Battle of the Sexes
Chapter 1 - Prelude to War
Disclaimer: As much as I wish it did ('cause I'd be rich!), Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me!
A.C. 198
Relena Darlian sighed happily and glanced outside the window of the small airplane that she and her friends were riding in, smiling at the clear, sunny sky that greeted her. It had taken a number of weeks full of planning, working around appointments, and convincing her friends to accompany her (although some needed no convincing whatsoever), but the young blond diplomat had finally managed to take time out of the busy schedule that was usual for a Vice Foreign Minister for a much-needed vacation. The very thought of spending a week away from the emotional tension that accompanied formal titles, exhausting speeches, and stressful meetings made Relena feel happier than she had been in a long time.
The sky outside the window, clear and blue as it was, was a perfect illustration of the feelings of joy that she was beginning to experience and hoped she would be experiencing for the next week. But as much as one may wish for it to, the sky can never stay sunny and cloudless, for small, gray rain-clouds always manage to somehow creep in from out of nowhere and obscure the sun.
In Relena's case, there was only one little gray rain-cloud blocking the light of the sun -- and he was sitting right behind her. Her smile fading slightly, the young woman turned her head just enough to look at the man behind her out of the corner of an eye.
Milliardo.
Relena sighed and slumped down ever-so slightly, looking back out the window. She knew that her big brother had been watching her very closely since the beginning of the flight when a certain former Gundam pilot had taken the vacant seat next to her, and she knew, as much as she hated to think about it, that he would continue keeping her under close scrutiny for the rest of her vacation. And while she was grateful to Zechs for the extent of his caring, deep down, the over-protective big brother act was beginning to aggravate her.
Besides, she really didn't see why Zechs had to be so protective about his innocent little sister just because of the young man sitting next to her. Sure, at one point he may have been a dangerous soldier who had threatened to kill her on more than one occasion, but Relena knew that the young man known as Heero Yuy had really changed since the war. Now, instead of being a cold, rigid, emotionless weapon of destruction and death, he was a cold, rigid, emotionless human being.
Of course, that was just how MOST people saw him. But not Relena. The young Vice Minister knew Heero better than anyone else did, and ever since she had first met him, she had been the only one to recognize and embrace the lonely soul behind the perfect soldier. And he, in return, had fulfilled his promise of protecting the young woman by becoming her permanent bodyguard, and through guarding her had grown to understand her as much or more than Zechs did, which Relena was sure contributed somewhat to her brother's excessive distrust of the former Gundam pilot.
The happy smile that had been erased from Relena's face moments before returned almost immediately as she quickly glanced at the young man next to her. A quick glance was just that, though, a quick glance, and Relena's smile slipped once again as the sound of Zechs clearing his throat disapprovingly from behind her reached her ears, causing her to freeze and turn her gaze abruptly away.
Still watching . . . she thought, sighing lightly and shaking her head. She didn't have to turn around to see her frowning older brother gazing disapprovingly out at her through narrow, ice-blue eyes, and she could practically feel those probing eyes boring through the head support of her chair to stare at her, watching her every move. Relena let out her breath again, heavily this time, and she rested her head on her hand, propping her elbow up on the armrest.
"Yep," she muttered to herself. ". . . Like a hawk."
Heero glanced at her and raised an eyebrow, but other than that, he remained motionless.
Relena was not surprised. The young politician was about to flash him a bright, cheery smile, but an incredibly loud smacking sound accompanied by the even louder sound of painful wailing caused her to stop short.
Everyone in that section of the plane paused in what they were doing and turned to look at a confused stewardess, a howling Duo, and a very pissed-off Hilde standing up in the aisle between rows of seats. Just looking at the scene alone was enough for everyone to figure out what had happened, and the group of young men and women grew quiet as they watched the scene with knowing expressions.
Hilde, her eyes furiously narrow, glared frighteningly at Duo, who was holding the side of his face in pain from her slap. "YOU!" she exclaimed, grabbing his shirt with both hands and lifting him up so that his feet dangled above the ground, which was a rather funny sight considering the fact that she was a bit shorter than he was.
"H-Hilde . . ." he stammered, sniffling.
"You are such a PIG!"
The pretty stewardess next to them timidly started forward. "Um, miss . . ." she spoke up hesitantly, tapping Hilde on the shoulder.
"WHAT?"
The petite young woman turned to glare daggers in the taller stewardess's direction, and the other woman cowered and backed fearfully away.
"Never mind, miss."
Duo sniffled and looked at his girlfriend through the huge, tearful eyes of a wounded animal. "Hilde . . . baby, what did you slap me for?" he asked, pouting.
Hilde let go of him so that he was once again standing up in the small walkway between the rows of seats on the plane, her fuming scowl never slipping for a minute. "You were hitting on her!" she replied angrily, pointing a finger at the timid stewardess.
Duo sniffled again, rubbing the red mark on the side of his face. "Me?"
"Yes, you!"
"Miss?" the stewardess tried to say again, but Hilde would have none of it.
"You stay out of this!" she shouted, balling her hand into a fist and shaking it threateningly.
The stewardess gulped. "But, miss, I need you to . . ."
"Listen, lady, you'd better shut up!"
Straightening, the stewardess looked down at the shorter woman. "There's no need to yell, miss," she said firmly. "Now, if you would, please, I need you and your boyfriend to take your seats. You're blocking the aisle."
Hilde, her angry expression melting away into a somewhat calmer one, blinked. "Oh. Sorry."
The stewardess smiled pleasantly as Hilde took Duo's arm and dragged him back to their seats, and after they sat down, the stewardess began to walk away. Before she left their compartment, however, the stewardess paused, turned her head, and sent a flirtatious wink in Duo's direction. Flushing slightly, he grinned at her retreating form, but then froze as Hilde grabbed his upper arm in her hand and dug her nails into his flesh.
"I saw that, hot shot," she said under her breath, glaring at her whimpering boyfriend.
Despite the pain she was causing him, Duo managed an innocent grin. "Saw what?"
"You know what I saw!"
"I do not!"
"Do too!"
The two of them squabbled back and forth for a few minutes, but by then, the spectators in that section of the plane had grown bored of watching them and went on with their own conversations.
Wufei wrinkled his nose up at Duo. "Weakling," he snorted, crossing his arms. Sally blinked at him, but said nothing.
Quatre sighed sadly and looked at Trowa. "Why can't we all just get along?"
Trowa said nothing.
Suddenly, a different stewardess walked by, her hips swaying as she made her way down the aisle. Duo took a look at her and let out a loud, shrill wolf-whistle as Hilde stared at him in shock.
"Man!" he exclaimed. "She's even hotter than the first one!"
"Don't you even start . . ." Hilde began indignantly, a hint of a growl in her voice.
But he wasn't listening.
"Hey, pretty lady!" he called, waving a hand at the stewardess. "I need one of those bags of complimentary peanuts over here!"
"DUO!"
Relena watched as the inevitable happened and another quarrel broke out between the two of them, then she sighed, shaking her head and smiling slightly. She looked at Heero, who was, this time, looking back at her, and she grinned at him. He returned her grin with a small smirk of his own, but then they both stopped short at the sound of Zechs' loud, warning cough. Heero and Relena turned away from each other immediately, and Relena sighed once again, propping her chin up on her hand.
It was going to be a long flight.
"Three thousand, five hundred, and eighty-six bottles of beer on the wall, three thousand, five hundred, and eighty six bottles of beeeeeeeeeeeeer . . ."
"Shut up, Duo!" Hilde shouted angrily.
Duo paused in his obnoxious, off-key singing to stare at the dark-haired girl, his violet eyes wide. "You're not still mad at me, are ya, Hildey-babe?"
Hilde massaged her temple in a sign of frustration, sighing loudly. "No," she said through gritted teeth. "Of course not."
The brown-haired boy grinned. "Good."
Hilde looked at him in exasperation and crossed her arms, but remained silent as the other occupants of the fifteen-passenger van that they were riding in continued carrying on small conversations to help pass the time that it would take to reach their destination.
Of course, Duo didn't want to make small talk in order to pass time, oh, no. Despite the fact that he was usually the one to talk 24-7, he had apparently lost all interest in his usual one-sided conversations for the time being and had suddenly gone for other ways of passing time.
Hilde winced and glared crossly at Duo as he continued singing.
"Take one down, pass it around, three thousand, five hundred, and eighty five bottles of beer on the . . ."
"Shut up, Maxwell!" someone yelled.
Hilde blinked. So, she WASN'T the only one who was being negatively affected by the unpleasant sound of Duo's singing. How nice.
Duo took a glance at the source of the outburst and winked. "C'mon, Wufei," he said, grinning at the Chinese boy. "You can sing, too, if you really wanna. I know you know the words."
Wufei glared at him. "I will not sing, Maxwell. And you shouldn't, either, if you know what's good for you."
"Hell," Duo continued, ignoring the other young man, "I bet even Trowa and Heero know the words to THIS song! Come on, everybody, sing!"
Heero only glared at Duo, while Trowa said nothing.
"Aw, geez. Doesn't ANYONE know the words?" Duo asked, letting out a loud groan.
Quatre perked up and smiled. "I do, Duo! But I always substitute the word 'beer' with 'pop.' I don't like alcohol."
Duo's wide grin began to get larger, which no one thought was possible at the time, and he laughed. "Way to go, Quatre! We can sing together, buddy!"
Suddenly, letting out a loud, strangled yelp, Duo tensed and lurched backwards as Wufei grabbed a hold of his long braid and jerked his head back. In a flash, the young Chinese man's katana appeared, poised to cut off the large mass of hair, and Duo began to wail like a little girl. Quatre, who had actually considered singing along only seconds before, paled as he stared at them, and everyone on the bus, except for Sally, who was driving, turned in their seats to watch the scene.
"Leggo!" howled Duo, waving his arms about as he struggled to free himself from Wufei's grasp. "Leggo my hair!"
Wufei's black eyes held a dark, evil spark in them as the sharp blade of his sword edged dangerously close to the precious locks of hair, causing Duo to scream like a dying cat. "I will NOT let go," he hissed, "not until you promise to stop that meaningless singing."
"I'll stop!" wailed Duo. "I promise! I'll be good!"
"I doubt it," Hilde whispered crossly to Dorothy and Cathrine, who nodded in silent agreement.
Relena forced a small smile on her face and looked over at her. "Perhaps he really will this time," she suggested calmly.
"Please," groaned Hilde, frowning at her blond friend. "You don't live with him."
Relena silently thanked God that she didn't.
"Will you stop?" Wufei asked forcefully, giving Duo's braid a short, painful jerk and causing him to yowl loudly. "Can I really trust that you'll stop singing?"
"Yes! Yes!" screamed Duo, digging his feet into the floor of the bus and struggling harder to free himself. "No more singing!"
Wufei seemed satisfied for the time being and released his hold on Duo's braid. Duo, still trying to escape from the Chinese boy's grasp, slipped and fell flat on his face the minute his braid was free, and a few of the bus's occupants chuckled quietly at the sight of the brown-haired boy sprawled painfully on the floor. Duo quickly rolled over and leapt back up to his feet, his braid clutched protectively in front of him as he looked at Wufei, who had returned to his seat and was currently in deep meditation.
"Geez," muttered Noin, looking at Zechs. "I'm glad THAT'S over."
Zechs sighed and shook his head. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let Relena invite them," he said, frowning and Duo and Wufei. His gaze traveled from face to face of each of the young men and women on the bus before finally resting on the face of the brown-haired young man seated next to Relena.
Noin chuckled softly and put her hand on Zechs' arm, smiling knowingly as he turned back to her. "Relena knew what she was doing by inviting each of them," she insisted gently, resting her head on his shoulder.
Zechs wrinkled his nose up and looked at her. "All but one," he corrected.
Noin snorted quietly as the pale-haired man turned to frown at Heero, who returned the frown with a glare of his own. "Zechs," she said, squeezing his arm so that he turned to look at her. "I think you've made it very clear that you'll kill Heero if he tries anything."
Zechs frowned slightly for a moment before letting out a sigh, relaxing. "Yeah, I know," he admitted. He turned his head to look at an annoyed Wufei and a suddenly mischievous-looking Duo and sighed again, shaking his head as he looked at them. "But I think that there may be some bloodshed later," he said, gesturing in the direction of the two young men.
"Without a doubt," Noin replied, chuckling.
And just as they finished speaking, a loud, obnoxious series of off-key screeches were heard, and every person on the bus winced.
Duo was singing again.
"Three thousand, five hundred, and eighty five bottles of beeeeeeeeeeeeer . . ."
"MAXWELL!"
The rest of the bus ride was unusually peaceful and quiet, and the occupants were finally able to relax and experience hours of tranquility. Wufei and Hilde, in particular, were enjoying the silence, which was occasionally interrupted by the whining grunts that came from a painfully tied-up and gagged Duo who was lying on his side on the floor in the back of the bus, but no one really minded. Even though it was early in the evening, most of the passengers were dozing off, so most of Duo's groans and complaints weren't even acknowledged.
After a little while, Heero was the only one who was still awake. The young pilot was sitting tensely in his seat, staring straight ahead with Relena sleeping quietly next to him, her head resting gently on his shoulder. Try as he might to stay awake, the peaceful atmosphere was beginning to make Heero's eyes drift slowly shut, and while he determinedly clenched his jaw and tried to keep his eyes open, he was failing miserably in his battle against sleepiness.
Since he was so distracted by trying to stay awake, it was no wonder that it took a few moments for Heero to realize it when the bus came to a stop. For a minute, he figured that Sally had fallen asleep at the wheel, but when realized that they were all still alive, he looked towards the driver's seat and not only found that the tall woman was very much awake, but that she had intentionally stopped the bus.
Sally turned around in her seat to look at her sleeping comrades. Her eyes fell on Heero, and she smiled. "You're the only one awake, I see," she said cheerfully. Gesturing with an arm, she turned towards the window and looked outside. "Time to eat."
Heero also looked out the window and saw the small restaurant that they had stopped at. "Hn," he nodded.
Sally looked at the other sleeping people for a moment before turning her gaze back to Heero. "I guess we should wake them, huh?"
"Hn," Heero replied, nodding again.
Sally grinned again and began to wake the others as Heero slowly turned his head to look at the quietly sleeping Relena. He stared at her for a few moments, studying the peaceful face of the Vice Foreign Minister, and there was a hint of a smile on his face.
"Relena," he said softly. Relena moaned softly and shifted, nuzzling her face into his shoulder. Heero sighed and reached out, shaking her gently.
"Relena, wake up."
"Mmm . . ." Clear blue eyes slowly drifted open, and she looked up at him. "Heero?" Relena yawned and lifted her head off of his shoulder, blinking as she looked around. "Oh. Are we there already?"
"No," Heero replied, watching as she sat up and looked out the window. "Sally said this is where we're stopping to eat."
"Oh." The blond diplomat smiled and turned back to him as the other young men and women began to awake from their peaceful slumber and look sleepily around, taking in their surroundings with sleepy, half-closed eyes.
After a few minutes had passed and all of the bus's occupants were now wide awake, the group quickly made their way off the bus and gathered in the parking lot for a moment before beginning to make their way over to the entrance of the restaurant. Suddenly, Quatre halted.
Trowa turned to the blonde, stopping. "Something wrong?"
Quatre, who was frowning to himself and looking confused, turned towards his friend. "Are we missing something?" he asked.
By then, the others had stopped as well and were looking back at the two young men.
"Missing?" Dorothy asked, frowning. "What do you mean?"
Quatre turned towards the group, shrugging. "I don't know, " he replied. "It just felt like . . . I dunno, like something's missing."
The others frowned and thought about this for a moment.
"You're right," Relena said thoughtfully. "It does feel like we've left something behind."
"Something," Noin agreed. "Something . . . loud."
"Yeah," said Sally. "It's quiet."
"Too quiet," Hilde frowned.
It only took a few seconds for the young men and women to realize just what it was that they were missing, and as the answer hit each of them at the same time, a general outcry arose from the group.
"Duo!"
Relena looked horrified. "You mean we left him on the bus?"
"Yeah," Wufei said, smiling quite happily. "He's probably still tied up, too."
"And gagged," Zechs added with a grin.
"Oh . . ." Hilde said softly, an expression of remorse on her face. "I can't believe we forgot Duo."
Cathrine frowned. "I thought you were mad at him."
"I AM," Hilde answered, looking back towards the bus. "But that doesn't mean I wanna leave him on the bus while we go eat."
Skeptical expressions met her gaze, and she cleared her throat, moving her shoulders upwards in a small shrug. "We need to get him," she explained. "I mean, when he wakes up later he'll be hungry and he'll complain the whole time and drive us crazy."
"Actually, that makes a lot of sense," said Heero.
"Go get him, Hilde," Quatre said, smiling kindly. "We'll wait right here for you."
"Thanks," replied Hilde, running back towards the bus. "I'll be right back."
Not much happening yet, but trust me, there shall be chaos and (hopefully) some hilarity.