Author's Note: I've actually sort of stopped writing, but I had the urge to finish this since it had been halfway done for a year now? Just to let you know, I have always had this ending in mind, so I didn't just think of it out of the blue.

Final Chapter:

Mission 15

Kirai (in darkness)

Time only exists to those who believe in it.

So, technically, I can be with you forever.

I should feel bad, but I don't. I guess I'm just too selfish, too egotistical, too in love with you. I wish I could be more like Ren'ai, smile so easily, laugh so light-hearted, but I'm too uptight. Maybe I can't because I'm not a human. I'll always be a nobody.

But that doesn't seem so bad anymore, does it?

No, it doesn't. It's alright now, I can accept it. As long as I have emotions, I can accept who I am because I can't change, I can't simply jump into someone else's body. That's just not how live goes. It works in other mysterious ways, placing people in front of you, allowing your heart to soften and have that person sit in a special place, deep in your chest.

Life prefers to make your stomach swell with butterflies and have his touch calm you; yet, force you to grow hot and tremble with excitement. To live is to love, and to be this cheesy, well, who said I shouldn't be?

I can only be who I am.

Despite that, I'm also filled with hate, envy, guilt and shame. And I can't change that either. But I'd choose this over being empty and emotionless any day. With every moment that I feel horrid, for every time my body fills with fear and pain, I smile and laugh. I hold Roxas and I embrace him. Just being able to be this way, well, it makes it worth the while.

I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

But, even then, I do regret what happened.

If things only turned out different…

No.

Things happen for a reason.

Every story has an end.

Kirai

I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I knew it was wrong. When did I become this inhumane? Wanting to just abandon everyone? But I couldn't lie to myself. I knew I wanted to be solely with Roxas, and that would be easy to accomplish once we escape from this Godforsaken place. It's only a bit of time before my wish came true, I had to believe that.

I felt so much better the next day, my body well-rested, a bit of my guilt hidden away in the deep crevasses of my heart, gone forever. I knew that we had to break into the mansion and make it to the other side. There was no way we could stay here, in hiding. They'd find us, and then it would be all over. I could never return to the Organization and act like nothing ever happened. I could never really be a nobody. I just wasn't that girl anymore. I wasn't Ren'ai, or the Organization's Kirai. I was me, one without a true name, but that was fine. I was content with what I did have.

And one more to add to my list:

Live in the real world with Roxas.

That would be the last thing I would ask for.

All of us were in the kitchen, discussing how we would break into the mansion. How many Nobodies were left? Had some of them been killed on missions? Where they scattered around this fake world? Who knows?

"We have to know how many are there, we can't take them all on."

"That's obvious Riku."

He shot me a threatening glance.

"Stop fighting you two. You're acting like idiots," Ren'ai scolded.

I looked away and started playing with my hair; it was so long now, the deep red reaching below my shoulders. I really wanted to cut it off, now. So I stood and walked over to the bathroom, ignoring the stares of everyone else. I guess if you looked at us from afar, our little group would seem impossible. First, there were two former Organization XIII nobodies, one with two Keyblades, Oblivion and Oathkeeper. Then there were two humans who had given their hearts to the darkness but had successfully regained them, sort of. Finally, the Keyblade master, there to save the world and rid the universe of nobodies and heartless, who hasn't killed me yet.

It really did surprise me; I could only wonder how we all came to be together.

Maybe we were all meant to be together.

Maybe it was destiny.

I had found scissors in the bathroom cabinet, and I stared at myself in the mirror. My face looked so serious, so I tried to ease the muscles in my face; maybe I'd resemble someone caring if I really tried. Unfortunately, it didn't really work. So I busied myself with chopping off the bottom of my hair, letting it fall into the sink. When I was in the Organization, I had an obsession with the length of my hair. Never past my shoulders.

I let my hair just barely skim them.

"Looks good."

I turned to see Roxas leaning against the side of the door, arms crossed. I felt my knees shake as the window behind him released light, letting it shine in his hair. A golden halo surrounded him, he looked like an angel. I managed a smile, despite the erratic beating of my heart.

"You want to just break in and fight them all? Are you an idiot?" I said to Sora.

"Kirai, it's the only option we have. We don't know anything." He replied.

But I guess he did have a point. We couldn't make a plan without knowing anything, so I guess we'd just to play it by ear. In a strange way, I was ecstatic, I simply couldn't wait for the upcoming battles. My blood was boiling, my chest felt heavy, the hairs on the back of my neck rose. I wanted to fight, I wanted to show those Nobodies, and the rest of the world, that I could live. I wanted to show them that they could live too. Before any of this, I was so damn miserable. The others probably thought the same, so I want them to know that there is hope for them. If they wanted, I'd even bring them with us, into the real world. I guess it'll be hard to survive, right? We'd have to work hard and be normal teenagers. But we could do it together, I believe in us.

The night can feel so cold. Like ice, it burns, I don't like the cold anymore, I wish it'd go away. But it wasn't too cold because all of us were standing in a line outside of that mansion, in the dead of night. When Roxas grabbed my hand, warmth crept into my body right from my fingertips. I stared at the looming building before us, all dark and gray. It did frighten me, knowing I was about to enter that place again, but I was alright, because I had him next to me. Ren'ai led the way through the gate, pushing it with anger and determination. Her jaw was clenched; her beautiful long hair was blowing behind her. Riku was right after her, his eyes darting all around, just in case. I released Roxas's hand from my grip and summoned a long black needle. Sora was on my right, looking calm. My gaze was held by him and he turned towards me and smiled. In his heart, he actually believed everything would turn out alright. I hoped he was right.

Those steps towards the large black doors seemed to last an eternity, my steps were so slow, I was afraid I'd be left behind. Finally, Ren'ai pushed open those great doors with her thin frame, and we entered. I almost wanted to run when I saw who was standing in the middle of the great hall, almost. Demyx was leaning on his sitar, frowning with resentment. His blonde hair was sticking up at the top, his eyes were as clear as stone. Demyx took a step towards Roxas and I felt his hated, his rancor was palpable. Yet, my conscience shrieked with alarm, my mind protested against the thought of fighting him. I had to confess: it would pain me if he died. He was the one who disliked missions, the one who would avoid them at all costs. He always would always claim "they sent the wrong guy for this". Doesn't that show he isn't evil? He's different than Xemnas in every way, he wasn't responsible for his actions, Xemnas forced us to carry out his will.

Ren'ai stirred uneasily. Her hand was at her side, reaching for her midnight blue gun.

"Five on one? That's unfair," he smirked, "but I guess it can't be helped. Traitors always cheat."

"Don't worry, I won't swindle you." Ren'ai reassured him.

"Riku, take them. I'll join you guys later."

In my mind, I protested with fervor. She's being foolish, childish, prideful. How could she think so highly of herself? She's still weak, yet she has the guts to take on Demyx alone? I wanted to say something, I wanted to yell at her, and at Riku too, when he nodded and started running. I stood still as Sora and Roxas followed Riku, towards an old wooden door on our right. The wood groaned with their weight, the echoes of their footsteps loud and clear.

Demyx's eyes traveled past Ren'ai to stare at me. They were like marbles, lifeless, without sympathy, without remorse. All those times, those months I was living with him, were his eyes like that? When were they so cold?

"Don't look at me with that compassion crap. Do you really think you care?" he spat.

"No, Demyx, you don't understand, I–"

"I understand. You think you're better than us, just because you escaped? You're no more human than the rest of us. Emotionless, heartless, alone, just like me."

"Please, listen, I don't want you to die, that's all. Please don't fight us."

Ren'ai turned to stare at me now. Her face seemed to be cut from stone. Her deep-seeded hatred was still there, deep inside. I knew now, that she still loathed me, and she probably always will.

"Kirai," his mouth smirked, "just shut up."

"Yes, leave now," the blonde demanded.

And I obeyed, just like a trained dog. I sprinted towards the open door Riku had directed us to. And I didn't look back, even when I heard her scream. My legs kept moving, my arms pumping, my breath coming out is ragged gasps. I didn't know where to go, so I kept going straight ahead, down stairs, towards the path with the least light.

Soon enough, I reached a dark room. I was panting, sweating, looking around for Riku, Roxas, or Sora. Yet this room seemed lifeless. The darkness was so overpowering, all I saw was the empty gap, filled with light that I had come from. The rest was lost.

"Roxas!" I yelled.

I waited in silence for an answer. Nothing. Emptiness.

A cool breeze reached me and alert swept through my body. The lights positioned all around the room were turning on, and I saw that I was in a large room with a high ceiling. At the far end of the room, there were two flights of stairs on either side and in between those stairs, Luxord was standing. I despised this ridiculous situation. Why would the Organization care if we left? Why did they need us?

"Do you even know what's happening?" I asked him.

"You're trying to escape and I'm here to stop you."

"Where are the others?"

"Why do you care? You're a nobody, we don't have compassion for others."

This angered me.

"No, you don't understand—"

"It's you who doesn't understand. Can't you see this is all fake? There is only one exception to the Nobodies, and it's Roxas. But that's because he's the Keyblade Master's Nobody. But you're the same, you're not special."

He walked towards me and reached out his hand.

"Kirai, come back to us. Together, we can become real people. They wouldn't have to know you betrayed them, just come with me, I'll put you some place safe, and we'll just wait this out. They'll leave and we can go on with our plans. We'll be human Kirai, something we've always wanted. Just leave them and come with me."

"I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?"

My arm reached out towards his, "I don't understand how you could…

Be so stupid!" and I punched him, hard. He reeled back and held his hand to his face as he glared at me.

"You're gambling with your fate!"

I called forth my dark needles and they hovered by my side. Hadn't I felt satisfied when I was able to control my needles swiftly? Or had I just acknowledged my achievement as my ability to now take on missions? Had I wasted my entire existence fighting for Xemnas's cause? Would they truly become humans with real emotions, I had to wonder. By killing them, I wondered if I was taking away their chance at happiness.

"I'll take my chances." My throat was dry, my tone bitter.

Luxord moved out of the way and threw a card at me; it scraped my shoulder and cut my skin. I ran towards the stairs, shooting needles at Luxord as the distance between myself and my escape shrunk. A low grunt escaped from his throat. But I kept running, Luxord was more powerful than me, a victory in a one-on-one battle against him wasn't possible. I jumped from the second level to the first, landing awkward against the floor. My knees buckled and my face slammed into the wood. I opened my eyes, despite the throbbing in my head. I staggered towards the door at the other end of the first level as a card flew past my head and another implanted into my back. I screamed out of surprised and pain but turned and blocked another card with a shield of needles. But then the shock of pain registered and I howled in agony. The skin on my legs felt shredded, my arms stung. I tried standing to run, heck, I would have even settled for crawling. No such luck. Luxord laughed, mocking me.

"You were never really strong. For the entire time you were here, I knew you were weak, just a pathetic little weakling. Do you not understand the odds? You shouldn't gamble when you're sure to lose, its just stupid."

He walked towards me, taking his sweet time. When he approached me, his leg kicked me over and the air was knocked out of me. I felt his foot pressing down on my chest, placing pressure on my lungs.

"Huh, worthless. Is your mind working anymore? You just don't get it, do you. You can't escape your destiny Kirai. None of us can. Running to the real world, it's not what you think it is. I bet you had a detailed fantasy of you guys living together, all happy and crap. I'm right, aren't I?"

I wheezed. "Get off of me."

"Nobodies can't feel happiness. It's not something we can have, it's just not possible, when will you understand? Get it through that thick head, stop pretending."

Rage blazed in my chest, my mind blanked out, all I wanted to do was hurt him. I shoved his foot off and gritting my teeth, rolled my leg around to throw his from under him. I stood quickly and Luxord was on the ground, his eyes wide. My fist grabbed his cloak and I pulled myself towards him, my face inches from his.
I mustered all of the anger I could and concentrated it onto the nastiest look I could possibly muster.

"Don't accuse me of pretending." And my fist smacked him so hard, the back of his head made a sickening thud when it crashed onto the floor.

"Kirai?"

My malicious gaze drifted to the door at the end of the room. The boy's eyes widened in fear and I instantly relaxed my face. My hand was still full of Luxord's cloak, I threw his unconscious body on the ground and walked towards Roxas. He made no move towards me, just stood there, frightened. Guilt overwhelmed me, my anger had caused me to act malicious, something I never was. And now I had scared Roxas shitless.

Was I ever going to get anything right?

"Roxas…" I whispered as I made my way to the door. He stood silently even as I stopped a couple of feet away from him. "Please don't. Don't say it, I didn't mean to, he just…he upset me so bad, I couldn't stop. I didn't mean to." I shut my eyes against his expressionless gaze, holding back the sobs. Nausea gripped my gut, swirled around inside of me. No, crying wasn't an option.

"It's okay Kirai, it's alright." My eyes opened to Roxas's calm face. "I understand," he continued, "it just caught me off guard." An awkward silence passed and I stepped through the door after him. The room was dark with a computer at one corner. It had multiple screens and Riku was clacking away at the keyboard.

"Is she with you?" It was an innocent enough comment, if his voice wasn't shaking.

"No, she's not. When I left her and Demyx, they had just started fighting. The only thing I heard was…her screaming."

"I'll go." Sora volunteered and before anyone could object, he left, closing the door behind him. It must have been eating Riku up inside. It had to. Yet, he sat there, calmly hiding his fear and anxiety. "What are you doing?" I asked him.
"I have to find a way to open the portal to the real world. I know it's connected to this computer somehow, Xemnas mentioned it once, a long time ago. And we have to open the portal before the rest of them get here, we won't be able to defeat them all, look at yourself. I can tell you're tired already. But this damn computer." He growled.

I stood there, in silent reassurance, I knew Riku could do it, if anyone could it was him. I trusted him and I couldn't help but reminisce in the old, confused feelings I had for him. Back when her memories would infect my mind, capturing me like a prisoner, rendering me incapable. I had felt her raging anger, her feverish anguish, her commitment and undying love for him. Yet, in the small crevasse of her memories, had been her relentless fear. The fear of losing the love she had for him in the ocean of her hate for me. But I was happy for her because she hadn't lost that zeal, her compassion and feelings for him and she didn't entirely loathe me. I rested against a wall, closing my eyes, breathing deeply, waiting.

"You seem calmer now." Roxas observed.

Of course I am. You didn't hear what he said, I heard his words, I saw the implied meaning behind them.

"He'd just hit a soft spot."

Not just a soft spot, he'd touched on the subject that was most precious and fragile to me. These emotions, I cherished them, I treasured the way my heart would lurch whenever I would feel Roxas's skin against mine.

I felt his hand over mine, holding it with a silent understanding. A small outburst of guilt radiated from the corner of my mind, had I been understanding towards Luxord's situation? He'd been taught that Nobodies are empty bodies, they were incapable of feeling true emotions. Was it really his fault that it was all he'd ever known?

I'd probably killed him. That sound didn't sound so good…his head probably got bashed in. I'm a monster, I'm cold-hearted, just like the rest of them. No better, no saner, no more human.

And I felt guilty that Roxas didn't seem to mind. Did he know how cruel I could be? How inhumane? I took my hand from his and held it behind my back. Either he didn't seem to notice or didn't seem to care. Maybe he understood.

"Got it!"

I looked up to see Riku jump up and head over to what I assumed was the transportation device. There seemed to be a dark light coming from it, something that sent my nerves on edge. Yet, I couldn't stop the excitement from bubbling up inside of me. I wanted to leave, wanted to finally leave this all behind. But would it really be this simple? Surely, it couldn't be this easy. I walked over to where we'd be teleported from and stared at it. Just as I was about to touch it, the door opened and they walked in. Ren'ai appeared and smiled at Riku, his shoulders relaxed at the sight of her. Sora came in right behind babbling, something he couldn't help but do.

The transportation device began to purr, a low hum filled the room. "Ready?" Riku asked. We all entered the device, one by one and left this illusion of reality.

In my dreams, I had wondered how it would feel. Would there be pain? Not likely. Would the path be filled with bright light or would it be immersed in suffocating darkness?

The reality was completely different than my expectations. There was nothing. No light, no darkness, just the absence of everything. The absence of life. I was drowning in it, a river of a never ending struggle. Then my body collapsed, striking the ground as I fell, seemingly from the sky. When I arose, the dull ache of my head was the first feeling I became aware of. Second, I noticed the bodies around me, One, two, three in total.

Someone was missing. I groaned, staggering to rise to my feet. The others were already standing in a circle a little ways off, an ominous feeling burned my throat. The night was cold and bitter, we were in the street, surrounded by dark buildings. I turned towards them again, seeing a light from their direction. I walked towards them and Ren'ai turned to face me.

"Sorry," she breathed and horror struck me. I inhaled sharply, cold air freezing my lungs. I ran towards them, pushing them aside. Roxas was on the ground, his face relaxed, Sora was on his right, standing, shining, eyes closed. I fell on the ground and held Roxas, I couldn't even speak.

His voice was so weak, it was barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry I couldn't…keep my promise. I told you I would never leave you, I'm so sorry."

Maybe I never wanted to admit it, but I knew I was the cause of this all. Everything that happened to everyone, it was all my fault. All of their suffering, its all been in vain. If only I didn't exist then maybe…

They'd all find happiness.

My selfish intentions were like a poison, infecting those around me. Like a tornado, they dragged everyone along into despair. The words I wanted to cry and scream stayed in my throat, unable to escape. I'm sorry, I wanted to tell them, I'm so sorry. If begging on my knees would earn their forgiveness, there would be no hesitation. Yet, I didn't apologize. I didn't grovel at their feet or cry in their arms because I had only myself to blame for my loss. I had held him only a moment before, seconds ago he was here. I was able to hold him and feel his warmth. Now, there was nothing. In my arms was only frigid emptiness, an absence of reason.

I sat there for who knows how long. But time seemed of little importance to me, nothing else mattered. He was gone. Because of me, he died, faded away. And I didn't want to believe it. But reality smacked me fiercely, leaving a raw emotional gash. Tears started to pour from my eyes, my mouth opened to emit wailing sounds. My gaze never moved from the place where I had held him, maybe if I could pretend that I don't exist, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. But it didn't work, the aching, retching pain filled my body, tore my heart to pieces. The naked, desolate ache was so real, it was inescapable. And it was all my fault, I should have seen the inevitability of the situation. I knew Nobodies would all fade away in time; it was the injustice of destiny. The others didn't move towards me or speak. Him, I couldn't even look at him in the face, he stood by, finally complete, finally himself. I sat there and screamed, wailed, wishing he would come back. It wasn't fair, how could he? He left me here, why hadn't I died too?

I smashed my fists into the cold cement until the feeling had left from my hands and my entire being. I hated this, hated everyone, hated myself the most. If only I had been strong enough, had enough courage. Would this have happened?

I curled up on the floor, where he had been and shrieked. A hole seemed to have developed in my chest, the edges aching, ripping, tearing me to bits. I coughed between sobs, pulled my hair, screamed at the sky. My love had left, died in a way. And I had no one to blame. All those happy illusions of living here together were just that—illusions. Unreal. My avarice had consumed me, the selfishness of my actions finally caught up with me. And this was my punishment. There was no happiness for my kind; Nobodies didn't live happily ever after. They always faded away because they're not supposed to exist. So this whole thing, had been for nothing?

When the pain left, emptiness settled. Nothing mattered, nothing was important. My life had ended. There was no purpose anymore, nothing to fight for, nothing to protect.

Ren'ai

I had to pity her. Her form, curled on the floor, while we just watched. I glanced at Sora, I blamed him even though I knew it wasn't his fault. It just…happened. Neither could live on their own in reality, so they had returned to their original form. Yet I didn't see his face in Sora, they had become different people, even if Roxas was a part of Sora. By the look on his face, Sora felt guilty. Who wouldn't, seeing Kirai on the ground like that? She was laying on her side, her face in the direction of our feet. At least she stopped her shrieking. Her face had transformed into a grotesque, pitiful, horrific expression. Her eyes were crazed and she held her hands to her chest, as if her heart was falling out. She just layed there with her mouth open, tears pouring out of her eyes, her eyes not blinking, not looking, just staring. It was frightening to see her there, it petrified me, I thought she had died. She didn't move, we didn't speak. After a while, Sora and Riku left, off to find us a room. I sat near her, not knowing what to do. Roxas's blades were still there so I placed them in front of her.

"He would have wanted you to have them, so you can remember him."

She started shaking and blinked, awaking from her catatonic state. I helped her to sit and she held his blades close to her.

"Ren'ai," her voice was husky, calm, and robotic, "go get me something to eat, will you?" I nodded and before I turned I saw her close her eyes and smile, the curve of her mouth was angelic, her face ethereal. Hate washed through me and I left, walking quickly, knowing I shouldn't have left her alone.

A block down I heard the scrape of steel on cement and I stopped. Bright light washed over my eyes and the hate I always carried with me evaporated. By the time I turned around, all I saw were two swords and black needles scattered on the ground.

Kirai (in darkness)

But in the darkness, despite that I thought I was alone, I could see him clearly. He was only a few feet away, and he smiled, so brightly it blinded me. He shined, just like a star, one so precious and pure. He came towards me and held me. My face in his shoulder, one hand on my back, the other on my head. He held me so tightly, and I heard the thoughts in his head: I love you. I had known it all along and I whispered it back to him in his ear, softly.

Along he came, into my life, and now, he would never leave it.

But I've decided, I don't believe in time.

So now, I'll be with you forever.