Title: The Man who Forgot the Answer
Author: Dancho
Fandom: Harry Potter
Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.
Type: One Shot
Rating: T (Pg-13)
SHIPs: NL/LL
Summery: Neville Longbottom witness something that reminds him of his past and in the process forgot what he was struggling for. A story about the search for the meaning of life, without a mountain or a wise man.
Time: Post-Final Battle, timeline overlap with Chapters 4 & 5.
Warning: Some angst, some language, gratuitous referencing of plants, moderately pointless
History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot. - Mark Twain
Neville Longbottom wasn't a especially brave person, but he wasn't a coward either. He simply liked to avoid conflicts, especially since he always seemed to come out the worse for wear each and every time. He knew he wasn't stupid, maybe a little clumsy and slow to grasp concepts. But he knew what he knew. Even if he wasn't a very strong wizard and he didn't have much of a backbone and he wasn't anything compared to his parents, he knew he wasn't stupid by a long shot.
Which often lead him to wonder how he ended up in the situations he did. If he wasn't stupid, and he liked to avoid conflicts, why did he always end up in some situation that just might end with him dead?
Muttering under his breath, Neville crept further through the Forbidden Forest, avoiding a few dangerous plants which he mentally cataloged and noted their location in case he needed them later. He wished he could spend longer examining them, but he knew there wasn't time. He was on a mission.
During the battle, Luna Lovegood had gone missing and since he wasn't very good at healing spells, Neville had been sent out to find her. Well, he had volunteered, really. If that's what you would call running towards her last known location upon hearing that she was missing. He hoped he could find her. He hoped she was alive. He hoped she was simply sitting watching the scenery. He hoped he was worried almost to the point of nausea over absolutely nothing.
It was supposed to be a secret, mostly from his grandmother, since no one else was likely to notice either of them much, but he had been spending a lot of time with Luna. As in, a lot of private, hidden-in-a-closet-on-the-fourth-floor, time. That wasn't to say all they did was "suck face", as some of the other boys liked to put it. They went to Hogsmead together and spent time in the library together. Neville even took her plant hunting sometimes, which he liked to do alone since it gave him time to think in quiet. They'd been together since the Department of Mysteries; not that anyone seemed to have noticed.
Stepping past a large tree, Neville froze. A death eater was standing over the body of Luna, who was desperately trying to push herself off the ground, while she vomited blood. The man laughed cruelly and pointed his wand down at her, about to call out another curse.
"NO!" Neville screamed, stretching out his hand, forgetting all about his wand. There was a sudden burst of power from stomach area, a burst of magic far stronger than he had ever felt before, and the death eater suddenly flew back until a large plant caught the man's body. The man managed to utter a short scream before Vines wrapped around him and he was dragged into a hole in the ground. The plant quickly covered him and the forest became still again.
"Giant blood-sucking man-trap. Feeds on the blood of animals and humans, draining them dry before disposing of the depleted husk. Very dangerous," Neville identified, as he tried to stop his knees from shaking. Stumbling over to Luna's body, he helped her into a kneeling position and held her hair until she had finished vomiting. "Luna? How are you feeling? Can you walk? We need to get you some help."
She turned her face to look at him and he swallowed. He knew the look on her face.
"Who… who are you?" She whispered.
"I'm Neville Longbottom," Neville whispered, but Luna continued to look at him blankly. She had no idea who he was.
"I'm sorry. I don't know you," Luna replied. She climbed to her feet with Neville's help and he slowly began to lead her to Hogwarts. "Where are you taking me?"
"Hogwarts. You need medical attention."
"Why do I need that?"
"You're hurt."
"Oh. Can I see my mother? She's really good at making me feel better. But I don't like bugs."
"I know, Luna. I know," Neville whispered, fighting tears.
"Is that my name? Luna? I like Stacy better," Luna declared, but Neville only nodded in response, not saying another word. He led her to Hogwarts, where he left her in the care of a young woman Auror. When he was sure Luna was safe and being treated, he blew her a kiss and left without looking back.
Four months later, Neville found himself in a restaurant in Australia.He had never been so grateful for taking Muggle Studies before. He had thought it would be an easy class to fill his schedule, but now he was actually using what he had learned. He had remembered less than he had imagined, so there had been almost a week of awkwardness where he learned the money system and reacquainted himself with muggle appliances, but after months of living in a small apartment a little ways out of Sydney, Australia, he had adjusted nicely. He was even beginning to pick up a little bit of an accent and his normally pale skin was showing a bit of tan.
He had exchanged a large amount of his own personal money for muggle bills and, by his reckoning, he could live as he was, very comfortably, for another six months or so before he would have to withdrawal more money from Gringrotts or get a job. At the moment though, he was more inclined to get a job than return to England. Australia suited him. The warmth and sun suited him. The relative peace, the lack of fear, suited him. And, even though he sometimes did get a little homesick, the solitude seemed to suit him too.
Since he didn't work and he had plenty of money, Neville was always searching for new and different ways to spend his time. He spent some time at the beach, and some time shopping for books to read. He had discovered that muggle fiction novels could actually be quite entertaining. He had even developed an appreciation for muggle art and other forms of muggle entertainment. He had even begun to watch a muggle television program, LOST, with regularity. Much to his surprise, Neville found that had also made some friends. They were muggles, of course, but it was nice to be with people who enjoyed his company, even sought it out.
But Neville's favorite activity, and the real reason he had left England, was people watching. He could spend hours watching people, muggles, go to work, spend time with friends, play games, appreciate art, argue over how much tip to leave the waitress. He could watch them do just about anything. It made him feel at peace.
They didn't worry about mad wizards coming to kill them. They didn't even known how close they had come to being exterminated. But they also didn't know how much people had sacrificed and lost for them. For their happiness.
He wasn't ashamed to admit that sometimes he had considered going to you-know-who and joining him. The fight seemed impossible. People, trained fighters, had died fighting you-know-who. Neville wasn't foolish; he knew he was weak. He knew he was pathetic. All he could handle were plants. Even now when he thought about the battles he had fought in, Neville still shook a little. But, against all odds, he had made it. Even though he still wondered if his sacrifice had been worth it.
He knew he wasn't the only one to suffer losses, but he wasn't selfless. He had lost his parents to you-know-who. He had lost a normal childhood to the bastard! And that hadn't been enough, apparently. He had lost friends and, even though Luna wasn't dead, he had lost her too. He still had nightmares about that. About her blank eyes staring up at him, recognizing nothing.
Shaking his head, Neville took another sip of his drink and waved to his friend, Sal, who had just started work. Finishing his drink, Neville decided that he had done enough people watching and reminiscing for the day. He motioned for his waiter to give him the bill and was pulling on his jacket when he heard a voice with a British accent call to him.
"Neville Longbottom?" The woman asked, and Neville turned to look at her. She was a little taller than he was and she was wearing a muggle t-shirt and jeans. Her arms were decorated with various tattoos and marking and her hair was a bright green color but Neville's eyes were automatically attracted to the wooden stick she was using to keep her hair in a bun on top of her head.
"Yes. Can I help you?" Neville asked cautiously. He hadn't made contact with anyone in the wizarding community since his arrival, and no one had attempted to contact him. Or, if they had, they had not been successful.
"Name's Tonks. I think we might have meet once, back home."
"I think I remember. You didn't have to tattoos… or the long hair then."
"Oh, well, I'm trying to fit in. Mind if I sit?"
"Go ahead," Neville replied, before sitting on the other side of the table. The waiter came by with the bill, but Tonks sent him away, ordering a soda to be put on Neville's tab.
"Sorry. I'll pay you my part, if you're hard up," Tonks apologized.
"No, don't worry about it," Neville replied, waving his had dismissively. Tonks smiled at him, but didn't say anything until her drink arrived.
"Are you here for a reason, Ms. Tonks?" Neville finally asked, not bothering to hide his annoyance.
"Oh, yes. Mission, tracking a few questionable persons. But that's not nearly as interesting as why you are here. Did you know you've got quite a lot of people out looking for you? Your grandma certainly knows a few people. She seems almost worried about you."
"She's looking for me? What an interesting reaction. I certainly didn't think she'd worry," Neville commented, frowning slightly. "I expect she's getting lonely with only the house elves to order around."
"Hm, but that doesn't tell me why you're here. You disappeared without a word to anyone. It does seem a bit out of character."
"And what is my character, Ms. Tonks? You don't even know me! But, of course, no on ever talks to me. They just order me around! I don't care if I am a little dense; it's nice to be asked for your opinion every now and then."
"So you're angry. Stand up for yourself."
"I am not angry. It's just… Luna used to talk to me. I really liked her. I couldn't watch her end up like my parents. It's fucking ridiculous. I mean, what are the odds?"
"I know it's hard…." Tonks began, but Neville just glared at her.
"I know. It was hard on everyone. All I have to do is look at Ron's family. But you know what? I can't just pacify myself with that! It hurt, losing Luna. What's the point? What did we fight for? To live? If I knew living would hurt so much, I probably would have rolled over and let you-know-who trample me to death. I just… I just needed to figure out what I killed people for. What I lost my parents and… girlfriend for. What they lost their sanity for."
"And?"
"I can find that here. See that girl over there? People died for her. See that waitress? Her name's Sal. People lost family for her. And these muggles, they're happy. And for a second, I can believe that those shitty years were worth it. I can almost believe my parent's didn't lose their minds over nothing."
"You see that in these muggles?"
"I've had a lot of time to look for it."
"You going to be staying here much longer?"
"Maybe. I like it here. It's peaceful. I almost feel like I belong."
"Hm."
"You won't tell my gran, will you?"
"I have no reason to see her, why would I purposefully put myself in her path?"
"Valid point," Neville replied, once he had stopped laughing.
"Well, before I go," Tonks said, before finishing her drink. "Were you the kid who was supposed to be so amazing at herbology?
"Well, I guess. I mean, I wasn't near Hermione Granger's level, but I enjoyed it. Professor Sprout told me I had a knack for it."
"That's Hermione Weasley. Married Ron about a month after the defeat of… Voldemort. Anyway, would you mind looking at a few leaves I found on a suspect? I can't figure out what they are, and I can't find anyone on this side of the hemisphere who can give me a decent time frame on classification."
"I can look," Neville agreed and Tonks pulled out a bag with a few dried leaves. "Ah. Well, your problem is that these aren't from any magical plant. These are marijuana leaves."
"What?"
"It is commonly called cannabis by muggles back home. Street names range from dope to pot to weed. It's a drug smoked by muggle, sometimes for legitimate medical purposes, but also, for lack of a better term, to 'get high'. Be careful with this. It's illegal for you to have it."
"I see. So, nothing magical?"
"Sorry."
"No. It's ok. Thanks for you time," Tonks thanked him before putting the bag back in her pocket and standing. "Well, see you around. Or not."
"Of course."
"Oh, before I forget. Rumor has it that Luna Lovegood is actually responding to treatment. Who knows that a visit from a friend could do for her psyche."
"What?" Neville asked, jumping to his feet, but Tonks did not reply. He hurried to catch up with her, but his waiter stopped him, thinking he was trying to leave without paying. Grumbling, Neville pulled out a few bills for the man, knowing that Tonks was already beyond reach since his own wand was pack at the bottom of his sock drawer.
"Hey, Neville?" Sal asked, coming up behind him as he was leaving the restaurant. "Who was that?"
"Just someone from home."
"Was it about your family?" Sal asked, her expression clouded with worry.
"No. It was just an accidental meeting," Neville reassured her before leaving for his flat.
Neville didn't return to England for another week. A few times he came close, but it wasn't until the seventh day that he finally worked up the nerve. He arrived at the doors of St. Mungo's dressed in his usual muggle clothes and slipped down a hall, pulling on a healer's robes while he was climbing the stairs. He wasn't entirely sure why he was hiding, but he told himself it was to avoid any undo attention.
He entered the ward for the mentally unstable and quickly found Luna sitting on a couch in the patient's lounge. She was staring at the pages of a book, but she didn't appear to be reading it.
"Luna?" Neville called, but she didn't look up. Reaching out, Neville tapped her on the shoulder. "Luna?"
"Oh," she replied, turning to look up at him. "I'm sorry. I keep forgetting that that's my name. Wait… I know you."
"Neville Longbottom."
"The boy from the forest. I remember that."
"That's good," Neville replied, genuinely pleased. "What are you doing?"
"Looking at the pictures," Luna explained, but when Neville looked over at her book, he couldn't see any pictures.
"They're very nice."
"Aren't they? I like this one the best," Luna told him, pointing to one of the words on a page. "What do you think?"
"Lovely."
"I'm trying to committee them all to memory. There are a lot of bugs around. I'm worried about the cake, too."
"I see."
"Are you staying here?"
"Uh, no. I'm not."
"It's very nice. I get many visitors, every day. The food isn't so good, so sometimes I give it to someone else. Their food is always better than mine is. But I imagine your forest is much nicer. Do you have many friends there? I'm sort of lonely here. Alice and Frank won't talk to me."
"Uh…"
"Listen… It's a visitor," Luna told Neville and he could hear a nurse coming down the hall.
"I have to go," Neville told her, standing abruptly.
"Will you be back?"
"Of course. I've remembered why," Neville replied, bending to kiss her forehead. He ran down the hall, preparing to apparate from the hospital, but he heard Luna speaking with the nurse and paused for a moment to listen.
"Who was that?"
"The boy from the forest. He's my friend." There was a silence and then Luna continued. "I remember him. He's changed, you know. He was so sad in the forest, but I think he's happier now."
"Of course, Luna," the nurse replied, clearly not believing Luna. "Come, it is time for your lunch."
Luna allowed herself to be lead away but she turned to look at Neville who was hiding around the corner. She smiled and gave him a little wave before following the nurse to lunch. Neville waved back at her retreating figure and resolved to visit again, even if his gran did find out.