Disclaimer: Characters belong to Togashi-sama.

Notes: I have to much free time at work, apparently. First finished YYH fic that I actually like. Silliness, slash, and all that good stuff. Featuring a very pissed off Female!Shishi. But don't write it off before reading it, this isn't one of those weepy femme fics.

Mad Science

Scratching the back of his head, looking pained and puzzled, Suzuki staggered into the room. Noting Touya, he frowned and asked, "Why, exactly, does Shishiwakamaru have breasts?"

The usually calm Ice Master couldn't help snickering. "Because you got him drunk and convinced him that he would be able to get more women if he was one."

"That's funny. I don't remember that discussion."

"It's no wonder. You got pretty drunk yourself, and beyond that, when Shishi realized what you had done to him he almost slaughtered you. You've been out cold for a very long time."

"Which would account for it suddenly being evening."

"And the next day."

"The next day!"

"He was very, very angry."

"Ah." Suzuki paused, then grinned triumphantly. "So… I guess that means it worked."

"Yes, your brilliant invention worked and all it cost you was your best friend."

The beautiful blond frowned. "You really think he won't forgive me?"

"I think he won't once you tell him you were so eager to test it that you hadn't made the reversal potion yet."

"It'll wear off…."

"When?"
"After a few weeks…" Rallying, he attempted to redeem himself and explain his brilliance. "But it wouldn't be efficient any other way! Think of it, Touya! My brilliant disguises perfected so that even Genkai wouldn't be able to detect them! One would have more than just the appearance of being someone else, they actually would be someone else!"

"Go make that speech to Shishi and see if he shares your enthusiasm." Touya frowned slightly. "What I don't understand is, why Shishi? We all know his temper, you more than anyone. Why not Jin or someone who might have found it a bit funny after a while?"

Suzuki had the good grace to look embarrassed. "I couldn't afford enough alcohol to get him anywhere near drunk enough."

Touya laughed softly. "It's true. Comparatively, Shishi- and yourself- are lightweights. Oh, and by the way, you owe me."

"For what?"

"Your life."

"How do you get that idea?"

"When I said he almost slaughtered you, I mean he would have if I hadn't stepped in. Apparently waking up and finding yourself with breasts is a great way to cure a hangover, because there was no sign of one in his furious expression."

"Okay. I owe you."

"He almost killed me when I tried to stop him."

"I get it! Fine! I'll do all the cooking for the next week or so."

"I don't know how I managed to haul him off of you…."

"And the cleanup."

"Thank you."

"You drive a hard bargain, you know that?"

Touya shrugged noncommittally. "At any rate, I'd avoid Shishi for a while if I were you."

"Yeah, you're probably right…" Suzuki began, but trailed off even as the color drained from his face. "Good evening, Shishi…"

Shishi entered the room, looking much the same, if a bit softer around the edges. He was wearing his usual haori which was cut low, revealing the curve of his breasts.

"Shishi, could you do us all a favor and try wearing a bra?" Touya suggested after a moment, voice surprisingly tight.

The samurai looked down, then at the Ice Master. "Were you staring at my chest!" he asked incredulously, bangs wavering in the very familiar way they had, which tended to indicate that they could become horns at any moment.

"Well, dressed like that, it's rather hard not to notice…"

"I know! They're huge, aren't they? It's horrible and uncomfortable!"

"I'd feel more pity if I didn't know perfectly well that you prefer women that well endowed yourself. Makes you reconsider your stance on them, doesn't it?"

Shishi waved a hand dismissively, apparently not willing to go that far.

Touya sighed. "Well, if you don't want Chuu staring down your shirt, as curiously as you do yourself, might I add- then you had best find something else to wear." He made his way to the door, glanced back once, and left the two friends alone.

Shishi's violet eyes had turned on Suzuki, simmering with anger and embarrassment, and so Suzuki felt it prudent to speak. "He's right, you know. Oh!" He grinned happily. "We could go shopping! We'll be shopping buddies! Won't that be fun?"

"I hate shopping. You know that," was the sullen reply.

"You did hate shopping, but you're a woman now and all women love shopping."

Outside, Touya was just glad nothing in that room couldn't be fixed after being hurled at Suzuki's head.

Shishi's 'condition' as they came to call it, had different effects on everyone. Chuu persisted in hitting on the discomfited samurai at every available opportunity- and meaning half of it. Rinku started calling him the ugly stepsister. Touya outwardly appeared impassive, but Jin was pleased with how their sex life had picked up. Pleased, and somewhat worried that the presence of a woman made so much difference.

And Suzuki was horribly depressed and distracted. After the first few days, during which Shishi had screamed at him and gone for his throat, the samurai had entirely ceased to speak to him. This was frustrating as an inventor who wanted to know in more detail the effects of his work- and as a friend.

He could barely concentrate on the antidote he was trying to brew because his mind would inevitably wander back to Shishi. He missed him, terribly. In his mind, he would play out various discussions and scenarios, supplying Shishi's words, tone, even facial expressions. Or he would relive past conversations- even the unpleasant ones- of which he could remember many more than he could of pleasant conversations. It made him wonder why he even bothered to stick around with Shishi- and when he asked that question his heart would lurch and remind him- he loved him.

Finally he gave up, tossing his goggles aside. It wouldn't do, this silence!

Stalking out of his lab, he found Shishi in their shared room. The samurai frowned when he saw who it was, but didn't leave… likely because Suzuki was blocking the doorway.

"Shishi…"

Apparently resigning himself, Shishi sighed and glared. "What are you doing, not working on the antidote?"

"I can't focus on it, Shishi. I miss you." There- he had said it.

"You might have considered that before…"

"Let me take you to dinner," he forged ahead. "Speak to me again, for one night. Then I'll be able to concentrate." Seeing Shishi's dubious expression, he added hurriedly, "We'll get sushi."

That did it, he saw instantly, and the damage to his finances would be worth it. Due to the cost, Shishi rarely ever got his favorite sushi, and couldn't resist any offer that would provide him with it.

"You'd better finish the antidote soon," he grumbled, but there was a faint, pleased smile tugging the corners of his lips.

Satisfied, Suzuki retired to his lab and almost instantly had a revelation that put him closer to accomplishing his goal.

When Shishi came into the room where Suzuki was already waiting for him, the beautiful fighter forgot to breathe. It wasn't that Shishi looked stunningly beautiful- no more so than usual at least, but more that Suzuki was surprised and in awe- Shishi was more than a mere novice of fashion! And considering what he had to work with, it was even more impressive.

The samurai had raided Suzuki and Touya's closets- likely without bothering to ask either. He was wearing a pair of Touya's black pants, which were naturally a bit short for him, so he had also borrowed a pair of Suzuki's calf high boots. Also from Suzuki he had stolen a plain white t-shirt, which was fortunately large enough that his breasts didn't strain the front, like they did with all of Shishi's tops that didn't have a cut so low they revealed more than he wished. Over that, he had put on one of his own dark blue silk shirts, and his hair was down and falling around his shoulders.

Standing, Suzuki crossed the room to him and slung a familiar arm around his shoulders. "Come on, beautiful. Let's get you that sushi."

Nodding, Shishi sauntered out of the room, followed closely by an utterly smitten Suzuki.

They had a good evening, considering the circumstances. Suzuki felt so much revived at just being near his best friend and talking to him again that he had a pretty good idea of what he needed for the cure- and he wasn't even in his lab. Shishi himself was in fine form that night, charming and funny, eagerly devouring the expensive and delicious sushi, washing it down with tea and later, sake.

By the time they got home, they were both a little drunk and leaning on each other heavily. Suzuki wasn't sure how they had gotten onto the topic of badgers, but somehow they had and they were having a sporting time of it.

Upon arriving home, they flung themselves gracelessly onto the couch, giggling like schoolgirls, faces flushed with the alcohol. And then, suddenly, Shishi was kissing Suzuki fiercely, holding tightly to the front of the blond's shirt so he couldn't get away. Naturally, having wished for just this to happen for some time, Suzuki was more than happy to kiss back, long fingers threading into Shishi's hair.

Pulling away, Shishi regarded him with an expression that looked a lot less drunk, and a lot more hungry. "Let's go to bed, Suzu," he purred, moving to straddle the other, pressing tightly against his body.

The mood was killed when Suzuki felt those soft, full breasts pressing against his chest. With a gasp of horror, he recoiled as much as he could given their positions, and shook his head. "No, Shishi, no!"

"What?" Shishi's voice was flat, his eyes narrow.

"You've…. Boobs!"

"Yes, I've noticed that, and you can thank yourself. What's the problem?"

"I'm gay!"

"I'm a man!"

"Not right now you aren't!"

"Are you seriously telling me that you won't take me to bed because right now I'm in a female body, thanks to your own stupid experiment?"

It really pained him to say it, to turn down this one chance… It took him a moment, but he nodded slowly. "I'm sorry, Shishi… maybe another time?"

"I doubt it," was the tart reply as Shishi swung off of his lap and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. But he wasn't gone fast enough for Suzuki to miss the way his fingers were clenching at his side, as they did when he was angry, reaching for the sword hilt… and he had seen the hurt flash through those eyes.

Hating himself, he flopped over on the couch and glowered at the ceiling until the alcohol in his system caused him to doze off.

The next morning, Suzuki was awoken by a familiar sound- Shishi's shouting. Only for once he sounded happy.

"It's gone! It's gone!"

Curious, he sat up and groggily staggered towards the source of the voice. Pushing the door open, he saw Shishi kneeling beside Touya, gabbling excitedly- and looking very, very much male. The potion had faded after all.

Hearing the door, Shishi looked up at Suzuki and his face quickly became expressionless. "Just thought you should all know you can't stare down my shirt anymore." Standing then, he retreated to his room without saying a word to Suzuki.

Touya shifted his gaze to focus on the other. "What did you do to him?"

"Nothing at all," was the sad reply.

"Oh. I see." And somehow, Suzuki knew that he did, perfectly.

Though there was no longer any immediate need, Suzuki finished up the antidote that night before finally making his way to the room he shared with Shishi. In truth, he was dreading facing the other, and rather hoped he was either asleep or out with some woman.

Upon entering, he cast a glance on Shishi's bed out of habit, only to find it empty. Relieved and yet hurt, he undressed, pulled on his pajama pants, and slid into his own bed- only to find he wasn't alone.

A soft sigh as a warm body curled against his side. "There you are… I was wondering if you were going to come to bed at all. I suppose I actually fell asleep waiting for you."

"Shishi? I thought…"

"Thought what?"

"That you hated me, after last night!"

"I did at first," the samurai confessed, propping himself up on an elbow to gaze down at Suzuki's face in the darkness. "But after talking with Touya, I have come to understand. While I may have been able to accept being with a man, you simply don't have those tendencies. I could see how much it pained you, but it hurt my pride."

"Shishi… are you saying…?"

"Not tonight. Maybe not for a few nights. I'm still angry with you about the whole woman thing after all… but eventually. Maybe."

"Maybe is better than I had ever hoped for," Suzuki chuckled, amazed at his good fortune. Reaching up, he pulled Shishi down against his chest, still somewhat surprised that the samurai complied, despite their conversation. "So… does this mean you'll forgive me."

"No, this means I want you to try taking that potion yourself. We'll see what happens then."

"You hate me, don't you? I hate women! Why would I ever be one?"

"Do you love me, Suzuki?"

"Yes!" he confessed, adamantly, not afraid of sharing it.

"Then you'll do it," was the simple reply, though he could feel Shishi grinning against his bare shoulder. "Besides, you want to test how thorough the changes are, don't you? I'm not about to tell you, so this is the only way."

"This is about revenge, isn't it?"

"Suzuki, would you expect any less of me?"

"Not even for a moment, beautiful. But I'll take what I can get."

"Because you love me."

"Because I love you."

Shishi shifted, nuzzling closer, tucking his head under Suzuki's chin. "And why else would we always forgive each other?"

"No reason at all, beautiful. Nothing else could make us act this way."

A long pause, and then a soft voice. "So, was it just that you didn't like how I looked as a woman? Was the chest too much? Because I'm pretty sure our other housemates didn't think it was too much…"

All Suzuki could do in response was kiss the top of his head and chuckle.