if you don't mind…' Takakura impatiently said.

…you know, I thought about it to say: 'I DO mind! Can't you stay still for just ONE moment! You big, grey, depressing, towel-wearing bear!'

But I didn't. Well, not yet. I was kind of busy flirting with Muffy. Boy, that was dead easy!

'…Muffy?...'

'…yes, Jack?'

'…there…there…'

'…yes, what? What is it?'

'…there is milk. On your mouth. Looks very filthy.'

'Oh JACK! My hair dances in the sun of happiness! How WONDERFUL you've noticed! Teeheehee!'

…okay, maybe she WAS a bit obsessed with her hair, and okay, maybe she wasn't one of the brightest…but when I decided to go after Takakura again, I saw a creature in the corner of my eye…a female, I thought…

Ugh, hadn't ANYBODY told her yet, that she shouldn't wear pink and white on that way! And that HAIRCUT! Christ and all the angels in the sky, she was HORRIBLE! And what was even WORSE…

…she had a "SMACK ME!"-face! OMIGOSHHHHH!

And her name was…

'…hi, you must be Jack! I'm Chris: nice to meet you!...(smack me, smack me!)' Pink-with-white-stripes smiled at me.

'Hi, I'm Jack! You're really ugly, and I'm going to smack you!' I said.

…no, that's not true. I could keep my mouth shut just in time. I could better stay close to Takakura, next time…

To the villa! Right on!

A/n: So, this was my first chapter. What do you think of it? I'm sorry about that insulting part about Chris, but that creep annoys me like HELL!