Title: Living
Author: Jen
Feedback: Loved!
Pairing: None really Benny/Mark friends, Maureen/Joanne, mentions of Mimi/Roger, Angel/Collins, Benny/Alison
Word Count: 2921
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: Collins is dying and Benny's there to help Mark deal
Notes: 5 years after Rent. One character has died (after Angel), another is MIA.
Special Thanks:
Spoilers: If you've seen Rent in either capacity or listened to either CD, you won't be too shocked
Warnings: Character Death
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, they are the Larson's. God bless them.

"Benny?" Mark asked, stunned. "I was just about to call you." He stepped away from his vigil beside the hospital bed and walked over to Benny. "How'd you find out?" he asked, pulling his friend into a hug.

"Joanne. She's, uh, handling my divorce." Benny pulled away from Mark and looked over at the bed. "She told me he'd gotten worse lately. How is he?"

Mark sighed and took off his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "As good as can be, I suppose. They say he won't make it much longer, but if you ask me, he died five years ago when he lost Angel. Think he just hung around for me." He smiled in spite of himself. "When Roger got sick, he came over every day with food and a story, trying to make me and Mimi smile. Somehow managed to keep Mimi's spirits up long enough until we lost Roger."

"He's good at that. Guess by helping you guys stay happy, he didn't have to think about Angel and what he lost and..." Benny sighed as he watched Collins sleep, his chest rising and falling slowly. "I wish I'd been around more. When you guys lost Roger. Maybe Mimi wouldn't have taken off. Maybe Collins wouldn't have pushed himself so much to make sure you didn't lose another friend so quickly. Maybe..."

"That's the past, Benny. I told you at Roger's funeral, I wanted to put it behind us. Give you, me, and Collins a chance at having some peace. At least when we're away from Joanne and Maureen." Mark sank into the chair at Collins' bedside. "It wasn't your fault Mimi ran like she did. She sent postcards for about a month after Roger died but I haven't heard from her in nearly two years."

"How did you deal with all this, man? Angel, Roger, Mimi, now...now Collins? I don't know where you got your strength from."

Mark looked up at Benny. "Hard to explain but I got it from them. Collins mostly, really, after we lost Angel. They kept going even with this hanging over their heads. Sure Roger needed a good kick in the ass, but I couldn't sit there and go 'poor me', not when they knew their time was short. I couldn't look Collins in the eye and feel sorry for myself when he'd lost Angel and if anyone could show you what it was to live." He smiled as he thought of the larger-then-life Angel who had impacted his life in such a short time. "It was Angel."

"Wish I'd gotten to know him...her." Benny sighed. "Wish I hadn't alienated all of you like that."

"I wish you'd stop saying that. It happened. Life happens. Who knows if we even would've gotten Angel in our lives if you hadn't been an asshole." Mark looked up at Benny and winked before turning his attention back to Collins. "He looks so peaceful and...and...well, not healthy but not as sick when he's sleeping."

"You've got a point." Benny looked down at Collins, his face dotted with small lesions, his skin seeming paler then usual. He looked thinner and seemed nothing like the man he once was. Benny had to look away, unable to see his friend like that, unable to understand how Mark had managed to do this twice before.

"You know, it's hard seeing him like this. He's been so healthy for so long. Almost like...like he was hanging on for me."

Benny wasn't sure how to respond to that. He surveyed Mark now, noticing that his face was pale too, dark bags under his eyes which were almost bloodshot. "Hey, why don't we get out of here for a bit. He's sleeping. We'll come back."

"I can't just leave, Benny," Mark protested. "What if he wakes up? What if something happens and he needs a nurse? What if..."

"What if you took care of yourself for five minutes instead of worrying about everyone else? Come on." Benny grabbed Mark by the arm and hauled him to his feet. "Besides, he won't be alone for long. Joanne told me she was going to swing back to her place, have dinner with Maureen and come by. They'll keep an eye on him. You, my friend, need some Mark time."

Mark glanced down at Collins, still sleeping then back up at Benny. "Ok, ok, fine. We eat dinner, we maybe talk for a bit, but we're back here in an hour."

"Three hours."

"Two hours and not a minute more."

Benny sighed. "Fine, two hours. And you're going to eat, not just push your food around with a fork."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Ok, Dad," he said, a small smile on his face.

Benny led Mark out of the room and towards the elevator to take them down to the main lobby. "It'll be ok, Mark. Really. I have a feeling Collins would kick your ass if he woke up and saw you sitting there, half awake looking like you look now."

Mark leaned against the wall as they waited for the elevator to arrive. "You have a point, I suppose. Anyway, you and Alison are divorcing? What happened? Thought you worked out that Mimi shit."

"We did but..." Benny sighed and shook his head. "It's complicated. She wants children. Me, that's fine, but if we didn't, I'd be happy too."

"So what's the problem?"

"She decided to try all that fertility stuff, have sex at these times, have sex this way, poke yourself with this. All expensive but her father was paying. She could never get pregnant. Turns out there's something wrong. She can't have kids. It really upset her and I tried to tell her it didn't matter but we kept fighting about. Finally, she asked for a divorce, saying she couldn't be married and not give her husband children."

"And you didn't tell me this, why?" Mark asked as the elevator arrived and they stepped on board.

Benny shrugged and punched the button for the lobby. "I don't know. Thought we could work it out. I asked Joanne to help me just in case but to keep it quiet. She rolled her eyes and asked if I'd ever heard of attorney-client privilege before."

"Think it'll happen?"

"I really don't know, man. I do love her, I really do. Despite all that happened, she's my wife. I don't care if she can't have kids. We'll adopt or something. But Alison...she's used to getting whatever she wants so if she wants a divorce, she'll get it."

The elevator stopped and they stepped off, almost walking right into Joanne and Maureen.

"Hey, sweetie!" Maureen said, kissing Mark's cheek. "How is he?"

"Sleeping now. Benny's making me get something to eat."

"Oh yes, heaven forbid you stay healthy." Joanne smiled and hugged Mark. "Take care of him, Benny. We'll keep an eye on Collins."

"If anything happens..."

"Don't worry, Mark. Everything will be fine. Trust me, ok?" Joanne gave Mark's hand a squeeze.

"We won't let him even...roll over without letting you know. Go. Now. Eat." Maureen said, lightly shoving Mark towards Benny. She grabbed Joanne's arms and pulled her onto the elevator. "Come on, Pookie."

"I've told you a hundred times, not to call me that."

"Oh, baby, it's just a joke." Maureen smiled and gave Joanne a kiss as the elevator doors closed.

"Glad to know some things don't change."

"Same Maureen, different year, different wardrobe. But I think it's more of a...stress reliever now. Not for anything between her and Joanne but her and the rest of the world." Mark zipped up his jacket as they headed outside into the cool fall air.

"So what about you, Mark? Think you'll find that girl?"

"Oh, Christ, Benny. What, did you and Collins plan this? 'When I'm sick, you take Mark out and give him relationship advice.' I'm...I'm fine right now. I don't have time for a relationship with anyone. I have...I have to take care of Collins, make sure Maureen and Joanne don't kill each other, make sure there's nice flowers on Angel and Roger's graves, and film. When exactly do I have time to date anyone?" Mark ranted as they stopped on a street corner.

"Maybe when you finally start caring about yourself instead of everyone else. Mark, you spend so much time making sure everyone else is happy and healthy and taken care of and...and alive that you forget to live."

"Shit, Benny, come on. Don't you think I wish I could do that?"

Benny shook his head as they crossed the street and headed into a small cafe. "You can, Mark"

Mark sighed as they pulled off their coats and took a seat. "Yeah, right. How can I do that when Collins is...when he's dying. How can I think about dating someone when he probably won't live to see Thanksgiving. When he lost the only person who he truly loved."

"Mark, he loves you too. Maybe...probably not like he loved Angel but he loves you too and wants to see you happy. He wants to know when he dies that you won't turn into a recluse and hide away behind your camera."

"And how do you know that?"

"We talked." Benny sighed. "A few weeks ago when you were out, he called me. We went to the Life. He spent the whole time talking about how you refuse to accept that he's going to die and how he doesn't want to leave you just yet. Like you said, Mark, he's hanging on for you."

Mark sighed and looked away, not wanting to meet Benny's eyes. "I wish he wasn't, Benny. I really wish he wasn't. I know he's going to die. I've known for years. And as much as I don't want him to die, I know he wants to."

"I don't think anyone wants to die, Mark," Benny said as a waiter appeared with two cups of coffee and a menu.

Mark took a sip from his cup and leaned back in his chair. "When Angel got sick, it took all of us to convince Collins that he was going to lose him...her." He shook his head. "Anyway, one day, Angel asked us all to leave and she told Collins she was dying and he had to accept that fact. And that soon they would be reunited forever. He hung around for five years for whatever reason, me, doesn't matter really. He deserves to be with Angel again."

"I still don't know how you do it, how it feels to be in your shoes." Benny shook his head as a waiter came over to take their orders. "Whatever you want. It's on me. And no protesting. You need to eat, my friend."

Mark sighed. "Fine, fine. Just one condition. We stop talking about this. I'll talk about anything just not about...about this anymore."

"Deal. So what should we talk about?"

"Still going to work for your...father-in-law if this divorce goes through?"

"I have no idea. Maybe. I've cemented myself into his company pretty well and he does like me. Guess it depends on what Alison tells him."

"Good luck with that, Benny, and I mean it. There may be space in the loft now but I can't take another jobless wonder."

"Thanks, Mark," Benny said, chuckling.

The pair chatted quietly over the first meal Mark had had in weeks. It felt good to just sit and talk without worrying if his friend would miss his medication or if he would start feeling ill.

"Hey, we should head back. Been almost two hours." Benny glanced at his watch. "Better save Collins from the force that is Maureen and Joanne."

"Good idea."

When they arrived back at Collins' room, they found the former professor awake and talking with Maureen and Joanne.

"Hey, Mark. There you are. Thought these two had tied you up or something."

Mark smiled as he leaned over and hugged Collins as best he could with all the wires connected to his body. "Nah, Benny did though." He sat in the chair beside Collins bed and looked back over at Benny.

Benny chuckled. "Yeah, got him to eat even. Imagine that."

"What next? You'll sleep. I might die from shock."

Mark glared at Collins. "Not funny."

"Mark, man, I didn't mean it like..." Collins sighed. "Girls, wanna give us guys some alone time?"

Maureen opened her mouth as if to protest but Joanne stopped her.

"Yeah, we'll go. Spent enough time bothering you. Take care, sweetie." Joanne leaned over and kissed Collins' cheek. "We'll stop by and see you again. Let's go, Maureen."

Maureen smiled and kissed Collins and Mark goodbye before following Joanne out of the room.

"Mark, you know that..."

"I know. It's just hard to you say it. Remember how upset you'd get whenever Angel would say 'I feel great for someone who's dying'?"

Collins nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I remember. Sorry, man. Just...lying here, hard not to think about it. And it's not like I ever think before I speak anyways."

Mark chuckled. "You were never known for that, were you?"

Collins looked over at Benny who was standing by the door looking completely out of place. "Hey, um, Mark? Mind giving me a few minutes alone with Benny?"

Mark looked between Benny and Collins before nodding his head. "Yeah. I'll, uh, go down to the vending machines and...and get a drink or something." He stood up and walked slowly out of the door.

"Take a seat, Benny. I want to ask you something."

"Anything. Anything at all. I'll pay for whatever you nee-"

Collins held up a hand. "It's not that. I...I need you to be there for him, for Mark. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah of course I can."

"I can't hang on for him much longer. Everything hurts, even keeping my eyes open sometimes."

Benny reached out and gave Collins' arm a squeeze. "You're both stronger then you think. He'll be fine. I'll keep an eye on him. Don't worry."

Collins slid his arm out of Benny's grasp and took his hand. "Thank you. For everything. And I mean that." He chuckled softly. "Glad to know he'll have someone else to talk to aside from Joanne and Maureen."

"I wouldn't sentence anyone to that fate." Benny smiled. "We'll be fine."

Mark poked his head back in the room. "Is it safe?"

"Yeah, yeah, we're fine," Collins said, laughing. "Get in here, man. Talk to me."

Mark slide into the room and pulled up a chair to the other side of Collins' bed, feeling at peace for the first time in a long time. He would lose Collins soon, just as he lost Roger and Angel. Mimi might already be dead, he was sure he'd never find out. But he had Benny in his life as well as Joanne and Maureen. Somehow, the four of them would make it together, living like their dearly departed friends would want them to.

It wasn't even three weeks later when Mark found himself standing before Collins' grave, seated beside Angel's. Written on the tombstone, inspired by a drunk thought Mark had the night after Collins' had passed was the phrase 'No day but today and today I'm with you.'

"Finally together," Benny said from Mark's side. "Hard to believe that...that they're all gone."

"Mimi might still be alive."

Benny shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. If she's not, I'm sure she's up with Roger, Collins, and Angel. Lord knows what trouble those four are causing."

Mark managed a small smile. "It's actually quite frightening." He looked over and meet Benny's eyes. "I see Alison came."

"Yeah, we...we worked things out. We've actually found a young teen aged girl who wants us to adopt her baby in a few months. We were wondering if...I was wondering if...if you'd be it's Godfather."

"Me?"

"Yeah, I mean, Mark, you're...you're my best friend and I can't imagine a better role model for a child. You stuck by everyone through...everything. I want any of my children to have that kind of influence in their lives."

"I don't know." Mark looked away, unsure of what to say.

"Think about it. But..." Benny put his arm around Mark's shoulders. "Think of what kinda chick magnet you'd be when you hold him or her."

Mark chuckled. "It would be. It couldn't hurt." He looked down at the graves before him, the past, and then over at Alison who was smiling in Benny's direction, the future. "I'd love to, Benny. Then you're stuck with me the rest of your life."

"Already am. Might as well make it worth it for both of us. Come on. Let's take Alison to the Life, show her what our kid will be in for."

With one last glance at his friends who had moved on, their lives cut short before they had a chance to really live, Mark followed Benny up to a waiting Alison. He knew now his goal in life wasn't to just film what was happening or sit by hospital beds, waiting for the inevitable, but to be part of what was happening and live the lives his friends couldn't have. He knew that somehow they were watching him. He would make them proud.