This is just a weird little idea I got one day. The Schwarzy boys are all keeping journals of their thoughts! Some will surprise you. Some won't. Strangely though, it's intellectual in places and yet humorous at other parts. Enjoy! Mail me! [email protected]
Disclaimer: The characters of this story do not belong to me, but to their rightful creators.
WARNING: Um… a few shounen ai references. A look into the mind of Schwarz! Hold on tight!
Schwarz Journals
By Ray-Chan
Predictability: it breeds comfort. I prefer to have my days planned out weeks ahead of time without much change from season to season. Yet at least one element of the unexpected always seems to occur leaving me strained in the end.
After another bout with fighting between our ranks, I imposed the new rule that each member or Schwarz must keep a daily journal, thus allowing each man to express any angry thoughts or other without lashing out irrationally.
For me, this seems a positive solution to a problem that should be negligible in any other group, but seems to corrode our relations, friendly or otherwise. Therefore, I continue with my account of day one.
April 15, 2001
I woke up this morning to Schuldich licking my neck like a hungry animal. Though not a completely unpleasurable sensation, pre-breakfast sex was not scheduled into my daily plan so I shoved him off and ordered him to dress. I did waver slightly in the process, though. He must be making me soft.
Breakfast was uneventful as always apart from the pissed glares Schuldich kept throwing in my direction. After sorting paperwork for a few hours, I decided to make it up to him with a round of afternoon lovemaking. He seemed rather pleased with himself afterward, though I have not the faintest clue why. Maybe for breaking me out of routine.
Nagi left the apartment again without giving us word of his destination. Apparently he has been taking unexpected leave like this for over two weeks. Honestly, I had no idea. Missions and paperwork tend to interrupt one's train of thought over time. I just need a vacation.
Other events were standard and should not be mentioned. I have already collected the other Schwarz member's journals and will give my own assessments here after reading their comments for today.
~ * ~
Crawford closed his black leather notebook, pocketing it carefully before opening the first of three journals, all neatly stacked before him on the kitchen table.
~ * ~
Fuckbook:
Day 1
Grrrr…. Why do you insist on punishing me, Brad? "Keep a journal." What's the fucking purpose of *that*? …And if you say "builds stronger bonds" one more time, this journal will have a new shelving place up your ass.
You wanna know my day? Well, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT!!!
Farfarello ate my shampoo again. Damn it! I TELL him it's only strawberry *scented*, but he says it tastes like pocky. You wanna psychoanalyze someone? Go fuck with *his* mind. Freak.
Oh man… Remind me to buy some new pants. My ass looks fat in these jeans.
…Where was I? Oh yeah…
So then after Farfie *ate* my shampoo, I tried to sneak into Nagi's room to "borrow" his. He had his headphones on and didn't even notice me until I tried to read his e-mail over his shoulder. ::snicker:: Looks like little Nagi has a *girlfriend*!
Anyhoo, he got major pissed and royally threw me out of his room. Literally. I probably left a dent in the wall where I landed.
Hey! Maybe my ass is swollen and that's why my jeans look fat! AAAARGH! And it's my favorite body part, too!
….And I *know* it's your favorite Bradley-chan. Mmmm…. I'm touching myself right now. I wish you were here with me. Ohhh…. I need you so bad! Deep inside m-
~ * ~
Crawford read a few more lines then slammed Schuldich's journal closed. His breathing was slightly ragged and his face a little red.
// Damn you, Schuldich! You don't write PORN in these journals, baka! //
He quickly grabbed the next journal and began to read.
~ * ~
Entry 1
April 15, 2001
I've come to some conclusions about life:
#1.) The world is *not* a scary place, it only seems that way because scary people live in it.
#2.) People have different opinions of true happiness, therefore, happiness cannot be found since it never exists without each person's specific design in mind.
#3.) No matter how hard you try… fingers do *not* fit into electrical outlets unless you remove the outer panel first.
I don't see the point in keeping a journal. It's not like my thoughts matter to anyone beyond Schuldich and that's because he has no choice but to listen.
Oh yeah. Tell him to buy some more pocky shampoo.
You order our lives, Crawford. You know my day because you plan it perfectly in that stick-up-your-ass bastard style you pull off so well. I refuse to entertain you. Go fuck Schuldich if you're bored.
~~ Of darkness prevailing over light ~~
~~ We shed out wings, preferring night ~~
~~ Through screams of lives taken ~~
~~ And the wails of forsaken ~~
~~ We laugh at their hopeless plight ~~
There.
Now I have a date with a certain Weiss redhead and a nail gun. Ja.
~ * ~
Crawford stared down at the book and it's owner's surprisingly elegant handwriting.
// Farfarello writes *POETRY*?!?! //
Shaking his head to rid of the new (yet *disturbing*) information, he opened the last book and read.
~ * ~
April 15th
Does love really exist? I truly hope so. I want something to look forward to in life. I doubt that people like us are deserving of something as sacred as love.
Have you found it, Crawford? Do you and Schuldich share any feelings beyond mutual lust? He loves you, you know. He probably never tells you, but it's there. It's in his eyes.
When will you realize that affection isn't something you can just take for granted? You should take it when, and if, you ever get the chance.
….. I have to go now. Think about it sometime, Crawford.
~ * ~
Crawford placed Nagi's journal back on the table with the others. He closed his eyes for a few minutes before drawing out his own black leather journal once again from his pocket and flipping to a new page.
~ * ~
April 15, 2001
Journal of Brad Crawford
~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 1 * ~
Nagi is in love. I don't know when he found the time to establish feelings for another. It would be wise to further investigate for whom his emotions are swayed. Maybe Schuldich could be of use in the matter.
Farfarello… is actually intelligent. Frighteningly so. Although cynical, his mental concepts surpass most people with normal sanity levels. I must start keeping a watchful eye on him. He could prove far more dangerous and unpredictable than previously thought, even out of his delusional bouts with rage for a God he trusts exists.
Schuldich is a sex addict. He is too open with his emotions around others and must learn to control them. Maybe find him a hobby? Or a psychiatrist?
And me, Brad Crawford,
~ * ~
He paused, chewing thoughtfully on his pen before continuing.
~ * ~
I really should express my feelings for Schuldich more. Even if it is just in private. He deserves better.
~ * ~
Pocking his book, Crawford got up from his chair and stretched. Scooping up the journals from the table, he mounted the stairs to his room.
…There was a certain redheaded German who deserved some lovemaking tonight…
~ * ~ * ~ End Day 1 ~ * ~ * ~