Naturally Unintelligent

Okay this is my first Harry Potter fic. So there will probally cough oh fine most likely have some kinks in it. I APPRECIATE ALL FEEDBACK. Really. Just having someone read it will be nice. Oh yeah! And Rowlie owns all; I own own Cassie and Paige. sigh How sad…. Oh well….

'Five more minutes' shouted a small squatted professor as he moved between desks. The great hall was set up for OWLs with individual desks, all facing the same way, and at each sat a student a piece of parchment in front of them. Professor Flitwick walked past a boy with extremely messy black bent low over his paper. After a second he straitened up, putting down his quill and pulling his parchment towards so he could reread it.

James Potter yawned widely and rumpled his hair, making it (if possible) even messier. He had messy black hair, striking hazel eyes and a smile that made just about any girl weak at the knees. He quickly glanced over at Professor Flitwick, who had his back turned answer the question of a young girl with long red hair. Then he turned in his seat and grinned at a boy sitting four seats behind him.

Sirius Black lounged in his chair with ease, tilting it back on two legs, and returned his friends smile with a thumbs up. He and James Potter had been inseparable since their first day at Hogwarts much to the horror of professors and prefects alike. Sirius was also very good looking; his dark hair fell into his grey eyes with a sort of casual elegance James could never manage. Too top it all off he was probably the only student in Hogwarts history to have an official fan club. (James' was unofficial)

The girl next to Sirius eyed him hopefully then caught James' eye and grinned sheepishly as he waggled his eyebrows at her. Cassie Prewitt had long blond hair down the middle of her back, dark green eyes always dancing with laughter and the hugest crush on Sirius since second year. The funny part was Sirius liked her too but both seemed more interested in flirting shamelessly then actually having a relationship. She was also an honorary marauder and had been one of James closet friends since they were five when she had moved into the house next to James.

Two seats along from Cassie sat another marauder. Remus Lupin was a pale peaky looking boy with light brown hair and bright blue eyes who was completely absorbed in his exam. Despite looking constantly sick he had his fair share of girl admirers who he ignored completely. He reread his answers scratching his chin with the end of his quill, frowning slightly.

Several feet over sat the last marauder. Peter Pettigrew was a small mousy haired boy with a pointed nose and dark brown eyes. No one was really sure why he was in the group of the coolest kids in school (even the other members themselves) for he was not as smart or good looking or clever or powerful or nice or funny or anything really. (a/n: I'm so cruel laughs evily) But the others saw him as something of a younger brother in need of protection, which he certainly did now. Peter looked anxious; he was chewing his fingernails, staring down at his paper, scuffing the ground with his toes. Every now and then he glanced hopefully at his neighbour's paper.

James turned back to his desk with one last glance at Cassie who was now poking Sirius evilly with her wand while he poked her back. Rolling his eyes he began doodling absent mindedly a snitch on a piece of scrap parchment. He sighed and traced the letters 'L.E.' over and over again on the inside of the snitch.

'Quills down, please," squeaked Professor Flitwick. 'That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!'

Over a hundred rolls of parchment zoomed into the air and into Professor Flitwick's outstretched arms, knocking him backwards off his feet. Several people laughed. A couple students at the front desks got up, took hold of Professor Flitwick beneath the elbows and lifted him back on his feet.

'Thank you… Thank you,' panted Professor Flitwick. 'Very well, everybody, you're free to go!'

James hastily crossed out the 'L.E.' he had been embellishing, jumped to his feet, stuffed his quill and exam paper in his bag, which he slung over his back and stood waiting for Sirius to join him.

'Did you like question ten, Moony?' asked Sirius as they emerged into the Entrance Hall.

'Loved it,' said Remus briskly. 'Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question.'

'D'you think you managed to get all the signs?' said James in tones of mock concern.

'Think I did,' Remus said seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. 'One: he's sitting in my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: he's name is Remus Lupin.'

James and Sirius laughed while Remus grinned to himself. Remus had been a werewolf since he was only four. His parents thought that he couldn't go to Hogwarts but then Dumbledore became headmaster. So a whomping willow (an extremely mean vindictive tree) was planted over a secret tunnel that lead to a small shack where he could have his transformations. James and Sirius (Peter never notices anything) could hardly fail to notice that Remus mysteriously disappeared once a month. In second year they figured out his 'condition' and James (determined to look on the bright side of things) dubbed it his 'furry little problem.' So, for about three years now most students in the school were under the impression that Remus was the reluctant owner of an extremely badly behaved rabbit. His transformations were still painful though so after three years James, Sirius and Peter became Animagus. Peter, still focused on his exam, was the only one that didn't laugh.

'I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail,' he said anxiously. 'but I couldn't think what else –'

'How thick are you, Wormtail?' said James impatiently. 'You run round with a werewolf once a month –'

'Keep your voice down,' implored Remus. Aside from the marauders only some teachers and Cassie knew about Remus being a werewolf. Cassie found out by accident when Remus, James and Sirius got drunk once at the beginning at the beginning of term (long story….)(a/n: you'll find out later) The next morning Cassie brought them all hangover potions, promised never to tell anyone and never said another word about it since then, as any honorary marauder would.

They were walking across the lawn towards the lake now as they returned to the topic of the exams. 'Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake,' Sirius said. 'I'll be surprised if I don't get "Outstanding" on it at least.'

'Me too,' James agreed as he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a struggling snitch.

'Where'd you get that?"

'Nicked it,' said James casually. He started playing with the snitch, allowing it to fly as much as a foot away before seizing it again; his reflexes were excellent. Peter watched him in awe. They stopped in the shade of their favourite tree and threw themselves down on the grass. The sunlit was dazzling on the smooth surface of the lake, on the bank of which the group of laughing girls, which included Cassie, who had just left the Great Hall were sitting, with their shoes and socks off, cooling their feet in the water.

Remus had pulled out a book and was reading. Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so. James was still playing with the snitch, letting it zoom further and further away, almost escaping but always grabbed at the last second. Peter was watching him with his mouth open. (a/n: mumbles to herself pathetic, just pathetic….) Every time James made a particularly difficult catch, Peter gasped and applauded. Every so often James would glance over at the girls by the lake and rumple his hair nervously.

'Put that away, will you,' Sirius said finally, as James made a fine catch and Peter let out a little cheer. 'Before Wormtail wets himself with excitement.'

Peter turned slightly pink, but James grinned.

'If it bothers you,' he said, stuffing the snitch back in his pocket. Really there were only three people James would stop showing off for. One was Sirius the second was Cassie and the third was the happy red headed beauty sitting next to Cassie on the bank.

'I'm bored,' Sirius stated. 'Wish it was a full moon.'

'You might,' Remus said darkly from behind his book. 'We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me. Here…' and he held out his book.

But Sirius snorted. 'I don't need that to look at that rubbish, I know it all.'

'This'll liven you up, Padfoot,' said James quietly. 'Look who it is…'

Sirius' head turned. He became very still, like a dog that has scented a rabbit. 'Excellent,' he said softly. 'Snivellus.'

Another boy was getting to his feet and stowed the OWL paper in his bag and set off across the grass. Severus Snape was a pale shrunken looking boy he had stringy greasy hair that fell into his cruel mud coloured eyes. He scuttled across the grass twitching much like a spider would as James and Sirius stood up.

Remus and Peter remained sitting: Remus was still staring down at his book, though his eyes were not moving and a faint frown line had appeared between his eyebrows; Peter was looking from Sirius and James to Snape with a look of avid anticipation on his face.

'All right, Snivellus?' said James loudly.

Snape reacted so fast it was as though he was expecting an attack: dropping his bag, he plunged his hands inside his robes and his wand was halfway into the air when James shouted, 'Expelliarmus!'

Snape's wand flew twelve feet into the air and fell with a little thud in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

'Impedimenta!' he said, pointing his wand at Snape, who was knocked of his feet halfway through a dive towards his own fallen wand.

Students all around had turned to watch. Some of them had got to their feet and were edging nearer. Some looked apprehensive, others entertained.

Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands raised, James glancing over his shoulder at the girls at the water's edge as he went. Peter was on his feet now, watching hungrily, edging around Remus to get a clearer view.

'How'd the exam go, Snivelly?' said James.

'I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,' said Sirius viciously. 'There'll be grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a single word.'

Several people watching laughed and Peter sniggered shrilly. Snape was trying to get up, but the jinx was still operating on him; he was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes.

'You – wait,' he panted, staring up at James with an expression of purest loathing. 'You – wait!'

'Wait for what?' said Sirius coolly. 'What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?'

Snape let out a stream of mixed swear words and hexes, but with his wand ten feet away nothing happened. Among the swear words were the words 'blood traitor.' James glared down at Snape in disgust. 'Wash out your mouth,' said James coldly. 'Scourgify!'

Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape's mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him –

'Leave him ALONE!'

James and Sirius looked round. James' free hand immediately jumped to his hair.

It was one of the girls from the lake edge. Lily Evans had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders, startling green almond shaped eyes and was the only girl in all of Hogwarts that was immune to the 'Potter' charm. She was glaring at James while her three friends stood behind her, including Cassie who looked torn between laughter and exasperation at her idiot friends.

'All right, Evans?' said James, and the tone of his voice was suddenly deeper, pleasant, more mature.

'Leave him alone,' Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. Behind her Cassie rolled her eyes at the girl beside her who grinned back. Alice Meadowes was a happy round face girl with chestnut brown hair, warm amber eyes and the sweetest disposition in the world. She was Cassie's cousin but the two acted more like sisters. Alice and Cassie's family came from a long line of powerful wizards but while Alice's mother, Dorcas, married another pureblood wizard Cassie's mom married a muggle. After Cassie's dad found out his wife was a witch he left and Cassie and her mom moved in next to the Potters. She stayed very close to her mom's family, mainly Alice, and kept her mom's maiden name.

'What's he done to you?' Lily asked still glaring at James.

'Well,' said James, appearing to deliberate the point, 'it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…'

Many of the surrounding students laughed, Sirius and Peter included, but Remus, still apparently intent on his book, didn't, and nor did Lily.

'You think you're funny,' she said coldly. 'But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.'

'I will if you go out with me, Evans,' said James quickly. 'Go on… go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.' Behind him the Impediment Jinx was wearing off. Snape was beginning to inch towards his fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled.

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,' said Lily. Another of Lily's friends behind her laughed at James. The last of Lily's Gryffindor friends (who were her closest friends) was a muggle-born like Lily. Paige McAdams had long strait black hair, ice blue eyes and a temper to match Lily's. Of the three she was the only one to be even a little sympathetic to Lily's plight against James.

'Bad luck, Prongs,' said Sirius briskly, and turned back to Snape. 'OI!'

But it was too late; Snape had directed his wand straight at James, there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James' face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about: a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside-down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.

Many people in the crowd cheered; Sirius, James and Peter roared with laughter. Cassie had started forward when James was attacked but now rolled her eyes and fell back. Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, 'Let him down.'

'Certainly,' said James and he jerked his wand upwards; Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Detangling himself from his robes he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, 'Petrificus Totalus!' and Snape keeled over again, rigid as a board.

'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

'Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you,' James said earnestly.

'Take the curse off him, then!'

James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the counter-curse.

'There you go,' he said, as Snape struggled to his feet. 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus –'

'I don't need help from fifthly little Mudbloods like her!' Lily blinked as her friends behind her let out gasps of indignation and brought out their own wands. Calling a Muggle born a Mudblood was one of the foulest insults a wizard could come up with and everyone present knew it.

'Fine,' Lily said coolly. 'I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.'

'Apologize to Evans!' James roared at Snape, his hand pointed threateningly at him.

'I don't want you to make him apologize,' Lily shouted, rounding on James. 'You're as bad as he is.'

'What?' yelped James. 'I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!'

'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.'

She turned on her heel and walked back to her friends.

'Evans!' James shouted after her as she reached them and started to walk away with Paige. 'Hey, EVANS!'

But she didn't look back. Cassie and Alice stayed where they were rolling their eyes at their stupid friends. Cassie shot James another sympathetic look.

'What is with her?' said James, trying and failing to look as though this was throw away question of no real importance.

'Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate,' said Sirius.

'Right,' said James, who looked furious now, 'right –'

There was another flash of light, and Snape was once again hanging upside-down in the air.

'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?' James asked much to the approval of the crowd. Cassie sighed and trotted up to James and whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was it worked. James brought his wand arm down to his side and Snape fell to the ground in a heap. James turned to look at Cassie and another flash of light left a huge gash down the side of James robes. Sirius and James both started forward but Cassie brought her wand up and in seconds all three boys were hanging in mid-air their wands left harmlessly on the ground.

'Enough,' a commanding voice came from the crowd as a boy of seventeen appeared at the edge.

'Bug off, Ian,' Cassie said lightly addressing the Head Boy as she lowered James and Sirius lightly to the ground (Snape fell in another heap). 'James has to go to the hospital wing.'

The head boy, Fabian Prewitt (Ian for short in Cassie's books) just nodded and gave them each, excluding Cassie, a week of detention. Fabian was one of Cassie and Alice's cousin and was rather prissy about school fighting. Cassie picked up James' wand handed it back to him a smile playing on her lips. 'You'll take him right, Sirius?'

'Yeah,' Sirius agreed walking over with his own wand as the crowd dispersed. 'Why'd you have to ruin our fun, eh, Cassie?'

Cassie just smacked him lightly still grinning, and said, 'I gotta go catch up with Lily. See you later!' Then ran off after Lily with Alice.

Cassie and Alice finally caught up with Lily and Paige as they reach the Hogwarts steps and walked into school together.

'I don't now how you can stand him, Cassie,' Lily stated shaking her head as they continued to walk.

'He's not that bad,' Cassie argued. 'He can be a bit of a prat sure but his fifteen! He's actually really, really sweet.'

'He is not sweet!' Lily said heatedly as they started to climb the stairs in the entrance hall. 'He is the most egotistical, bullying, selfish, self-centered, competitive, narcissistic, lazy, conceited, idiotic and moronic person to EVER come into Hogwarts!'

'You know most of those insults meant the same thing,' Alice commented dryly from behind Cassie and Lily as she and Paige walked behind them up the stairs. Lily gave her a quick glare then turned back to Cassie. 'How can you say he's sweet?'

'Because he is,' Cassie stated stubbornly. 'I've known him since I was five. He taught me how to fly my first broom. Trust me he's a nice guy. You should give him a chance.'

'A chance? Hell, no!'

'Language Miss. Lily,' Paige said in a sing song voice. Lily turned to glare at her and all three other girls rolled their eyes. Lily growled in annoyance as they reached the portrait of the fat lady. 'Obedience.' She told the portrait as it swung forward to let them enter into the common room.

'Potter and Black are just so…' she trailed of at the look on Cassie's face and started again. 'Potter and Sirius just piss me off.'

Cassie having lived next to the Potter's for 11 years knew about Sirius' (or at least some of) family situation. Because of that she never allowed Lily or anyone else to bring them up around her, even if it was just a mention of his surname.

They started walking up to their dormitory as Lily and Cassie continued to argue. Finally when they reached the door to their dormitory Cassie was beginning to lose her temper. Cassie was such an obnoxiously happy, optimistic person that it was actually very frightening to see her mad.

Lily started to open the door but Cassie slammed it shut and rounded on her friend. 'Why are you so mean to him?' Lily opened her mouth to protest as Paige and Alice stared at her in shock. 'He likes you, Lily and Snivelly deserves what he gets. So don't even try.'

'I know but there's something about him that gets me so….' Lily sighed. 'I don't know, okay? Can we go in now? We have our last OWL tomorrow remember?'

Cassie sighed then stepped out of the way and followed the three girls into the dorm room.

Each bed and surrounding area was unique to the girl that owned it. Alice's had a million pillows scattered about, books piled higher then the bed on the floor and her homework and text books littered the floor. Paige's had CD's scattered across her unmade bed, various instruments littering the area and two posters on the wall above her bed: one was for the muggle band Led Zeppelin the other was for the band Seekin' Snitch. Cassie's had a poster for her favourite Quidditch team: Serenities (the only team in the league to have an all female players), beside it was a poster for Sneekin' Snitch, she had various picture plastered on her wall of her and her friends and family and her Quidditch robes were slung over the chair beside her bed. Lily's bed was like a combination of the other three's. Lily's bedside table was covered in pictures like Cassie's wall, her books were pilled just as high as Alice's and she had various CD's both muggle and magical.

Lily plopped onto her bed and pulled out her transfiguration textbook as the other girls jumped onto their beds, sighing contently. 'Cassie can you test me?'

'Hell, no! We just finished one exam and you want to start studying for the next already? Besides,' Cassie said putting on a mock snotty look. 'Just because you three are so naturally unintelligent that you have to study…Hey!' Cassie was pummeled with three pillows at once and collapsed into a fit of giggles.