Chronicle 5
Title: Wishes for Rukia
Characters: Rukia and more
Pairings: Crack'd mentions

Rukia counted the lint on the carpet and the number of paint bubbles on the wall. It was too boring. Nothing to do, no one to talk to. Renji said he had a mission in the material world. Nii-sama had to go to a captain's meeting, he said. Even Ukitake said he was in good condition to attend. It was times like these when she wanted to play "walk on the tree stumps" with the others.

"Bored..." She cried out. She heard her echo stretch through the 13th division headquarters. Was it just her, or was no one here...or on the streets...or anywhere today? She looked outside the window to see that it started to snow. Maybe snow wasn't so bad. Rukia stepped outside and clenched the snow inside her fist. "Anyone out there?" ...Nothing.

"Oh look, a piece of candy," Rukia whispered. "And another one. And another one. I feel like Yachiru-chan."

"Oh look, a closed door. I'll look inside. Oh, it's dark and scary looking. I think I'll turn on the lights with this convenient switch right next to the entrance."

"Surprise!" Some shinigami jumped out from there obvious hiding spots and flailed their arms wildly in the air. "Omagahee happy birthday Rukia!"

Rukia stared at the bunch. Ukitake-taichou was wearing a kinky party hat and a breathing mask, his 3rd seats were already drunk, and to her surprise, Ichigo and friends were on the crouch, jumping up and down, and to the right were her brother and Master Kuchiki.

"You guys, what's happening here?" Rukia asked, bewildered.

"It's your own birthday, dammit," Ichigo snapped. "You should remember things like these."

"And how old am I?" Rukia sighed. "There's no use in having a party if I'm already like past 100." She walked up to the larger than life birthday cake and licked the icing. "Besides, you would at least invite Renji over."

"Surprise!" Renji jumped out of the cake. Rukia screamed and fell back, hissing like a snake.

"Renji, put some clothes on dammit!" She covered her eyes, red all over.

"The wind is nice here," Renji smirked.

Rukia looked under the table and crawled under on all fours. She placed her hands on top of the table and turned her head.

"Rukia, what are you looking for?" Inoue asked.

"You know, birthdays require presents...and there are none, unless the present was Renji's naked glory. Then I would say you guys are cheap and sick..."

"Feh, Rukia, you know you liked it," Renji stuck his tongue out. "And besides we do have a present for you, from all of us."

"If it's the gift of friendship and love, I'll strangle one of you," Rukia's eyebrow twitched.

"No, Rukia, even better...the gift of choice!" Renji's nose started bleeding. He covered his nose and frowned. "I meant that for today, you can control Soul Society, well for the most part. It's a gift for uh, almost executing you."

"I don't get it."

"Here, here!" Kiyone shouted with hiccups in between. "Look here Rukia, just say the -hiccup- word and we'll do it. Want me to run around like a chicken, okay! Want me to undress Ukitake-taichou? Okay!"

"Kiyone, I don't think you should be..."

"What Rukia? You want me to undress him? Fine by me, here here -hiccup- taichou! Rukia wants me to undress you!"

Rukia looked at everyone. Were they serious? They probably forgot to buy gifts and instead replaced it with this weird one. "Okay," Rukia sighed. "I'll take a shot at it. Let's see, Kiyone! Stop chasing taichou and uh, bite Ichigo on the head."

Kiyone belched and twirled to the orange haired boy to bite him right on the forehead. Ichigo screamed and pounded the shinigami off his hair with now smelt like grape-flavored wine and a heavy load of rice sake. Rukia perked up and laughed. Maybe it was a good present after all. She had control over the souls of Soul Society, huh?

"Chad! Do a headstand!"

"Um, Rukia, I can't do head stands."

"Do it!" She laughed as the big guy tried to flip over onto his head to stand still. She rolled on the floor laughing and grinning with joy. "Ichigo, stop rubbing your head and do the chicken dance!"

He looked at the rest for support, but all he got was whistling and blank faces. "Okay..."

Rukia grinned. Happy birthday to me.

"Renji, waddle!" Rukia cried.

Renji stiffened his knees and proceeded to waddle down the street, gritting his teeth. Whoever was the first to think of this idea is dead.

"Renji! Quack!"

"No."

"Do it!"

"Quack." Renji muttered.

"Ren..."

"Stop picking on me Rukia! Go for Ichigo or something!"

"Ichigo! Crash into that wall! And then scream the ABC's and then...no wait, armpit sonata! Followed by a lick of the street pavement and then ooh! Get me that Chappy doll! Finally, sprout the wings of a bird and tentacles like a squid!"

"What am I your slave!" Ichigo screamed. "I can't believe I'm going to do this!"

"Ah, Kurosaki-kun! Ishida-kun and I will join you!" Inoue squealed.

"No, wait, I never agreed, what are you...!" Ishida cried.

They went to do the armpit musical. Rukia snapped her fingers for Renji to join them. She sighed. It was one day she had the power, so why waste it only on them. She peered over across the street to see a bumbling Hanatarou following Isane-fukutaichou.

"Oi, Hanatarou! Come 'ere," Rukia called.

"Ah! Rukia-san! Happy birthday to you. Is there anything you would like?"

"Hanatarou, would you kiss Isane-fukutaichou on the cheek?" Rukia giggled.

"Ah, Rukia-san!"

"Just a peck, Hana! Remember today is my day. It's harmless."

Hantarou shifted from foot to foot and approached his vice-captain's back. It was extremely impossible. Not because he was going to kiss his vice-captain, but because...he couldn't even reach above her neck. He walked to the side and started to tippy-toe, immediately following up with jumping.

"Hanatarou! Could you quit jumping around and walk normally?" Isane scolded. "We have to get back to taichou...and I'm not that tall, am I?"

Hanatarou leaped up to smooch her cheek, but knocked her over instead, face planted in her well, mountains. Isane yelped and smacked the boy with her bag, making him bleed by the nose. Rukia clapped her hands and ran off to see how the others were doing with their bird-squid metamorphism. While walking to the squawking shinigami and co., she found Yumichika walking the roads, mirror in hand.

"Hey Yumichika-san!

"Rukia? And oh, happy..."

"I want you to hug Ganju!"

"What!"

"And then, while you're at it, kiss your captain on the forehead!" Rukia smiled manically.

"What! You know I can't do that and ugh, that Shiba Ganju can go into a hole for all I care. Hug him, no! And my captain...he'll tear me to shreds! Rukia, you can't make me!"

"You have to."

"I won't."

"Now!"

Yumichika looked at her and twitched. Here was Kuchiki Rukia, ordering her to hug a menace that looked like he got beat up by an ugly stick and then kiss his own crazy captain on the head. He was going to get a beating, he was going to turn into a toad for touching that Ganju. He was going to wither away like a beautiful rose and then turned into a crisp by 11th division taichou...taichou...

"Are you going to keep quivering or are you going to do what I asked?" Rukia felt it, power-hungry.

It just so happened that Shiba Ganju was on one side of the street and Kenpachi was on the other side...staring at the sky. Yachiru was drooling on Kenpachi's hair while sleeping. Yumichika glanced at their direction and then at Rukia. She was crazy. He walked carefully to Ganju. His spine was about to fall apart and quickly, he embraced him for less then a second and zoomed behind a wall, making Ganju dazed.

"Eh, what just happened?" Ganju asked, confused.

Rukia laughed and looked for Yumichika's eyelash ornaments. They were shaking behind a garbage can.

"Pssst, Yumichika, your captain's on the other side of the street!" Rukia stated. "Go do it now."

Yumichika inched closer to his captain. Kenpachi was looking at a cloud and scratching his waist. He felt wind brush against him and reached out to snag Yumichika by the hair.

"Ack, taichou!"

"Look what we have here. What do you think your doing, eh?" Kenpachi grinned. "Looking for a fight?"

"No, no! Rukia asked me to kiss...!" Yumichika pointed to his right. "You?"

Rukia disappeared from sight. He slowly turned his head to see Kenpachi fixed in a face that showed either blood lust or happiness. Or both. Either one. Preferably blood lust.

Was it night already? Rukia yawned and put on her nightdress. It was three minutes to midnight and she still couldn't sleep. What a day it had been for her. After the whole Yumichika mess, she made Ukitake-taichou and Shunsui-taichou do a little organized jig for her and the occasional Renji-Ichigo thrashing. Vice-captains danced and a certain Toushirou-taichou dressed up as a monkey. She laughed and yawned again. Two minutes left.

"What are you doing up late?"

Rukia jumped and saw that she was passing by her brother's room. He was still up and reading a small book at his desk.

"I just couldn't sleep and I decided I would watch my birthday end. That's all," Rukia replied, lowering her head. "I made some strange things happen today, didn't I?"

"Amusing."

Rukia smiled. He sounded like he almost liked it. Rukia bowed her head once more and started to walk away when she heard her brother's voice.

"Would you like to request anything else before your birthday comes to a close?"

Rukia stopped and stared at her brother's back. She walked into the room as he stood up and looked down upon her. One minute left.

"Nii-sama, I think I do wish for one more thing," Rukia muttered. "And I guess it wouldn't be too much if..." Thirty seconds. "Can you hug me goodnight?"

Byakuya stood motionless for a while before nodding a bit. He bent down and wrapped his arms around his little sister as the bell tolled twelve, January 15th.

"I left Renji in the street to sprout tentacles."

"We'll retrieve him in the morning."