MINE!
Edward stood in front of the large doors, he knew that behind them, Envy stood. He had captured Winry in a desperate attempt to lure him out. Without hesitation, he stepped through.
He blinked in confusion, finding Winry and Envy sitting at a table, glaring intenstly at each other. Lust and Gluttony were waiting by the sidelines, bored expressions on their faces. "Um..." Ed started. "I have come to save Winry... roar...?" he said, as he glanced between the two.
"Shh!" Lust said. "They're in a deadly compitition!"
"It's been going on for several days." Gluttony said, sucking on his finger.
Edward frowned, stepping around the table to stand next to them. "Um... what kind of deadly compitation?" he whispered.
"It's a staring contest!" Lust said in an "all right!" kind of tone.
Edward stared blankly at them, before frowning. "Okay..."
Envy suddenly went cross eyed, while making an odd face. Winry blinked in confused. Envy then, bolted up from the table, pointing an acussing finger at her. "I win! You blinked!"
"No fair!" Winry cried, boudning to her feet. 'You cheated!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Fine," Envy said with a huff. "Let's settle this with a rock, paper, scissors battle."
Winry nodded. "That sounds fair." The two extened their hands.
"Rock!"
"Paper!"
"Scissors!" Envy yelled out, jabbing his fingers in Winry's eyes. Winry cried out, stumbling back. "I win!" he proclaimed. "That means the prize is all mine! MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
Edward frowned, feeling a chill run up his spine. "Prize...?" he asked, looking over at Lust and Gluttony who were staring at him. They took three steps to the left, their eyes locked on him.
"What the-" Edward was cut off as he was suddenly stuffed in a bag, and thrown over Envy's shoudler.
"Yes!" Envy cried, giving a victory sign. "I get to keep Edward!"
A muffled "WHAT THE HELL?" escaped from the bag.
The door burst open, revealing Hoenheim, Roy, Riza, Alphonse, Alex, and a zombie Trisha. ((A/N: I apologize ahead of time to all Trisha fans out there! T.T ))
"Drop him!" Alex Armstrong suddenly yelled ripping off his shirt and flexing his mucles.
"You cannot have him! We all want Edward as well!" Hoenheim yelled.
Edward wanted to shoot himself.
"Edward is mine! I won him fair and square!" Envy cried.
He had to wonder slightly if he was demotted from state alchemist to man-whore.
"Me... Edward!... Mine!" Trisha mumbled.
Winry twitched. There was so many things wrong with this she didn't even know where to begin.
Envy dropped the bag and ran into an all out battle between Trisha, Hoenheim, Roy, Riza, Winry, Alphonse, and Alex. Edward pulled himself out of the bag and frowned, shaking his head. He turned towards he door, making a mental note to kill the author of this messed up story later.
"Edward!" Envy shreiked, causing him to turn and look at the angry mob. "We have come to a desicion.." He said, crossing his arms.
Edward frowned. "Yeah...?"
"Well, Roy gets you on Monday, Winry gets you on Tuesday, Trisha and Hoenheim get you on Wedensday and Thursday, Alez gets you on Friday, Riza gets you Saturday, and Alphonse gets you on Sunday." He closed his eyes with a smirk. "THEN I GET YOU FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!"
Edward paled. "Are you serious...?"
"Well, there are some fangirls that might want a peice of you but we can get Gluttony to eat them." Envy said with a wave of his hand.
"Yay!" came a cry from the backround.
"Don't I get any say in this...?" Edward cried out.
Envy grinned. "That wouldn't be any fun now would it?"
A/N: There's just no explanation for this. xD It's not what I usually write, so if you want to blame someone blame my friend Erykah.