Hopeless Life

Summary: It is hopeless…there is no hope for anything. How can I go on in this torture? No one loves me, no one likes me, I hate my life and everything that's in it. Raven's POV…her life, her love, and her job…

Hey guys! I'm back with another story…I know, I have another one I'm posting right now… This story is about Raven, her POV…kinda like a diary, except not…Anyways, I hope you like it, this is my first actual story in a person's POV, and that doesn't have StarfireXRobin fluff…well there will probably be SFXRob references, but it's mostly about Raven and her life…how she feels that life is black, full of disasters and no room for dreams. And also about her secret love on Beastboy

Rated M for safety, and possible lemons in later chapters…

Anyways, I hope you like the story…I figure if you are reading my summary, then you are probably gonna read my story…and I'm not really into asking for reviews…although I WAS…but now I'm like, if you really wanna review, you will! So I won't say R&R, but I hope you enjoy your read!

Chapter 1: Hopeless

So why is my life so pointless? Why is my life so meaningless? It's like, ever since my father's destruction, my life has held absolutely no meaning. I mean, of course, I am on the Teen Titans, but that is about it!

Okay, let me tell you a little about myself, if you don't know already…I am a Teen Titan right now, but I wasn't always that way. I was born on a planet called Azarath. My mother was human, but my father…Trigon, the definition of evil…a demon. Yes, I am half demon, and it's all I can do to keep my powers in check!

When my mother was pregnant with me, she went to Azarath, and that is where I was born…I never was able to do regular 'mother daughter' things…I mean, I never really got to see my mother until I was older. Instead, I was forced to show no emotion, feel no emotion, trained to keep my powers in control so my evil side would not come forth.

When I came to Earth, I never expected to meet such great friends. I found a teen super hero, just separating from his mentor. His name was Robin…he was just trying to make it as a hero in Jump City, and I found him! I joined him and we fought evil for a little while before a half robot, half human, came to join us. It was pretty cool, the start of a super hero team…Cyborg was the half man's name, in case you were wondering. Then…the most obnoxious boy came along. His name was Beastboy and he had been on the Doom Patrol a while before, but for some reason, he was too young to be on that. You could say that he kinda messed it up for himself on that team, not following orders and such.

So he came to us, and of course, we accepted the green boy into the group. Starfire was the last to join the Titans. She is my best friend and the only other girl on the team. She escaped from the Gordanians who had held her captive for too long. We helped her, and she joined us.

We were the Teen Titans. They just recently helped me defeat my father, Trigon, and saved my life. Oh, I was in control of my powers, but you see, I was born for one reason and one reason only! And that was to act as a portal to bring my father to this Earth, and he would take over this world.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but sometimes, I just don't fit in.

Like this morning, for example…Beastboy got all up in my face again about being creepy. I know he doesn't mean it…they never do, but the truth is, I AM creepy and just depressed.

I walk inside the operations room, and grab an apple and start to make tea. I offer some to the others, and as usual, no one takes it.

I sighed and poured my tea into a mug and sit down next to Beastboy who is talking non-stop about this new TV show that is on tonight. Now, I know he's been talking about it for months, it's crazy…so I let him know it… "We know, Beastboy. You have been talking about this show for months now." I said, and you know what he did? He stood up all of a sudden, as if I insulted his most prized possession.

He stands up, and yells at me, "Why do you have to be so annoying Raven?" his voice gets louder, "I'm excited about something…do you have a problem with THAT!"

Beastboy is one of my good friends, and since the betrayal of Terra, and then what happened with Malchior…well, I don't know. I guess we've been growing closer. And to hear this from my good friend just hurt. But he continued, "You are always so creepy, you can never feel excited for us when we find something new and cool in our lives! Sheesh! Why can't you just be happy for once?"

I didn't know what to say! I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? I could feel tears threatening in my eyes.

I used to have to keep in control of my powers! I guess old habits are hard to get rid of…can't they see that? Now that my father is defeated, I can show emotion, but I still have to meditate daily because…well…I still am half demon, and I have to keep in control of that side of me. Even so…I still show some emotion! I am not soooo cold…am I?

I couldn't speak…I could feel a lump growing in my throat. I wanted to say all that to Beastboy, but I knew I couldn't. So I just fell through the chair, and transported myself into my room…

Now, I'm sitting here, staring out my window, and wishing I had a different life. I stare out at the ocean, it's so careless. It waves, doesn't know where it's going. That's what I want with my life. I want to feel the ocean on my face, I want to roll free from all of this.

Then, my eyes dart to the door, when a knock interrupts my thoughts. I stand up and walk to the door, opening it up, just a crack, so I can see the girl standing outside my door.

"Raven?" she said in a concerned voice. "What is wrong, friend? Beastboy didn't mean what he said, maybe you could come out and vis-." I've heard enough, and I just close the door. I walk over to my bed and lay across it, wishing my life would just end.

I stare up at the window again, maybe there's a life out there for me? Maybe among people. Well, I know what'll be good for me! I can go to one of my usual poetry café's and listen to the aspiring authors out there. I love to do that, it just clears my mind, it makes me feel refreshed and new.

I stand up, wiping the tears from my eyes, and put on some eyeliner and mascara. I add just a little black eye shadow on my lids, just for an accent. Then, without warning, I hold my hands up, feeling my cape flow just a little and I feel that wonderful feeling. The feeling that I'm flying, that I'm souring through the world. But I'm just a large black crow, flying to my usual café…the one where everyone knows me, and I know them.

There is one guy there, Daniel that I really have gotten to know. He thinks it's cool that I'm a Titan, but he thinks it's cooler that I'm into this dark stuff. I told him about my past and he doesn't care! I think it's a beginning to a beautiful friendship. I hope to see him there, because I just feel like I'm floating on clouds when I am with him.

He always wears a black t-shirt with a white skull on it, and some black pants. His hair is died black, and he obviously wears black eyeliner. Because his eyes are blacker than a normal human's. Oh, and the eye liner always looks a little streaked under his eyes, which is a cool effect, but I often wonder if he was crying earlier because his eyes are usually bloodshot when I first see him…but by the end of our visit, his eyes usually clear up.

I appear again in front of the tiny café and step inside, moving the dark curtain aside. Once there, I let my eyes skim the dark room, looking for Daniel, the only guy who actually might care about me. I mean, Cyborg is like a big brother to both me and Star, and I mean brotherly care…Robin is also like a brother to me. He's been with me from the beginning, and I guess we have this bond…this little unspoken friendship pact, but nothing more.

Although I will admit, if I wasn't forced not to show any emotion, I probably would've fallen in love with the boy when we first met. He was so kind to me, but since I couldn't show emotion, I never acted on my feelings. But now, we are just friends…

I don't see Dan anywhere, so I just take a seat in the corner of the back of the room. It's the only empty booth, and it is very dark…my favorite seat in the house! So, at least this is going good, but I seriously wish that Dan was here.

I look up to see a dark figure walk in, and I see that he is skimming the crowd, just like I had. Then, he looks at me, and I can tell it is Daniel. Oh my gosh, those eyes! I want to wave like crazy, but I refrain. Instead, I just nod at him and look at the empty seat next to me. He gets the gesture and comes, sitting beside me.

Someone is up there, ranting on about how life is a pit of darkness, and it just goes on and on, like something endless. When he finishes, he slowly walks off the stage, and I almost clap…but I know better. Instead, I give a, "Yeah, man, I know how you feel." Like most people are doing.

I can feel Daniel staring at me, and I turn to look at him. Oh, my breath just escapes from my mouth when I see him. "Hey." He says to me, and I just nod at him, giving him a "hey you back".

"So, anything new going on?" he asks me, and I decide to tell him about what happened with Beastboy this morning. By the end of my story, I can feel tears threatening. Okay, I guess I really like Beastboy, although he is obnoxious and annoying, I guess, in a weird sort of way, he is really cute. And I never told anyone this. I know I can be kind of harsh with him, and I know I can be really rude, but I really do like him, and I know he hates me though. He thinks I'm creepy, and this just makes me really sad. How can such a spirited funny guy like a demon like me?

I don't tell Dan this, of course, I just tell him what happened, but by the end, I am crying, shaking, and trying to swallow this huge lump in my throat. He takes his arms and wraps them around me, and I just cry into his black shirt. We sit there for a while, and then I look at him,

"It's like my life is so pointless and hopeless. I feel like I have no friends." I say, then blush a little when I realize what I just said.

"You have me."

"I know, but I mean, Cyborg and Robin are like my brothers, and Starfire is my best friend, but Beastboy…"

"You really want him to like you, huh?" Daniel can see right through me.

"Yeah, I mean, it feels like he hates me so much. I just want him to be my friend…" I bury my face into his chest, as he hugs me, and I'm feeling like I just made a good save. I like Beastboy, yes, but honestly, I really wish that Daniel would just ask me out already.

"Do you want to go somewhere more private to talk, Raven?" he asks me…and I just nod. I grab his hands and I let a black raven surround us and we vanish into the booth. I see some people staring at the crow while we vanish, but I don't pay too much attention. Instead, I take us to a place where only I know about. I don't care anymore, though if he knows…it's my place, but I guess, I can share it.

"I love this place." I say as the crow disappears. I look around at the empty space. "I don't know why, but this place just puts me at ease."

"Where are we?" he asks.

"Top of the tallest building in town…It's where I get away just to meditate, it's so pretty, the view, and the quiet is so nice."

"Kind of like your secret getaway?" he asks.

"Yeah…I mean, it's the place I come to when I feel confused or depressed. It's so quiet, and just peaceful. And no one comes up here, because there's no reason for them to."

"That's cool. I wish I had a place to get away to, just to be alone." He sighs now, and looks like he's deep in thought.

"Yeah, my room isn't enough." I say.

"I know…my parents are always coming into check on me. I'm an only child, so they pay too much attention to me." He says, then kind of gasps, realizing what he said.

"Yeah, well at least you have parents who love you." I say… "I mean, my father's a demon and my mother is in a different world, trying to repair my home planet to its former glory. It used to be so beautiful…"

"Didn't you say that the Titans know not to go into your room?" he tries to change the subject.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they can't knock…they are always asking me to join in video games, shopping, or even stank ball." I give out a little giggle…stank ball…oh, when they came up with that game…it was when Malchior took advantage of me…how horrible that was…and then, I had my first hug with Beastboy…he really knew how I felt. He had just been betrayed by Terra a few weeks earlier…

"Stank ball?" he is laughing at that, "What the fuck is that?"

"Oh, well, they take some dirty socks, and form it into a ball. They chuck it at their opponent, and I will admit, it can get pretty fun. Because it gives me a valid excuse to use my powers to throw a very disgusting ball at Beastboy and Cyborg. Sometimes Starfire even joins in, and Robin too. When that happens, I just referee, and that can get even more fun." Now I'm getting excited, like this is the most fun game ever! "Because it is usually Beastboy and Cyborg against Starfire and Robin. Oh, Beastboy will chuck it at Robin who catches it, and throws it to Starfire who has super strength…and can that come in handy sometimes." I start to ramble on and on about the rules, and Daniel just listens…it's cool how good of a listener he can be.

"I wish I could play, sounds like fun." He looks down, "But you are my only friend, everyone at school thinks I'm just plain creepy."

"I know what you mean, that's all Beastboy calls me…" my rush goes away as I think about this… "You sure you don't have super powers?" I pull a little joke, like I always do when we get on this type of topic.

"No…I wish…"

"Yeah, cause then you could stay with us…you don't even have to be in school…"

"I bet being a super hero is better then this life…"

"It has it's ups and downs…" I stare at him now, and I seriously think he is going to kiss me! But he leans in and places a hand on my shoulder, sighing,

"I wish I could be there with you, Raven." He says and then he shifts where he's sitting, so he's right next to me.

"I wish you could be there with me too, Daniel." I say, as I start to feel tired and I can tell he feels tired too. He lies back onto the ground and puts his hands behind his head as a pillow. I lay back next to him, and he takes one arm, pulling me into his chest. So I give in and rest my head on his chest, and it kind of happens fast, but it's like we're cuddling now, and I feel so secure in his arms as we lay there. It's like nothing can ever happen to me while I'm there. I slowly drift off into sleep right there.