A/N: I'm fighting with myself, whether to make this an entirely AU story, and just totally change all of the events of Rent around. Or to leave it as I originally planned and have it just lead up to the beginning of Rent.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rent.

Chapter 4

Mimi stared lifelessly out of the window. Angel came out of her room and shut the door. Mimi didn't move. She continued to stare out of the window with dead eyes. She could see the Cat Scratch Club from here. She could see the alley behind it too. Her still eyes closed as a brief look of pain flashed across them. She opened them; the pain reflected in them was gone. They had returned to the haunting look they previously possessed.

"How are you feeling?"

Mimi merely shrugged, not saying anything in response.

"Have you been staring out that window all day?"

Mimi nodded silently.

"Do you have to work tonight?"

Mimi nodded again.

"Are you going?"

She shook her head. She didn't want to go back there right now. She couldn't bring herself to go back to that place. She couldn't dance for all those people, especially if he might be there. She couldn't dance for him. Regrets flooded her mind. All the things she should have done rushed through her mind. I should've left the club earlier. I should've fought back. I should've run. I should've done something!

"Mimi, this is ridiculous. Why don't you just tell me what happened?" Angel asked desperately, annoyance and concern pervaded her voice.

Mimi felt bad for leaving her friend out in the dark like this. But she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. It was too hard. It was too painful. She was too ashamed. She was ashamed of what had happened. She was ashamed of what she had almost let happen. She was ashamed of what had happened afterwards. She was ashamed of everything.

Mimi turned her head towards her best friend. She lowered her head towards the ground and closed her eyes tightly.

"I can't talk about it, Angel. I just want to forget… I'm sorry," Mimi apologized sincerely.

"Mimi talking about it can help," Angel replied. "I can help, Mimi. You just need to talk to me. Say something."

Mimi looked into Angel's eyes. They were uneasy with concern for her friend. Angel wanted so badly just to help. Mimi dropped Angel's gaze.

"I don't deserve help. I let it happen," she whispered too softly for Angel to hear.

"Mimi, what's going on?" Angel asked. Her voice was full of desperation.

"No. I don't. I let it happen. It's all my fault. My fault," Mimi muttered, barely paying attention to what her friend was saying.

"I don't know what happened exactly, Mimi. But I know whatever it was, it wasn't your fault," Angel comforted her.

"No. No, it was my fault," Mimi argued.

"What was your fault?"

Mimi didn't say anything. She twisted her body away from Angel, so she wouldn't have to look at her. A tear silently leaked out of the corner of her eye. She choked back a sob. She regained what little composure she had and refused to tell Angel anything. She couldn't tell her anything. She couldn't.

"Talk to me about it, Mimi. I promise it'll make you feel better."

"No, I don't want to talk about it. Not now! Not ever!" Mimi yelled. She couldn't see Angel's face, but she could tell by the shaky pattern of her breathing that her friend was now crying because of her. Mimi took a deep breath. She wanted to desperately turn to Angel and tell her everything that had happened. She wanted to tell her how much she appreciated her presence. She wanted to apologize for the way she had behaved. She wanted Angel to encase her in her arms and rock her to sleep like a small child. But she couldn't bring herself to do any of it.

The sound of Angel's crying mixed with her own sobbing. Angel stopped first. She reached out and placed a comforting hand on Mimi's shoulder. Mimi twitched slightly, but did not pull out of Angel's reach.

"Mimi, I want to help you. I really do. But I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself."

Angel quickly pulled her hand away. She heard the door close behind her. Mimi turned her head and stared at the door for a few seconds, wondering whether or not to follow her friend. She shifted her body and stood up. She reached the door in a matter of seconds. She grabbed her thin coat and was gone.

Mimi rushed out into the cold streets. The wind blew her hair in every direction as she turned her head, looking for some sign of her friend. But she had no such luck. Mimi looked in each direction. She sighed and headed towards her right, keeping her eyes peeled for Angel. Her mind wandered in a thousand different directions. She thought of what she was going to say to Angel when she found her. She thought of how she would apologize to her. She thought of how she would try and tell Angel everything that she had been through. She would try to let Angel help her if Angel was still willing to help her. She hoped she would let Angel help. She needed it. She knew it. It was just so hard to talk about it.

Mimi had become so preoccupied with her thoughts that she hadn't noticed the man standing right in front of her. They collided. Mimi fell to the ground. The cement tore the skin of her elbow. Blood spread across it. She flinched at the sight, remembering the last time she had bled.

"I am so sorry," he apologized as stretched out a hand to help her up. His other arm was wrapped around an old video camera.

"It's fine," she responded automatically. She wanted to continue her search for her friend.

"No. No, it's not. Look at you, you're bleeding," he continued, gesturing towards her arm. He seemed to be sincerely sorry the collision that had just occurred.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. I'm fine," she answered with a small smile on her face. She appreciated his genuine concern for her well-being. She winced as she stretched her arm out in an attempt to prove her point.

"I can bandage that up for you," he offered.

"It's fine," she replied. She didn't want to waste very much time.

"I'd feel a lot better if you let me. I live right over here. Please, let me help," he asked. Mimi straightened up at his words. She remembered the other offer to help her that night. She looked at his genuinely worried face. Her small smile grew slightly.

"Okay," she answered.

"Okay, then. I'm Mark," he introduced himself and stuck out his hand for Mimi to shake. She accepted his hand as he led her to a nearby building.

"Mimi."

A/N: I had the hardest time deciding whether to make Mark or Benny enter in this chapter. But I decided that a slightly lighter tone might be nice and Mark's character helps accomplish it more than Benny's does right now. I hate asking for reviews. I really do. But I'd really like to know what everyone thinks. It seems like the response for this story is decreasing with every chapter I write. I find it very discouraging. So, basically, I want to know what I'm doing wrong. What I could do better. I'd like to continue this story, and I will, but if there's something I can do to improve it. Please let me know.