Halo
You wear guilt,
Like shackles on your feet,
Zelgadis slammed the inn door shut with a fury he had never known before, leaving behind him a very disturbed group. Amelia was crying freely as Gourry hugged her, looking wounded himself. Xellos held an upset yet calm look on his face, he had expected something like this to happen, it had only been a matter of time. The one of the group who had probably taken it the worse was Lina. Her head hung and her shoulders trembled slightly.
"Damn it Zelgadis!" she cried out. And throwing her cape and shoulder guards onto the table ran out the door after him.
The inn emptied out onto the road, which held forest all around the entire town, and she found Zelgadis to be gone. She pulled out a crystal and held it in her open palm, within a moment a thin light came from it pointing in the direction towards the woods. Quickly pocketing it she cast a levitation spell and flew off after him.
Like a halo in reverse.
I can feel,
The discomfort in your seat,
And in your head it's worse.
Zelgadis stormed by trees and bushes, punching the occasional tree and denting the poor things in his anger. He had just done one of the worlds stupidest things. He had released his anger at his best friends for something that hadn't been their fault. He had hurt all of them, from Lina to the most innocent of the group, Amelia.
He wasn't even sure if he'd ever be able to forgive himself for that one… He had screamed at them all, for their idiocy, for their mistakes… for their happiness…
'Zelgadis we're coming with you no matter where you go.' Lina said. 'We could always have a good time, food, bandits, spells…'
'That's all I'm good for isn't it? A sideshow for your amusement? A way to find spells? You use me for your amusement!' he yelled out the last part and Lina winced noticing the inn had gone silent.
'No we don't-' Amelia started, but was never given the chance to finish.
'Oh of course not, I'm here to help 'spread happiness'. Grow up Amelia! If there was true justice in this cursed world would I be the freak I am right now?!?' Amelia closed her mouth tears shining in her eyes, hurt by his harsh words.
'Hey Zel calm down, no one's using you.' Gourry said.
'Of course they are! You're just too stupid to notice! We're all being used. I don't even think you have friends do you?' he stood and glared at Lina who was glaring right back at him. But another emotion she was showing in her eyes was a betrayed hurt. 'You don't have friends! None of us do! We're just people who have power, power that people like you can use! You only want Gourry here with us because of his sword, Xellos I can't even begin to fathom why! Amelia for her money, and I because of my power! You use people!' he yelled the last parts to Lina.
'Zelgadis if you were any other man I would have beaten you on the spot.' She growled out, her trembling voice giving away her hurt she had been trying to replace with anger.
'But you can't can you?' he sneered. 'I'm made of rock. A total freak of nature. You couldn't hurt me with physical contact if you tried. I'm tired of being used; I'm tired of stupid curses and destined fate! Most of all I'm tired of this 'fate' we've been given! I refuse it! And I refuse it all!' he then stalked off out of the inn in his flurry of anger, leaving behind his only friends who he had just managed to shatter.
There's a pain,
A famine in your heart,
An aching to be free.
He took in a shuddering breath and brushed his hand against his face in a soft scraping of stone against stone, his hands left his face, dampened with his tears. They meant more to him then that. But there had always been this gnawing doubt inside of him that asked whether they truly returned it. That's what upset him. He didn't want to care for someone and not be cared for back… But by the hurt that had been on their faces… Maybe they had cared…
All he wanted was to have friends, be strong, and live a good life… To fill up the empty feeling inside of him that was definitely human, and definitely in need of help. He wanted openness completely, but he couldn't even achieve it because his pessimistic mind wouldn't allow it.
Can't you see?
Lina flew over the forest and could hear the slam of something hitting another solid object. 'I hope he doesn't take down the forest…' she thought silently. As she flew done into the trees she could hear and see his trail. So she flew after him, needless to say when she was close enough to see him, he could hear her.
'Fine if that's how you want it.' He muttered in his mind darkly and then using his demon speed, flew off. She dove after him trying to keep up, barely doing so, but she was relentless and stubborn as he was.
"Why is it I always end up chasing my friends?!?" she panted out. After what seemed like forever he finally stopped and she flew and landed next to him and collapsed, gasping for air.
Zelgadis crossed his arms and took a step away from her, allowing her a moment to catch her breath. "What the hell do you want."
"What I want--" she stood up, brushed her hair from her face too look at him, and then smacked him across his face, hurting her hand more then she did his cheek. "Is for you to explain why the hell you are trying to destroy your friends! You are one of the most pig headed immature-"
"Immature? Immature?!?" he grabbed her shoulders. "Am I the one who nearly got us killed in those tunnels last week because there may have been treasure?!? Am I the one who blasts people when insulted, beats her friends for mere food, and puts countries into debt? Am I the one who USES people to the most she can?!?"
"Let go of me Zelgadis!" she squirmed and he pushed her against a tree and put his arm up to her neck.
"I'm a demon and a freak Lina. I have power, I have uses, but none of them are for friendship are they? I'm just some heartless bastard who could kill the great Lina Inverse right now and no one would notice."
"Zelgadis-- " she trembled slightly, "You wouldn't hurt me, so release me… you wouldn't lower yourself to Xellos level for the world--- I don't use you! I l-- care about you guys too much--"
Zelgadis frowned but loosened his grip and his arm lowered to her shoulder level. He then pulled away completely and she slumped against the tree, and one sob escaped her lips before she cut it off quickly.
'Don't break don't break-' she kept repeating in her mind, one cry came out but she had quickly stifled the rest and drew in a shuddering breath, unable to see past the crystallized blur before her.
"Wha--" Zelgadis could distinctly see the moistened trail down one of her cheeks and had heard her sob. Oh gods… she was…
"You win Zelgadis! I give up! Is that what you want?!?" she almost yelled but kept firm control over her voice.
All love's luxuries,
Are here for you and me.
"You are the most rock headed person I know, and not because of your skin, but because you can't get it through your damn head that you are loved! You aren't used and you are needed for more then what you can do, but for who you are—You're one of the few people who I can have a decent and sensible conversation with! You're also one of the most loved people I know! And you're too stupid to even realize it! If you had been more observant, you would have known that I care for you too you big idiot! But obviously you don't want us! Goodbye!" she turned around her shoulders shaking worse then before she had ranted at him. All but running she made it four feet before her arm was grabbed.
"Lina wait please!" he held onto her as she tried to wrench her arms away.
"Leave me alone!" she started to cry more freely and nearly fell to the ground weakly before Zelgadis held both her elbows in his hands, having her face him.
"Lina I'm sorry-- I didn't want to hurt you guys-- I haven't been the same since--" he cut off his sentence and wrapped his arms around her tightly, wanting to cry just as badly as she was.
And when our worlds they fall apart,
When the walls come tumbling in,
"Since-?" Lina wrapped her own arms around him tentatively, having a dreading fear of what was upsetting him.
"Lina I can't even love someone without worry of them dying because of me!" he cried onto her shoulder.
Though we may deserve it,
It will be worth it.
In those ruins they had been exploring, she had nearly got them killed, but they had found a script, older then time, and ten times as hard to translate. It was written in the language of the gods. And when Lina had touched them, they had flashed brightly and the lettering started changing and shifting into everyday common, and on the wall read the words which had sent everything downward.
Lina would die in five years time after finding a person to share love with. So if she didn't find love she'd live, but from the moment she did, it would destroy her, for her lover would be an essential tool for her down fall. Such a simple thing to be killed over…
Bring your chains,
Your lips of tragedy.
And fall into my arms.
Lina closed her eyes tightly and felt herself being picked up as Zelgadis sat them both down, her on his lap while he leaned against a tree. She knew what he had meant now.
"Can't love…" she murmured softly. Not a question, and not a statement. She wasn't sure… maybe it was a request, a request for him to say what he hadn't.
"I can't love you--" he said just as quietly. Lina breathed in deeply as her world felt like it was spinning. "Everything would be destroyed, our lives would just come apart…"
"Zelgadis - - it… you love me… and I know I care for you a lot, I'm going to die someday anyway… it's just that we have an idea when and why. If death means experiencing something like love, it's worth it to me…" she pulled back enough to look into his eyes as he fought out the internal war inside him.
As her eyes met his he felt the world stop, and making possibly one of the most difficult, yet life changing decisions he had ever made, leaned down and kissed her……
"I do love you." He murmured against her lips.
"And I you-" she whispered back as they then continued the kiss, turning their backs on the world, for their own happiness.
And when our worlds they fall apart,
When the walls come tumbling in,
Though we may deserve it,
It will be worth it.