A/N: Thanks to Theresa Green for letting me borrow her idea and formatting! -blows kisses- enjoy, and drop a review by!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of our brand new MAT© unit (by the people that brought you the ERIK, LEGOLAS, and BOROMIR© units)! In order to obtain top performance from your MAT© unit, please follow the procedures detailed in this manual to use your new Wheel of Time gambler to his full potential.

Your MAT© unit should arrive fully assembled. Please check that you have all his accessories (see specially chosen list below). Currently there is only one version of this new creation (though more may be produced in the future):

MAT© v. 1.1 (Copyright Robert Jordan, 1990

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Matrim Cauthon (a.k.a Mat)

Type: Human

Manufacturers: Cauthon Children and Co.

Date of Manufacture:1990

Description: wiry, about 5'11" with brown eyes and dark hair. Weighs about 160 pounds, about 20 years old.

ACCESSORIES

Your MAT© unit will arrive in a crate roughly in the shape of a twisted red doorway. He will be fully clothed in authentic clothing and comes with the accessories of:

broad brimmed hat, black

ashanderei, black

scarf, black

set of six dice

Your MAT© unit will arrive to you in his factory condition of travel-stained. It is recommended that you immediately remove his clothing and put him into a hot soapy bubble bath. This will keep his moving parts in pristine condition and fully functional.

CAUTION Married/committedMAT owners must ensure that their spouses are otherwise engaged in dangerous and/or engaging activities, such as crocodile hunting, television watching, or Sims 2 before carrying out this procedure. This company is not held responsible for divorce costs due to careless execution of any of the following procedures in the company of jealous housemates.

NOTE: You may have noticed that we did not provide a bottle of chloroform, as in our ARAGORN and ERIK units. This is because our MAT© unit will much appreciate being bathed, especially if you are female and pretty. So, you may activate your MAT© unit before bathing if you wish, and it is more likely that he will fall in love with you.

OPERATING PROCEDURE

Your MAT© has been designed to be user-friendly and efficient, which means that his temperament is much the same, but swear words have been substituted by bleeps or asterisks, in case of the presence of small children. His controls are voice activated. Please state your instructions clearly in English or Old Tongue. If you do not happen to know Old Tongue, we recommend that you purchase the Old Tongue Dictionary©, created by the same manufacturers that give you your unit, as the MAT© unit seems to prefer this second language to the first during conversations.

You might have your own ideas about the services that you would like your MAT© to provide and the location in which such procedures should be carried out, which will not be mentioned here as young children could get a hold of this packet. He can also be utilized in several capacities about the house:

Card Playing/Dice Companion:

Your MAT© unit's specialty is at gambling of any sort, and may be useful in teaching your older children about the finer points of gambling. However, he will usually win, so do not let your children that cannot stand to lose play with him. In addition, we recommend that you watch this activity carefully, so the MAT© unit will not teach the children about cheating at these games.

Horse Racing Trainer:

Another of your MAT© unit's specialties is working with horses. Give him a good horse and a race track, and in mere days he will have your children racing like pros! He might also make a good companion when shopping for that perfect horse, as his good eye for these animals has been incorporated into his programming.

Defense/Guardian:

Fretting over finding a babysitter? Fear no more! Your MAT© unit has been equipped with the skill to defend and attack anyone that threatens his owner/owner's possessions. Leave him home with your children and do not worry for their safety!

Note: This company is not responsible for bad habits learned from this MAT© unit, which may include drinking, gambling, and chasing women. However, with younger children, our MAT© has been trained to tone down his bad habits and teach more age appropriate lessons.

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS

You will find that your MAT© unit is compatible with most other Wheel of Time units, including RAND, PERRIN, TUON, and BIRGITTE units©. The only units we do not recommend for use with your MAT© unit are NYNAEVE and TYLIN units, both of which aggravate your MAT© unit and lower his level of happiness, thus making his performance less satisfactory.

PRECAUTIONS

Do not expose your MAT© to fire, strong magnetic fields, electricity, or excessive humidity.

We advise that you not expose MAT© to a TUON© unit, as he will eventually fall in love and leave you to search for the Seanchan empire with her, or with the TYLIN© unit, for though he dislikes her, she will take valued time with your MAT© unit away from you.

CLEANING

MAT© does not require frequent washing, but if you insist on washing him, he will appreciate it duly, as noted above. This activity may be even more successful if you also take off your clothes and get in the bath with him, thus assuring him that the water is safe.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: MAT© has begun referring to himself as the Prince of Ravens and is continually muttering to himself. He has also begun to spend less time with me. Should I be worried?

A: Your MAT© unit has probably come into contact with a TUON© unit. You may wish to sever these ties at once. If you yourself own a TUON© unit, you may wish to return it. However, do not prohibit him from visiting her – simply tell him that he does not need to follow his destiny, and he will gladly return home with you. If this relationship has progressed to the point of true love, it may be impossible to separate your MAT© and the TUON© unit, and a small Memory Revision Drive™ may be necessary to erase all memory of each other from both parties.

Q: My MAT© is spending a lot of time in taverns and is suddenly receiving large sums of money. Is this normal?

A: Yes, this is perfectly normal. Do not prevent him from these activities, as that will lower his happiness rate, but you may wish to accompany him on these expeditions to watch over him.

Q: Should I allow my MAT© to practice quarterstaff fighting with my children?

A: You may wish to supervise such activities, but do not fear your children getting hurt. Your MAT© has been equipped with a special device that will prevent him from harming any child of yours. However, if you wish, you may turn him loose on the neighborhood bully, in which case he may deliver a few short whacks before allowing his victim to continue on, as he will exercise due constraint of violence on children not your own.

TROUBLESHOOTING

Problem: I have caught my MAT© cheating on me several times.

Solution: This is, unfortunately, normal behavior for your MAT© unit, and may not be corrected. However, he may be prevented from this behavior, if you take several baths with him, and then when you catch him cheating again, you ignore him for several days. Because of MAT©'s social programming, he will not be able to tolerate this, and will struggle to get back into your good graces.

Problem: My husband/wife/partner is ignoring me and has recently filed for divorce.

Solution: Ask yourself whether you may be spending too much time with your MAT© unit and have been neglecting your spouse. If so, you may wish to deactivate your MAT© unit and spend some quality time with your other if you wish to repair this marriage. If that doesn't work, the MAT© unit is perfect for comforting recent divorcees.

Problem: My MAT© is becoming rather big-headed and arrogant because of the fanfiction written about him.

Solution: You may wish to show him some Mat character slash fanfiction, and this will quickly turn him off the internet.

Problem: MAT© has recently been ignoring me and showing some perplexing interest in my neighbor's RAND© unit. They have been spending hours together.

Solution: Quickly check if the SLASH settings are on. This is not recommended because of the tendencies of the RAND© units to go insane.

Problem: I can't understand what my MAT© unit is saying!

Solution: The "Old Tongue: Permanent" settings are probably set. You may wish to change them to "Old Tongue: Optional" if you are not fluent in this language. However, we recommend that you purchase the Old Tongue Dictionary™, as MAT© units prefer to speak in this language.

FINAL NOTE

Because of the extreme luck of the MAT© unit, we have decided that we will guarantee the working condition of this product for approximately twenty more years, or until Tarmon Gai'don. If for any reason you are not satisfied, please send your MAT© WITH A WRITTEN LETTER OF YOUR PROBLEM via Alaska Airlines to:

COMPLAINTS OFFICE

P.O. Box 700

Randland, Norway

Or call at 1-866-375-WOT-COMP

And we will either replace or refund your product at an equal value.