Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. (Thank god, I don't know what I'd do with Lee.)

Here's an insane NejiTen fic I wrote to relieve stress, you've been warned.

oo

For some reason when Hyuuga Neji stood in the clearing with the rest of his team he seemed…off.

His spandex clad sensei stood to his left orating louder than necessary- given everyone was standing directly next to him- about burning passion while a similar, be it younger, individual made occasional contributions about a certain season.

Tenten was absently running her fingers over a particularly shiny kunai which disastrously kept glinting in the sun. This phenomenon kept distracting Gai-sensei and making him forget his place in his monologue about adolescents and blossoms. He combated this issue by repeatedly restarting from the beginning.

The two sane (knock on wood) members of the team were not really listening and so didn't notice when their teacher kept repeating the same material.

Either that or they were used to it because Gai-sensei always repeated the same material.

Neji couldn't shake the feeling that something was not wholly right despite the fact everything was progressing as usual. It could have been his breakfast,-

(Hinata held out the steaming teacup to her more intense cousin while glancing shyly to the left.

"T-tea, Neji-n-nii-san?"

"Hn."

He accepted it with a grunt and downed it quickly, mistakenly reading the malicious glint in her eyes as some abstract form of subservience to his awesome power. Hinata pushed her index fingers together and eagerly awaited the first signs that the poison was taking affect.

The timid girl threw her head back and laughed maniacally before righting herself and lapsing back into her meek demeanor.

Neji studied her. "What was that?"

She smiled. "W-what was w-what?" )

-or perhaps it was someone he met in town,-

(Neji was stopped momentarily on his way to the training ground when he ran headlong into the Uchiha who regarded him in a way that made him inexplicably uncomfortable.

Neji stepped back and shot him a glare. "Hn."

"Hyuuga," returned Sasuke evenly.

"Uchiha."

Sasuke spoke again and Neji finally pinpointed what was creeping him out,-

"I'm pretty, you're pretty, let's date," the dark haired ninja said in a silky voice.

-Sasuke was looking at him like he was a piece of meat.

Neji grabbed wildly to his left, hands enclosing on someone's arm, and maneuvered the person so that they were on the receiving end of the leer just as Sasuke began to lick his lips.

Neji then swiftly bolted, resorting to jumping into a stream fully clothed, as he was feeling very dirty and desperately needed to clean himself.

Back in town Sasuke blinked to see, not the sufficiently traumatized Neji, but an ecstatic Sakura whom the pale-eyed boy had unwittingly replaced himself with.

She returned Sasuke's lustful glance (which had turned into a slight grimace) tenfold before pouncing on him, firmly believing that Sasuke-kun had finally developed feelings for her and stopped having queer moments with Naruto.

Unfortunately being full-body tackled by Sakura was enough of a shock to his system to cause Naruto to transform back.

Just then the actual (I would say in the flesh but flesh is reminiscent of meat and I'm trying not to objectify him) Sasuke strode up angrily to the scene. Sakura was just realizing she was straddling a dazed Naruto, not her beloved, when the beloved in question spat, "What's this?"

Sakura turned slightly, shock evident. "Sasuke-kun, this isn't what-"

But he ignored her and addressed Naruto, "I thought what we had was special, dobe!")

-or maybe he was simply-

"IN THE SPRINGTIME OF HIS YOUTH!" burst Lee before the writer could properly sedate him.

At any rate strange mechanisms were whirring in Neji resulting most notably in a lack of concentration, or rather a misplaced concentration.

o

Tenten hurled more weapons than she could possibly store on her person at Neji who simply began to draw in the necessary power for his ultimate defense.

But he was noticing other things.

Like the way Tenten's body slanted as she flew sidelong in the air flicking kunai at him. Did other people do this? Neji couldn't remember.

Like the way he was acutely aware of each slender finger as they flitted across his limb while she was bandaging it. Was he supposed to notice it more than the searing pain? Neji didn't know.

(Neji had been caught off guard while preoccupied and one of Tenten's kunai had snagged his right arm.

Please note: When training with a weapon's mistress never focus more on her mystifying aerial movements than how to stop the movements of her weapons.)

Like the way she was making it frustratingly hard for him to function today. Did other people affect him this way? Neji knew with definite clarity that if Lee chucked anything at him he would be more than ready to summon up the coordination to knock him out with it.

What if Lee chucked Tenten at him?

Well now he was just being ridiculous. Although this train of thought did help him realize that Tenten was the problem.

The girl, who had finished dressing his wound, waved a hand in front of his face. Snapping back into reality he leveled a glare at her for confusing him to the point where he was simulating Lee throwing people during battle.

Thinking the look was for hurting him she frowned slightly and lightly touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry Neji."

Then she thought about it. "Actually, you can't really blame me," she reasoned, "It's definitely your fault."

Neji, who was feeling adverse, simply stalked off somewhere where he wouldn't be able to hear the echoes of "LEEEEE!" and "GAI-SENSEIIIII!" reverberating off the trees. He really needed to think.

o

"Stupid wildlife," muttered Neji darkly. He was addressing foliage that had apparently wronged him somehow.

He knew he should just sit somewhere and work it out in his head but no place was presenting itself. No tree stump, log, or rock could be found, just tall trees. Well he'd show those trees; Hyuuga Neji would cut those trees down to size. (He inwardly congratulated himself on his clever pun.)

Crash!

Lashing out and felling one particularly infuriating sapling, Neji crossed over to it and sat on it, pleased with himself. It had felt monstrously good to just whack something and he found himself wishing to repeat the experience. (This writer suggest Neji never try drugs, as he seems to have very little self restraint.)

What's this? Merely sitting on a tree provided no back support! He definitely needed to make some changes (that conveniently required more destruction).

Crash!

Neji situated a smaller tree in front of the larger one and sat down on the makeshift bench, leaning back satisfied. What a high. He didn't have a problem. He could quit whenever he wanted to.

This is unacceptable! Where was he supposed to rest his feet?

Crash!

o

Tenten looked up from where she was repacking the medical supplies, glancing in the direction Neji had gone. She cocked her head to the side, puzzled. Where there less treetops in that direction?

Sighing, she left the remaining bandages on the ground and trudged off, following the sounds of falling trees.

o

In a recently leveled patch of land Tenten found Neji, who seemed to be constructing some ornate throne. Neji looked like he had been in the process of making an addition when he was attacked by an angry family of woodpeckers. Tenten had arrived just as he was about to justu the creatures into next Wednesday.

"Neji WAIT!"

He froze. The woodpeckers flew off coming as close to laughing at Neji's expense as scientifically possible.

"You can't hurt them; woodpeckers are Konoha's official bird. You'd get fined." While she was delivering this little speech (which was a load of bull she had concocted to prevent Neji from embarking on a crusade against all creatures capable of flight) she closed the distance and placed a restraining hand on his arm.

'Wow, I'm kind of touchy-feely today,' thought Tenten.

Rather than focus his anger on her for ruining his plans of revenge Neji just sort of...stood there, seemingly accepting her guidance.

"Everyone knows Konoha's official bird is the city pigeon, Tenten," Neji murmured exasperatedly after a moment.

Tenten raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

'WHAT KIND OF FREAK KNOWS THAT SORT OF THING?' she shouted in the confines of her mind.

Then to cover her tracks she said a little too loudly, "Because you know I could've sworn it was the woodpecker…"

Neji never answered, he just looked at her. Her eyebrow quirk had called attention to her face and he was now fighting the urge to reach out to her.

Once again, self restraint was not in his possession (seriously, he should stay away from drugs, no matter what positive testimonies Lee and Gai-sensei may give).

He reached up to brushed the side of her face and smoothed back some of the light hair framing her forehead before letting his hand drop to her shoulder. He didn't remove it (which was a good thing, because it was the only thing keeping Tenten upright).

The poor girl's brain was in overdrive. Sensors buzzed and urgent messages like 'Hyuuga Neji is touching your cheek' and 'the city pigeon is the official bird of Konoha' passed between neurons in her overtaxed brain. Then it shut down completely and all she felt was the feather-light touch that sent shivers down her spine.

Neji thought about what he had just done.

It would seem that he liked Tenten.

Did he like Tenten? Yes.

Did he like her like that? … … …Yes.

Was he sure?

Neji was never unsure.

o

A/N:

(1) A lot of stories portray Neji punching trees, but I don't know that he ever ACTUALLY does that. So, if he doesn't (or even if he does), it wasn't my idea.

(2) I am not Japanese nor do I pretend to be, so if you see any mistakes in spelling or mannerisms that make you want to gouge your eyes out please share.

I enjoyed it, what about you? (Of course, the stress eroded my mental capacity hours ago...) Please R&R!

Next: Tenten panics! Will the advice of other kunoichi help or hinder her? Can Neji stay out of trouble in his unbalance state?