[A/N: Hrm... well, I'm a sadistic person and I take pleasure in making nice guys bad, and killing people in various ways. So... let the ever so insane Crying Raven present the truth about the Marauders, Sirius point of view. Um... and those hints of slash, they just ended up being there... they were not intended but now I can't remove them. It would be wrong. Not as wrong as you will probably think this story is, but still wrong. Long live the traitors and the evil ones, down with the good guys, except Snape, we like Snape (even if he is one of those nasty people who do good things) *waves Slytherin flag*]

I hate you

~ The sun, the moon, the star and the rat ~

I hate you. I truly hate you with all my heart.

You were always the one who got all the attention. I got some too, but it was nothing compared to you. You outshone us all. You were like the fricking sun. Moony... well Remus didn't want a whole lot attention, naturally. That was just the way he is. But you, James, you were like the god damn sun, no matter what the rest of us did, you always succeeded in doing it better. No matter how brightly we shone, you were always brighter. Heck, I'm even named after a star, but if I was a star, Remus was the moon and you were the sun, where did that leave poor Peter?

Peter adored you, did you know that James? Of course you did, you weren't blind to admiration, you could see the way he looked at you. In that disturbing idolizing way. He would have died for you back in school... God I hated him for it. Why couldn't he see that you were not worthy idolizing.

You made me Harry's godfather. You told me I was your best friend and that if you ever died you'd want me to take care of your child. That's odd. I don't remember you ever calling me your best friend before. Wasn't that Remus' role?

Now I know that Remus' lycanthropy was the thing that made it impossible to give your son to him. Because of that one night every month. I know you accepted Remus for what he was, we all did because we loved him, but sometimes I wonder if you ever really trusted him. He was your best friend. You knew how hard he's fought all his life to not harm anyone, but still he was not good enough to be Harry's godfather.

So I got that role.

I didn't want to be anyone's godfather, especially when it meant that I deprived Moony of something that he deserved. Maybe you didn't see his reaction when you told me you wanted me to shoulder the responsibility, but I did. Damn you James, how could you ever hurt him like that? How could you hurt him like that and not even notice it? Was it not for him we became animagus? Didn't we do everything in our power to help him through the full moons? Yes, James, we did. We did all we could for Moony, because we loved him. At least Peter and I did. I thought you did too.

As far as letting me into your family goes I'm willing to put my head on that you didn't know what Lily and I did when you weren't home. Pretty, she was, ever so pretty. And she loved her son so dearly. I wouldn't be so sure that she loved you though. Not the way she moaned... You know she suggested that Remus would join us once.

So much for your loving, caring and innocent wife, James.

I wanted her. I wanted her bad. There was the thrill of fucking your wife, knowing that I could take everything that was yours if I wanted to, knowing that I could tear your perfect little life apart by just asking your perfect little wife to leave you for me. She would have, you know. Fuck, she even begged me to ask her to leave you, that she would if I just said the words. I didn't. I was happy with knowing how much damage I could do to you if I just wanted. I wanted to, but not bad enough. Not then anyway.

Remember that weekend trip you made in Dumbledore's service? Remember when you came back she had those bite marks all over her body, and she couldn't really explain where they came from. And you came to us. Peter didn't know. Remus knew. Remus knew very well as a matter of fact. He didn't make them, of course, I did. But he was there too. Well James, we talked you into forget about it, and not ruining your marriage. And I know you let it slide, because of that girl you had met a month or two ago for a night. You didn't ask any more questions, just looked the other way, pretended the bite marks weren't there. That they never had been. Like you always did when it was something you couldn't do anything about.

Then you took it one step further. It was as if you really did your best to hurt Remus, you know that? Just because he was a werewolf didn't mean he couldn't keep a secret. It didn't mean that he was a follower of You-Know-Who. Yes, he is a dark creature, it would have been in his nature to do so. But he didn't. Until that point he had fought so hard to beat his nature, to do good instead of hurting people.

How could you even think that Remus, out of all people, would be a Death Eater? He was your best friend. Was. He told Peter how hurt he had been when you made me Harry's godfather. Peter encouraged him to tell me. And he did. And I understood him. I understood how he felt, James, because I knew he wasn't evil by any means, I understood because I paid attention to him when he spilled his guts to me. You know what I told them? I told them that I understood him, and felt the same.

Then I told them about that tattoo on my arm.

Remember that James? You laughed that fall when we met at the Hogwarts express to join each other for our seventh year. Remember how you told me I was crazy to get a tattoo? How it was going to be there for the rest of my life. Remember how I just smiled? Well, that tattoo wasn't some average tattoo. My master had given it to me. You never knew. Anyone who wasn't one of the Dark Lord's minions didn't know about that magical tattoo. The Dark Mark. I got my tattoo, together with Snape, Nott, Malfoy, Lestrange, Parkinson, Goyle and all those other obnoxious Slytherins. But he looked at me differently. He let me shine, bright, clear and strong, with no one to exceed me. He was proud over me, you know that, James? He was proud that I dared to join him, to break free from you and my friends.

I didn't break free from my friends. I broke free from you. From everything you thought I was. And it felt so good to prove you wrong, you know that? To know that no matter what you said about me, you would always be so wrong.

So you officially made me your secret keeper, but secretly Peter was the real one. It was so fucking hilarious. Everything to avoid You-Know-Who and his followers to touch your precious family. Didn't you know Peter was already a Death Eater? Didn't you know I was the one who brought him to my master? Yes, I brought Remus too. Yes, you were right, Remus wasn't to be trusted. Poor little Moony had gone bad. But you know what, James? It was because you tore his world into pieces, just like that, without even bothering to look at his face a second time. If you had you would have seen how devastated he was. He knew. He knew you didn't trust him. I hope you rot in hell for what you did to him.

Didn't you know traitors surrounded you? Didn't you know that your own wife would have killed you if I would have asked her to? Fuck James, you were so damn blind. No wonder you were dead meat.

Then my master told us, all three of us, that he wanted you. He wanted the Potters. James, did you know how happily I told him that I knew who the secret keeper was? Why, he even promised me your wife as a reward. Imagine that, James, your wonderful Lily who I had been screwing for two years. Your pure and innocent wife. A reward. Guess what? I smiled at my master and told him it was Peter.

Peter Pettigrew.

Wormtail.

Your friend.

Your worshipping friend.

And do you know what he did? He smiled and said that yes, he was, and that he would gladly help our master. And Remus. I could see the look in his eyes. It was as if he had gotten his revenge for your betrayal. Do you know how good that made me feel?

Then Dumbledore told us that You-Know-Who was after the Potters. After you. He looked at me, sternly. As if he knew how I felt about you. At the first second I thought he did. I think Peter and Remus also thought so, because all of us just sat there in shock. Then the old fool opened his mouth and asked me to be extra careful who I talked to. I nodded. I swore that I wouldn't tell anyone where you and your perfect family were hiding. But even if I had it wouldn't have made a difference. The only thing I could do was tell them that I wasn't the secret keeper, that Peter was. And I had already done that.

Then he told us that an anonymous supporter of my master had warned him. My first thought? Peter. Peter's first thought? Remus. Remus' first thought? Someone else. Yes, we talked about it. Remus brought it up. Peter, that filthy rat, admitted that he had thought it was Remus. I could see Moony's heart break. Again. And I started to hate Peter, stronger than ever before.

Then Peter showed the Dark Lord to your hide out, broke the spell, betrayed his idol. I was with Remus, since it was full moon. I didn't leave until he had transformed back to human again and safely gone to bed. Then I came to the ruins of the house. I realized that something was wrong. So I took out my wand, ready to blow you and Peter into tiny little pieces, when I heard a child's cry.

I went in, found you dead. Why James, that look of terror and that pale tone really suited you. Shame you never found out it was I who was the reason you were dead. Shame you never found out what I really did to your wife, your friends, and to you. I would have loved the expression on your face. I passed you, after giving you a kick in he side, and I found Lily, dead too.

Not that I cared.

What good would she really be when you were dead? The kick of it all would be gone. Remus might have liked her, but she'd hurt him. And then I'd been forced to hurt her even worse. Secretly I was glad she was dead. Then I found Harry. Crying and bleeding, but not dead.

I still don't know what made me do it, but I picked him up and did my best to comfort him, to stop the blood. Maybe because he was just a baby, maybe because I was his godfather after all, maybe because it was the responsible and right thing to do. I don't know.

Hagrid came soon after and I quickly took the role of your friend again, James. The fool believed me, if it was the fake tears or how I really tried to keep Harry I don't know, nor do I care. My master had wanted the Potters dead, I was going to fulfill his wish and keep the child until my master had returned. I knew he would want to kill Harry himself. I ended up giving in and giving Hagrid your son, not wanting to be thought of as the reason to why you and Lily were dead, I was after all officially the secret keeper.

So I planned on framing Peter. He was after all the real secret keeper, and I told Remus this when he woke up. I told him all about what I had seen, what must have happened.

Together we might be able to succeed in saving me from Azkaban, alone nobody would believe me since everyone thought I was the secret keeper, nobody would believe him in anything if he didn't have someone to back him up because he was a werewolf. So we started to plot how we were going to peruse those people, who I wanted dead more than anything for looking at Moony like that, that I was innocent, and we started to plot against Peter.

Unfortunately that same rat was plotting against me at that very moment.